User talk:David Gerard/archive 1

Testament

It is from BJAODN, I don't know who originally came up with it. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:This_Bad_Jokes_and_Other_Deleted_Nonsense-related_article_is_a_stub._You_can_help_Wikipedia_by_expanding_it.

The new KITTENHOEFFER magazine stand article rocks. --Uvula Donor 12:42, 11 Apr 2005 (EDT)

Thank you :-D Great art comes from great pain. Should I add the talk page para to the article? I would if I could see a way that would flow well. - David Gerard 12:46, 11 Apr 2005 (EDT)

The Night After Christmas

Does this have any potential? Feedback/fixes much appreciated. -- T. (talk) 10:46, 22 Dec 2005 (UTC)

Thanks for the vote, David. :) Cheers. -- T. (talk) 18:25, 24 Dec 2005 (UTC)

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

Hi David. I'm here to beg for some of your creativity. As you've voted for a few of my pieces, you probably have a good idea of my style, even when it isn't well executed.  :) You're a great writer and editor, and I don't recall anyone else with the ability to do concept to front page is less time. If there is anything you can do for this limping animal of mine—from minor touches to major structural changes touches—I'd appeciate it. I got a sympathy vote from Cap'n Ben, but assuming that this thing gets on the front page, it should actually be good, not just 'OK'. Thanks. -- T. (talk) 19:48, 20 Dec 2005 (UTC)

Your plea touches me to the very bottom of my spleen. I'll have a look. Of course, high off our remarkable success with Niggers. I'm currently trying to work out a good article to put at O RLY? - David Gerard 22:54, 20 Dec 2005 (UTC)

Much obliged.  :) -- T. (talk) 00:54, 22 Dec 2005 (UTC)

Hey Thanks

Thanks for voting for Fecal E.Coli and Proctology! -- T. (talk) 01:01, 7 Nov 2005 (UTC)

Thank you kind suh

For your VFH vote for iPod yocto. --Savethemooses 00:12, 7 Nov 2005 (UTC)

A little parody never hurt anyone, did it?

Hey, I'm here five minutes, and already I'm being called a troll and you're reverting my link to User:Snowsplutter? What's wrong with a little parody anyway? I mean, who would take it so seriously? It's not like it's in any way a factual statement, right? Snowsplutter 19:56, 19 Apr 2005 (EDT)

Terri Schiavo

Four lines isn't a sonnet, it's a quatrain. :-) Mindspillage 20:44, 30 Jun 2005 (UTC)

IT'S A GODDAMNED TWENTY VOLUME NOVEL. THIS IS AN UNCYCLOPEDIA!!! - David Gerard 02:17, 1 Jul 2005 (UTC)

Your opinion please

On Stamfordshire. Morwen 16:34, 3 Oct 2005 (UTC)

Starts a bit too slow, gets really good by the tea leaves bit. Needs more on the Mercian Liberation Front - David Gerard 14:53, 4 Oct 2005 (UTC)

Worked a bit on the earlier part. And added politics/demographics and sports sections - I can't believe I forgot about Liberation Front... Morwen 19:28, 4 Oct 2005 (UTC)

I changed motor car to something more suitable. Also, I've just created Uncyclopedia:Pee Review - David Gerard 19:52, 4 Oct 2005 (UTC)

Ta. However, I think I shall see if I can beat your record rather than go via that. ;) Morwen 19:57, 4 Oct 2005 (UTC)

I shall do what I can ;-) I've added the "Goth clubs" section, which describes several people I actually know, though none of those are actually in Lincs - David Gerard 20:09, 4 Oct 2005 (UTC)

Impersonator

Someone at WP has the same name as you. Mr. Television 22:22, 10 Oct 2005 (UTC)

It's this guy, right? He is such an utter bastard - David Gerard 16:28, 11 Oct 2005 (UTC)

I know, and a fag, to boot. But be nice to him, because he'll do sock checks if you blow him. Mr. Television 03:03, 13 Oct 2005 (UTC)

He's a fag? THAT'S DISGUSTING. I'll bet his LiveJournal is full of how much he likes the cock. - David Gerard 12:00, 13 Oct 2005 (UTC)

Random Instanity

Careful you seriously broke Random Insanity when you went on the rampage.-The Right Honourable Maj Sir Elvis UmP KUN FIC MDA VFH Bur. CM and bars UGM F@H (Petition) 09:49, 21 Oct 2005 (UTC)

Well, bugger. Sorry about that. Where to start on cleanup? - David Gerard 13:25, 21 Oct 2005 (UTC)

Fixed now no worries --The Right Honourable Maj Sir Elvis UmP KUN FIC MDA VFH Bur. CM and bars UGM F@H (Petition) 16:04, 21 Oct 2005 (UTC)

Niggers Logo

I don't wanna seem like an ingrate DG, but ummm, the Logo you made is...how to put this delicately, sucktacular. Maybe I've just been spoiled by the works of little brudda RadicalX I was looking for something more like a Cleveland Indians logo.--[[User:Slackerboy|slack CUN]] 05:39, 10 Nov 2005 (UTC) PS, why is my sig not working?

Hey, feel free to do better :-) The idea was to make it look like a stylised version of the (ahem) Original Rufus pic below. There's something about the use of the brown smiley face that's obnoxious in itself too - David Gerard 07:38, 10 Nov 2005 (UTC)

Yo, DG. I fixed your logo. I re-uploaded it to the same file name, so refresh the browser, and see the beauty..heheh --Strong RadX 01:31, 11 Nov 2005 (UTC)

Would you like to have the font that I used for that? You can download it for free. That way, you can slap it on your big version of Rufus for mug making purposes. [[1]] is where you can find it. It's called "Team Spirit". The ) symbol is the ending curl that loops it back into the big curl along the bottom. I rotated the text on a -8 degree angle for what I did, so you can perfectly replicate what I did that way. --Strong RadX 16:37, 11 Nov 2005 (UTC)

It's great now, exactly how I pictured it to be! nice collaboration guys...next featured article AND VFP image????--slack 14:39, 12 Nov 2005 (UTC)

David Gerard

You might want to undelete this, I personaly thinks it's quite amusing (just wished someone did a Sir Elvis, but then I'm an egomanic)--The Right Honourable Maj Sir Elvis UmP KUN FIC MDA VFH Bur. CM and bars UGM F@H (Petition) 20:57, 8 Dec 2005 (UTC)

Put a copy of it here for you.....User:David_Gerard/David_Gerard -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

I'M A STAR! I'm sure I'll get my own Wikipedia article soon too! - David Gerard 14:27, 10 Dec 2005 (UTC)

Heh. And I now know who it was. I'll help him write a better one next time ;-) - David Gerard 14:29, 10 Dec 2005 (UTC)

Tried to link it but it got wiped out

I tried to link the President and his super spy powers news article to the Mahatten District article but user:Isra1337 had a hissy fit and removed the link. If you can think of a way to link the super spy powers into the Manhattan thingy, I say go ahead. I'd do it but I'm not up for another cat fight today - one's enough. Prettiestpretty 00:42, 21 Dec 2005 (UTC)

I asked him on irc and he says he's got a big plan for the whole series - David Gerard 20:00, 24 Dec 2005 (UTC)

pee review

Hey your pee review is getting huge and unusable. can i delete half the entries and just leave them as a list at the bottem.Also i want 2 add a discussion link like that on the VFP Also i recon this page should be more of a comments focused thing, otherwise it should be a Imperial Colonization nomination really. thoughts? --Da, Y?YY?YYY?:-:CUN³ NotM BLK |_LG⁸+::: 11:26, 8 Jan 2006 (UTC)

I do look through stuff that's listed there, even if I don't comment. Probably anything more than a couple of months old could be taken off - David Gerard 11:28, 8 Jan 2006 (UTC)

Thanks & Question

Thanks for your kind words on Babe Vigoda (image). Also, is Rocky Mountain Oysters out of the running now for VFH, or is it just lying there? I was really hoping it would make it. Hugs, Prettiestpretty 19:27, 14 Jan 2006 (UTC)

Great Circle Line

You are from Old London Town. make this funnier.  ;) Morwen 21:42, 26 January 2006 (UTC)

Thanks!

Thank you for the nomination of Most Awesome Page Ever, more than 2 months ago. --Xiao Li 09:45, 3 February 2006 (UTC)

Add "zh-hant.uncyclopedia.org", not moving "zh:" to "babel:zh/", pls!

Add "zh-hant.uncyclopedia.org", not moving "zh:" to "babel:zh/", pls!

You might have the wrong guy - David Gerard 19:15, 3 February 2006 (UTC)

Brokeback quote

Where did you get that quote you put on the Brokeback Mountain article concerning Ang Lee and the bet? --ToastyCylon 19:33, 6 February 2006 (UTC)

Fuck knows, but it's not original - David Gerard 20:03, 6 February 2006 (UTC)

Thank you so much!

I really appreciate your vote for Baby Fu. I'm finally starting to feel like I might be "funny," and that's a really cool feeling. Having someone important notice my work makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And not because of the Dragon Dung.<<>>17:10, 7 February 2006 (UTC)

Entitilitis Kills!

I liked your Camera phone article, do you watch Mr. Show with Bob and David?--Claudius Prime 16:03, 8 February 2006 (UTC)

Thank'ee!

I could spend my life in this place. But writing funny in co-operation with others is no laughing matter! --Skyring 10:12, 9 February 2006 (UTC)

Report of your violation of the 3RR on Maharishi Mahesh Yogi

You had been reported for violating WP:3RR on this article, but given your last edit, I declined to impose a block as you seem willing to compromise on this statement. I suggest that next time you see yourself reverting several times in a row to immediately stop and engage in discussion on the talk page of the either the article or the other party. Regards --SlimVirgin 16:51, 10 February 2006 (UTC)

In Soviet Uncyclopedia, the fuck shoots you up - David Gerard 14:17, 11 February 2006 (UTC)

Thanks for the nom.

Thanks for the nom on Don't Be Stupid, it's nice to get recognized every once in awhile, heh. And it especially means alot coming from a respected writer such as yourself. So uhh... Thanks again.   t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 01:31, 12 February 2006 (UTC)

Admin eh?

I would like to mention that I admin another much smaller mediawiki installation in the nether reaches of the ubuntu universe. Convert to linux, write docs for us, and you might get admin......http://doc.gwos.org Bonzodog 01:45, 16 February 2006 (UTC)

Deeg, thank you for your support of my WOTM campaign, voters like you make the honor more meaningful!--Sir Slackerboya CUN VFH (talk) 01:18, 24 February 2006 (UTC)

Yeah, you still rock

Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

Not only a vote, but also a positive contribution!  :)

Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

Wow, and a nomination, too... wait. You aren't going to ask me to do any "favors," are you? There's no way just can just BE this nice...--<<>> 03:28, 5 March 2006 (UTC)

I've spent the last twenty years being an editor for volunteer writers in one capacity or other. Encouraging people who don't write complete shit is actually everything I am all about - David Gerard 15:07, 5 March 2006 (UTC)

Too much attention?

David! I wanted to thank you for all the positive feedback lately. I'll admit, it was getting a little embarrassing having no WotM votes, though not entirely unexpected. After all, I do suck... Still, do you think I should just keep mosting poor posting more articles, or "space them out" a bit? Am I overdoing it? Does anyone care? And will "Nobody Cares" eventually beat out Oscar Wilde and Kitten Huffing as the most-linked-to articles on the whole site? Seems like it.  c • > • cunwapquc? 02:46, 6 March 2006 (UTC)

Ehh, just keep posting stuff that doesn't suck at whatever rate you finish it. I sure do - David Gerard 02:49, 6 March 2006 (UTC)

Old Lady Next Door

Just sending you big old thanks for voting for the Old Lady Who Lives Next Door. I don't think she'll make it to the front page, I appreciate your vote. Hugs, Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 13:49, 6 March 2006 (UTC)

Kind Sir

You helped out my WWJJD? entry...evidently I had those pictures clashing like titans in there. I wanted to: A. Thank you and B. Say that I may have effed it all up again when I added to it (I destroyed your little picture linker to space out the pics - was this wrong? stupid?) I must confess to having not much of a clue what I'm doing here, just having wandered in to use a bathroom and finding that I rather liked the satirical atmosphere and those funny people over there. Anyway, I don't expect you to fix my mistakes again, I just didn't want you to hear that I undid your good work from somebody else. --Imrealized 11:30, 14 March 2006 (UTC)

Hey, I also just wanted to thank you for the nom. I don't know what will become of that and to be honest I thinks I'd rather my work be appreciated by a few than loved by many anyway, but we'll see. Also, I know you've got your own thing goin' on but I'm not sure what's going on. This "Lir" or "Guest" or someone evidently slapped a template on my user page and it looks like Some User had a little verbal repartee with Sir Sycho or whatever his name is. I did some minor investigating and guess what I find...somebody named "Someone's User" (I'm guessing a slam at Some user?) has taken an entire paragraph from my user page and placed it as their own. I know everything on here is free range or whatever, but that is going a bit far, don't you think? I'm coming to you with this because I really respect the level of your work along with only a handful of others and I'm just wondering- is all this amazingly junior high school shit typical around here? Because it seems that Some user is pissed off enough that he's going on article strike and I really don't want to be the cause of any shit for him. Sorry this is all so fucking unfunny, man but should I just turn around and leave from whence I came? What are your thoughts? --Imrealized 09:07, 19 March 2006 (UTC)

Some user going on article strike would be a major problem. I'll see what I can do to turn him around. Please do stick around - David Gerard 14:44, 19 March 2006 (UTC)

Right on, thanks brother. I just didn't want to create problems for him, or you, or anyone for that matter. Thanks. --Imrealized 15:27, 19 March 2006 (UTC)

Cookie

Sikon has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

For "anglicizing" Wilde's speech :). - Sikon 18:39, 19 March 2006 (UTC)

Many Thanks (Again)

Hey... thanks for touching up Hide and Go Jesus for me... yes, that was exactly what I was thinking (I'm still a bit inept at all this, I suppose). Anyway, I appreciate your help (if there's something I can do around here to return the favour, just let me know, man). --Imrealized 08:25, 22 March 2006 (UTC)

And another thanks for another nom...I guess I missed the template before my first comment... I actually, for a perfectionist, was impressed with myself on those images; its been too long since I've worked with Adobe-like software so I'm getting my bearings I guess. I'm glad you appreciated it. --Imrealized 08:51, 22 March 2006 (UTC)

UnNews

Hey feel free to add some funny to UnNews:Obituaries it could use some content from a different POV! Please and thank you.  – Mahroww a.k.a. Artemis Toro Heiney  21:59, 23 March 2006 (UTC)

April 22 reskin

I've made a reskin for us to use on National Try To Assassinate The President Day. Can this be used?

National Try To Assassinate The President Day/MPMock

Nonymous 16:09, 26 March 2006 (UTC)

• 1. You misspelled "assassinate". 2. It's US-centric. - Sikon 16:40, 26 March 2006 (UTC)

Magical Bears

Mr. Gerard - we share a similar first name and a taste in bear-based comedy. Thank you for your vote on bear:

The Magical Eight-Days Gestating Bear Award The Magical Eight-Days Gestating Bear wishes to thank you for voting "si" on bear in VFH. Hooray for you! Hooray for magical bears!

Away! — 2nd lt. sir wild weasel kun vfh fp ^{sex & violence!} 22:35, 27 March 2006 (UTC)

Cobain

Lovely.

I was bored and saw you wanted a Kurt Cobain image on IRC, so I made one. I need to find better things to do with my time... --Spang 01:01, 1 April 2006 (UTC)

See? I told you he was still alive. There's the proof.

Template:Copyedit

As much as I don't think we need another maintenance tag, I should inform you that if you are serious about keeping this around you should:

1. List it on Uncyclopedia:Maintenance tags.
2. List it on Uncyclopedia:Deletion Policy.
3. Give it it's own category (not Category:Ugly, that is taken by Template:Ugly).
4. Make it slightly more palatable to the eyes.

Consider, however, that it might be more effective to use another tag, such as {{Cleanup}}. ---Rev. Isra (talk) 06:44, 6 April 2006 (UTC)

Hey, bastard!

Just wanted an excuse to call you a bastard...that and probably point out the fact that your ancestors (Frenchish perchance?!?!) changed the true spelling of your last name.

Thought you might enjoy this:

If you actually want a souvenir bottle let me know.  – Mahroww a.k.a. Artemis Toro Heiney  05:18, 8 April 2006 (UTC)

C'mon, Mahroww, you can do better than that! You haven't even manipulated the image, and where's the neat-o award template to go with it? I'm thinking something like this:

Whaddya think? (Mind you, this is just a proposal.)  c • > • cunwapquc? 04:36, 15 April 2006 (UTC)

Are you perchance talking about someone who managed to get kicked off Wikipedia Review after getting kicked off Wikipedia? - David Gerard 11:35, 16 April 2006 (UTC)

Wrong again, Big D! If you're referring to me, I've never posted anything whatsoever to Wikipedia or Wikipedia Review. However, I did notice that someone had registered "Some user" as an account on Wikipedia on Feb. 2, which got indefinitely blocked after about 5 minutes and no "contributions," or rather none that are still extant. And I do know what Wikipedia Review is now, at least... As for the latter, they seem to be all talk and no action. At least it gave me the chain of events, though, and (by extension) the perps... So I don't blame you quite as much as I did before, and I still don't think you would have been f-headed enough to participate in the actual attacks. (I can forgive incompetence, but not malice, understand?) What's more, I just bought the latest Church album, so you'll be glad to know that at least this experience hasn't caused me to totally give up on the Aussie music scene.  c • > • cunwapquc? 13:32, 16 April 2006 (UTC)

I really haven't the foggiest idea what you're talking about, but keeping all this going just seems like Trolling. Can we, and by "we" I mean "you", just let this go, before "they" decide to provide you with time to contemplate your navel elsewhere. Why can't we all just get along? Etc..... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Ooh mummy, mummy! Look! a pair of socks talking to each other! ;-P --82.45.240.187 09:22, 17 April 2006 (UTC)

Whoever wrote this site put my name all over it. Now I just need to work out where I've seen that writing style before - David Gerard 16:01, 17 April 2006 (UTC)

It can't be me, Dave, because I always place periods and commas correctly within quotation marks, not outside of them. Hmm, let's see, who around here does that? And also has a wry, sarcastic sense of humor, enjoys being mischievous, likes to back-handedly insult people in the best British tradition, knows how to use "admin powers," and has never really identified himself to anyone... Tough call! I just know that nobody who's posted to this thread could possibly be the guilty party... OOPS, wait, I guess there is someone after all! Oh well - good luck hunting him down... and killing him!

By the way, the "troll" tag just doesn't seem to do it for me. Maybe I'm getting too old, but to me a "troll" is a cute little plastic toy with a pot-belly and funny hair. I actually collect them, in fact! (I've got several on top of the CD cabinet, right in front of me.) I understand the need to de-humanize, though, so maybe you could try calling me a "soulless monster" or something? But still, I've removed the offending text above - I really am sorry about that. One more thing, though: If Mahroww and I are the same person, can I combine all his VFP awards with all of my VFH awards, so that I'd maybe qualify for some sort of "Lifetime Achievement" thingie? I mean, why waste a perfectly good reputation, after all?  c • > • cunwapquc? 01:05, 18 April 2006 (UTC)

Wikidryl???

There...Mr. Sommie. One upped you!
Hey dave, I was serious if you want a bottle. Just let me know.  – Mahroww a.k.a. Sir Tito Ree Mahoney  21:08, 19 April 2006 (UTC)

KHAAAAAAAANNNNNN!

No, this is more like the first "new generation" movie.

Seriously, though, I think it's time we left ol' Dave alone. He's had a tough week, what with all the EoW's seemingly coming out of the woodwork all of a sudden. (Almost as if somebody was coordinating it somehow. Yikes!) If anything, we should be helping Dave - witch-hunting must be hard work, and I imagine it makes him rather grumpy by the end of the day. If he were to start taking out his frustrations on other red divas, or divas of completely different colors, that would be pointlessly tragic. (For them, anyway.) So here's what I think - I've taken the time, studied the writing styles, the posting patterns, the attitude markers, everthing - and I'm convinced now that the person behind WikiTruth.info could only be... Nerd42!

Anyway, good luck, Dave. I think you're gonna need it!  c • > • cunwapquc? 02:32, 20 April 2006 (UTC)

• Mass EoW’s, witch hunting, hard work, red divas, divas of other colors, speculation, theories, conjectures, rumors, gossip, made up crap with no supporting facts? …what are you thinking man!? THIS IS NOT THE PLACE FOR SARCASM!!!

oh fuck...nevermind.  – Mahroww a.k.a. Sir Tito Ree Mahoney  05:59, 20 April 2006 (UTC)

Help needed on That's My Dick

People on IRC are being quite poor at suggestions for this - any ideas? Morwen 22:23, 15 June 2006 (UTC)

Church of Scatology

Okay, so there I was, happily typing away at this article that I'm writing (I'll link to it in a second, hold on), and casualy glancing into IRC at the same time. Then I see Mhaille link to my article! I ask what he thinks of it, and he mentions that "it is shit", and that I should get you involved with writing it, because you would "love this". So, I figure, "Sure I'll show DG a link to it, and maybe he'll come up with some material for it." So, the article is called Church of Scatology. It is still in my name space, so that IPs can't screw with it, but feel free to edit it as much as you want. I apologize in advance for any edit conflicts I might cause. Thanks in advance. --The Zombiebaron 01:23, 25 June 2006 (UTC)

Success!

In case you haven't heard already, the article Command Line got featured...thanks for the work you did with formatting. I just made (another) custom Featured Page box because,

• A) There needs to be a command to launch the box (cat Template.txt)
• B) It didn't l@@k commandline-ish with the original one.

Thanks! -- SonicChao ^Babbel!_Contribs 11:14, 17 July 2006 (UTC)

Help

The article on NUS High has been huffed and deleted way too many times, even when it had been protected. It disapeared recently (yes disappeared, not just blanked) and someone (who I know but I can't find his account on uncyclopedia) claims to be responsible, and is trying to sell me the backup copy. I think last time this happened Blackr wrote to Codein and he reffered to you but this time it seems that Codein did it, the message is still there. Kindly restore it. --User:xuanji 08:49, 19 July 2006 (UTC)

My apologies

I have been compelled to remove the Cobain image from Z, with agreeance from Rc. I really appreciate the contribution and especialy the VFH, and I hope you aren't insulted, but the whole Cobain/Kitten element doesn't really fit. I hope you understand, and don't be afraid to further contribute to the article. As long as you don't mention kittens. -- » Sir Savethemooses Grand Commanding Officer ... holla atcha boy» 03:15, 9 July 2006 (UTC)

THAT WAS MINUTES OF WORK YOU EVIL BASTARD I WILL GET YOU ARBCOMMED *sob* oh well :-) It does need a pic though - David Gerard 09:42, 9 July 2006 (UTC)

VFP

All I can say is, "oops". Sorry Modusoperandi 22:01, 9 July 2006 (UTC)

Go Ahead and Huff!

Hi, please feel free to huff this article; sometimes I head down a path that seems funny, but isn't. All part of finding out what works & what doesn't. Appreciate you leaving it around in case I wanted to work on it though. Thx--Shandon 22:53, 13 July 2006 (UTC)

Dammit, now I'm going to spend the day working out things to do with the idea ... - David Gerard 06:35, 14 July 2006 (UTC)

Meh, it was an afterthought to my UnBooks:The Three Weird Sisters are Alive and Well in Washington, DC. Perhaps they do something that gets worldwide (or at least national) attention. Win a Questions bee? Actually succeed in turning someone in? They were a fairly trivial and inept pair. Much hilarity should follow...except they are generally at the whim of someone else. So who in the world could use a couple of fops?--Shandon 07:12, 14 July 2006 (UTC)

No longer "emotionally damaged", sad to say...

...now you're just pissed, okay? (Click it... I won't bite! God, i'm so fucking embarrassed about flaming up that page in the first place...and writing something really, really long to make up for it...) Also, just wondering... do you in fact take credit for most of the Gay Pride article? Either way, I apologize for insulting it like that. I assumed it was the work of many. I guess I felt like I was battling a wave of mindless support for the article from all sides, so not one would think I was attacking them precisely, and that was really close-minded of me... shit...sorry... --Lenoxus 19:41, 14 July 2006 (UTC)

Looks like we crossed in the mail, Dave. Still wondering about it all, though... looks like everything's cool.--Lenoxus 19:47, 14 July 2006 (UTC)

No worries :-) - David Gerard 15:07, 15 July 2006 (UTC)

Sally McKnight

What the hell is wrong with it?

Oh, and Sailor Mercury too? What do you have against me? BTW, Forest Fire Week ended at midnight on the 16th according to the thing on your front page.

I kept going as long as it was on the front page (presuming that meant it was the 15th somewhere). I've restored them to subpages of User:RySenkari for you: User:RySenkari/Sailor Mercury, User:RySenkari/Sally McKnight. (Anyone else whose stuff I forest-fired, I'll happily do the same for.) - David Gerard 09:09, 16 July 2006 (UTC)

Nihilists article

Hi, I'm new and I wrote the "Nihilists" article. I was wondering if you could email it to me, as I foolishly forgot to save it before it got huffed. I thought it was fairly well written and funny. But it's probably gone for good eh?

--Replambe 02:11, 17 July 2006 (UTC)

Actually, looking at it I'm wondering why I deleted it. I think I was punchdrunk from overexposure to stupid. I've restored it happily into place. SAVED! - David Gerard 08:33, 17 July 2006 (UTC)

Umm, hey...

Warning: A request for help is hidden discreetly in this message.

I NEED HELP! Not that it's your problem, right? But when I first started here I know you fixed up a couple of my articles — thanks again for that, by the way, and also for the noms, votes and defense of classic poetry — and now I've got nowhere else to turn. Help me, David Gerard... you're my only hope. Well, I guess not really and all this is a bit much. And I know you're a busy guy what with deleting a mass of crap from our wiki and calming down the storming hordes and writing featured articles and such, so you can kindly (or not so kindly) tell me to "fuck off". Ready?

I sporked from the eBay article to create a parody of Match.com for my user page (sort of another inside, inside joke, but maybe not), but when I deleted stuff I didn't need from the templates I got this crazy formatting. All I want is for the part that says "Imre Al-Ized... Online Now" and what is below it to be flush, but not touching, the right of that first picture. And the other thing is, I think that maybe the whole template has no end to it so when I try to write like, an actual article kinda thing underneath it, the formatting is going crazy. But that template that says "retchWorks", I want that to be able to continue to extend down as I add articles to it and have it not interfere with the thing I write. It's just those few things, which I probably failed to explain properly. Sorry for that. If this is something that's fairly easy for someone who knows what they're doing (ie. You), I'd appreciate the help. Though "Fuck off" is still a viable option. -- Imrealized 21:14, 18 July 2006 (UTC)

Psst...

/me points over there in a vague sort of a way -- sannse (talk) 17:50, 4 September 2006 (UTC)

Ooooooooooooo. I had actually forgotten about that - 06:52, 5 September 2006 (UTC)

Self-hating Jew

Your edit "longer intro" didn't make the intro any longer at all; you just truncated the article in the middle of a sentence. I'm guessing this was an accident. Are you using Windows, Firefox, and an old version of the Google Toolbar for Firefox? --  !!! ??? 21:48, 4 September 2006 (UTC)

Uh, no I'm not, I'm just lame. I was actually taking out the "usage" header, or trying to ... sorry about that - David Gerard 06:52, 5 September 2006 (UTC)

Liquid

"The tequilla joke" was actually from a mad lib, but I was wondering if you remember what it was, if it was funny enough to make you laugh out loud, it might be worth changing it permanantly! Aaadddaaammm 10:22, 5 September 2006 (UTC)

Category:Tasteless

I need your help, man. I believe you're the only one that could exploit the full potential of an idea I came across while chatting with a bunch of furries and a couple non-furries in #wikifur. You have such a reputation for exploiting such ideas to the fullest that I hope you will hit me up on IRC sometime to chat about it.

If you don't recall, I use the nick 'wolf' now. Thanks! » Brig Sir Dawg | t | v | c » 13:31, 5 September 2006 (UTC)

ref: your comment for American Fundie Magazine on VFH

I wrote AFM as I felt it would be writ, if they weren't worried about the rest of us reading it. Preaching to the choir, as it were. This meant that for the most part, they wouldn't have to couch their speech in platitudes and semantics, as is required for their TV/media appearances. More of the Phelps school instead of the "God loves all mankind" stuff that's on Sunday morning TV, in other words. I could give you some surprising and grotesque examples of what they say when they speak their minds, but after I finished writing the page I purged all of the links from my computer (by the time I was done research for the page I'd dug up enough frightening shit that I didn't want it on my computer anymore).

As such, the delivery is deliberately blunt. I tried to choose words that elicit the greatest emotional response, much as the Westboro Baptist Church does with its signs. There are exceptions however, I put the bit about God hating shrimp simply because it cracks me up and it shows that even fundamentalists skip over some of the rules (I was hoping to find a pic of a literalist with a shrimp cocktail, but even the magic of Google failed me in my quest).

If you want subtle, my stuff is not the right place to turn. Solid Gold, my most recent attempt at satire, is still pretty brusque. In my opinion it's better than AFM. It's funnier too (I LOL'd a couple of times, but I'm biased), which is tough to pull off, considering the target.

Thanks for the compliment on the pic. I made the pic first and, thanks to a nasty case of insomnia, was promptly inspired with a page to flesh out the pic. Sorry if I rambled, I just had to add my two cents.--Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 10:17, 9 September 2006 (UTC)

Fair enough, and I expect your brain was utterly fried after reading that stuff. I know mine was after researching Kevin J. Anderson, and I still have to rewrite the excerpt to convey more horror - David Gerard 16:32, 9 September 2006 (UTC)

I understand. The Dune prequels went on and on. Still didn't mind them, though (my main annoyance was the "Hey! They put this bit in here simply to reference one of the original Frank Herbert Dunes...").

I think that I might be a geek.--Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 20:47, 9 September 2006 (UTC)

• I put the pic on VFP, apparently it's not "VFP-worthy". Or if it is, it's only vaguely so. Sigh. Some people like it, anyway.--Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 01:19, 13 September 2006 (UTC)

Suburban homeboy

In honour of your good taste and breeding for selecting a deep, socially conscious and literate satire as Suburban homeboy for featuring, I tip my cap to you. Hurrah!--Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 06:14, 19 September 2006 (UTC)

Mangled Sig

Do you have any idea why this happened? I'm guessing it was a glitch, vice vandalism ǚρωξλ£μĦΦφ≈€ƏξßÐÆØΞ's sig went all wonky (well, wonkier) when you edited. --Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 14:21, 29 September 2006 (UTC)

Message from begginer

Master, can you help me to know what should we do to make stupid article??? I still can't do that, i'm sorry for my stupidness!!!

Hitler Manning

Hi, I put your Hitler Manning on the Bernard Manning Page. Hope that's OK. Rub El Hizb 17:52, 27 June 2007 (UTC)

Email me...

webmaster@wikiality.com

Well hey . . .

Thank ye kindly for the nomination for Hays Code, and I'm glad to see it's doing well. If you need a back scratched, let me know.--Procopius 14:35, 9 October 2006 (UTC)

Thanks for the feedback on the security guard news story. Cheers,--Jives 01:21, 20 December 2006 (UTC)

Reiser is brilliant

And since you (alone) wanted it saved, here's Dysfunctional Families for you to work your magic on. I agree it has promise - I just don't see anyone actually fixing it in the near future. So it's been moved to you, for incubation/termination, as the self-assigned caretaker of this poor article. Good luck. Sir Famine, Gun ♣ Petition » 17:46, 15 October 2006 (UTC)

Is this called "be careful what you wish for"? - David Gerard 16:48, 22 October 2006 (UTC)

Good job on the Hans Reiser story. I am sorry that Kuro5hin does not like it, like we do here. I think you are very funny and you got a good talent. Don't let the Kurotrolls get to you like they got to me. They anonymized me over my humor in 2004. Like IWETHEY and other Internet forums and web sites, they just are way too serious to get humor like yours and mine. --Lt. Orion Blastar (talk) 04:23, 16 October 2006 (UTC)

LesbOs

Don't know why, but I thought of you. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Thanks Sport!

Thanks for the spelling fixes and what not to Henchmen! My lazyness is only outdone by my lack of creativity. --Anyone 21:50, 6 November 2006 (UTC)

Thanks for all the help

Thanks for all the help cleaning up Total Fucking Asshole Server. It's really a much better article now than it was when it got nommed, cleaner, more focused. I'd really like to see it featured. Thanks. --Sir ENeGMA (talk) GUN WotM PLS 02:31, 14 November 2006 (UTC)

It's really the ultimate Microsoft product. A brilliant idea - David Gerard 22:23, 15 November 2006 (UTC)

NCSSM article huffed!!

Could you please un-huff the article on NCSSM?

I burnt it because it's (a) vanity that (b) names real victims and (c) isn't actually funny. But you gotta email I can send the text to, if you have no username? - David Gerard 08:34, 27 November 2006 (UTC)

Hey David

Would you be interested in judging for the next PLS? If so, I'd be interested in having you judge. Let me know on my userpage either yes or no (as I'm prone to forget important things I've done, like asking people to judge for me).--<<>> 18:45, 3 December 2006 (UTC)

VFH

Braydie has awarded you some ice cream! For voting for HowTo:Make a Band

--—Braydie 16:53, 5 December 2006 (UTC)

Mark Kermode VFH

Hi again, thanks for all the help on the Mark Kermode article btw. Anyway I was just wondering how come it has a VFH template when it hasn't actually been nominated...anywayz thanx and ta ra :-) --TheReal 22:24, 10 December 2006 (UTC)

I nominated it, but it appears to have failed in the nominations. Bah! - David Gerard 23:04, 10 December 2006 (UTC)

Hope you don't mind

UnNews:Kitten Huffing bishop facing calls to quit I needed an {in}famouse wikipedian and uncyclopedian and you where the first I thought of, I did however effectively enthroned (I understand that is the correct term) as the Archbishop of Wildebury so it's not all bad!--The Right Honourable Maj Sir Elvis UmP KUN FIC MDA VFH Bur. CM and bars UGM F@H (Petition) 00:44, 14 December 2006 (UTC)

Running with it now! - David Gerard 02:13, 14 December 2006 (UTC)

Forum

Are mere mortals allowed to create new forums? - Nonymous 02:33, 14 December 2006 (UTC)

New top-level ones? Dunno. Probably technically, but it would probably not be a great idea unless there's a clear need. Float the idea on the DUMP and those who know their forum-fu (i.e. not me) will be able to advise better - David Gerard 02:35, 14 December 2006 (UTC)

Xmas

Premier Tom Mayfair does not share in your pagan ways. Nor does he celebrate capitalist retail. He hopes that you convert to Communism before it's too late. Do the right thing. Пролетарии всех стран, соединяйтесь!

|

22:12, 14 December 2006 (UTC)

Bradaphraser was throwing away last year's Christmas cards, and realised they had purposefully forgotten about you. This user is completely thoughtless, doesn't care about Multi-culturalism, and therefore DEMANDS you have yourself a Merry little Christmas... NOW! Failure to comply with result in disciplinary action up to and including excommunication from the Capitalist Church

May you focus on your successes and forget your failures here at the end of the year. Never forget how we all improve one another's lives. Season's Greetings.--<<>> 17:35, 17 December 2006 (UTC)

Nothing says [[Insert religious or pagan holiday of your choice]] like getting drunk with a moose. So this year, why not savour a treasured Canadian tradition with a bottle of hooch, horns, hooves, and hypothermia? The drinks are on me. ~ Todd

--Sir Todd GUN WotM MI UotM NotM MDA VFH AotM Bur. AlBur. CM NS PC (talk) 15:34, 18 December 2006 (UTC)

zim_ulator wishes you a Merry Kaizum Me! the first holiday officially sanctioned by the church of zimizm (cOz)!

Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 19:55, 19 December 2006 (UTC)

PLS !!!

Your judge packet, sir.  :)--<<>> 22:01, 17 December 2006 (UTC)

Template:Title

I made a title hack that is certainly a lot more MediaWiki-friendly than the current CSS-based monstrosity. It grabs the new title from a span with and id of titleOverride. Have a look. - Nonymous 15:30, 20 December 2006 (UTC)

Merry Christmas

Santa Claus has given you a Jumper for Christmas.. This was hand-knitted by Mrs. Claus herself. If you wish to complain about your Christmas present, do it here. Merry Christmas! From Santa Claus.

If you are another child that thinks they need a present, leave a message here (Santa never forgets, but he is getting on a bit.) Ho Ho Ho from Santa Claus 15:10, 23 December 2006 (UTC)

Quidquid Latine dictum sit altum viditur

Ad perpetuam memoriam de Sol Invictus

Composure1, writer of UnNews and humble servant of Uncyclopedia, sends personal greetings to you [insert username here], on this festival for our glorious god Sol Invictus. While many heathen have long abandoned our undefeated sun god, especially since Emperor Theodosius I banned the holiday in the year 390, I know that you are a true believer like me. So I hope you are celebrating with all the necessary debauchery and sacrifices, and I wish you the very best. Orta recens quam pura nites Sol Invictus! --Composure1 19:06, 24 December 2006 (UTC)

Help!

Hya, I saw that you're active so if you don't mind... I just moved user:mordillo/GPS(ego boost) to My Journeys with the GPS. Unfortunatly somewhere along the way I must have pressed enter and created another page by mistake, and a double redirect etc....could you help me correct it, cancel the wrong spelled one and move the content into My Journeys with the GPS? Thanks! Brigadier Sir Mordillo GUN UotY WotM FP UotM AotM MI³ AnotM VFH +S

I'm having a really bad day, I can't even spell that address right..... Brigadier Sir Mordillo GUN UotY WotM FP UotM AotM MI³ AnotM VFH +S

I think I've done it all right. (Admins can do proper history-preserving moves back, they have to delete the redirect first.) Nice article ;-) - David Gerard 15:57, 26 December 2006 (UTC)

Thanks again! Brigadier Sir Mordillo GUN UotY WotM FP UotM AotM MI³ AnotM VFH +S 16:28, 26 December 2006 (UTC)

This user is hereby nominated an HONORARY JEW, and is entitled to all honors and persecutions as such.

HowTo:Convince People You're a Heterosexual Male

Thanks for your vote!

Berogen has awarded you the Neat Order of the Closet for voting For HowTo:Convince People You're a Heterosexual Male Wear It With Pride!TM You big homo.

Turn left now!

THIS USER NEVER TURNS RIGHT And so the motherland would like to thank him. The motherland would also likes to thank him for voting for My Journeys with the GPS. Now, TURN LEFT!

Special thanks for all your work on it!

Brigadier Sir Mordillo GUN UotY WotM FP UotM AotM MI³ AnotM VFH +S 07:41, 8 January 2007 (UTC)

UnNews:Stephen Hawking invents robotic exoskeleton for upcoming space walk

Why did you NRV this article? I had no problem with the use of the pic, and the writing was better than some we've let through the sluice gate. I wanted to ask before I unNRV and return the pic, unless you have any objectifications... in which case, let me know please... by the way, I loved UnNews:Sex "cuts public speaking stress"... brilliant! Cheers. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 00:14, 9 January 2007 (UTC)

Ah, good, a cogent and intelligible reply. I'm glad you're not an arsehole like me. I agree it's ungraceful to lift anothers, albeit lousy, snot rag like The Onion, potatochop. I leave it in your capable hands, to delete or improve? Thanks for this, it's a tremendous help to me that you did your research. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 00:32, 9 January 2007 (UTC)

Featuring of Wicker Man

Why is Wicker Man featured before VIctorian Era when the latter had more votes? I am just curious about the process. --Composure1 01:24, 11 January 2007 (UTC)

As a completely non-interested party, this is why.... :) -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Because it should have been the feature for the tenth, but no-one changed it on the tenth. I dived in and did it just before 1am UTC. Possibly I should have done both, actually - David Gerard 01:53, 11 January 2007 (UTC)

Trabbimania

That Trabbi article you put up is genius. Onkel Honniker would be proud of your efforts in the class struggle if he were still around. --Billsheppard 17:01, 15 January 2007 (UTC)

19100

I just ran across this page of yours that has a misapplied NRV on it. I removed it, but the page has been stagnant a long time and now seems like a relic of an earlier age, so I {{PROD}}ed it. The joke has potential, though, so I'd love to see it expanded.---Rev. Isra (talk) 12:35, 16 January 2007 (UTC)

Stagnant? Eh? Nor do I see why it has to be longer. It's not a stub, it's a short article. I suppose it could be put into the timeline if there were enough people who couldn't sleep at night with it where it is - David Gerard 14:59, 16 January 2007 (UTC)

Well, whatever. I knew it shouldn't have had NRV on it and that's all. Do with it what you will, though if you decide you'd like it to stay the same, take off the PROD. ---Rev. Isra (talk) 15:08, 16 January 2007 (UTC)

I'll see if it can be timelined reasonably (or anyone reading this can feel free to) - David Gerard 16:04, 16 January 2007 (UTC)

+S

Braydie thanks you for supporting him to become admin. I would have done this sooner, but admins are supposed to be lazy. There is no personalised message either.

—Braydie at 00:00, 25 January 2007 (UTC)

You won a LAFTA!

You have been recognised by the LAFTA awards committee for your services to Uncyclopedia. Here is your trophy:

Congratulations! --The Rt. Hon. BarryC MUN (Symposium!) Sigh. Double Sigh. 00:17, 25 January 2007 (UTC) Very cool! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 21:21, 25 January 2007 (UTC)

UnNews:Gimp group objects to K-Fed ad

Thanks for your kind words on my audio bumblings. As always, you are a generous mongrel with a complex and monkey-free sense of humour. Have I mentioned, it's always a pleasure to read your stuff? Well, it is. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 21:21, 25 January 2007 (UTC)

It's time!

Well, the time has finally come for judging the best at PLS. Since it'd be extremely hard (if not impossible) to fairly judge all 13 entries in your category in one sitting, it's recommended you start early and take it in stages. You were chosen as a judge because I trust your judgment when it comes to humor at Uncyclopedia, so you may use any method of choosing the winners that you deem fit. I do have space for you on the judging page to rank your top five favorite articles, in order, and give honorable mention to any other articles in your category that you deem "worthy" of being an Uncyclopedia article (which will then be unlocked after PLS is over). I'd prefer to have the entries almost fully judged by the Wednesday, the 7th of February, though the deadline isn't until the 10th. As such, be ready for me to be panicking if there's nothing done on your entry on the judging page by the 7th. Thank you again for judging, and enjoy the read (as many of the entries are quite funny this go around, in my opinion). Please contact me at my talkpage if you have any questions.--<<>> 00:54, 28 January 2007 (UTC)

New version of Potatohead_aqua.png

Hi. I cleaned up the rough edges of the potato man icon, but I was reluctant to save over a high-visibility image. My new version is here: Image:Potatohead_aqua2.png --Alksub - VFH CM WA RV {talk} 05:49, 28 January 2007 (UTC)

UN:AUDIO

IN SPACE UNCYCLOPEDIA NO ONE EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM We are proud to announce the dawn of a new project, for all you audio lovers . Uncyclopedia:Zim ulator's Corner, the place for everyone to scream Now, go MAKE SOME NOISE!!

Brigadier Sir Mordillo GUN UotY WotM FP UotM AotM MI³ AnotM VFH +S 10:12, 29 January 2007 (UTC)

Could you add content to a protected article?

I have come to ask if you could place an audio recording of mine into the fully protected page Contents. (You'll find the audio recording to the left.) Thanks in advance. --01:33, 30 January 2007 (UTC)

I see someone did! - David Gerard 12:14, 30 January 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for voting

Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

--Alksub - VFH CM WA RV {talk} 08:15, 2 February 2007 (UTC)

F@H

This user joined the Folding@home Team, because they give a damn & so should you.

0

I have contributed 0 pints points to the Uncyclopedia Folding@home team.

0

And have a userbox or two. 18:16, 5 February 2007 (UTC)

pls

this obviously has nothing to do with your uncast votes on your PLS category, but i would like to say, for no reason, that i love both you and any god you may or may not pray to, and i would buy you a car if i won the lottery. - jack mort | cunt | talk - 00:34, 6 February 2007 (UTC)

MacBook

Hey, I just wanted to thank you personally for giving my article a second review, not to mention for your compliments. I really appreciate it. However, I was wondering if I could ask one more little favour of you: See, having been a member for all of about two weeks now, I'm not exactly sure about the policy on self-nominations for VFH, but I'm not sure how my relatively new and unheard of article -- linked to others only by {{Template:Apple}} -- would get enough attention for a nomination any other way. I think it's ready, based on it having been Pee Reviewed twice and getting fairly high praise each time. Judging by the fact that you gave a pretty high-scoring review for me, I was wondering if you'd be able to do it for me -- or, failing that, just give me some pointers on how else I could raise MacBook awareness outside of people I know in real life or how I could properly self-nominate my article. I don't mean to sound self-centred, but I don't know what else I could do. I'd hate for something I spent so much time and effort on to sit around with no one to read it. I know that you said it might just be a little too geeky and high-concept for VFH, but I think it's got a shot. Who knows -- it must just create a bit of a paradigm shift for VFH. What do you say?

Please consider my proposal and respond as soon as you can. Thank you very much!

-- #1_ALF_FAN 20:39, 6 February 2007 (UTC)

P.S. Plus, I think my reference to Fisher Price at the end of the article makes up for not having bodily function jokes throughout the rest of the article. Wouldn't you agree?

Hey, I'd agree. I'm just wondering what VFH would make of it ... not that I'm BITTER at having my WONDERFUL and SUBTLE WORKS of geeky humour KNOCKED BACK by the UNCULTURED POLTROONS of VFH ... who I love and respect DEARLY - David Gerard 21:33, 6 February 2007 (UTC)

Yikes. Well, if I said something wrong, I apologize wholeheartedly. I didn't mean to upset you in any way. Though, out of curiosity, what article(s) is/are you specifically talking about? I might like to see it, especially considering we seem to share an interest in geeky, subtle humour.

And, by the way, I know how it feels to have something you worked hard on shot down like that. I once wrote a long, detailed review of the video game Shadow the Hedgehog (Nov. 2005, GameCube) on the Nintendo NSider Forums, and I ended up having most of the replies being from one person who kept flaming me for actually liking the game. But, hey, I kept calm, and ultimately got personal revenge by writing a minor villain into one of my then-ongoing fanfics based on him in a satirical -- not to mention subtle -- light. And that got praised. I guess the key is to just stay calm and find a way to rectify the situation, or at least to make yourself feel better. So, if there's anything I can do for you, just tell me. I'll try my best to help you out in any way I can. Hey, you already helped me by giving my article a second review. Given the opportunity, I'll try to return the favour.

-- #1_ALF_FAN 00:35, 7 February 2007 (UTC)

So, um...

Are you still cool to judge PLS? Remember, it needs to be done by midnight Saturday night, England time. If you don't think you're gonna make it, lemme know ASAP, so I'll have time to find a replacement. Thanks, DG.--<<>> 03:07, 8 February 2007 (UTC)

Nah, should be right - David Gerard 08:17, 9 February 2007 (UTC)

Cancer porn

That article defined my life. Thank you.--190.50.152.1 02:07, 9 February 2007 (UTC)

nommed for VFP

I'v got to tell you, Image:Salome_icon.jpg is brilliant! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 21:48, 9 February 2007 (UTC)

Thanks!

	El Zoof has awarded you a special 3D holographic edition of the List of one letter words starting with A!
	For voting on List of one letter words starting with A. If you hadn't guessed.
	Soon: List of one letter words starting with A II: The Sequel - List of one letter words starting with I

Rejoice, David Gerard! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award

For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.

---

El Zoof 00:21, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

Offensive Articles

I am beginning to discover that I have a knack for creating true to life offensive material; probably because I'm a knowledgeable racialist. Not trying to piss people off or anything, I'm just overly familiar with cultural tidbits and like to exhibit it in I maka you raugh funny ways. Whether it's sacrilege, anti-Semitism, stereotyping, morbid clinical insinuations etc. You appear to be the expert in this department at uncyc.

Q: How the hell do you get away with making offensive articles without getting VFD'd by an angry mob with stones?

Don't say "make the article funny" i've tried that already (spent a lot o time) and it was huffinated b4 I even started re-flamming it. With your reputation, can I donate an article to you or something to ensure its indemnity? --AmericanBastard 06:32, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

Writing something like Holocaust Tycoon (not one of mine) and not being lynched is like walking a tightrope. All humour is hurtful, but the funny has to outweigh the hurtful (c.f. the Uncyclopedia Constitution: "1. Be funny and not just stupid. 2. Don't be a dick.").

Keeping in mind "comfort the afflicted and afflict the comforted" can be useful. "Would the people who are the butt of the joke see the humour?" is another useful test. It helps to make rapier-like strikes on the absurd aspects of both sides.

Blah, blah, blah. I can pontificate forever on this. But writing good stuff mainly means getting into the flow of the writing and having learnt these things as automatic rules. It's always a tricky one. All I can suggest for the moment is keep trying until you aren't lynched. Practice on UnNews, those are easy. - David Gerard 10:53, 22 February 2007 (UTC)

Thank you!

	Congratulation! You are now happy owner of new proud fat kid with an Accordion from El Zoof!
	Much felicitous appreciations for happy double nice good voting for HowTo:Stop Playing the Accordion

--El Zoof 00:11, 22 February 2007 (UTC)

Re: Onion pics

But stealing Venture Brothers pictures is OK? --Stuart P. Bentley 18:56, 14 March 2007 (UTC)

Depends. Ideally a picture theft appropriation should be satirical in itself IMO. The problem with the Onion is it's another fake news site, and we really shouldn't be stealing their jokes - David Gerard 20:53, 14 March 2007 (UTC)

Ta.

	Thanks for voting for Uluru on VFH. Here's a rock.
	And a second one. Don't you feel special?

--El Zoof 07:37, 9 April 2007 (UTC)

May I be a stupid sysop now???

May I be a stupid sysop now??? May I be a stupid sysop now??? May I be a stupid sysop now??? ZIM Hates You! 14:36, 10 April 2007 (UTC)

Thanks, mate

I used a "voice chat" joke with a gal tonight and she laughed. Thanks, internet pal! -- » Sir Savethemooses Grand Commanding Officer ... holla atcha boy» 06:49, 6 May 2007 (UTC)

cookie

Trar has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

I'm giving out cookies. Hope you appreciate it. --Trar (talk|contribs|grueslayer) 00:23, 7 May 2007 (UTC)

This has your name all over it.....

Have a quick look at [2] and tell me why we don't have a news article about this already - UnNews:Barrymore Probed by Police. Obviously a quote from his solicitor making the statement that he is "bending over backwards to assist the Police" can't be the only gag that could be added to it. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Just wanted to say...

Well done on the smoking ban UnNews - the funniest UnNews I've read in bloomin' ages. Anyway, I'm gotta go out for a fag now...moan moan. RabbiTechno 16:32, 1 July 2007 (UTC)

Proceeding with malice?

So, Dave... sorry to bother you here on Uncyc and all, but what's the deal with this and this? I can assure you that none of the "Snowie" threads have been edited in any way whatsoever, and very few others either - other than to redact peoples' real names and IP addresses, which seems to have gone completely unnoticed. Is it because you haven't found those threads on Google? That's actually because we've been hiding that stuff from Google for over a year now, for privacy reasons. More to the point, if this sort of thing is going to be a typical, or even potential, reaction to my attempts to improve the situation (in light of recent BLP improvements), what's my incentive for doing it in the first place? Chapman's insane blather is bad enough, but I thought you were a bit less given over to, you know, irrational hyperbole and stuff. (No offense, of course.)  c • > • cunwapquc? 19:30, 12 July 2007 (UTC)

wikipedia article

Um in the wikipedia article there is a clip of an old vid game what game is it if you know? --Eshay 04:44, 28 July 2007 (UTC)

UnNews:Patients a "burden on NHS"

Cheers! Rev. zim_ulator is amused! You have succeeded in both a- and b-musing zim, and are therefore worthy of three bottles of cheap absinthe. Do not drink them too quickly, lest your mind become like unto that of zimz.

Resistance is futile

You will be ass-stimulated. Bow down to the Office. In short, hy. Messedrocker 06:26, 15 September 2007 (UTC)

Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/November 20

Can you protect that page, half of the edits, are about me, Charlie Bowling, please remove those as well thanks F9T 21:34, 19 November 2007 (UTC)

I semi-protected it.

Bloody Pagans

Pagans, the Whole Lot of Yous Premier Tom Mayfair has been a naughty boy this year, but he still deserves a kiss from under the mistletoe. His external organ is fair game.

Luboš Motl

I am laughing all over the UnNews:Surfer dude stuns physicists with theory of everything. If you decide to create a page about him I can make provide overview about what he wrote in Czech language. He's really interesting personality, kind a reincarnation of the overconfident Monty Python's Black Knight. 85.70.83.93 21:43, 19 January 2008 (UTC) (en:user:Pavel Vozenilek, no account here)

Rough Pubs

Rabbi Techno is sending you this undoubtedly delicious beer to say thanks for voting for Rough Pubs! From Rabbi Techno

If you loved THAT

...thanks for the support, funnily enough its just gone through VFH and is on the feature list, so should make the front page in the next day or two. Was a lot of fun writing bitingly evil satire for a change...glad you liked it! :) -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Are you crying for your lawyer yet?

Hey, Punk!

You voted to get the UnScript featuring the most violent detective in the world to the front page to blow some heads clean off a few newbie shoulders. I'll keep this brief considering that I've been sitting on my ass for the last minute talking to you instead of carving holes into that punk Dexter.

So thanks for the vote.

~

Jacques Pirat, Esq. Converse : Benefactions : U.w.p.

17/04/2008 @ 03:13

Join The CMC! Make Your Inner Cow Happy!

Moo, David Gerard!

What is it about cows that gets us all hot and bothered? Where do cows come from? What are cows?

These are the questions that drive the Cow Moo Cult and its brethren, who are very, VERY interested in cows and cow by-products.

The CMC is devoted not only to cows, but to helping Uncyclopedia through general acts of goodness and through motivating people with cow-treats and the like.

So, David Gerard, why not join the CMC? It's free (unless you count virginity as money) and it's fun (and it's full of clichés)! You'll get a pretty template for your userpage and a nice title for your signature! What could be better? Sign Up Now!

Double moos from your cowy friend,
YTTE

You, sir

Are famous. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:03, Dec 11

Happy Hanukkah

PARTY LIKE IT'S 5769

if you're not Jewish, party anyway

Happy Hanukkah from Rabbi Techno
NOW START DRINKING

---

How?

How can I get known on this wiki? I'm fairly new, and I've read HTBFANJS and the other book thing, but I'm still new and am having trouble coming up with stuff as well.

RugbyBoy ^talk

I'm not David Gerard, but a good first step would be to fix your sig. See how this line that I'm on is not where it's supposed to be? That's not me. That's you. After that, try making existing pages on subjects you know or like better. Take your time. Once you have confidence, try writing your own page. After that, the future is your oyster, which is pretty gross if you think about it. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 05:20, October 21, 2010 (UTC)

Welcome back

That thing I said in the header. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 05:20, October 21, 2010 (UTC)

• Yeah, welcome back Mr. Gerard. Nice to see you editing again. -- The Zombiebaron 05:24, October 21, 2010 (UTC)

  Well, I wouldn't go that far. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 05:27, October 21, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah what they said & nice to meet you.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  21 Oct 2010 ~ 05:40 (UTC)

Just stumbling through the wikisphere. Current writing still fake news on http://newstechnica.com - David Gerard 19:45, October 22, 2010 (UTC)

Eh up! -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

MUCH THANKS

Lord Christopher Monckton finally discovers Greenland. Although he totally denies ever being featured in Uncyclopedia, but he appreciates the sentiment and does thank you for voting.

--Funnybony    19:14, Oct 23

Oh, right.

Apparently I've been forgetting to tell people afterwards - I reviewed Lotus Notes. Yeah, hope that helps for whenever you get back to it. Cheers, mon. 1234 ~ 03:55, 28 December 2010

Truth Or Not?

There appears to be a 'fulsome biography' on you over at http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/David_Gerard. Or is that a different David Gerard? --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 07:31, June 17, 2011 (UTC)

What the hellcrap?

Welcome back. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 22:52, July 6, 2011 (UTC)

I just stopped by to see if Blind Lemon Kraftwerk had decayed to shite before I linked someone to it. And I see it's featured after five years! I was very proud of that one - David Gerard 23:51, July 6, 2011 (UTC)

Now you can never leave, Mister Gerard! Moo ha-ha! Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 04:34, July 7, 2011 (UTC)

Hullo

You've never heard of me, but I noticed you started out in earrly 2005; so hi and welcome back. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:35, 7 July 2011

Hi!

Hi-hi-hi-hi! You'll never guess what the Jaguars did with the quarterback position since they released you in favor of Blaine Gabbert. They traded for Tim Tebow! Awesome, huh? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Apr 30 '12 12:00 (UTC)

They did what? BASTARDS! - David Gerard (talk) 23:24, May 5, 2012 (UTC)

We love you, David Gerard!

Go David Gerard! Woo! Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 07:23, July 13, 2012 (UTC)

I feel love! - David Gerard (talk) 10:37, July 13, 2012 (UTC)

Nice Han Solo costume. I take it that's an every day thing for you. I didn't even know they had Snuggies in that pattern. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 15:11, July 13, 2012 (UTC)

I'm not sure what the previous headline is about

...as I have always found you rather odious and despicable. Dear me, but I wouldn't be touching your talk page right now if I were not possessed of a particularly thick pair of nitrile gloves and a rather long stick. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Jul 14 '12 1:51 (UTC)