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roffels!!!

Rewrite Tag Procedure

I appreciate your dedication to the maintainance aspect of this site, but your {{rewrite}} procedure's a bit odd. Adding it to a page and then warning to add it to VFD if it's not fixed within the week? Sounds a bit like {{NRV}} and {{ICU}} to me. Rewrite's just for a poking at the author--NRV/ICU is the blatant threat. Just to let you know. —Sir Major Hinoa [TALK] [KUN] [06:57, 4 January 2007 (UTC)]

Understood --UNKNOWNFILE 14:30, 4 January 2007 (UTC)

Welcome!

Hello, UNKNOWNFILE/archive01, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for nooblets:

• Beginner's Guide
• How to be funny and not just stupid

If you read anything at all, make it the above two links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

• About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
• How to get started editing on uncyclopedia
• Everything you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask
• Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone will come along and help you if they can. Again, welcome!  -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

No Stalking!

Quit stalking me, UNKNOWNFILE, or I will call an admin! --Starnestommy (Talk • Contribs • FFS • WP) 02:00, 26 March 2007 (UTC)

A couple of things. 1) DID YOU NOT EVEN READ THE TOP OF THE FUCKING PAGE!? It says "ADMINS", not "wankersusers"! 2) Quit fapping on my talk page. 3) You're making yourself look more and more lulz-worthy (there, I used the word) day by day. --» >UF|TLK|▋» 02:10, 26 March 2007 (UTC)

Bleach

I noticed that you were having a problem with someone making stupid edits to the Bleach article. I reported that vandal to the ban patrol. If you have another problem with repeat vandals, that is what you should do. He is going to get blocked soon. --Sbluen 23:14, 1 July 2006 (UTC)

Azumanga Daioh

Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. The vanity template you placed at one of my articles, Azumanga Daioh. Your vanity senses are tingling? Well, I'd say Azumanga Daioh is a pretty notable anime. What's more, the article turns ut to be pretty popular. About 50 different users have already edited the page. And you call it vanity? Really, Uncyclopedia is full of vanity, but Azumanga is NOT. Know what, I'll blame the computers which are trying to take over planet earth and delete the template. AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT! MUAHAHA! ....yeah, whatever.... --PBz0r 16:29, 30 July 2006 (UTC)

Sorry, but I think we could do without the lesbians in every anime part. That is vanity. I suggest you read up on the subject and if you disagree, then you might as well go over to Encyclop*dia Dramatica or some shit. I liked the page, but if it has to do with sex humor that isn't funny, then it should have the vanity template until it is fixed. --UNKNOWNFILE 02:37, 1 August 2006 (UTC)

5 Klee Pictures

I do agree that it is in fact a terrible article, but look at its date. You will notice it is relatively new, and you could spare us from a long process via VFD by rather NRVing the article instead. Only use VFD if the article is old. Only use QVFD if the page is a 1 liner. Okay? --~

Jacques Pirat, Esq. Converse : Benefactions : U.w.p.

01:56, 28 November 2006 (UTC)

Merry Commercial Conformity Period!

Hindleyite wishes you a MERRY CHRISTMAS Enjoy this Christmas pud, but watch out for the five pence coins that fell out of my pocket into the cake mix.

And a Happy New Year! -- Hindleyite Converse • ?pedia 13:46, 22 December 2006 (UTC)

Got you a new sig

User:UNKNOWNFILE/sig2. Hope you like it! Brigadier Sir Mordillo GUN UotY WotM FP UotM AotM MI³ AnotM VFH +S 17:08, 10 January 2007 (UTC)

Thanks, you now have a cookie. Check your talkpage. :) -- » >UF|TLK|▋» 20:45, 10 January 2007 (UTC)

Cheers! Btw, I sporked the layout from a certain admin, So don't be surprised if we both get banned :) Brigadier Sir Mordillo GUN UotY WotM FP UotM AotM MI³ AnotM VFH +S 22:29, 10 January 2007 (UTC)

Notes on Incest

I saw that you were in favor of keeping the article. I've made some additions, including a disturbing picture of a lobster man. Tell me what you think. Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 23:36, 13 January 2007 (UTC)

Wow, that lobster guy is hilarious. Thanks for the heads-up. --» >UF|TLK|▋» 23:54, 13 January 2007 (UTC)

Thanks For The Vote

Zombiebaron thanks you for supporting him to become admin. I was even more lazy, I stole this from Braydie.

Sorry about the clutter this template causes. --The Zombiebaron 00:19, 22 January 2007 (UTC)

UN:AUDIO

Since you are about to be a valued contributer, I suggest you work with the MP3 format, and not the OGG, which we basically stopped working with on UnNews for a few months now. You need help converting? ~ 17:07, 29 January 2007 (UTC)

Sorry 'bout that, re-encoding it now. --» >UF|TLK|▋» 17:09, 29 January 2007 (UTC)

No worries :) Also, why not upload it as well? ~ 17:09, 29 January 2007 (UTC)

CAN DO --» >UF|TLK|▋» 17:12, 29 January 2007 (UTC)

It's at File:Woodchuck.mp3 --» >UF|TLK|▋» 17:14, 29 January 2007 (UTC)

Strange but untrue has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

For a brave attempt at Woodchuck, and for doing unnatural things to your voice in the process. Hopefully this will make up for whatever I heard being destroyed in the background... :-) -- (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 19:08, 29 January 2007 (UTC)

Welcome to UnNews

Nice work onImage:Israeli president accused of rape unnews.mp3  ! thanks for contributing to our awesome and mighty Unpublication. I laughed my scrotum off, incidentally... you have a lot to explain to my wife. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 23:07, 29 January 2007 (UTC) In case I haven't welcomed you yet, here it is, the official welcome to UnNews thingy.

On your knees, worthy one! The Right Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator blesses you. Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia, the Church of Uncyclopedia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and receive the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware. Now go write me a good UnNews article. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:48, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Reverend Zim_ulator says: "There are coffee cup stains on this copy, damnit! Now that's good UnJournalism."

Welcome to UnNews, UNKNOWNFILE, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.

I am your humble servant (in your dreams), and if I may be of help to you, please leave me a note on my talk page.

Good things that can happen to you

---

You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.

What happened to my article?

---

If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.

Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.

Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?

UnNews Audio

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If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.

UnNews UnFunnies

---

At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found Stripgenerator.com, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.

This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:38, March 28, 2010 (UTC)

bat (fuck insane) mitzvah

I hereby declare you, <insert name here>, to be bat fuck insane. Go stick this template on your user page. You've earned it for your bleeding edge bizarre behaivior during the recording of Woodchuck. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:49, 1 February 2007 (UTC)

PS: Watch UnNews for this item.

This crackhead is Bat Fuck Insane, and ablates at the esophagus.

Attempting to dehydrate them will most likely make you Bat Fuck Insane. Or they'll just dry your conspiracy!!

---

You do realize the Bat Mitzva is the version for girls? Are we heaving sexual attitude behavior problems here? ~ 07:11, 1 February 2007 (UTC)

Thanks

Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

--Alksub - VFH CM WA RV {talk} 08:26, 2 February 2007 (UTC)

Kudos

I loved your audio recording that you posted in the off-topic forum. Have you ever thought of recording articles here on Uncyclopedia? --General Insineratehymn 07:22, 11 February 2007 (UTC)

Yes, I have --» >UF|TLK|▋» 07:23, 11 February 2007 (UTC)

Oh, well *slaps self on forehead* Anyway, hope you continue to record more audio recordings. --General Insineratehymn 07:27, 11 February 2007 (UTC)

Asplode!!

	Gneomi has awarded you some hot stuff to jihad your own ride!
	For voting on Jihad My Ride.
	"Never forget: Jihad is not all about war. It is about creating cool stuff and making cars look better. Yo jihad yo!!"

Uncyclopedia:Article Narrator of the Month

I've just created a new award for people who create audio segments for mainspace articles such as yourself. Do you like it? --General Insineratehymn 01:21, 18 February 2007 (UTC)

Oooo, not bad. I'll have to remember to record more often. --» >UF|TLK|▋» 02:30, 18 February 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for the cookie.

It was delicious.

Also, I'm thinking of getting into recording audio articles, once I get around to hooking up my microphone again. Any pointers? Contestant CUN -- VFH NotM Buzz Ctrbs 03:14, 18 February 2007 (UTC)

Try something *besides* Sound Recorder. I personally use Sonic Foundry ACID for my audios, so you should try to use it too. It's pretty awesome to use, too. --» >UF|TLK|▋» 03:15, 18 February 2007 (UTC)

I've got a copy of Audible from ages ago when I was tossing around the idea of making a podcast about stuff, but it doesn't really do much good. Tomorrow I'll grab ACID, hook up the microphone and try my hand at a few articles... Contestant CUN -- VFH NotM Buzz Ctrbs 03:19, 18 February 2007 (UTC)

Looks like you're going to win Article Narrator of the Month

Will you nominate me next month? --General Insineratehymn 22:33, 28 February 2007 (UTC)

• For --» >UF|TLK|▋» 22:34, 28 February 2007 (UTC)

Thanks!

	Welcome to the Chaingang from El Zoof! Now go cut your head off - safely!
	Thanks for voting for HowTo:Cut Your Own Head Off With a Chainsaw

--El Zoof 10:16, 10 March 2007 (UTC)

Returning the favor

You have won the coveted Bucket of Piss award. I would congratulate you, but this isn't anything to be proud about.

You have won the coveted Bucket of Piss award. I would congratulate you, but this isn't anything to be proud about.

You have won the coveted Bucket of Piss award. I would congratulate you, but this isn't anything to be proud about.

I think you lost these. --Starnestommy (Talk • Contribs • FFS • WP) 20:57, 24 March 2007 (UTC)

Die in a fire. --» >UF|TLK|▋» 21:00, 24 March 2007 (UTC)