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Maybe we should move the Bat-villians section to it's own article. Chainsawmidget 15:48, 17 September 2006 (UTC)

Thinking about changing all references to sodomy etc. to pounding bat sodomy --Bloodrage 22:36, 25 October 2006 (UTC)

"..and I can breathe in space!"[edit]

Added extra Batman quote

"I'm Batman. And I can breathe in space!"

If anyone doesn't like it, just huff it. ;)

Fine idea about the villains.

Proper spelling[edit]

Why was my section about proper spelling removed? It went like this:

"It has been established by the Mirriam-Webster dictionary that the proper spelling of comic-book hero's name is The Bat-Man. The hyphen symbolizes the psychological distinction between the bat (a creature of the night) and the man (Michael Keaton), while the world "The" distinguishes him from mundane, everyday batmen. Any publication or website that does not respect this manner of spelling is stupid, and probably run by women."

Did someone accidentally get sand on their vagina over that last line? It was a joke, you know.-- 22:38, 11 June 2007 (UTC)

Since no one can answer my question, I'll assume that you all agree I should re-instate the paragraph.-- 20:18, 12 June 2007 (UTC)


Whered the big list of Bat-movies go?

Now its just a small paragraph on Bat-movies rather than a list of Bat-movies.

So what should we have? The list or the paragraph? --Paige 15:29, 2 June 2008 (UTC)

Long lists are usually unfunny. I prefer the small paragraph. --MegaPleb Dexter111344 Complain here 15:31, 2 June 2008 (UTC)


What do you think of the overallness of Bat-Origins in this article? Is it a bit too long and in need of deletion or is it funny? I'm not really sure because I can't really tell myself. Wi Account ki 09:56, 22 July 2008 (UTC)

We need either a long funny origin, or several short versions of an origin that are funny but short. Somehow we have to explain how many different men all played as Batman as well as Batman's many different looks as well. Crisis of Infinite Batmans, perhaps? :) --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 01:22, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

Hockey Quote[edit]

I liked the hockey quote. Besides being a good movie reference, it is the only quote by Batman himself. I reverted the revision, and I think more discussion on the topic is necessary before simply taking the quote out.

HTBFANJS + User:Famine/Do some work? — Sir Sycamore (talk) 19:39, 11 September 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, I read it, long ago. And I still like the quote... Now what? Is it still up to you? The guy who wrote it seems to not give a damn, but I liked it and I think it should be there. I do think a third input on this is necessary. And a question: who decided the quotes already on the page are funny, and thus allowed to stay? The wiki is not f*cking yours, stop acting like it is. User: 22:56, 26 September 2008 (GMT -03:00)

OK simple = Quotes = Bad. There has been another user protecting this article. Again, concentrate on writing not useless quotes. Thank you — Sir Sycamore (talk) 07:31, 26 September 2008 (UTC)

This page is stupid[edit]

Please let me change it and then revert things you don't like. But don't shit-revert EVERYTHING in my face, it's frustrating. 03:40, 19 September 2008 (UTC)

Took the liberty to add a quote where someone tells this douche to get a gun. It was high time someone did... Seriously, the fact he has no real weapons is what makes me don't like these movies so much, so I think it should be mentioned (fell free to remove the quote if you don't like it or add it in normal text)

Guns. They make the world go around. --Aljolson.jpg Hi, hey! I'M A MOTERFUCKING NIGGER BITCH LOVER Aljolson.jpg 03:01, 3 March 2009 (UTC)
If Batman had guns they'd call him The Punisher and Marvel's lawyers would sue. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 23:44, 3 March 2009 (UTC)
Just to be serious for a change, Bruce Wayne/Batman's parents were killed by guns in front of him when he was eight years old; he swore off guns; he used them once and got in very serious trouble as a result; he stopped using them again. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  20:32, March 19, 2010 (UTC)




Batman Batman Batman

Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da


-Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 18:29, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

Tights make the man. GiddyUp205
HA HA HA! You said Gay! That is so funny! PentagonGayJokesinChains69

Batmans top 10 peeves[edit]

  • 10. After dramatic entrance at scene of crime, having to convince everybody he's not a professional wrestler.
  • 9. When you can see outline of underwear through Bat Suit.
  • 8. Punks who gather around and smart off while he's getting gas for the Batmobile.
  • 7. Nuclear power source for utility belt has rendered him sterile.
  • 6. Really stupid people that shout out, "Hey! Where's Tonto?"
  • 5. When dry cleaners accidentally switches Bat Suit and San Diego Chicken costume. When an episode focuses way too much on Jake.
  • 3. Seeing Alfred the butler talking to Albert Goldman.
  • 2. The way any two-bit moron with a flashlight and a piece of cardboard can summon him at night.
  • 1. When people call him "The Batman" -- it's just "Batman," damn it!

Also some stupid idea floating around in in my head about Batman losing the ears off his costume and calling himself Space Ghost --Maniac1075 06:16, March 21, 2010 (UTC)

Imperial Colonization[edit]


Sunday - Wednesday: Concept and development[edit]

During the four days from Sunday, 28 February 2010, to Wednesday, 3 March 2010, ideas for the current colonization, which is


can be hashed out here. The discussion below should be geared towards what sort of concept the article will have. All colonizers are welcome to participate in the discussion.

On early Thursday, 4 March 2010, a general outline from these ideas will be compiled and posted on the main Colonization page. Other things that could happen during this planning phase include deciding which participants will be working on which sections, although that is optional.

Post your opinions and ideas for BATMAN below.

Resources to guide discussions[edit]

Through the history of colonization, some things have been found to work well. You might want to check User:SysRq/Example_Colonization and see Uncyclopedia talk:Imperial Colonization/Creationism and the sections that follow it for ideas on how to begin. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:08, February 28, 2010 (UTC)

Me first[edit]

Okay - brief skimming through the history of this, and other than a lot of images from comics, not much worth looking at. And the next person who puts a motivational poster on as an image, and then adds a second caption, is going to get kicked in the head. Really. I mean, don't these already have captions? Initial thought is to go left of centre and either do something about a creature that is half man half bat - probably from mythology. Second thought is to do a profile on Donald Bradman, nicknamed "Batman" for his outstanding cricketing prowess, and because of rhyming slang. However, neither of these really excite me. How about a straight parody of Wikipedia:Batman? Nominally Humane! some time 05:50, 28/02/2010

Credit Crunch Idea[edit]

Isn't Bruce Wayne a billionaire or something? Could the recent economic downturn have hit him bad meaning he's now totally skint. This would mean he can no longer afford all the expensive equipment and has to have crappy cheap alternatives. No Batmobile - just some rust-bucket. Maybe he can no longer afford the web he shoots at and is largely ground-based. Alcohol could have become a problem and he could have had a few swinging straight into concrete building incidents. He might have had to make Robin redundant and had to offer a severage package.

web = spiderman. But I see your point. Nominally Humane! some time 19:57, 28/02/2010
Oh yeah...I'm crap with superheroes. mAttlobster. (hello) 20:01, February 28, 2010 (UTC)
One thing I think we need to do is try and avoid the clichéd stuff - Gay Batman, Adam West, etc. I was thinking that Batman - if transported into a real world - would actually be a delusional psychotic criminal. He is a vigilante who is constantly is trying to deal with the death of his parents as a child by beating up petty criminals. He has so many abandonment issues that he eventually loses his tenuous grip on reality and dresses up as a bat. Maybe something written in the style of a psychoanalytical profile from a criminal psychologist. Maybe even a report by Vicky Vale? Nominally Humane! some time 20:21, 28/02/2010
I'm trying to back away and let other colonizers discuss a direction for the article, but here I'll make an exception. As I said when I nominated this article for colonization, I unfortunately didn't see much I thought was worth saving in the history. And while I will be guided by the consensus of my fellow colonizers, I also would prefer not having another "Hey Batman and the young Boy Wonder hang out together all the time obviously gay HA HA FUNNY!" King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  02:22, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
In spite of what I said above, I just found there was some pseudo-psychological stuff related to Batman and Robin possibly being homosexual that may go all the way back to 1954's Seduction of the Innocent. That's the book by psychiatrist Fredric Wertham that led to the creation of the comics code, so maybe we could use some of this IF we keep it psycho-serious: King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  09:18, March 10, 2010 (UTC)

Psycho analysis Batman[edit]

Actually, the more I think about this idea the more merit it has to me. Given the several billion incarnations of the bat the more and more material we can use. For those that are unaware of the basic story, Bruce Wayne as a child was out with his parents when they were killed in a mugging. However in different incarnations he is:

  • At the cinema watching Zorro
  • At the cinema watching Dracula
  • At the Opera watching Die Fledermaus

In different incarnations he was:

  • Attacked by a random mugger
  • Attacked by the Joker before he became the joker

At different times he is referred to as:

  • A detective (DC stands for Detective comics)
  • A trained ninja (trained by Rhas a ghul, or however it's spelled)
  • A billionaire
  • An inventor

And all this is before he come to the fact he was played by Adam West, Christian Bale, Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer and George Clooney. The Joker was played by Jack Nicholson and Heath ledger. Catwoman was Eartha Kitt, Michelle Pfieffer, and Halle Berry.

So my idea is that this becomes the Diary of a psychologist (maybe Dr. Jonathan Crane, the scarecrow, who is frustrated as he has been a well respected Doctor for many years but due to an unfortunate nickname keeps getting called Frasier) who works in Arkham Asylum. The patient - Bruce Wayne - is one that the good Doctor has recently reduced his medication as the patient was in a constant semi-vegetative state. It is the Doctors hope that he can rehabilitate the patient and have them back out into society by psychoanalysis alone.

However as the effects of the drugs wear off the patient becomes more and more restless and each time he tells a story of his life the details keep changing. There is exploration of his childhood (the accident), his love life (focusing on Catwoman), and his vigilante exploits, the adoption of Robin/Nightwing/whatever else he is called, and his career as a detective/playboy/ninja/inventor. He accuses the Doctor at times of being the scarecrow, and then Sideshow Bob, and then the joker, and finally refers to the Doctor as Fraser. The Doctor, after this final straw, decides that the therapy isn't working and he ups the meds again to bring him back down to the vegetative state. Doctor Crane declares that although this experiment was a failure, he has high hopes for the potential rehabilitation of the unnamed patient who refers to himself as "the Joker".

And another resource is - batman wiki Nominally Humane! some time 21:08, 28/02/2010
I like this idea. I think the more serious in tone and professional the language of the analysis, the funnier it would be. mAttlobster. (hello) 22:02, March 1, 2010 (UTC)
I too, like this provided the "side notes" of the psychologists notes actually do reveal that he is indeed the real Batman, but we'll never know because he's been placed back into a medical coma...?  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280.jpg ~  02 Mar 2010 ~ 04:40 (UTC)
By consensus, it will be Psycho analysis Batman. And by the way, I personally love this idea. But to merge the "Bruce Wayne only imagines he's Batman" with "Bruce Wayne really is Batman" how about we leave it hanging at the end? One way to do this might be to have the loyalty of the psychiatrist be in doubt because we learn at the end it's someone who really was said to be a psychiatrist associated with helping insane people at Arkham Asylum, and then hepled one escape, and then became an enemy of Batman, and then as associate of Batman; namely, this person--or that person could work really well. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  23:57, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

I'M BATMAN[edit]

PLEASE DON'T EDIT THIS SECTION (except maybe for minor grammar/spelling problems). Please post notes below it.

This is the general guideline for writing this article. Every detail here isn't carved in stone, but this is still a guide. See or any other Batman material for background.

Bruce Wayne is housed as a mental patient in the Elizabeth Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane. It is technically modern day, but his tiny domain holds the gothic eeriness of Edgar Allen Poe and H. P. Lovecraft. The 1954 Comics Code Authority never set foot here. No code ever sanitized out the "excessive violence" and "lurid, unsavory, gruesome illustrations" and "sex perversion", "sexual abnormalities", and "illicit sex relations."

A psychatrist injects Wayne to bring him out of a drug-induced, vegetative state. The drug is named, and the psychiatric methods used feel as real as a nightmare. Wayne claims he's a masked crimefighter called The Batman. (Perhaps he also claims his name is Val Kilmer, or Adam West, or Christian Bale, or Michael Keaton, or George Clooney.) He claims he's a detective, a martial artist, an inventor, a billionaire. He talks of his sidekicks, his loves, his enemies. The psychiatrist asks questions and takes notes.

At the end of the session, the psychiatrist reports that the patient is incurable. He reinjects Wayne with the drug that will return him to a vegetative state. But the reader will be left wondering: Is Bruce Wayne really a psychotic whom the psychiatrist truly hoped to help, or is he actually the imprisoned and sane Dark Knight struggling to rise through his drug-induced nightmares? Perhaps the identity of the psychiatrist will give a clue. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  02:53, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

Another theory[edit]

Russian Batman?

Let's talk about Batman as the founder of Melbourne, a philantropist, a superhero, and Holy Dove, Batman, don't forget Robin! GiratinaOriginForme.png |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Kyurem CUN|IC Kill Don't be fooled. I'm an Aussie too. | 00:46, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for your suggestion, but the above theme is by consensus, and is the guideline for colonization of this article. If you want to add details related to what you posted that fit the theme, feel free to add them to the article. You're a highly experienced colonizer (a heck of a lot more than me), and we can use your help. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  01:11, March 6, 2010 (UTC)
That, and as one of the only two people here who know the humour behind Batman being the founder of Melbourne, I don't think it would work beyond the two of us. (Bloody rainy long weekends!) Nominally Humane! some time 04:15, 6/03/2010
One other note, in regard to Robin: it does say "He talks of his sidekicks." King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:05, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

The end of Batman[edit]

This isn't official policy or anything, just an idea that I'd like colonizers' opinions on.

If you don't know, in the Batman mythos Dr. Jonathan Crane was a Professor of Psychology at Gotham University, and Metropolis State Psychiatric Hospital exists (although I don't know if it says he studied there). Dr. Crane is also the villian Scarescrow, who wins through fear, often by using gas or some other creation. At the end of the article, I see Batman identifying him as Scarecrow, and also identifying Crane's assistant, whom I see as a psychiatric intern at Arkham Asylum, Harleen Quinzel. (By the mythos, she isn't terribly bright, but got good grades by seducing her professors). She's also known as the villian Harley Quinn. After Batman correctly identifies them--or the delusional Bruce Wayne continues his superhero/villian delusion--he returns to his comatose, vegetative state. What think? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:43, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

It says Dr. Crane studied psychology but is prescribing drugs and doing psychiatry. Really that's not how it works. To do that you have to be a medical doctor. Could we make him an MD? Admin DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 16:04, March 9, 2010 (UTC)
I believe you're right. In the source material I looked at, it said he studied psychology, but also said he did a lot of work with medicines and practiced psychiatry. We could:
  1. State that he has a medical degree
  2. Have Bruce Wayne himself suspect that the Dr. might not be qualified to do what he's doing, and question it.
King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  07:19, March 10, 2010 (UTC)


I just got here... and is there any further plans for the direction of this article other then what has been written above? I may have some ideas, but I want to make sure they are not canceled out by any plans that have been made already. Rifting Icons-flag-us.png Contribs ... dont fall in....Complain Icons-flag-ca.png - LOB17px-Compassrose.gif 18:58, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

I'm working on some things right now. As we're half way through the one-week extension, I'M BATMAN is more-or-less set in concrete, but the rest isn't. I'll have some more stuff posted in the article, probably within the hour. But nothing I write is set in concrete, and is subject to change by any colonizer, including you. :-) King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  19:48, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

Wow! What a difference a day makes![edit]


Man! I really like what you've done with the article Why, keep up the good work! I think there should be a small section on how the psychiatrist thinks the alternate earth theme is ridiculous, that it seems, "bizzarro" (and possibly that it must be some kind of "epic or infinite" "crisis" for Mr. Wayne to keep all of this in his head).  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280.jpg ~  18 Mar 2010 ~ 04:46 (UTC)

Thanks. As for your small alternate earth section idea? You have just a couple days left--write it. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  18:52, March 18, 2010 (UTC)
Ok.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280.jpg ~  19 Mar 2010 ~ 05:11 (UTC)

More bat pics[edit]

Good work so far, colonizers! We're now in the final stretch before Pee Review. I think it would be good if we had one pic for each of the sections that doesn't have one. For the most part, let's keep them dark, although a lighter one here and then can break it up. Something like how the red, green and yellow dressed Robin was originally added to lighten up the Batman comic and give it color--literally. Remember, deadline is Saturday, 20 March 2010. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  03:49, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

That vid may be perfect, imnho, for an ender to the page. Full size too, like a damn tv screen. It looks like Matfen uploaded it from somewhere else and used it in mini-size in his Christian Bale page, yet it seems very effective in full size. If it was created here I'd say it would be feature worthy all by itself. Fun to watch. Al en'chain 4:47 19 3 mmx
I agree that it's very creative, and I enjoyed watching it. But as you pointed out, it's already in the Christian Bale article. And it's quite long, long enough for people to forget about what they're reading, which is I suspect one reason why you put it in the end. Unfortunately, I think putting it at the end of Batman is anti-climatic. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  18:32, March 19, 2010 (UTC)
Compromise: I created an external links section, and have it as "Bruce Wayne: Scapegoating Projection to 'Superman,'" Arkham Asylum (video). If someone wants to change the title, that's fine--just keep it sounding pseuo-scientific. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  19:29, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Excuse my edits[edit]

But while some of the things that were added may be clever in and of themselves, unfortunately I think much of it derails the article. By I'M BATMAN, which was the consensus for writing this piece, we decided to walk the narrow line between "Bruce Wayne is insane but professionals are sincerely trying to help him" and "Batman is a real hero and so strong willed he's fighting for rationality through the drugs but is still imprisoned by his enemies." Some of the changes, though, are "Bruce Wayne is a looney" and "Batman is a sane hero," both of which we decided to avoid. We also decided this would be a dark article in tune with the darkness of Gotham City and especially Arkham Asylum. We're writing a dark comedy here, one that walks the narrow line between laughs and tears.

Also note that I had virtually nothing to do with charting the course for this article--the concepts came from other colonizers. I actually had a concept that was completely different from the consensus (I never posted it because I wanted input from others), but I liked what other people came up with better. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  18:27, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Pee Review[edit]

A Pee Review I found very helpful is here. The reviewer suggests the article needs more humour early on--I agree. Some has been added, and several other improvements have been made, but The Awakening section is still very dry. Humour, anyone (remember, check I'M BATMAN above to keep with our theme). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  01:43, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

More humour has been added. See what you think. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  03:01, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
Also I made an executive decision. The Pee Reviewer is a member of Imperial Colonization, and did not write part of the article. But I think a detailed, very helpful Pee Review is no less valuable than someone's editing of a line or two. So the reviewer gets credit on the Big Board (if the article's featured this won't count as feature credit, but counts for IC). So be it. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  03:49, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
Symbol for vote.svg For.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280.jpg ~  25 Mar 2010 ~ 00:16 (UTC)

Red links[edit]

Red links--generally, it's not considered good to have an article filled with red links. However, in several discussions I've seen, many editors think some red links are good, especially when they show articles that are needed. In fact, these show up on a list, and the more a name is red linked the higher it is on that list. Several editors check it and create new articles--there's even a new group called Upsilon Sigma Sigma dedicated specifically to writing red-linked articles. As of right now, this article has three red links to where articles really could be used--the TV show Cheers, one of the most popular in the history of American television; Frank Langella, a major actor; and Michael Keaton, another major actor. Personally, I'd prefer the links stay red instead of being redirected somewhere else--it may help inspire someone to write these articles, and the links will no longer be red. What think? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  02:59, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Ahhh, two long notes, 2 edit conflicts. I'll shorten it--blue links good, red links bad (to the public if this goes vfh). Cheers page needed, but if we link to a good Uncy alcoholic page it would join that article into the fun. Langella and Keaton. Al de chain, 3:21 22 3 mmx
Colonizers, link as you will. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:02, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
Thanks Why? I added the link to 'Drunk' onto Cheers, wiki to the others, and one to the Chicago Cubs again with an explanation. The Cubs are America's losers, so funny in the US. Batman forever! Aleister in Chains 18:01 22 3 mmx (UTC)

Main space countdown[edit]

As of this moment, I plan to copy this article to mainspace 12 to 24 hours from now. Make any final edits, then our will will be done. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  03:02, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

We should have Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization/Batman locked now that we're done with that portion of the project.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280.jpg ~  25 Mar 2010 ~ 00:32 (UTC)


Imperial Colonization editing history[edit]

For the history of edits made to this article by Imperial Colonization, see Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization/Batman User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 20:07, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Ankh smite.png Bless. Good idea here, will preserve the history. Suggestion: In the future just make a minor edit on the main page, copy & paste the above into the summary box and save it. Then when people look at the history in the future they will see the side link for the extended history.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280.jpg ~  25 Mar 2010 ~ 00:29 (UTC)

A Brief Glance[edit]

Hello! Just read the article again, and it's looking really really good. I especially love the "Then I gave one to Mr. Wayne" line. The first two sections now seem a lot better, and possibly just a bit easier for the casual reader to still sink in to. Hope the Pee Review in some way helped, and awesome work IC! Nameable mumble? 22:20, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Whether it gets featured or not, I believe your review definitely helped. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:36, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

VFH comments[edit]

Uncyclopedia:VFH/Batman (IC version) This may come in helpful when looking at future potential edits. Puppy Saturday, 23:17, Mar 27 2010 UTC

Thanks, and thanks for that box thing you made for this page. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  20:40, March 29, 2010 (UTC)
Yeah that was cool, very similar to the thingy I was gonna do before I got sidetracked IRL.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280.jpg ~  30 Mar 2010 ~ 00:55 (UTC)