HowTo:Win a game of Tic-Tac-Toe

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My, what a lam0r game player you are... can't win a level in Super Mario Bros. and GameFAQS is no help... you ass gets kicked good when you play football... nerds h4x you and call you a n00b when you play World of Warcraft... you can't even win a game of Tic-Tac-Toe for god's sake!

Never fear! We at Uncyclopedia's HowTo shall teach you how to win a game of Super Mario Bros. football World of Warcraft Tetris Tic-Tac-Toe. Any version of Tic-Tac-Toe you want will be taught here.

The pieces

and are the two pieces used in Tic-Tac-Toe version 5.16, which was invented by Bill Gates and it still shows the blue screen of death :(.

So we'll play version 2.0, which has the exact same board, pieces and rules.

is the insanest of all terrorists. He wants to attack his enemy, the Cheeris of MGland. To use , you must knock out your opponent before the game. Only then can you use . gets 5 nuclear bombs that you can use to kill off . nly can use the nukes, s I'm sorry, .

Cheeri

Cheeris are the anti-. They come in a few flavours such as plain, honey nut and frosted. The spectators often eat Cheeris, so keep a box handy.

Step One - Drawing the board

To draw a board, draw a 3 by 3 square grid. For more fun, change it to n by n square grid where n>3.

EXHIBIT A - 3x3 board
   |   |   
--- --- ---
   |   |
--- --- ---
   |   |

EXHIBIT B - 3.667x3.667 board
   |   |   |  
--- --- --- --
   |   |   |
--- --- --- --
   |   |   |
--- --- --- --
   '   '   '
Well, we DID say n by n.

EXHIBIT C - pi x pi board
   |   |   |
--- --- --- -
   |   |   |
--- --- --- -
   |   |   |
--- --- --- -
   '   '   '

EXHIBIT D - infinite x infinite board
   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   |   
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
507 Insufficient Storage
508 Loop Detected
509 Annoying Gameplay

Step 2a - Winning the 1x1 board

(Note: In all examples, you are .)

Overview: the 1x1 board

The 1x1 board has perplexed many of the greatest mathematicians of the 1800's. Yet now the 21st century has come, you can now understand the 1x1 board! People always wondered why the 1x1 was so easy for the first mover yet hardest for the second mover. But now we all know there is only one place to move, so the first move is the winning move!

How to get the first move in a 1x1 board

Seeing as though the first move is the winner, Da Rules state that there must be a race to the game board that is at least 19 miles or 7.18 km long. The first one to the hot seat wins.

YOU LOSE

YOU WIN

Step 2b - Winning the 2x2 board

Overview
   |
--- ---
   |

A bit tougher. This time, the first move is only the winner for . If you are , there is no automatic win if you go first.

goes first

 X | O
--- ---
 O | O

If O moves to any of the three spots after x moves, x can nuke the o and place an x on the available spaces to win or go to the two remaining available spaces. Or have a spectator eat the o. Nuff said.

goes first

This is a bit harder, but non-n00bs should win easily as x. n00bs are another story.

 O | X
--- ---
 X | X

Don't be a n00b. If you move to where the red x's are, you lose! Cause O will move to one of the two remaining spaces and win. Instead, you have to nuke the O.

 O | 
--- ---
   | 
(The O has been nuked and is in grey.)

Now move.

 X | 
--- ---
   | 

If O moves anywhere now, it's either toast or about to lose. See X goes first for details.

Step 2c - Winning the 3x3 board

Overview
   |   |   
--- --- ---
   |   |
--- --- ---
   |   |

In these examples, I will designate what piece you are. Here are a few strategies to win 3x3.

Gay-box

In this example, you are X. O goes first. O goes in the dead center. Win in one move.

Shit.

You must use the Gay-Box maneuver to win. This was first employed by Ed. The gaybox is drawn around the center square and takes up space in the eight remaining squares. The piece in the center will grow lonely, go gay and shrivel up, causing you to win. Don't be a n00b. If you go in the center, you are dead.

Monster-border

In this example, you are X. O goes first. O can be in any of the squares. Win in one move in one square.

You can use the Monster-Border. Draw a picture of a monster in a square bordering the enemy piece. It will scare your opponent away. If you fail to put the monster in a bordering square, you lose.

Nukem

In this strategy, you must be X. Nuke O every time it shows up. There would be a 100% chance of you not screwing up.

See also

• Tic-Tac-Toe
• boring

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