User:Falcotron

F A L C O + T R O N = Falcotron

This is not the same Falcotron on Wikipedia, although it is the same person.

Articles that need your vote

• Self-hating Jew, dedicated to User:Mordillo: Uncyclopedia:VFH#Self-hating_Jew

Articles that need your help

• Internet humor: If you get the jokes about the Oracle, you're admitting your age: Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Internet humor

Articles I've created

• Falco: A gang-bangin' thug and a money-makin' playa.
• Chicks on Speed: The backstory behind this article is funnier than the article itself. If you missed it, you'll have to search around.
• Gavin Newsom: His honor, the Mayor of San Francisco, and his hair.
• Care Not Cash: The idea of "hardcore homeless" has been hilarious to me since I first heard Alioto talk about it.
• Gustav Vasa: A great King, a terrible vodka.
• Template:Infobox City: Go on, click it. It's hilarious!
• Template:SF Nickname: And this one!
• Category:Futurama characters: Even funnier! But you can't click it.

Articles I've rewritten from scratch, keeping only the funniest line or picture from the original article

• Futurama: I can't believe a site full of Futurama references didn't have a decent article on it. I kept the line about Al Gore's eyebeams.
• Shakira: See Laura Branigan below. Actually, this one is funny, but it's mostly true. It's hard to make Shakira any funnier than she is in real life. I kept the "stupid" picture and one of the quotes.
• Banned From China: Does anyone get the "Fly to the Sky" joke? Are they even from China? I can't remember what I kept, if anything.

Articles I've contributed to in some significant way, but the funniest stuff is probably someone else's

• San Francisco (big chunks scattered all over the article): This was once one of the worst articles on Uncyclopedia, but it was already shaping up well before I started meddling.
• Joy Division (from Post-Joy Division on): But the Interpol article is so good it's almost not worth it.
• Adobe Potatochop (Competition): A brilliant article well before I got there, but making fun of rms is always fun.
• Not Constantinople (actually, most of this one in its current form): A great idea that will one day get us sued out of existence.
• Famous (Cure and half of Prevention): Still a weird mix of stupid and brilliant.
• iPod Straightedge (The final result): You got Minor Threat mp3s in my iPod! You got iPod in my Minor Threat mp3s! Together, they sound like crap! Plus, that second one didn't even make sense!

UnNews

• UnNews:Congress Declares "Proper Time" to Admit Mexicans: A history lesson, and maybe trying to help out a long lost friend whose wife should have inherited most of Malibu. Thanks to User:Armando for advice on my first journalistic parody since 1991.
• UnNews:San Francisco combats hardcore homeless problem: Beating the hardcore homeless joke into the ground.
• UnNews:Lieberman plans to continue political career in Israel: I need a better picture of Lieberman's sieg-heil wave (also needed for the Self-hating Jew article above) during his weird victconcessionory speech, and is anyone going to get the jokes about Israeli minor-party politics?

Undictionary

• Wikipaedophilia: A secret test to unrobe those who are Wikipedians in disguise. Anyone who gets this joke is Jimbo Wales.

Stubs that need work that I've written or contributed to in some way or other

• Laura Branigan: If you look at my other articles, I'm mostly insulting people I actually like, which makes this one hard.... Help is appreciated.
• After the Fire: Like Laura Branigan, but more so.
• Luther Vandross: Luther Vandross as Martin Luther is a funny idea, but it needs more.
• Bender: Needs expansion. Help is appreciated. Or maybe it's not worth keeping. I was just baffled that Wikipedia had a "John Bender" page that over a dozen people had worked on.

Unfinished article ideas that could use some help maybe

• User:Falcotron/Willie Brown: Former San Francisco mayor, much funnier in real life than Gavin Newsom, but so far I haven't been able to think of anything, other than the obvious lame joke about him being Jerry Brown's brother.
• User:Falcotron/Fountain of Early Middle Age: Not nearly good enough yet. I need more examples besides Falco of people who looked 35 from their 20s to their 50s. (Dick Clark, of course, discovered the Fountain of Mid-Late Middle Age. Totally different head... totally.)
• User:Falcotron/UnNews:Electronic genres top songs: One good joke, which the title already suffices for, and one mediocre one (the Mudhoney quote at the end), but otherwise it's pretty lame.
• User:Falcotron/Safari: There must be more jokes here.

Me

I believe in writing what you know. So, as you can guess, I am the Lebanese-Colombian baby chicken robot lovechild of Falco and Laura Branigan, and live on the streets in the Swedish quarter of the Kurtuluş neighborhood of San Francisco, Mexican Special Economic Zone, China, where I take lots of speed (so I can rave 'til dawn) and eat lots of potatoes while listening to Warsaw (and other Polish bands, like Super Girl & Romantic Boys), and underneath my clothes, there's an endless merkin shaped like Gavin Newsom's famous hair.