# Pessimist

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Being a pessimist is a metaphor for having one's glass half-empty. To determine whether someone's glass is half-empty or half-full, they are frequently asked the question: "Are you optimistic or pessimistick?"

## As opposed to optimistic

The difference between a half-full glass and a half-empty glass is simple: a half-full glass contains fifty percent liquid, and a half-empty glass contains fifty percent gas. In the case of a carbonated drink, the gasses injected into the liquid are counted as part of the liquid until the gas is released, in which case it is counted as a gas. Also, a solid, such as ice, is counted as a liquid.

## Controversy

Various groups of people do not believe that there is a difference. According to a large group of mathematicians, there is no difference between half-empty and half-full, as they both equate to a 50:50 ratio, therefore resulting in the person being realistic. However, more-than-half-empty and more-than-half-full have been proven to be different.

Although there is another take on the optimistic-or-pessimistic theory, in which the person's glass is actually full. This theory was conjoured by a second-year student at primary school, in which the percentage is converted to a decimal (50% -> 0.5), and then rounded (0.5 up to 1.0), ending up with 100%.

## Other "personalities"

High
Your glass is full.
Emo
Your glass is empty.
Jealous
Your glass is half-empty, and everyone else's glass is half-full.
Analitical
Your glass is half-water.
Dishonest
Your glass is half-empty, but you say it's half-full.
Forgetful
Your glass is spiked. Don't worry though; it still looks half-empty. Or half-full.
Confused
Your glass is half-grue.
Annoying
Your glass is twice as big as it needs to be to accommodate the liquid within.
Paranoid
Your glass has water in it. Water that will poison you if you drink it. Better leave it alone. Or tell the government. WAIT, NO! They're in on it too, aren't they?!
Common sense
Who cares? If you're that thirsty, fill it up again.
Quantum
Your glass is in a combined state of being simultaneously half full and half empty.
Nihilist
If the glass existed at all, it would be entirely empty.
Glutton
You ordered a cheeseburger.
Existential
The water is not a thing-in-itself but occurs to you as what-will-quench-thirst. Your glass is merely used as equipment. You are not yourself but rather a manifestation of Dasein; and as Dasein you feel anxst at the notion that the water will soon be gone - which makes you determined to enjoy it all the more.
Murphy
It doesn't matter whether your glass is half full or half empty, because you're going to spill it all anyway.
President
Your glass is half full because you decide it is, and you're the decider.
Microsoft
An error has occurred. Windows cannot detect any glasses.
American
Your glass is half empty with beer.