Unquotable:Swedish Chef

Oonqoutable-a:Sveedeesh Cheff

"Bårk bårk bårk!!"

Meet zee Svedish Chef, proprietor of all things Swedey and chef-like, cooker and eater of zee meety bolls, zee surströmming, and all those weird rancid foodstuffs eaten by Swedes, sooch es feesh iyes und zee leeke-a. Let's meke-a heem feel velcume-a by creeteeng a vhule-a pege-a dedeeceted tu zee "memureble-a" theengs thet hefe-a cume-a oooot ooff hees muoot in zee pest foo yeers! Yes, he-a is here-a legelly.

(Yes, he is a foreigner, so please bear with us. And yes, he has FlaggPunsch.)

DISCLAIMER: Swedes don't really talk like this, just the ones from Sweden.

Zee Sveedeesh Cheff on Food

• "I cun't stup eateeng thuse-a demn Svedeesh Feesh!!"
• "Jaaa!! FlaggPunsch ees on me! Surströmming und meety bolls forr eveeryvan!"
• "Svedeesh Cheff poots sperm in yuoor bolls! Thet is my secret tu greet food. "
• "Dun't vurry iff yuoo boorn zee tup, joost toorn it upseede-doon und blame-a zee Norvegian."
• "Moove yuoor ooss, yuoo-a doonkey!"
• "I loove tryeeng too-a soond like Gerden Ramseee, he ees-a soo furcefool!"
• "Spread BOOTTA noot AIDS! GOOT EET? GOOD!!!"

Zee Sveedeesh Cheff on Politics

• "Jaaa!! George-a Boosh cun keess my ooss!"
• "Vat do you meen-a?! You cunt depoort me, I em a legill reseedent!"
• "Tu make-a it in zee cold und unffurgeefing vurld ooff puleetics, you moost be-a veelling tu let goo ooff your meetbolls. Bork Bork Bork!"
• "Espeerantoo vas a doomb ideea! Everyvan shuoold joost leern Sveedeesh! Börk börk börk!!"
• "Either Boosh or elternateeve fuels vill bee zee doownfell oov men-kind, I'm juss placeeng my bet on Boosh."
• "I say: let zem eelegell eemeegrents in! Amereeka is-a furr everee-vahn, oonless yuoo're Norvegian."

Zee Sveedeesh Cheff on Gremmer

• "Villy Vonka vas a vild visher. Vat? Vat are you-a looffing at?"
• "My Ingleesh is better thun yours. I cuoold teech you, boot I'd hefe tu charge. Bork Bork Bork!"
• "You git un F! Børk børk børk!"
• "I beffure-a E ixcept effter C. Børk Børk Børk!"
• "Eeveeryvan shoould joost leern to speeek Sveedeesh! Demn fooreigners!"
• "Illerie klintin? I vana kik it in da nutz"

Zee Sveedish Chef on Sveeden and Svedes

Mmm, keeds! Hebba soom deee-leecious LUTEFISK!

• "Sveeden roocks!!"
• "You goo forr zee meety bolls, you stay-a forr zee Sveedeesh Cheff!"
• "Vonce you goo Svedish, you vill navar goo back!"
• "Vonce you goo tu Sveden you vill NEVER goo back."
• "Sveden ees cumpereble tu un ooss, een zat zey ere buth muddy bruwn und smell leeke skit."
• "I'd tep zat. Bork bork bork!"
• "In Soviet Sveeden, partee find DU!"

Zee Sveedeesh Chef on Mooseeck

• "Vhen my peemps in zee crib, mun: drup it like it's hut! Sveedeesh Cheff be peempin on 4-fo's!"
• "Zose queers Fall Ooout Buy shoould leern to speek Inglish; I cun't oonderstund a vurd zey say!"
• "Eeeveen betteer: leern-a Sveedeesh! Børk børk børk!!"
• "Eveery rose-a hes its thurn..."
• "Jaaa!! She's a dvelleeng plece-a forr demuns!"
• "In Flames soocks! Go beck too vhere-ever des hell yuoo kemm fram!"
• "Jaa!! Sveedeesh Cheff try stage-dive vonce; neerlee bruke my neck!"
• "Ja, I em een un band, but I cun't pley anee eenstrumants, zat is vhy I em 'voceleest.' I get all ze gruoopies."

Zee Sveedeesh Cheff on Moofeees

• "Luke, I em yuoor fazer..."
• "Vhy deed zey cast Jessica Alba as Inveeseeble-a Voman? Eef yuoo're goeeng to make sume-van inveeseeble, pleese meke it Rosie O'Donnel! Or Gudrun Schyman! Bork bork bork!"
• "Git zeese muoozerf***eeng snekes ooff zeese muoozerf***eeng plene right noo!"
• "I dun't know aboot yuoo, boot I vuoold hafe taken zee bloo pill!"
• "Tom Hanks soocks!"
• "Zee name ees Cheff--Sveedeesh Cheff..."
• "Ven I seed I keeled yu list... I lieed!"

See Oslo (Hveeech eees een Nooorvay)

• Sweden
• Volvo
• Abba
• IKEA