Fruit

Fruits

Hi guys! My name is Sebastian, and this is my boyfriend, Johnathan. Don't be rude, Johnathan! Say hello!

Oh... er... can we do this later Sebastian? I'm kinda busy right now. I'm trying to-

Can we make this quick? I really need to get back to hanging up your clothes.

No.

Are you sure? Because I really need to-

No.

*Sigh* Alright, as I can see you're not gonna let me do anything until I do this with you, I'll humor you. What is it you want me to do?

Tell our good readers all about fruits.

Okay, well... according to Wikipedia, a fruit is "a structure of a plant that contains its seeds".

Fabulous!

Am I done now?

No! We need to expand! We have a whole article to fill! We need headers, and pictures, and... headers...

Okay. What headers, and pictures, and headers do you want?

Alright, I got it!

Types of fruit

There.

Okay, fine, what kind of fruit do you want to talk about?

Ooh! How about a pomegranate?

Okay, sure. What do you know about pomegranates?

The only place to buy pomegranates. Except for Wal-mart, any farmer's market...

Well for one, they're pink (my favorite color). I also happen to know they're an aphrodisiac.

Well, I didn't know that. I guess that's kinda coo-

Do you wanna try this pomegranate, right now?

Whoa, where'd you get that?

At the pomegranate store.

Of course. Where else would you get a pomegranate?

Actually, I think they sell them at most other grocery stores. Places like Wal-mart, B-

It was a rhetorical question.

Oh... I knew that.

I'm sure you did.

No, really, I did. Just ask the pomegranate.

I don't believe pomegranates can speak.

Well have you ever taken the time to listen to one?

Well...

No, no you haven't.

Okay, this is getting a little weird. We should move on. Something like...

Tomato

Is that really a fruit?

Yes it is, and you know what else is?

Cabbage?

What? No. I was gonna say cucumbers.

Wow, that's cool... as a cucumber!

Oh... how I love your stupid jokes...

Y-you think they're stupid?

No, I was jus-

Fine, then, I'm not talking to you till you take it back.

Bu-

Oh! I can't stay mad at you! Let's have hot steamy make-up sex right here.

I'd rather not.

Well, then, you're just like a reverse tomato.

What's that supposed to mean?

I thought you were a fruit, but it turns out you weren't.

Are you suggesting I'm not gay?

That's what it sounded like to me.

Ya know, you gotta lota nerve to... Oh fuck it, let' just do it.

Now that's what I'm talking about!

Well, in that case, Get the condoms, dear. we better sign off. Anything to tell our reader before we go fuck, Johnny? Yeah, sorry we never got around to talking about carrots. Also, I'm gonna play the hokey pokey (that's our song, folks) while were in bed, if you don't mind. Carrots aren't fruits, dear. No shit?

What an interesting and colorful template.

It is, isn't it?...