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"Mah nizzle, fo'shizzle."

Lucrative source of quotes this Yoda is, hrmm? Easily parodied by simple rearrangements of common sentence constructions, his sayings are.

Beyond this, no one can say. A mystery, his story is.

Yoda on himself[edit]

  • "Size matters not. At me, look. By my size judge me, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is Viagra, and a powerful ally it is."
  • "Green, I am."
  • "Good relations with the Wookiees, I have. Even better relations with the Furries, I have. Sexual relation with the young padawans I have. Unable to tell the difference, I often am. Sometimes mistaken for a Plushie, am I."
  • "Sexual relation with the young padawans I have."
  • "To exile, I must go. Failed, my blockbuster fight scene with the Dark Lord has."
  • "Swear by L'Oreal do I, because worth it I am!"
  • "Fat stupid and ugly I may be, but never insult penis of mine, hmmm...!"
  • "Fat cow you are, bastard yes? The father of yours, I know. Fuck, ripped off Vaders line I have"
  • "Drunk now, I may be, but when wake up I do, sober will I be, and ugly, will you still be."
  • "Tripod, am I."
  • "Landspeeder did fall out of, young was I. Pah! on head did land." Yoda on his frontal lobe developmental issues.
  • "From Yoda, syntax I learned"
  • "Talk backwards, I do."

Yoda on Sex[edit]

  • "Hott hott hott, will you find me."
  • "Hmmmm...Stroke my green penis, you will"
  • "Bend over and show me your dark side"
  • "Fuck you with great force, I will."
  • "After I am done, you can slice my belly up with my lightsaber and crawl in for warmth."
  • "Than we can all do Tom ton-ton style"
  • "Sleep in the wet spot, I wont"
  • "See above section, you should. Much interesting information it has. Mostly true, it is. Hmmmmm..."
  • "Play with my light saber you will, Tom Weidemann. Feel it's force, you will. Mmmmmmm"
  • "Big penis you have, yes. Mmmmmmm."

Yoda on Dislike People Whom He Does![edit]

  • "The light side she was in and powerful jedi she had become.now, But indispensable now the dark side is for her to continue to live. Fat she had become! Mistreats her children she does! Dyed her hair the stupid slut! Must never dye a jedi his/her hair! Weaknesses it signifies! Purple I was instead of green, selling records I wouldn't be as well, like Darth Britney"
  • " Play the violin, Darth Vader can."
  • "Ungrateful son, Shrek is! Donkey's Dark Side he is in!"

Yoda on being a Jedi[edit]

  • "No anger a Jedi shall know, nor fear, nor love. A bunch of grumpy old men, the Jedi are."
  • "An apprentice, you are. A Master, you are not. Green skin and long pointy ears, a Master must have."
  • "In Soviet Coruscant, feel you the Force does!"
  • "Adventure?, huh! Excitement?, huh! A Jedi craves not these things. Now, a pair of hot green Twi'lek chicks a Yodi 'sandwich' making... a different story, that is!"
  • "Jedi? Made that word up just to sound cool, I did."

Yoda on Darth Vader[edit]

  • "Silly, his helmet looks."
  • "The last doughnut you saved for yourself, gone it has. Consumed by Darth Vader."
  • "The most powerful Jedi of them all, Vader was. Such a tragedy that he turned to embrace the Dark Side of the Force... Become CEO of Wal-Mart, he did."
  • "Afraid you should not be, of man with black helmet."
  • "pissed i was, but sex i did not have"
  • "My father he is not."

Yoda on Princess Leia[edit]

  • "Use the force? Use more force, she told me."
  • "Nice tits, she had."
  • "pissed i was and sex i did have, Luke use lots of white makeup, cover green he must"

Yoda on Shit[edit]

"It would appear that I am now on the wrong quotes page. Oh, the delicious irony of it all."
  • "Happens, shit does."
  • "Do or do not... there is no doo-doo."
  • "Pain, suffering, death I feel. Something terrible has happened. Hurry to the bathroom I must."

Yoda on Death, otherwise known as the Yoda Commandments[edit]

  • "Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Steal their private porn DVD collections do not. Circulate photos of them in despicable poses with younlings on the internet do not. Dress them in furry costumes at their funeral viewings do not. Abuse their corpse do not."

Yoda on Weird Al Yankovic[edit]

  • "Him, I would like to thank for making me popular with his song. Named it after me, he has. About me, the song is."

Yoda on Emma Watson[edit]

  • "A well-defined actress, she is; copy her, not even Senator Amidala could; I mean, her career kick-off, you should look at!"
  • "Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime"
  • "Root her, i would"

Yoda on Greg[edit]

  • "Greg, I am not."
  • "Know a person named Greg, I do not."

Yoda on Russian Reversal[edit]

  • "In Soviet Russia, ME, Weird Al sings!!"
  • "In Soviet Russia, YOU, the song listens to!!"
  • "In Soviet Russia, YOU, become Jedi!!
  • "In Soviet Russia, I speak perfect English!

Yoda on Warcraft[edit]

  • Work, work, I am.
  • Look like an orc, do I?
  • Warchief of the Horde, I am not. A Jedi Master indeed, I am.
  • Came from Draenor, I am not. Hide in the swamp world of Dagobah, I will.
  • "A level 40 dwarf, I am."

Yoda on Wikipedia[edit]

  • "Encyclopedic information? Factual accuracy? A Jedi craves not these things."
  • "A tempting target for childish fanboy vandals, my biography is."
  • "That is why you fail. (Only cite verifiable sources, you should.)"

Yoda on Uncyclopedia[edit]

  • "Strong in this article, the Force is."
  • "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to sporking articles from Wikipedia."
  • "Named must your fear be before banish it you can. But with an Anonymous-IP wiki user, true this is not."
  • "Funny, I find this site... not."

Yoda on Everything![edit]

  • "All their base to us, are belong."
  • "So fat, yo' momma is."
  • "Shakespeare in my spare time, I read."
  • "Friday, Thank God it is."
  • "Bro, at me come!"

Yoda on Black Eyed Peas[edit]

  • "Will.I.Am, I am not. Though inspired by him, I am."

Yoda on being in the wrong quotes sections[edit]

  • "In the wrong quotes section, I am."
  • "In the wrong quotes section, still I am."
  • "Stop appearing in these quotes pages, I must."
  • "A national pastime, putting me in the wrong quotes sections has become."
  • "Fear leads to Anger, Anger leads to stress, stress leads to doobies, and doobies leads to twinkies."
  • "From whence people conjur the image of one's self with an elementary articulation problem from, One does not know, my vocabulary is perfectly elequent."

Yoda on Your Mum[edit]

  • "Good in the sack, she is"
  • "Jump for joy, she did. I believe stuck, she got, hmm?"
  • "Blaaarghh...excuse me while throw up, i do"
  • " Your mom, doing I am"