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- 666 BC - Lucifer feels the need to throw an extra special party this year, if only to show God how many friends he really has.
- 6 BC - Computer geeks start worrying about the transition to two-digit years, doomsayers proclaim the beginning of the end times.
- 1670 - Creepy child with glowing red eyes is born in a small village in rural Sweden. Turns out it's just a condition, and he inherits his father's moose skinning business.
- 1789 - The Bastille is stormed, the French immediately surrender to themselves.
- 1966 - Twenty-three people visit a McDonald's in Clearwater, Michigan, only to find it replaced by a Wendy's.
- 1978 - My bitch ex-wife born on this day, coincidence? Biased family court loves stupid bitches who won't let me see my kids! I never touched them!
- 2006 - Christians worry that babies born this day will turn into the Antichrist, so they neglect them and compare them unfavorably to their baby sister.