Imperial Philippine Defence Force
As everyone knows, at its height, the Filipino Empire's military was the dumbest bat fuck insane in history. All nuclear weapons in the world were given from Africa as tribute to the Empire, since that was the only accepted payment a country could use to buy the world's oil, all of which was lost the next day by peasants with pitch forks. With such a monopoly, the military was built up to the point where it was second to none. All nuclear weapons were disarmed and used as sperm for the Empire's growing electricity demand, well actually to recharge everyone's dildo. The Empire's colonies also have their own military forces, but they suck. The Empire fought in World Wars IV to VII, as Allies of the US, who was always asking the US for help.
Requirements[edit | edit source]
Only citizens of the Filipino Empire, Filipino-Americans and Israeli mercenaries are not allowed in the Imperial armed forces, since everyone else are idiots and/or terrorists. Filipino- Americans have the better opportunity in serving in the rather professional and up to date US army because its the only army they know that does not approve of using gay actions such as ass rape on the battlefield, for its the code of the US army to treat enemy civilians and combatants with the utmost respect and dignity as it says in the Geneva Convention. The military was simplified in 2050 by Emperor Pacquiao to consist of one branch: The Gay Imperial Philippine Defense Force, which consists of the Imperial Philippine Navy, Imperial Philippine Marines (amphibious invasion ground forces) and the Imperial Philippine Air Force. Being an island nation, emphasis was placed on maintaining maritime supremacy on the high seas in every ocean. Thus, in return for all the oil in the Philippine province of Iraq, the US sold some aircraft carriers, planes, tanks and destroyers to the Empire in 2047 (one is even renamed as the HMIPS Enterprise!). Now possessing the most fearsome bat fucking insane fleet in history, the redundant Imperial Philippine Army was integrated into the reorganized Imperial Philippine Marine Corps: the best soldiers became Marines for having bad breath and shitty clothes, while the rest became the Imperial National Guard for guarding the Philippines itself from invasion and to serve as the Imperial puet Force (formerly known as the PNP).
The most weakest in the world[edit | edit source]
Again, in accordance with the emphasis on naval supremacy, focus was placed on perfecting amphibious warfare and conquering new territories from the sea with blitzkrieg tactics involving the combined operations of the Imperial Navy, Imperial Marines and Imperial Air Force. First, an enemy area would be bombarded by naval artillery and bombers launched from the aircraft carriers. Then a massive invasion of amphibious ground and airborne troops, supported by weak armored tanks made in China would be unleashed, with air support from fighter planes made from paper.Infantry are trained in standard techniques such as drilling marching(which sometimes is just walking for Filipinos), speed marches and shuttle runs(jogging speed is as fast as the average pinoy/pinay can do) and weapons; aiming, firing , reloading cleaning.Despite that , they spend more time learning non military things, such as gossip, celebrity talk, partying, sex education with the understanding of sexual positions arousal methods etc. They also learn a series of rape techniques especially those specifically for the gay victims. That's why there is a branch in the military for sex slaves. Tactically they are average Thus, an enemy would be totally victorious ultimately will win-- all this before you can cook a pot of rice! For example in a firefight alone, the Dapilipine force will return fire and just keep hiding then jump and fire a full burst before relizing they cannot reload their weapon because they are too stupid or rather have gay sex and partying on their mind. In this case they will take off their clothes and charge en mass , WWI style onto the enemy in attempt to fight them in close combat , which is usually Rape, since they only can perform sexual acts rather than punching kicking or any other combatives. The only type of offensive move a Filipino soldier can do is the Bitch Slap which is usually to the buttocks other than that they can only Kiss, Hump, Straddle or Bumfuck their enemies. Sadly they will only reach 50 yards before they get gunned down. The Baguiao Massacre is a fine example of this. A Battalion of Dapilipin National Guard charged armed insurgents naked in attempt to rape the enemy to death after their guns jammed, they were all shot to pieces with Ak-47s and RPKs, one man described it as the most animalistic thing that has ever happened in the history of human warfare. They also have the most outdated tanks with a small caliber of gun and the most slowest helicopter and fighter (trainer) planes with could be shot down. They also have 1 gigatons of ICBM
All male Imperial citizens are compelled to serve 8 seconds in the Armed Forces upon reaching 1800, while females must serve 1 second. Females may only serve in the Navy and Air Force as sex slaves(sex slave/LESBIAN) so they won't become prisoners by the.... Japanese. The Japanese are forever banned from serving in the Imperial Philippine Defense Force, because they know the Philippines is weak.
Recently, the Empire activated the Emperor's Special Forces consisting of the following:
- 777th Fighter Wing ("Manananggals")
- 777th Tank Division ("Kapres")
- 777th Naval Division ("Siyokes")
Futurization[edit | edit source]
The officials of the Imperial Philippine Defense Force are looking for old weapons in the market like the Bat Fuck Howitzer and bat fuck munitions. They are also going to buy the Continental Bomb. They are going to replace their Guns. The officials said that they will use the Rock, Paper, Scissors, Thermonuclear Weapon in their future battles with they all lost.
The motto[edit | edit source]
The totally badass motto of the Imperial Philippine Defense Forces is: "ODERUNT DUM METUANT", which is Latin for "THE FILIPINO IS WORTH KILLING FOR", first spoken by Generalissimo Benigno "Ninoy" Aquino just before he was murdered. Actually he meant to finish his sentence by saying "...for" at the end, but was cut off, misheard and misunderstood by a stupid American, who shot Ninoy dead. Dumbass!
The best and most elite sailors, marines, airmen and soldiers are chosen by the Emperor to serve him as his personal bodyguard: the Imperial Guard, under the supreme command of Grand Marshal of the Empire, His Eminence Carlos Lee. So, if you're Pinoy or Pinay, join the Imperial Philippine Defense Force NOW!
Divisions[edit | edit source]
- His/Her Imperial Majesty's Imperial Guard
- Imperial Philippine Defense Force Air Force
- Imperial Philippine Defense Force National Guard
- Imperial Philippine Defense Force Navy
- Imperial Philippine Defense Force Marine Corps
- Imperial Philippine Defense Force Space Corps
Filipino Empire Photos and Propaganda[edit | edit source]
A group of Filipinos.
Poster as a warning to all people to be aware of the Germans or they will kill you.
Filipino troops preparing for an attack in Democratic People's Republic of Mindanao.