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- 1586 - Mary, Queen of Scots drinks tea, foregoes crumpet, is thrown into the Tower of London by Elizabeth I.
- 1858 - Abraham Lincoln famously states that a house divided against itself cannot support itself very well and might very well lean to one side or perhaps fall over.
- 1897 - The United States, jealous of England's cliff lined beaches, officially annexes Hawaii and oppresses the natives.
- 1963 - Communism sends first woman into space. Capitalism sends first chicken sandwich into space. (Pictured)
- 1978 - Newton G. Hardwick of Nantucket steals a box of toothpicks from a local Wal-Mart and goes on a rampage, leaving one person bruised and five more slightly peeved.
- 1996 - Woman visits local bakery that for some inexplicable reason is still in business.
- 2002 - The inventor of the Comic Sans font is bludgeoned to death by graphic designers, it's just a font you monsters.