User talk:Happymonkey39
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UnSignpost Home Delivery[1] We're delivering it to your door anyways!
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1st Archive - Falling from the heavens, I arrived here some time in February. However the impact from the fall gave a giant lump on my head, which grew bigger overtime. I found that eating cookies helped prevent the swelling. But one day i just collapsed, and woke up half a year later. I was told i was in a coma, from some weird hobo that went by the name "happytimes". So he decided to take me in, and took care of my wounds. One day, i woke up to find all of my healing cookies were stolen. Some man names "Al" stole them, so i declared war. Unfortunately i never got to the war, since i was too busy with my "love life". Ever since then, things never have been the same...
So anyways...[edit source]
I'm sidetracked. Thus, you must give me cookies before I defile your talk page... oh, wait. ~ 
Arajlas *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100816 - 02:54 (UTC)
- Muwhahah! You have fallen for my trap!... wait...dammit! Archived the trap too...STUPID STUPID STUPID! --Happymonkey39
Dah Meme Master 05:02, August 16, 2010 (UTC)
- Admiral Ackbar would be proud.
- Also this: viking! ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*
(talk) (stalk) Π ~ 
~ 16 Aug 2010 ~ 05:09 (UTC)
- Oh happytimes you always make me laugh. Ackbar would be proud wouldn't he.
- Oh and you would think my father would know what day it is no (aug 16 where i live)... A day where the greatest thing in your life was givin' life?... no not bear...no no, not boobs either... football, ya sorta but no. Cmon you know what today is. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 05:12, August 16, 2010 (UTC)
- Oh and you would think my father would know what day it is no (aug 16 where i live)... A day where the greatest thing in your life was givin' life?... no not bear...no no, not boobs either... football, ya sorta but no. Cmon you know what today is. --Happymonkey39
- WAIT WHOA! That article is 5 years old! Holy cow...--Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 05:16, August 16, 2010 (UTC)
- Is today slippy fist day? I always get that confused with groundhog day. ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 16 Aug 2010 ~ 05:28 (UTC)
- Is today slippy fist day? I always get that confused with groundhog day. ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*
- WAIT WHOA! That article is 5 years old! Holy cow...--Happymonkey39
- So, what was this trap, eh? I'd look, but
I'm too lazy.then I might fall into it for real... ~
Arajlas *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100816 - 05:37 (UTC)
- Go look for yourself. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 14:42, August 16, 2010 (UTC)
- No. ~ Arajlas *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20100816 - 21:53 (UTC)
- No. ~
- Go look for yourself. --Happymonkey39
Hey[edit source]
Answer your last item on the archived page... or move it here... geesh! ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ 
~ 16 Aug 2010 ~ 05:35 (UTC)
- I already have, on his talk page... And cmon you don't know. It's Happy... and has nothing to do with either of our user names.... --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 14:42, August 16, 2010 (UTC)
- Happy is cool. Or kewl. (I can never remember.) ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 18 Aug 2010 ~ 06:36 (UTC)
- ...you couldn't even have wished your "son" a happy birthday. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 15:35, August 18, 2010 (UTC)
- It's because you've disappointed me your whole life; not once have I ever gotten a Fathers day card. *sniff* ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 19 Aug 2010 ~ 04:25 (UTC)
- (Seriously though, how is it your birthday? I looked before and couldn't figure it out.)
- It's because you've disappointed me your whole life; not once have I ever gotten a Fathers day card. *sniff* ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*
- ...you couldn't even have wished your "son" a happy birthday. --Happymonkey39
- Happy is cool. Or kewl. (I can never remember.) ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*
Review[edit source]
At last. Thanks a million. I have no anger towards Uncyclopedia, or I wouldn't bother writing anything. Its mostly parody. Thanks for the ideas, I'll incorporate what I will into a rewrite. As for competition, seriously, let me know what you think, as Fall is comming, might not be a bad idea to hold the competition throughout the whole season in a few stages. Help is here for you. Shabidoo 15:57, August 17, 2010 (UTC)
Police box review[edit source]
Ah.
You see, the problem is that the whole thing rather relies on Doctor Who (the real show, not the one in the article). In DW, you have the mundane everyday police box as the time-travelling TARDIS (the article obviously having it the other way around)—this would have been just the classic sci-fi element of the extraordinary hiding amongst the ordinary, except police boxes have been obsolete for 50 years now, but I digress. The point is, it's a role reversal. Now you ask: is Doctor Who a real show? Why yes, although with the twist that the TARDIS actually is a time-travelling device used by Time Lords; in fact, it happens to be one of the most enduring and popular shows on British television, even if a little bit kiddie for many (Stephen Fry might say "infantile"). So I assume that a good bit of the readership would at least be familiar with the TARDIS and how the role reversal takes place, all of which really actually makes Doctor Who (the real show) relevant—nay, central—to the article, and its general formulaic plot lines and clichés not really awfully inside jokes. This, of course, means that even the first paragraph wasn't a joke, and in fact somewhat a statement of fact, making this entire article factual, not a good idea, and unfunny.
So unfortunately, with special blame going to CBC for no longer co-funding or broadcasting the show over there where you live in Canada, the article seems like a surprisingly dead end. Concluding postmortem and fannish whining. Thanks for the review. 
Sir MacMania GUN—[22:32 18 Aug 2010]
- ..you lost me again. You see I may be bright... but I'm one of the youngest users here... so let me get this straight, the joke is actually from the show? I have never seen it and again, i had a late night yesterday and am extremely tired. Can you speak teenager for me? That may help --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 02:02, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
- Long story short—it's a British thing. Sorry you had to go through it.
Sir MacMania GUN—[02:20 19 Aug 2010]
- Lol understood, it's good to know I'm not just retarded :P --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 02:30, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
- Not just retarded..., special retarded![1] I know we get Dr. Who on PBS over here in Lower Canada and as a sci-fi series it has lasting power. But I think you're right, as a younger user you may not have as much exposure; probably do to minority laws or something: protect our youth, blah, blah, blah.... Anyway, um whatever. ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 19 Aug 2010 ~ 04:35 (UTC)
- Well there you go, i don't get PBS where i live. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 05:45, August 19, 2010 (UTC)
- Well there you go, i don't get PBS where i live. --Happymonkey39
- Not just retarded..., special retarded![1] I know we get Dr. Who on PBS over here in Lower Canada and as a sci-fi series it has lasting power. But I think you're right, as a younger user you may not have as much exposure; probably do to minority laws or something: protect our youth, blah, blah, blah.... Anyway, um whatever. ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*
- Lol understood, it's good to know I'm not just retarded :P --Happymonkey39
- Long story short—it's a British thing. Sorry you had to go through it.
- ↑ Just kidding, you're very bright for a noob; and dear to my heart.
You're one of the youngest users here?[edit source]
I thought so... *high five* ! —BLUMPKIN WHORE 
Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [23:32 20 August 2010]
- I would but im afraid the impact would knock you over old man. Anyways i was wondering where i can sign up for this Uncyclopedia Mafia thing. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 00:51, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
- Ah indeed! Here. I'm meant to be dealing with that and transforming it into a modern, noob-helping machine. —BLUMPKIN WHORE
Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [09:48 21 August 2010]
- Out of interest, how do you feel about collabing? —BLUMPKIN WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [09:54 21 August 2010]
- Not sure what that means... yet. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 13:52, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
- Collaborating. Like say, some French people with the Nazis in WW2. But in a less...er. Well not at all like that. As in, writing an article together. By the way, when did you join Uncyc? —BLUMPKIN WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [18:29 21 August 2010]
- Well i did have good article idea that i will need some help with so, sure i would love to work with you. I officially joined in February, but i didn't use it much until June. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 23:02, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
- Ahh, I see. And what's your idea? —BLUMPKIN WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [23:03 21 August 2010]
- HOLY...u just replied in under a minute...creepy. Ah well i think you may have seen me right this...I think i mentioned it on UU's page when i was in a temper fit. The page is "The unwritten Rules of Life"... and on top of that, a page that would help this site would be "The
unwrittenfinally written rules of uncyclopedia". --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 23:06, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
- Ah, so the first is just an article, but the second is an idea for a page with Uncyc rules on it? Well the second is quite controversial, as I'm sure you're aware. :p —BLUMPKIN WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [23:09 21 August 2010]
- I think you missunderstood. I mean the rules that aren't written but are known. It doesn't say to "REPLACE A PAGE WITH THE WORDS I AM GAY" is something that could get you banned, anywhere. But less obvious ones like, "You must do a pee review 24 within a promise, or else we will ban the sh*t out of you". Anyways my first idea would be a funny article, my second would actually be a serious one. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 23:17, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
- I am willing to help, if you want the help! —BLUMPKIN WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [23:42 21 August 2010]
- Ask an admin before writing that second idea, because that actually effects the inner workings of the site. Generally, we like not writing rules down; we're not Wikipedia. Although, that Pee thing is written on the Pee Review main page.--HM (T) 23:45, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
- I don't see why he needs to tell an admin. It doesn't have to be an official "set of rules", but instead a collection of general things he's picked up (or maybe others have) that seemed to be accepted practices. That could actually be a very helpful article for noobs. For example, don't whore votes. All the sort of unsaid things. —BLUMPKIN WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [23:53 21 August 2010]
- That would usually be in the userspace, not the mainspace. I just think that people will think it's official policy if you put it in the mainspace. You could put some "Not official" template at the top... Hm.--HM (T) 23:56, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
- Or it could be called "Observations on Some Probable Guidelines for Uncyclopedians" or some such thing like. —BLUMPKIN WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [23:58 21 August 2010]
- Also, I'm sorry if I came off as bossy.--HM (T) 00:03, August 22, 2010 (UTC)
- Don't be, your comments are perfectly reasonable. You have a write to say what you like. :) —BLUMPKIN WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [00:04 22 August 2010]
- Well he tends to come off as "boss" quite easily, that's why I'm shocked he isn't admin. And i don't know about writes, but he has no god damn rights to tell me what to do!
- Don't be, your comments are perfectly reasonable. You have a write to say what you like. :) —BLUMPKIN WHORE
- Also, I'm sorry if I came off as bossy.--HM (T) 00:03, August 22, 2010 (UTC)
- Or it could be called "Observations on Some Probable Guidelines for Uncyclopedians" or some such thing like. —BLUMPKIN WHORE
- That would usually be in the userspace, not the mainspace. I just think that people will think it's official policy if you put it in the mainspace. You could put some "Not official" template at the top... Hm.--HM (T) 23:56, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
- I don't see why he needs to tell an admin. It doesn't have to be an official "set of rules", but instead a collection of general things he's picked up (or maybe others have) that seemed to be accepted practices. That could actually be a very helpful article for noobs. For example, don't whore votes. All the sort of unsaid things. —BLUMPKIN WHORE
- Ask an admin before writing that second idea, because that actually effects the inner workings of the site. Generally, we like not writing rules down; we're not Wikipedia. Although, that Pee thing is written on the Pee Review main page.--HM (T) 23:45, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
- I am willing to help, if you want the help! —BLUMPKIN WHORE
- I think you missunderstood. I mean the rules that aren't written but are known. It doesn't say to "REPLACE A PAGE WITH THE WORDS I AM GAY" is something that could get you banned, anywhere. But less obvious ones like, "You must do a pee review 24 within a promise, or else we will ban the sh*t out of you". Anyways my first idea would be a funny article, my second would actually be a serious one. --Happymonkey39
- Ah, so the first is just an article, but the second is an idea for a page with Uncyc rules on it? Well the second is quite controversial, as I'm sure you're aware. :p —BLUMPKIN WHORE
- HOLY...u just replied in under a minute...creepy. Ah well i think you may have seen me right this...I think i mentioned it on UU's page when i was in a temper fit. The page is "The unwritten Rules of Life"... and on top of that, a page that would help this site would be "The
- Ahh, I see. And what's your idea? —BLUMPKIN WHORE
- Well i did have good article idea that i will need some help with so, sure i would love to work with you. I officially joined in February, but i didn't use it much until June. --Happymonkey39
- Collaborating. Like say, some French people with the Nazis in WW2. But in a less...er. Well not at all like that. As in, writing an article together. By the way, when did you join Uncyc? —BLUMPKIN WHORE
- Not sure what that means... yet. --Happymonkey39
- Out of interest, how do you feel about collabing? —BLUMPKIN WHORE
- Ah indeed! Here. I'm meant to be dealing with that and transforming it into a modern, noob-helping machine. —BLUMPKIN WHORE
Anyways YTTE, i also need help on Justin Bieber, i just... i can't do it myself. So pick one to aid me with. --Happymonkey39 
Dah Meme Master 00:12, August 22, 2010 (UTC)
- I should be sleeping now. But link me (I'm lazy) and I'll see what I can do, as soon as possible. —BLUMPKIN WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [00:13 22 August
2010]
- pssssst! Bieber notes here. ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 22 Aug 2010 ~ 07:55 (UTC)
ummmmm this is like oober gay
Listen carefully...[edit source]
Here's my deal: you give me that vote of yours on Reviewer of the Month. If you get nominated, then you can withdraw it. If I win this month, then I'll nominate you NEXT month. You've got nothing to lose. Deal? --Some Idiot 
01:38, August 22, 2010 (UTC)
- Corruption of the system has spread far and wide in Uncyclopedia. Do not fall for his devilish tricks young monkey!-- 01:42, August 22, 2010 (UTC)
- ...he is my rival...I don't know who you are. But i must go against your advise. For i will not be nominated this month... but next month...maybe...--Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 03:08, August 22, 2010 (UTC)
- For shame; Monkeyshines knows he can have me nominate him at any time. (If he's not worthy the nom will suck, but it will be a nom all the same.) 'sides I owe him-- I haven't even given scores to my judgery yet. For double shame. ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 22 Aug 2010 ~ 07:30 (UTC)
- For shame; Monkeyshines knows he can have me nominate him at any time. (If he's not worthy the nom will suck, but it will be a nom all the same.) 'sides I owe him-- I haven't even given scores to my judgery yet. For double shame. ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*
- ...he is my rival...I don't know who you are. But i must go against your advise. For i will not be nominated this month... but next month...maybe...--Happymonkey39
- Seriously? Don't do this kind of stuff. On voting pages, nominate and vote for those who you think deserve it. Don't withhold your vote because you want to be nominated. That's selfish. Don't vote for somebody because they voted for you. Don't bargain for votes. Not winning an award will not ruin your life. Also, try to be humble and realistic; compare your contributions with those of "the greats" and consider whether you deserve it. That is today's voting rant.--HM (T) 19:28, August 24, 2010 (UTC) (
For. 
)[1]
- HELPME, i think you don't understand our humor. Go play Somewhere else. And besides, i was going to vote for him at the end of the month, i actually just wanted to see who else would be nominated. And im not going to vote for Cheif, since he has won already, and this month, PF deserves it more. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 20:23, August 24, 2010 (UTC)
- Don't tell me what to do. I was just giving you an Uncyclopedian life lesson.--HM (T) 20:26, August 24, 2010 (UTC)
- That's like the fifth time you have said that to me...and yet, i never really tell you to do something... Telling you to do something would be "Go flame Happytimes" not "Go flame Happytimes, not me".... and dude whats with the 5 second replies...your really creeping me out like another person i know. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 20:33, August 24, 2010 (UTC)
- You know, HELPME has a point... votes and nominations really should be earned. Part of why I so often don't bother to vote on things... can't be arsed to figure out if I think they deserve it, you know? But this... this is a cheap lazy way out, and as a well-bred proper lazy person, I'll say... I disapprove! *shakes a dead halibut* ( For. )
- And really, stop telling people what to do. Yeesh. ~
*sqlorsh* (harass) (stalk) -- 20100825 - 02:36 (UTC)
- wait wait what? When have i told you to do anything? And again, i was going to give a serious vote at the end of the month.... your just upset that i called you a stalker... --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 02:59, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
- Since I called myself a stalker before you ever did (at least, I think I did, not that I can be bothered to check), why would I care? And I'm sure you've told me to do plenty. You've definitely told other people to do an inordinate amount of stuff, of which I was just returning the favour... and deary, when I'm serious I get really huffy and tall and strange and people come out with giant warts and stuff... don't ask. But have you found any new warts lately? ~ *sqlorsh* (harass) (stalk) -- 20100825 - 03:32 (UTC)
- Yah i found a few on my... nevermind. Anyways, the only time i tell people to do thing (non-joke wise) is in Pee-Reviews, and I'm supposed to there. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 04:01, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
- Yah i found a few on my... nevermind. Anyways, the only time i tell people to do thing (non-joke wise) is in Pee-Reviews, and I'm supposed to there. --Happymonkey39
- Since I called myself a stalker before you ever did (at least, I think I did, not that I can be bothered to check), why would I care? And I'm sure you've told me to do plenty. You've definitely told other people to do an inordinate amount of stuff, of which I was just returning the favour... and deary, when I'm serious I get really huffy and tall and strange and people come out with giant warts and stuff... don't ask. But have you found any new warts lately? ~
- wait wait what? When have i told you to do anything? And again, i was going to give a serious vote at the end of the month.... your just upset that i called you a stalker... --Happymonkey39
- You know, HELPME has a point... votes and nominations really should be earned. Part of why I so often don't bother to vote on things... can't be arsed to figure out if I think they deserve it, you know? But this... this is a cheap lazy way out, and as a well-bred proper lazy person, I'll say... I disapprove! *shakes a dead halibut* (
- That's like the fifth time you have said that to me...and yet, i never really tell you to do something... Telling you to do something would be "Go flame Happytimes" not "Go flame Happytimes, not me".... and dude whats with the 5 second replies...your really creeping me out like another person i know. --Happymonkey39
- Don't tell me what to do. I was just giving you an Uncyclopedian life lesson.--HM (T) 20:26, August 24, 2010 (UTC)
- HELPME, i think you don't understand our humor. Go play Somewhere else. And besides, i was going to vote for him at the end of the month, i actually just wanted to see who else would be nominated. And im not going to vote for Cheif, since he has won already, and this month, PF deserves it more. --Happymonkey39
For. 
- ↑ I've never won any awards and look at me: happy!
- ...Do you always have to correct people HM? I mean cmon, suggestions, telling them what to do. Bottom line is that you help them out. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 01:21, August 26, 2010 (UTC)
- ...Do you always have to correct people HM? I mean cmon, suggestions, telling them what to do. Bottom line is that you help them out. --Happymonkey39
he is soooo ripped and his eyeball pops out of his head. awesome
Banner[edit source]
Hey, I can give it a go. Not sure what you mean by rough at the edges. Meaning that it could look nicer? Im also traveling for a week so it will be a bit
Shabidoo 09:06, August 22, 2010 (UTC)
- Ya just fix up the edges, it's all scruffy and stuff. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 20:34, August 24, 2010 (UTC)
Mafia![edit source]
You're in. See your welcome message, here. You can see your position and rank within the mafia, here. Feel free to pop in any time and say hello at the members only club. —BLUMPKIN WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [10:21 22 August 2010]
- If you intend to be a active (iish) member of the Mafia, then I am willing to offer you control of the Italian branch. It doesn't really mean much. But we have to have a head of both branches of the family. —BLUMPKIN WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [10:27 22 August 2010]
Oi![edit source]
Listen up you. (And you.) I've been real busy in my real life this past month and it really doesn't look like it's slowing up any real time soon and I've still go to re-start UN:IC in September and <insert other excuse(s)> and I'm coming down with a cold.
Thusly I, Happytimes will judgeify the contest most soonish-- not to extend past the end of the week! My word is my bondage. Trust me. (I can't believe I've procrastinated so long I now feel obligated to give a score when I wasn't going to.) ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 25 Aug 2010 ~ 05:05 (UTC)
- ...you weren't going to? ~ *sqlorsh* (harass) (stalk) -- 20100825 - 13:51 (UTC)
- No. I score enough in real life that I normally don't have to assign random numbers to strange collections of syllables. ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 26 Aug 2010 ~ 01:16 (UTC)
- I didn't need to know that. My own father not judging my own competition. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 01:23, August 26, 2010 (UTC)
- I didn't need to know that. My own father not judging my own competition. --Happymonkey39
- No. I score enough in real life that I normally don't have to assign random numbers to strange collections of syllables. ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*
I am such an ass! Sorry I didn't do my homework... I've been sick but mostly arguing about the bolding of UnNews & it took a lot out of me. I have real homework tonight but I'll get this done in the next two days. ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 31 Aug 2010 ~ 01:05 (UTC)
- I am looseing my pactience!...but ive been busy to...so sorry for not doing...ugh... stuff --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 02:07, August 31, 2010 (UTC)
- I've already forgotten what this is all about. Monkey, what was times supposed to be doing? ~
(talk) (stalk) -- 20100831 - 15:29 (UTC)
- Contest judgery = Thursday. ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 01 Sep 2010 ~ 00:37 (UTC)
- If that actually happens, I say we take it as a sign of the apocalypse. Who's with me? ~ (talk) (stalk) -- 20100901 - 00:54 (UTC)
- It will somehow link to 2012. Deffinatly. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 02:14, September 1, 2010 (UTC)
- It will somehow link to 2012. Deffinatly. --Happymonkey39
- If that actually happens, I say we take it as a sign of the apocalypse. Who's with me? ~
- Contest judgery = Thursday. ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*
- I've already forgotten what this is all about. Monkey, what was times supposed to be doing? ~
SPAM!!![edit source]
Congrats, Happmonkey! You have been awarded some Spam for no particular reason! Put it on your userpage to show it off - you happen to be the second person in history to be awarded with such a prize! How lucky of you... 
- WTH THIS IS BS! WHY WASN'T I FIRST!...i can never win anything --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 02:40, September 3, 2010 (UTC)
- WTH? You win at being second ALL THE TIME!!! ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 03 Sep 2010 ~ 07:41 (UTC)
- WTH? You win at being second ALL THE TIME!!! ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*
- Don't be Sadmonkey, Happymonkey! Have some more Spam... you are the first to be awarded it twice!
- *sniff*....i guess, that's, sort of true *sniff*.... Is this stuff poisoness? (HELPME i swear if you start all of that Poison/toxic junk, or laugh at my spelling I will murder you...or not) --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 03:17, September 4, 2010 (UTC)
- Is a poisoness a woman who poisons stuff with poisonous poisons? ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 04 Sep 2010 ~ 04:00 (UTC)
- Lets just say i will kill you. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 04:07, September 4, 2010 (UTC)
- Me? or HELPME? Your diction confuses me. Will you use poison? Will the delivery method of your homicidal angst involve poisonous animals, poisoness hit women or nuclear strike? Should I buy murder insurance against this impending tragedy so my loved ones will be taken care of (or if it's HELPME you're after a nice tidy sum to be used on memorial drugs and hookers)? Can I count on you to make sure those videos never make it to YouTube? Why are we here; the very existence of, well, everything? Mommy? ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 04 Sep 2010 ~ 04:55 (UTC)
- Me? or HELPME? Your diction confuses me. Will you use poison? Will the delivery method of your homicidal angst involve poisonous animals, poisoness hit women or nuclear strike? Should I buy murder insurance against this impending tragedy so my loved ones will be taken care of (or if it's HELPME you're after a nice tidy sum to be used on memorial drugs and hookers)? Can I count on you to make sure those videos never make it to YouTube? Why are we here; the very existence of, well, everything? Mommy? ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*
- Lets just say i will kill you. --Happymonkey39
- Is a poisoness a woman who poisons stuff with poisonous poisons? ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*
06:24, September 4, 2010 (UTC)
- Hm. I think I have caused a commotion. Maybe it was the cyanide I dropped in the spam - I dunno.
- Naw, I think it was just the fact that the spam was there. Some people just need to come together to explode; evidently thus is the case with Happytimes and HELPME. Damn, they're cute together. ~ (talk) (stalk) -- 20100905 - 02:24 (UTC)
- We're cute apart too. Damit! We're cute everywhere. And sexy (Me more so than him). ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 18 Sep 2010 ~ 01:08 (UTC)
- We're cute apart too. Damit! We're cute everywhere. And sexy (Me more so than him). ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*
- Naw, I think it was just the fact that the spam was there. Some people just need to come together to explode; evidently thus is the case with Happytimes and HELPME. Damn, they're cute together. ~
- Hm. I think I have caused a commotion. Maybe it was the cyanide I dropped in the spam - I dunno.
From the unrestitered user[edit source]
Okay, I've edited my article. Will you look at the new masterpiece and review it again?
--69.244.139.166 20:32, September 24, 2010 (UTC)69.244.129.141
- He means this. ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 24 Sep 2010 ~ 23:31 (UTC)
This[edit source]
User:Luvvy/Sandbox/The Uncyclopedia Family Tree Project. ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 21 Oct 2010 ~ 02:17 (UTC)
Upsilon Sigma Sigma October Newsletter[edit source]
Ok guys, my bad. I was gone for a long time there. I found some free time recently so I'm hoping to get Upsilon Sigma Sigma started up again along with my other project, UnReviews.
At any rate, We're going to keep Weird, the August collaboration open. We're also going to go ahead and open up a November collaboration. The article on the queue that has the most votes is "Blockbuster" so that's the one we're going to do. You can find the collaboration page here. I'm probably going to disappear again because of school in a few weeks, so hopefully we can build up enough momentum here to keep our collaborations going. If you haven't noticed our previous collaborations have been huge hits, all have been featured on the front page. Hopefully "Weird" and "Blockbuster" will too in their own due time.
Looking forward to seeing you guys around the frat!
P.S. we have a FBotM nomination this month, make sure you go vote!
Founder -- 
CUN RotM FBotM VFH SK Maj. ΥΣΣ 2104 EST 22 Oct, 2010
banner[edit source]
Young man, Ive been away for a few months (you know ... living my real life) and was not around to help you. Sorry. Do what you must. Did you have a competition in the end? Shabidoo
Your talkpage is now infested with a giant squid.[edit source]
It'd have been muskoxen like usual, but I ran out. Anyhow, I completely forgot what I came here for, so I guess I'll just say hi to your talkpage; that's usually a safe bet. Or convenient, anyway... hi, Happymonkey's talkpage! ~ 
04:17, 14 January 2011
Thank yous and where are yous and when yous coming back, yous[edit source]
Where are you, we need another Happy Monkey all-day sucker, ah, contest soon (although the Poo surprise is starting in a few days, that's a two week contest. Are you going to play in that?). Thank you very much for the vote on that Writer thing, very appreciated. I hope at least three of us tie, that would be the most fun. I saw on your user page that your laying your cousin or something, nice, keep it in the family. And I saw some person answered your note on my talk page about who's gone and who's around, it's like lots of people left. Funnybony is the most recent to leave (after 310 articles I guess he's Funniedbonyied out for awhile). Lyrithya left in a huff and a big controversy when shshe took control of the administration building for a few hours and blanked about a third of the site before outside forces had to be brought in. It was a mess, and most other wiki's have banned heirm and all their sockpuppets now, even the conspiracy ones. Well, come back often, and thanks again! Aleister 18:28 14 1 '11
- p.s. NOW we're talking some real good cookies!!!
Your painting[edit source]
Just as promised.
It's you in the tropics. --
14:11, January 17, 2011 (UTC)
Where are you?[edit source]
Come back! Thank you for your vote at writer of the your or something. It rowed me to winning it, and I've set up a thank you page on my user page. Lots of cookies there for you. If you don't come back soon (where are you?) take a look in the page's history and you can see it right around this time. Thanks again, Aleister 23:44 1-2-'11
HAPPY MONKEY COMPETITION MARCH 2nd[edit source]
¡¡¡ OLÉ !!! :)
--Shabidoo 10:05, February 24, 2011 (UTC)
Actually...[edit source]
It's four tildes. Squiggly things. You know those things. ~ 01:37, 16 September 2011
You're back...and banned[edit source]
What a way to return. Do you still have those nunchucks I asked you for before you left? --
PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 17 September 2011, at 01:50
I miss the good ole days[edit source]
I've been reading your talk page and I have tears in my eyes from the laughter! I used to be so funny! What the hell happened? ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 06 Dec 2011 ~ 06:37 (UTC)
- Talk pages are srz bznz. No joking here. —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 07:33, 6 December 2011 (UTC)
- No Joking?!?... Are you joking?!? ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 06 Dec 2011 ~ 08:36 (UTC)
- No Joking?!?... Are you joking?!? ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*
User:Lyrithya[edit source]
Hey. Just so you're aware, she was getting into disagreement with a few editors and admins, including myself, and was generally feeling unwanted (from what I could see from a few edit summaries and more caustic comments). She was banned for a short period (about an hour) and de-opped during that period as well, even though the admin status was given back before the hour was out. There have been a few edits that have been made by Haydrahlienne over the last month or so, but they've petered out. I'm hoping that she's just decided to take a break rather than leave altogether, but she's not been the most communicative of people in the meantime. (She also has her own perspective on what happened that will likely differ from mine. I was not her favourite person in the world at the time she left.) Nominally Humane! 03:02 14 Apr
- She made a sock-puppet? Even I didn't do that when I had my hissy-fit at the site... For the record, that will not happen again from me, I was just in that stage of every teens life where you hate the whole world and they hate you in return... Pretty pathetic once I look back on it now. None the less. Other than the knowledge of her making a sock-puppet, I know nothing about what these comments or edits were, so in my eyes, its still loving and playful Lyrithya, and if she doesn't come back for my event... THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES. Or... I will just do nothing about it and move on with my life... Meh. She will be missed, unlike some people *cough cough*. ENOUGH GIBBER GABBER. THERE IS WORK TO BE DONE! I must continue my work on my contest. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master
You're back[edit source]
Long time, never see. --
15:56, April 14, 2012 (UTC)
- My lord! How much I have missed not knowing you! In the words of a wise mastermind that I spent much of my childhood (and current days for that matter) admiring and catching monsters in little baseballs for... "are you a boy or a girl? --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master
- Sometimes, I ask that question myself. --
17:26, April 14, 2012 (UTC)
- Ah, so you fit under that category huh? Well I like to refer to myself as a male, and in case you do happen to be female, my tail is 2 inches bigger than the average monkey if you know what i mean -Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master
- Wait, I just checked. I am a male. -- 17:34, April 14, 2012 (UTC)
- Do you have a tail? --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master
- Possibly. -- 17:43, April 14, 2012 (UTC)
- Mines bigger. And after I stalked your archives for no reason in particular, I have come to the conclusion. Monkeys may give good head, but only the female ones. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master
- Mines bigger. And after I stalked your archives for no reason in particular, I have come to the conclusion. Monkeys may give good head, but only the female ones. --Happymonkey39
- Possibly. --
- Do you have a tail? --Happymonkey39
- Wait, I just checked. I am a male. --
- Ah, so you fit under that category huh? Well I like to refer to myself as a male, and in case you do happen to be female, my tail is 2 inches bigger than the average monkey if you know what i mean -Happymonkey39
- Sometimes, I ask that question myself. --
I forgot to answer before[edit source]
You can post a forum by going to the community navigation bar on the left of the page, hit on "Village Dump" (apparantly the secret name for Forums) and on the right of the page not very far down is a box to make new forums. You just type the forum's name in there and its like starting any new page from then on. And I agree with your image of Lythyiaiania as always a playful and fun user to talk with on talk pages. I think the rigors of being a hugely active admin, probably our busiest and at time most productive and other time most destructive admin on the site, brought too much together for too long a time of high energy work on the site, L just needs a vacation. Hopefully in...Vegas! Aleister 18:10 14-4-'12
- I see that. Poor Lyrithya, I hope to see the user return that is all I can say. And I will get on that forum sometime in the next... I dunno when, I just will do it. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master
- I see that. Poor Lyrithya, I hope to see the user return that is all I can say. And I will get on that forum sometime in the next... I dunno when, I just will do it. --Happymonkey39
Did you mean this video?[edit source]
Nominally Humane! 12:06 16 Apr
You really should...[edit source]
...vote yes on this: Forum:Forest Fire Week 3.14: Reloaded. Thanks! -- 19:50, 14 August 2013 (UTC)
Monkey!!!![edit source]
Days of the week friendly competition that shabidoo will win and everyone else will fail[edit source]
Your topic is WEDNESDAY
Let us know if you can't participate and we'll find a substitute
Rules are posted here
I would wish you good luck but I shave my crotch hair every day in September and I'm rather busy.
--ShabiDOO 16:49, 9 September 2013 (UTC)
IC[edit source]
Please take a look at this - Forum:Start Imperial Colonization again! IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 12:54, 24 September 2013 (UTC)
Turkey dall ball[edit source]
Hey. I was the only entrant for the bad taste article...so there's nothing to judge really. But if you didn't mind giving a comment or two about the article...I'd really appreciate it. --ShabiDOO 11:30, 14 December 2013 (UTC)
UnSignpost: yet another new format but still less news[edit source]
By Llwy-ar-lawr
So it seems nothing much goes on these days that's really newsworthy. Sure things happen, new users stop by, edit a while then leave, people write things, but...nothing really notable, you know. But we won't write an entire article about how nothing's happening and how depressing that is because, well, it's depressing, you know? So we're going to tell you about one thing the author - in her extreme vanity - thinks is worthy of reporting and make it seem like that's important and trick you into caring, when you'd really much rather be playing video games or (gasp) writing an article.
Retro Week happens
By Anton199
Uncyclopedians, rejoice! A great victory over the forces of liberalism has been won!
We, the Conservative users of Uncyclopedia, have decided that we don't have enough featured in-jokes, clowns, Really Big Trees, user and disambiguation pages, as if we haven’t pulled enough boners (and templates), we are putting all our past glories on our main page, once again, one by one, ten days a week.
Dear readers, only a few days late, the UnSignpost declares the Retro Week open! Applauds!
Originally Shabidoo's very controversial idea, the Retro Week has grown to become the time when all the Uncyclopedia administrators take an official rest from their site work, unless they are also the UnSignpost editors. You don't believe us? Check the recent changes!
So the 2014 Retro Week opened with a really big tree. A very big one. But it is pretty much everything original about it. It pursued with Slender Lorises, that are able to live in wet and dry forests, next - with Template:Boner, which we are not going to use in this UnSignpost, no matter how many times you ask us. Then came the turn of Hardwick Fundelbuggy's Userpage, featured not because it was funny, but because its author had written a lot of funny stuff (following this logic we can feature sandboxes and user contributions). Finally, we saw the Fire Hydrant spreading its waters around Uncyclopedia and slowing down - if not destroying - the servers.
Amongst other pros of the Retro Week are the facts that it gives users a good excuse for not voting on VFH for a while, because nobody does this anyway and that it is keeping our main page busy, while we are making an UnSignpost for you.
Thank Sophia, it happens only once a year!
Biopic We haven't managed to get hold of anyone long enough to get sufficient information out of them for a biopic. They always managed to ooze away just in time. Must be that slime that's got into the works.
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week This is not an article (12/2)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News This is the first UnSignpost issue since August 2013. If that's not news I don't know what is, so stop complaining.
Chat Quote [22:15] <snerk> I just can't help but think that this is a pattern that is indicative of an anarchist takeover.
– Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 04:20, 5 May 2014
It's back! - The UnSignpost[edit source]
Uncyclopedia is like a moldy pile of kelp right now. Not a lot of fun is happening right now. Or is it? Well probably not, but the UnSignpost is back! You know that newspaper that occasionally makes appearances on your talkpage that you also totally read. More than ever this newspaper will be uninformative, filled with articles that seem to endlessly ramble on about nothing in particular just to serve as filler and most importantly it will be the newspaper written by barely literate drunks.
Of course, you must ask, will this project actually be happening on any regular basis? You bet! Certain people who are extremely vain, as proven by the writing himself into the article will try and deliver you an UnSignpost every single Friday! That is of course, unless he gets devoured by a moldy pile of kelp. Then it might not happen. Other writers may also take part in this wonderful franchise, but let's face it, it's more likely that you read this entire article through to the end, than people actually write for this place anymore.New admin time
By Frosty
Once again we find ourselves in that horrible, horrible mode of electing new administrators for Uncyclopedia. A process that never fails to see at least three users permanently quit the site because of "hurt feelings". But apparently, this time will be different. Although we say that every time, we truly mean it this time. Every drama stirrer will win an all expenses paid trip to RAHB's secret rape dungeon where they will have their anus mercilessly pounded with a stick coated in pieces of broken glass, and to top it off, the glass pieces will have been soaked in the HIV virus before hand.
Serious candidates include Kip the Dip, Mr-ex777 and Leverage; and not so serious candidates include RAHB, vandals from 2008 and DungeonSiegeAddict510 (let's face it, who'd vote for him?). And although newspapers are supposed to be non-bias and non-speculative, if you don't vote for Kip, Mr-ex or Leverage you are a loser. Plain and simple.
Users are all encouraged to vote, because unlike with the presidential election, your vote counts! Further more, not every single candidate is a loser, most of them are, but not all of them. Voting commences on August 1, so get ready for some old fashion in your face comedy tragedy!
Biopic For the first time in 2014, we actually have a biopic! This week's biopic is Banzaikitten, who, is one of the very few new comers of 2014 to not bugger off within 7 days of signing up. We would like to thank SPIKE for his contribution in bringing Banzaikitten closer to us through his "take no prisoners" banning style on Wikia. If it wasn't for this, Banzaikitten would never have quit Wikia and joined us at the chosen Uncyclopedia. Please take a moment to thank Banzaikitten for being one of the very, very, VERY few users to join in recent times.
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week You Are Gay (13/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News If you've read the UnSignpost all the way to this point, you need help. Seriously.
Chat Quote [17:12] You have been disconnected. Attempting to reconnect for you...
~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 
09:01, 25 July 2014 (UTC)
Two weeks in a row? A new record! It's the UnSignpost[edit source]
Predictably (and because let's face it, nothing else is happening on the site), the admin election takes the lead story. For those of you living under a rock and those that are just plain slow, Kip the Dip is leading the race by far (+19) and should win be a few lengths, this is definitely because of how hard his jockey is riding him. Cat the Colourful is trailing at second with +13, followed by Leverage at +8 and Banzaikitten at +6. Other notable mentions include Aleister, Mr-ex777, Lost Labyrinth Mattsnow and DungeonSiegeAddict510 who have all succeeded in avoiding the highly embarrassing score of getting +1 or less. Feel free to message the losers with negative scores and point and laugh a lot hahaha.
It shuld be no surprise that the page has been mercilessly trolled with other complete joke nominations including The Chief of AIDS and The Zombie of AIDS.
If you haven't been to the forum yet to cast your vote, do it today! Uncyclopedia admin elections: Twice the drama, half the fat!VFH smells
By Frosty
This story is nothing short of a PSA, circle-jerking with traces of vote whoring in as well. If you are reading this, you should vote on VFH. VFH voting takes very effort and makes it, at the very least appear, that we have active users. So get down there some time today and vote on all the articles. Some might say you need to actually read them first, well this is (probably) a good idea, but do bear in mind that we don't actually know if you've read it or not. And unlike, when you didn't read Hamlet in your 9th grade English class there is not going to be a surprise test on the matter.[citation needed]
You should also go vote on Frosty's article(s) currently on VFH, it's the least you could do after he SINGLE HANDEDLY wrote this terrible newspaper for you. If you don't, the length of his e-penis will decrease considerably all because he didn't get another feature on a website with a userbase smaller than an Eastern Siberian village.
Biopic This week's biopic is the user named TheRealSexyFluttershy, which just goes to show how desperate we are for biopics that we are willing to write about literally anyone who shows a vague interest or presence in the site. TheRealSexyFluttershy can be found on The Internet Relay Chats discussing things that have relevance to ponies and poopdick on a disturbingly regular basis. However, he does occasionally make the odd presence on the Wiki and even more occasionally he makes useful edits to some page or another.
If you appreciate him go to his talk page and thank him for his noble contributions in the field of poopdick, if you don't appreciate him please feel free to spam his page with poopdick (although he may start furiously masturbating).
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week You Are Gay (14/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News Frosty thinks all the other administrators are highly useless. Yeah, sorry guys but you are.
Chat Quote [21:19] <sleeptyper> RAHB dislikes niggers
~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 23:14, 1 August 2014 (UTC)
Does this look infected to you? It's the UnSignpost![edit source]
Not that much over a year ago, TKF left us with the classic "I'm quitting forever in a highly obnoxious and auto-fellating manor". For about 66 seconds Uncyclopedians everywhere were sad, we all fapped in sadness at the loss of our beloved TKF and things were never going to be quite the same again. Then we all thought to ourselves "good riddance, I hope he contracts Anthrax and dies."
No surprise, but he has come back under the highly illusive nickname "Argylesocks" which is obviously not somebodies sockpuppet because it contains the word socks in it. I mean, if you were a sockpuppet would you give it away so easily? Flawless logic! He can also be found on IRC chatting casually under the "dcik", showing his support for "The Dyslexia Support Foundation".
Head over to his user page and talk page to find out details about his awesome "Uncyclopedia Retrospect project" which is probably some grand social experiment documenting the life and times of hopeless losers on the internet, but hey it SOUNDED COOL.Forum dramaz
By Frosty
Uncyclopedia has recently had an infestation. An infestation of drama. Drama is bad mmkay? Aside from the obvious fact users get banned, users quit and people proceed to hate each other to the point where you would rub hot English Mustard into their prolapsed anus if you ever saw them in the street, drama distracts you from writing. As does reading the UnSignpost. But reading the UnSignpost is more constructive as the constant not so subliminal messaging telling you to write articles is plastered everywhere. WRITE ARTICLES.
But drama can be entertaining when coupled with cheap scotch and buttered popcorn to the humble obverser. But mainly it's bad, so stop it. No matter how funny you think your drama mongering will never compete with Asperger's Syndrome is no laughing matter... ...and the sequel rest of the trilogy.
Biopic
This week's biopic is Chaoarren, which if you haven't meet him yet... You suck basically. He can be found on IRC, occasionally editing the Wiki and frequently reporting established users to Ban patrol because "they made fun of him in his pink skirt" or "he smells funny". Chaoarren has also done the highly laughable feat of running dead last in the most vote rigged admin election in history, where losers like Kip the Dip and Colin actually stand a chance of winning losing.
He's also a noob that hasn't buggered off yet. I wish more of them were like you Chaoarren... I really do...
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week What's-his-name off that thing (12/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News Confucius say "Shut the fuck up and edit an article".
Chat Quote [20:17] <James_T> My dick is large
~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) 
~ Fri, Aug 8 '14 12:19 (UTC)
More {{Boner}}s than a ragged Playgirl: It's the UnSignpost![edit source]
It was dark times being without Uncyclopedia. Maybe if I got out of the dark and went outside once in while it would be less dark. But you know, lazy me.
I plan to visit Uncyclopedia and do my 'thang (wink wink) at least once a week. But I hold no promises because you can't trust me. I'm a hoe and 3!OH!3 told you to NOT TRUST HOES.
However, I'm sure you guys found out why I was absent from the site for a good 200 years 4+ months and it was because my old laptop KOed and I finally got a new one for school.
So that means I won't be uploading images of Madiq. (pictured)...
I missed you, just kidding, but really. However, I didn't forget you, maybe sometimes,
Is this a haiku or something? My grammar sucks too.New admins for you!
By Sir Peasewhizz
Beware everyone, as a result of this there is now an additional 8 new sysops/administrators. They all expect BJS and prizes.
Kip the Dip
Leverage
Supergeeky1
Banzaikitten
Mr-ex777
Colin "All your base" Heaney
Lost Labyrinth
Cat the Colourful
They expect sacrifices. So chop, chop. Make haste.
Biopic This weeks biopic is on someone who doesn't read Uncyclopedia (but they will because we will make them through laughter har har). Her name is Elizabeth and she's from Australia. She showed Sir Peasewhizz her tits...
They were nice. And that is it for today's Biopic. What the fuck did you expect? A fucking biography on the Borgia family?
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week UnBooks:Holmes On Homes (16/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News This just in: Don't hit your children.
Chat Quote
~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 15 '14 20:08 (UTC)
We gave The UnSignpost an enema, so now it's regular![edit source]
By Banzaikitten
Welcome to another no longer sporadic edition of Unsignpost. Yes, the quantity of USP's being written has gone through the roof in the last few weeks and as such there is absolutely nothing to report- hence why people who have previously never written one of these are being roped in. One thing of note that has changed is I am now an admin and as such can block RAHB with impunity. God I love to block RAHB. There is nothing quite like the fizzy rush in the root of your penis and the dizzy thrill you get in your anus when blocking RAHB. I urge all who can to try it.
RAHBs Sexuality
By Banzaikitten
I know I've already spoken about RAHB but god help me I just can't stop. We all like voting and there is a very important vote occuring right now. You, yes you, could decide what sexuality RAHB is. Come the end of the vote RAHB sexuality will be decided for him and he will have to perform sexual acts of that nature for the rest of time. I'm hoping Ponies wins.
Shame on you By the curate
As the curate and the moral compass of this sinful land I must say that I have been appalled at the terrible news that my milkman brought to me. Although I don't remember his exact words, I'll try to reconstruct his speech from my memory, which - and for this I thank God - I am still honored to possess, despite my respectable age.
| “ | Now, I heard Mr What's-his-name talk to his son about something he heard in the neighbor's house, which I didn't hear, but Mr. What's-his-name-again described it so well that I am positive I can repeat it almost word-by-word. So his neighbor was giving his dog its food and commenced discussing our village's events with it, Mrs. Elizabeth soon became the topic of the conversation, and she, as you know, has a daughter... And a cat. Oh, what a fine Siamese cat! But it is of no relation to our current subject. So e man and his pet chattered on and on and, apparently, that dog ... oh, I mean the man (but, you know, from a distance you really can't tell the difference) uttered that "Mrs. Elizabeth's daughter once read an educational page on the Internet, which talked about homosexuality and how you cure it." And can you guess who the author its author was? Mr. Frosty, the man who lives next door to you! | ” |
These were the words of the milkman. However, this isn't all. I was not terrified when I heard this, because teaching fellow villagers to cure an abominable disease, which homosexuality certainly is, is a commendable act from Mr. Frosty's part, especially if it was done with no impulse other than to save good Christians.
Alas, I, we have been greatly deceived in our trust! Beware of the appearances, especially when they are found on the unholy Internet!
Ah, wicked men! I, your curate, willing to help your ungrateful souls, decided to try the so-praised advice of Mr. Frosty on myself and proceeded to accomplish it yesterday. I did everything he said to the very last phrase and - I swear by the Holy Grail - it didn't work! Biopic bakpak2hvy is a guy who frequently lurks on our IRC without saying anything. The other day he said something.
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week F4 (13/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News
Chat Quote
[17:16] <Banzaikitten> so I wrote the USP kind of
[17:16] <Banzaikitten> its entirely about RAHB
[17:16] <RAHB> Awesome
~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 22 '14 2:11 (UTC)
OMG! A WILD USP IS ON THE LOOSE![edit source]
By Sir Peasewhizz
Hi, My name is Sir Peasewhizz. Stop throwing tomatoes you assholes! STAHP! READER PLS. STAHP.
Okay, so what is really going on, you may say? 'I'm about to fucking tell you. Enjoy.
Did you know that every ten seconds: another ten seconds kicks in? Yeah, mind equals blown right now, eh? Did you know that the return of one legendary user triggers other legendary users to return as well? When Argylesocks returned from his previous state (not Blue Mountain), it only was a matter of time until the legend named MadMax returned from his couple-of-months-long sojourn in the wild country known as Ethiopia. MadMax does not steal the few supplies of food Ethiopia has, you sick fuck! HE HAS A SOUL.
For those who have heard of the legendary Xamralco, he has returned to. He is an admin and a fantastic writer. We love him. You love. YOU LOVE HIM.
Okay? Okay.
Now if anyone sees Dawg, slap him and tell him to come back. And for Olipro... gosh. I can't even.Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins.
By Sir Peasewhizz
We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!
When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!
Biopic For this edition of your favorite paper, the USP, we had the chance to get the Biopic for one of the biggest badasses to ever live. That person/thingy/chatter was auror, whom we found frolicking in our IRC channel one evening.
When we asked auror if she would like to be Biopic'ed (did I spell that right? SPELL CHECK PLS) she gave a powerful speech.
| “ | no | ” |
Thank you! Give it up for auror!
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week Psychedelic Rosie and Her Coat of Many Colors (9/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News The USP will be delivered on Sundays now. (or around then)
Chat Quote
[17:42] <ColinAYB> Kippy is forever topical
[17:42] <ColinAYB> Just like the lotion he uses when he takes it to the hub.
[17:46] <Kippy> You don't even need to see all the nudity to take it to the hub.
SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 02:53, 7 September 2014 (UTC)
Unsignpost delivery attempt numbr hideous implosion[edit source]
By Sir Peasewhizz
Hi, My name is Sir Peasewhizz. Stop hurling babies at me! STAHP! READER PLS. STAHP.
It is days like these when I realize what a cruel world we live in. It seems that Pee Review has bitten the dust. For just a few minutes of your day and some cash you can help solve this crisis. Seriously, you hoes.
Piss on my review quests.
Olipro is gay.Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins.
By Sir PeasewhizzWe were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!
When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!
Yes, I copied this from the last issue of the USP, you boner goblins. That picture of gold? That was also from the last issue, as well.
Uncyclopedia App
By Anton199
There has recently (a certain amount of time before the latest UnSignpost issue) been a lot of talk about creating an Uncyclopedia App as well as an Uncyclospecies. The idea consists in producing and selling the app which will transform all the human beings who use them into Uncyclopedians. The majority of the users (about 50% of those two who really participated) found this idea great (think that it is funny to talk about) and maybe even began working on it (asked someone else to think about it). Nothing else is known about them, as they disappeared soon after the first experiments were held.
The main problem this project has is that, in fact, nobody knows how to create an app. In addition to this, there is no money, as most of it was spent on Ferraris, that were supposed to bring more money but didn't. Finally, some people think that it might be harmful for the environment (nobody cares).
The project is currently being discussed (some users still post random spam on the forum) and with a certain probability the app is going to be created in nearby future (it is never going be to created but some people do think about it). Biopic Alas, an actual Biopic for SEPTEMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Today, the Biopic will be on a man who carries the identity, MrC. He was doing some hardcore crunches while he was surfing the IRC and thus we gained a little more info this is a run on sentence fuk yea murica.
His origin: "Some Uncyclopedians messed around in another channel recently. After hearing all the stories and rumors, I figured I'd like to see for myself."
So when we asked MrC if he could tell us how to get, how to get to Sesame Street, he said "I don't know... bribe Cookie Monster with a cookie?"
There you have it, words of wisdom BOOI!
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week Shirley Phelps-Roper (9/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News Hi. This is a lazy edition of the UnSignpost.
Chat Quote
[21:46] Star651 has quit (Quit: Page closed)
[21:46] SirPeasewhizz: NOOOOO
[21:46] SirPeasewhziz: BAE
Brace Yourselves, The UnSignpost is Coming![edit source]
Previously, in the past, Uncyclopedia has done a project called Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization, which mimics is a battle against crap-quality articles. We recently have finished the colonization of Albert Einstein, because fuck we didn't need a good article on him before amiright?
Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins. (third issue in a row)
By Sir PeasewhizzWe were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!
When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!
Wow a third week of using the same entry in a row? GEEZ.
Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it!
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week Ludwig Wittgenstein (9/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News Please VFH, Colonize, etc.
Chat Quote
[15:07] bakpak2hvy is edible.
[15:07] TheFakeazneD525 chews on bakpak2hvy
The USP is coming for you! (and your little dog too)[edit source]
By Sir Peasewhizz
So apparently, October follows September. As we all know, Halloween follows September. This means that I get to make a suggestion, amirite?
So I was thinking long and hard one day (which was literally five minutes not twenty-four hours) about something cool we could do for Halloween this year. No, I don't mean egg your neighbor's house... I was thinking maybe we could feature something on Halloween?
Okay yes, I know this is something we basically do every year, and I know you are reading this preparing to accuse me of filling space... and you'd be right.
Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it!
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week UnNews:Obama to outline IS strategy after consulting Stonehenge gods (10/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News Please VFH, Colonize, etc.
Chat Quote
<ColinAYB> Actually his lips did sink ships
<ColinAYB> In the sense that he sucked e
Shabidoo's Celestial Objects informal competition...[edit source]
...is on this year. I hope you participate again Last Year's Day's of the week competiton. First come first serve. --ShabiDOO 02:52, 29 September 2014 (UTC)
Excuse me, sir, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, the USP?[edit source]
As we all know, a Texan man has brought the Ebola virus to the United States of America. And as country, we are all freaking out. Even Obama, who never freaks out, has freaked out. He now refuses to kiss Michelle because he has become a germophobe.
Anywho, we here at Uncyclopedia have determined that Ebola can be avoided by simple measures. We encourage everyone to wash their hands, especially after ferocious masturbation. Remember kids, diseases come for hookers. So stay away from hookers as well.
Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it again!
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week Firesheep (10/1)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News Shabidoo's competition has begun.
Chat Quote
<Denza252> ephemey: am i trololololololing?
dicks lol: It's UnSignpost time![edit source]
By Sir Peasewhizz
Do u think we should cancel the USP
Anyone
Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it againnn!
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week UnDebate:Should women rap? (10/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News Shabidoo's competition has ended.
Chat Quote None
The UnSignpost is back, baby! (And also a little bit of front)[edit source]
By Sir Peasewhizz
Before time began there was the cube. Wait, hold on... yeah wrong script. Okay, let's start again. Before the internet was cool, there was no Uncyclopedia. This is because before Uncyclopedia was a website, there was this awful site for information that anybody could edit called Wikipedia. There was also catfishes and cocks.
That all changed back in 2005. When Uncyclopedia was established/founded/spawned/born/emerged/created, the internet took off. Not literally, but metaphorically... or something. The fact remains that the world, with the introduction of Unyclopedia, began to gain faith in the internet. The Amish began to use electricity after Uncyclopedia was established!
And our legacy could fade away; not unlike my basketball trick shot.
All jokes aside, Uncyclopedia may be content-free, as one could say, but it is not free to run. Uncyclopedia runs on a server and this requires money. We don't mean like the billions Obama requires, but it still needs a bit of money to be a legendary thing.
How does Wikipedia stay up then? Well, we're not Wikipedia. We're run by no employees and we're instead run by dedicated users who spend their time editing/fucking with the site that they love. Uncyclopedia is nearly ten years old, so it's not like the joy of "uncyclopediating" isn't real. It's in the Webster Dictionary.
Not every one is rich either, in fact, we're all kinda bland. Money doesn't grow on trees. Now we're not gonna hold you for ransom and we sure as hell aren't going to guilt you into donating to our cause... but think about the children that would starve without us!
Basically, read more about it here. Thanks for your time.
If you can't donate, don't. We won't force you to do something we can't ourselves.
And another thing you could do besides donate is spread the word or buy something from our store.
Anyone
Biopic You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it!
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week President Hoover (11/1)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News Donate to Uncyclopedia if you can.
Chat Quote None.
Vote, Vote, Vote[edit source]
It's that time of the year again! We're going to be showing off our Top Ten Articles of 2014 soon but so far, very few people have voted. It's all up to you to decide what's the best of the best! Go to Forum:Top 10 Articles of 2014 and vote now! -- 02:24, 30 January 2015 (UTC)
Remember when people used to be active at least once a year?[edit source]
Super awesome happy "Seven deadly sins" competition where Shabidoo will win and everyone else colapses into suicidal depression fun week!!! SIGN UP!!! ShabiDOO 14:20, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Happy Monkey Competition 2021[edit source]
Hey its HAPPY MONKEY TIME 2021 (Feb 21-28). Your favourite writing competition where we write articles on one another's suggested topics. Go ahead and sign up because the more users we have competiting the more ridonculously fun it is. If you don't wanna write you can sign up to judge! Sing up here. Remember it's not about writing a sure fire VFH article, but pushing the limits of your originality and creativity and spitting out an article on a topic you had never thought about writing before. Also...Shabidoo will love you forever and owe you like a zillion favours for it. He will literally do anything to please you if it means you participate. Happy Monkey Farts!!! ShabiDOO 15:40, 10 February 2021 (UTC)
UnSignpost Home Delivery for May 1st, 2021[edit source]
"Vandalism, eh? Fuck off already," they said, whilst throwing bags of feces at our new dumpyard.
Vote for Sandwiches: Triple Resignation, Quintuple the Drama
By Cassie
Following the resignation of two of our longtimemost bureaucrats, EMC and Zombiebaron, in addition to the resignation of admin CandidToaster, a new wave rejuvenated much of the now-ancient television show Vote for Sandwiches. MrX and Hipponias quickly climbed the ranks; Shabidoo received the same treatment, but ultimately withdrew. Zana Dark and JJPMaster were both nominated for a new category, interface operator, instead of the traditional sandwich role granted.
Uncyclopedia's Technologies are Finally Modernized
By Cassie
it has been a long time in the making, but Uncyclopedia's editing technologies have finally been optimized for the new decade. An introduction of a new extended-confirmed protection level has enabled famous articles, such as AAAAAAAAA!, to see the light of commoners' editing again. Utilities such as Huggle, RedWarn, CurateThisPage, autoarchiving, and a lot more has been implemented thanks to JJPMaster. Many gnomes have been working on this; as such, please treat their work with respect!
Biopic
This edition's biopic is about the joy of templating. Templating is a fine art which can be practiced on Uncyclopedia, its parody Wikipedia, and so many other places. It can furthermore be expanded to "module coding", which produces the same stuff albeit in a much more efficient and dynamic way. Come try templating now!
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week COVID-19 (6/1)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News Following 1.5+ years of hiatus, Cassie has taken the lead, in a unilateral albeit undramatic manner, and has designated themselves as the lead editor of the UnSignpost.
Chat Quote
Supergeeky1: 
Boner.
It's beginning to look a lot like…[edit source]
Up for grabs is the coveted Clark Griswold Award for Holiday Cheer. Who will be crowned Holiday Victor?
Seasons Greetings!
It's that special time of year. A wonderful time for friends and family to rejoice in gaiety. Not you! You usually spend all of your hard-earned money on gifts for them, and now you just want to hibernate until your finances recuperate. Well, here at Uncyclopedia, entering our newest competition won't cost you a penny — Sign Up Today! (pretty please) – 
(ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 13:24, 13 December 2021