The Amazing Chan and the Chan Clan
The Amazing Chan and the Chan Clan is about the times when Jackie Chan was a detective. He has ten children who had different moms (since you never see her on the show) and a Chinese Lion who solved crimes while Jackie Chan and his Chan Clan would be kicking ass.
How they started[edit | edit source]
In 1972, crime was very high in New York and Jackie Chan talked about forming his own kung-fu Detective Agency. This sounded very far fetched at the time, but the trick worked when they would defeat the Really Rottens in Munich as well as support China.
Their case was so successful, that they had a headquarters in Long Island and would solve cases in Asiantown. Their first case was the case of the bad Chinese Food where everyone got sick after eating Shrimp and Lobster Sauce. It was because there was Mercury in the Lobster Sauce and The Chan Clan shut them down.
The TV Show[edit | edit source]
Jackie Chan and his family kicked ass so much, that they were rewarded a TV Show by Hanna-Barbera called "Amazing Chan and his Chan Clan". They would be the Chinese version of Scooby-Doo and like other shows that have the same format, they would solve crimes such as "Who stole the Egg Rolls" or "Is Mao really dead or just sleeping".
However, the show would only last for a year since there were too many angry Chinese watching this show and it involved too many stereotypes in one viewing. But the show was seen in Korea a lot, the second-most viewed show next to "Joanie loves Chachi".
The Chan Clan Band[edit | edit source]
The Chan Clan also had a band in which they would have five of the family members be in and they were Henry, Stanley, Suzie, Tom, and Alan. They would have a minor hit "Tie a Yellow Ribbon" and an album called "Chan Chan Clan" which didn't pan too well because of the Ku Klux Klan who actually hated the Chan Clan for stealing their ideas!
But the Chan Clan would have a better fare in 2004 as William Hung's backup band. But in 2005, William Hung disappeared and The Chan Clan Band would not reunite again until they find Hung.
The Chan Clan[edit | edit source]
- Jackie Chan: Jackie Chan was the leader and he made sure that he could kick ass against his rivals. Today, he still kicks ass...but by himself.
- Henry Chan: The oldest son of the Chan Clan. He plays drums in the Chan Clan Band. Today he kicks ass as well...but without Jackie Chan.
- Stanley Chan: The sidekick of the Chan Clan. He plays guitar and bass in the Chan Clan Band. Today he kicks ass on guitar and is nicknamed 'Chinese Jimi Hendrix'.
- Suzie Chan: The oldest daughter of the Chan Clan. She plays two tambourines in the Chan Clan Band. Today she kicks ass in modeling and acting.
- Tom Chan: The intellectual one of the Chan Clan. He plays woodwinds in the Chan Clan Band. Today he kicks ass in Buddhism and Philosophy.
- Alan Chan: The brains of the Chan Clan. He plays brass in the Chan Clan Band. Today he kicks ass in college, since he's got his PhD at Harvard University.
- Annie Chan: The tomboy of the Chan Clan. Today she kicks ass in the WWE. OMG!, Jodie Foster voices her!
- Flip Chan: The tween of the Chan Clan. Today he kicks ass in baseball as the manager of the Seattle Mariners.
- Nancy Chan: Also the tween of the Chan Clan. Today she kicks ass in Chinese Food and she makes food that would kick ass too! Also, she's fat.
- Scooter Chan: Youngest son of the Chan Clan. Today he kicks ass as a businessman.
- Mimi Chan: Youngest daughter of the Chan Clan. Today she kicks ass in nursing.
- Chu-Chu: The Chinese Lion that can kick ass if you do anything to it!
Where the Hell are They Now?[edit | edit source]
After Jackie left to join the Super Friends, things in the Chan Clan began to get unstable, and they all went their separate ways. Here's a list of what they're doing now:
- Henry: Currently dating Lucy Liu.
- Stanley: Rotting in his grave after getting drunk, and waking up the next morning to find himself in bed with Rosie O' Donnell, then threw himself out the window.
- Alan : Currently smoking powdered up corpses to get high...and it works, too!
- Anne: Married to Velma from Scooby Doo.
- Nancy: HAD a cooking show on the Food Network which was canceled after a month because she kept eating the inventory.
- Scooter: Supreme Overlord of All Asia.
- Mimi: Has that Webster disease, and is being used by cops to lure out pedophiles. Also has two normal sized kids.
- Chu Chu: Eaten by Nancy!
Memorable Cases[edit | edit source]
- The Fat Lady Caper: Nancy gets kidnapped by Bill Clinton and his ninja henchmen. The case ends when Jackie rips out Clinton's spine and shoves it down Clinton's throat, while Henry and Stanley are gang raped by cheerleaders.
- The Phantom Sea Thief: the Chan Clan team up with Aquaman to solve a crime involving pirates attacking gay cruises. It turns out that Jack Sparrow is the mastermind behind the attacks. Jack dies when Mimi and Scooter pop a cap in his ass.
- the Mummy's Tomb: Crossover with the Mummy. While in Egypt, Scooter accidentally resurrects Imho-Tep, and the Chan Clan must put him back in his tomb to save the world.
- the Mardi Gras Caper: While in New Orleans, the Chan Clan must stop a rapist who got Nancy and Mimi pregnant. Meanwhile, Alan drinks too much "special fruit punch" and is molested by a woman named Blanche while intoxicated.
- The Greek Caper: While in Greece, Alan and Tom are pursued by horny philosophers who have a fetish for nubile young boys with glasses. Jackie Chan must protect them from getting butt raped at all costs. Meanwhile, Nancy eats the Olympia Resturant of business, and is chased by Pete and Nico, who want to get all the food she ate out of her.
- The Gyspy Caper: Anne wanders off with a tribe of gypsies and is sucked into a lesbian orgy. Suzie tries to rescue her sister only to get dragged in herself, and the boys solve the case by videotaping it and selling the tapes for a profit. While on the case, Stanley accidentally makes Henry swallow a cock.
- Double Trouble: Stanley gets kidnapped and replaced by an evil clone, and it's up to Suzie and Anne to rescue him while Jackie does battle with the clone. Jackie naturally kicks the clone's ass good and proper, Stanley is saved and the kidnapper is revealed to be Uwe Boll who just wanted someone to watch his movies. The Chan Clan makes short work of him.
- The Bronze Idol: Tom develops a man-crush on a handsome, suntanned Olympic swimmer, whom Jackie finds out is secretly a robot bent on world domination. It's up to him to stop the robot, kick the asses of its creators, and protect Tom from getting his heart broken.
- Eye of the Idol: Sammy Davis Jr's glass eye is stolen from a museum. Jackie enlists the help of Flip, Henry and Anne to find it while the others argue over whether Dean Martin or Frank Sinatra was cooler.
- White Elephant: The Chan Clan meets Ernest Hemmingway and spends the day getting drunk with him, but in the morning they discover he's stolen a million-dollar elephant. Jackie and Henry kick Ernest's ass while the kids find the elephant. During the search Suzie accidentally flashes her panties, Tom attempts to cop a feel off of Anne and Nancy gets licked by various animals.
- The Crown Jewels Caper: The Chan Clan chases after the Talented Mr. Ripley when he steals the Crown Jewels. But things get complicated when he manages to seduce Tom. Meanwhile, a stoned Stanley gets the munchies, prompting him and Nancy to eat the local White Castle out of business on a bet of who can eat the most of the cheap, greasy burgers before realizing they taste like Godzilla's wang.
- Will The Real Jackie Chan Please Stand Up?: Jackie is framed for various robberies and rapes by his biggest rival Jean-Claude Van Damme. Unfortunately, the kids get their asses handed to them when they try to clear Jackie's name, so it's up to Chu-Chu to save them and expose the real culprit.
- Captain Kidd's Doubloons: Alan finds the missing gold doubloons of Captain Kiddy from the Tom and Jerry movie, but when he tries to return them Captain Kiddy goes Bat Fuck Insane and kicks everyone's ass, thinking they were the thieves. It turns out Captain Kiddy is high on drugs and likes little kids and in the end Suzie ends the case by smashing his nuts with a lead pipe.
- Scotland Yard: The Stone of Scones is stolen just shortly after Jackie gets into a row with some old British bloke over who was the better Prime Minister, so of course the old guy is the prime suspect. The case is solved when Anne discovers the culprit peeking at her in the shower and kicks his ass. Meanwhile, Stanley and Henry accidentally re-create the Boston Tea Party and are arrested.
- The Great Illusion Caper: Crossover with Sailor Moon. Suzie finds the Silver Illusion Crystal hidden in the Forbidden Room of the Chan household (the one where Stanley keeps his porn) and mistakes it for one of her grandma's treasures. But when she asks Grandma Chan about it, the Negaverse shows up and kidnaps the old lady. Now it's up to the girls to save the day while the boys are repeatedly kidnapped, brainwashed and made into sex slaves for Queen Beryl.
- To Catch a Pitcher: The pitcher on Flip's Little League baseball team goes missing just after a team of child molesters have arrived in the area. Jackie must save the boy from being butt raped. Meanwhile, Anne starts a girls' softball team, but gets more than she bargained for when the sexist league manager won't let her do it unless she scores him a date with Jackie.
- The Very Special Caper: When Alan gets caught smoking pot, the Chan Clan must solve the mystery of how to get him off the stuff without staging a stupid intervention. The case is solved tragically when one night, innocent little Mimi gets into the stash, gets stoned, accidentally kills Kenny McCormick and is fined $50. Meanwhile, Anne sexually assaults her hot female gym teacher while Tom struggles to come out of the closet only to find the door doesn't open from the inside, Jackie is kidnapped by a librarian and Henry might have herpes.