Incident at Honnō-ji

Honnō-ji n00b accident

Incident at Honnō-ji
Date: 1582
Location: A temple in Kyoto.
Result: Toyotomi victory, Oda Nobunaga pwned.
Territory Changes: Toyotomi Hideyoshi gains control of Central Japan.
The scene of the incident.
Combatants
Oda Shogunate, Toyotomi forces	Akechi rebels
Commanders
Oda Nobunaga, Toyotomi Hideyoshi	Akechi Mitsuhide
Military Strength
7009 troops, 5 tanks, 8 towers	500 troops, 9 tanks
Military Casualties
5000 troops, 2 tanks, 7 towers	entire army destroyed!!!

“It's the deadliest battle I've--AWWWW!!!!”

~ Oda Nobunaga

“Kill Akechi Mitsuhide!!!!”

~ Toyotomi Hideyoshi

“SURRENDER, ODA NOBUNAGA!!! OR ELSE I WILL KILL YOU!!!”

~ Akechi Mitsuhide

“Nobody cares about the Incident at Honnō-ji!”

~ Uesugi Kenshin

“Yaay! I can now take over the realm!”

~ Tokugawa Ieyasu

The Incident at Honnō-ji was a assassination planned by Akechi Mitsuhide. However it turned out to be a battle, and this fucking incident happened in 1582 in Honno-ji, a temple in Kyoto which the assassinated n00b, Oda Nobunaga, lived.

It turned out to be the assassination of one of the shoguns of Japan, as Nobunaga was shogun at the time.

How the Incident happened

Oda Nobunaga, the assassinated shogun. What the heck Abraham Lincoln?!

In 1582, Oda Nobunaga's stupid slave Toyotomi Hideyoshi decided to attack the rival Mori clan. However Hideyoshi contacted Nobunaga on phone that he only had 100 troops (The Mori army had 2000 troops), so Nobunaga went to help. Nobunaga, on the way, residenced in Honno-ji, a hotel temple for nōōbs and Daimyōs (the type of ruler at the time). Fuckingly, Akechi Mitsuhide, another stupid retainer of Nobunaga decided to kill him in the toilet. However Mitsuhide had to make a rebellion, which controlled Iga province. Akechi was fed up with his master's commands, too.

The Incident

A Akechi troop using a machine bow gun on a Oda troop from the back.

Akechi arrived in Kyoto with 300 troops carrying cannons and turnips as well as toilet cannons, too. They assaulted the 5000 Oda troops guarding the city, throwing turnips and firing poops and plasmas that exploded on the Oda troops. They assaulted the Fort as well as the temple, killing Nobunaga's brother Nobutaka. The Oda fought back by firing toilets and bricks at the Akechi troops, but then some tanks protected Akechi forces. Several bombs exploded, making a Mushroom cloud with poops. The rebels went in the temple, forcing Nobunaga to commit Seppuku (a type of suicide that requires you to throw a dagger at your wienut.). Nobunaga ignored it, so Mitsuhide killed him by kicking him and then stab him with a sword into the wienut. That was the end of Nobunaga's long-lived Oda Shogunate.

Akechi Troops marching toward Kyoto. Note that they hold Wikipedian banners and are fucking nōōbs.

Also, Oda and Akechi players clashed online in world of warcraft. Man, that sucks.

Note:Before Akechi began his march toward Kyoto, he held a Renga session with several prominent poets. One FUCKING line he said was as the following:

Samurai who were present at the incident. First row: Akechi Mitsuhide and his retainers; Second row: Toyotomi Hideyoshi and his advisors; Last row, Oda Nobunaga and his brother Nobutaka with Oda artists, cooks, advisors, and troops.

“ Toki wa ima, ame ga shitashiru satsukikana. (時は今 雨がした滴る皐月かな) ”

Literally, it meant "Time is offering the chance to pwn the enemy on the rainy day, and we must complete the pwn!" However, it could also be taken to mean the following without changing a single sound:

土岐は今 天が下治る 皐月かな

Toki, which means time, sounds identical to Toki, which was Akechi's ancestral family name. The whole damn phrase could be translated as "Toki forces pwn Oda Nobunaga at Kyoto! We will rule Japan as Shogun!".

Hideyoshi kills Mitsuhide

Returning with 9 zombies and 2000 troops, Hideyoshi assaulted Kyoto. He destroyed the Akechi forces, as well as killing Mitsuhide in a toilet. Hideyoshi later proclaimed the Toyotomi Shogunate, putting resistance against the Tokugawa Alliance.

Siege of Kyoto

Toyotomi Hideyoshi's siege chick.

After retreating from the Battle of Yamazaki, Akechi returned to Kyoto. Hideyoshi came to the city with 2009 troops, along with 20 tanks. The fire rockets burned up Kyoto, and then the troops carrying poop bombs and turnip spears went in the city. The Akechi forces didn't have a lot of troops, and they were soon pwned by asplosions, failing to become shogun. The siege of Kyoto was a major battle during Hideyoshi's lifetime, too. AKECHI MITSUHIDE WAS KILLED IN THE TOILET!!!!! That was badass!!!

A Toyotomi elephant used to pwn enemies by dancing at the Siege of Kyoto.

Events That happened after The Incident

• Remaining Oda forces were pwned by Uesugi forces with banjos and poops and other stuff like that in the Battle of Echizen.
• Owari Province was left empty for the Tokugawa to conquer. However it soon became overrun with babarians that eats poop. Also, the province was taken by fucking Imagawa people that pwned the babarians by saying:"lol nōōb you fucks!" on the babarians while playing world of warcraft.
• The damn last phase of the fucked-up Sengoku period rages, with the Toyotomi clan versus Tokugawa clan. The two factions fought each other with toilets, zombies, atomic bombs, and turnips. The last phase was also fought online in world of warcraft.

• 

  A depiction of the battle of Sekighara, which happened a few years after the incident. Here, a giant Tokugawan chick takes Toyotomese forces by surprise.

• 

  Another depiction of Sekighara. Here, Tokugawans drive their tanks to crush the Toyotomese forces at the end of the battle.

• 

  This war poster ordered everybody to bow to Toyotomi Hideyoshi, but it didn't work on Tokugawans. Oh man, it sucks.

• 

  What Hideyoshi said to Tokugawa Ieyasu when they met at the Pwn Shop.

See Also

• Oda Nobunaga
• Noob
• Abraham Lincoln
• Zombies
• Japan
• Kyoto
• Pwn
• Grue
• Tokugawa Ieyasu

This article is part of the Wonderful Japan series