History[edit | edit source]
Due to the popularity of the original bikini, the French had to come up with a new version which they could proudly call their own. Unfortunately, completely sane scientists were involved to create the french bikini, which was to be made entirely of cheese.
Construction[edit | edit source]
The French bikini still remained a two-piece outfit, but instead of the original being made from cloth material and cord, the new improved French bikini was created from various types of French cheeses. Various prototypes were made from Roquefort, Port-Salut and Emmental but it was legislated by the French Parliament that Camembert and Brie be used. It was stated that these two selections would be chosen because of their "aesthetic qualities of covering the female body".
Strict controls[edit | edit source]
Determined not to see the icon of the french bikini disappear like the original, the French Parliament also legislated several strict conditions attached the wearing of the french bikini.
Legislation[edit | edit source]
- The french bikini is not to be manufactured, purchased or worn outside of France.
- The french bikini is not to be worn by non-French women or men, even if holidaying in France.
- The french bikini is not to be eaten, licked or nibbled by the wearer or another person, whilst still being worn.
Penalties[edit | edit source]
- Failure to adhere to the above legislation will cause Sudden Instant Death Syndrome (SIDS).
- Methods of death will vary, anywhere from the guillotine to cheese asphyxiation.
World reaction[edit | edit source]
Of course, the rest of the world wanted to wear this marvel of french invention and despite the strict controls placed, thousands flocked to France to strut their stuff with the cheesy wares. After three days the death toll was 1,207 - mostly American and Lithuanian women. Some Bat Fuck Insane scientists from around the world created different cheesy bikinis.
British bikini[edit | edit source]
The British bikini wasn't a great hit in England as the colour of Cheddar blended in with the pasty-white colour of British female skin.
Swiss bikini[edit | edit source]
On the contrary, the Swiss bikini became almost as popular as the French bikini, because of the use of Swiss cheese. The "see-through holes" property of Swiss cheese deemed it a very risqué choice by the United Nations, but the Swiss bikini has become the essential tool used today in the adult entertainment industry.