User : RAHB/Talk Archive 8

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

December 4th • Issue 27 • Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

Sycamore: How does he do it? An UnSignpost Special Investigation

Sycamore. What words waft gently into the back garden of your mind when you hear that word? "Tree", perhaps, or "unusual, propeller-style seeds", if you're of a naturalistic bent. Maybe (although we admit it is highly unlikely), the words "song by really obscure Scottish rock band Deckard" will sneak in under the fence. But for those of an Uncyclopedia nature (and let's face it, that should include all those reading this, or the paperbot's malfunctioning again), the words are likely to include: "Scottish"; "omnipresent"; "recent changes fiend"; "reviewer extraordinaire"; "categories"; "ban patrol"; or possibly "who?" if you're out of the loop.

But who is this masked Celt? Well, since changing identity from MMACKNIGHT‎ in March 2008, he's racked up an impressive 18,000 edits (or he will have by the time this paper is actually delivered - it's hanging at 17.940-odd at the time of typing). Many of these edits have been thanklessly categorising pages, voting for deletion, reverting and ban patrolling - the kind of soul-crushing work, in other words, that would sap the will to live of the average individual, but not our Syc.

His efforts have not gone un-noticed. Indeed, he's been re-nommed for Uncuclopedian of the Month, even though he's already won the award. And despite the understandable reluctance of the non-existent cabal to swell their non-existent ranks, there is a small but significant groundswell of opinion gathering that this should be followed by the bestowing of a Banhammer on the cheery Caledonian.

All of this is interesting, of course, and handily fills up column inches in this week's issue, but it doesn't answer the burning question: how does he do it?

Once again spending no expense on uncovering the truth, your fearless UnSignpost has the answers, and they lie in his welcome message, and a gratuitous stereotype of his nationality. Yes, Jaffa Cakes and Irn Bru are the fuel of choice of this salutary Scot, and it would appear that the chemical reaction of these two volatile substances in his bloodstream creates an energy level easily the equivalent of at least a small-to-medium Hadron Collider. This is sufficient to cause in him a state not unequivalent to that Scientific Holy Grail, perpetual motion. So there you go kids: that's how he does it!

Warning: Your safety-conscious UnSignpost would like to point out that Irn Bru is only known to have this beneficial effect on Scots. Those from less tartan countries would be advised to steer well clear - don't try this at home, kids!

From the Cabal's desk

Greeting citizens. This post does not exist. We are not addressing you from this paper. We do not exist. We do not sit in dark corners, smoking expensive cigars and smirk when we see you make mistakes. Mistakes on this site do not exist. We do not watch your every step with our ban hammers poised for actions. Mainly because your edits don't exist. We are not tired by your petty dramas and wonder when will you write some new classics. Simply because you do not exist. You are not reading this post. We will not meet again next week. This was not the cabal's weekly address to the citizenry. Keep the peace, obey the cabal. The cabal is your friend.

Check out these pages!

From our logs BUMPER SPECIAL:

07:24, 3 December 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.43.66.7 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You've got to stop taking vacations like this. They get in the way of the valuable contributions you make to our site.)
00:40, 3 December 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Fat hideous cunt (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Codeine why are you using socks to vandalize us)
18:25, 2 December 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.146.0.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (We love niggers. My best friend is a nigger. My wife is a nigger. And when I have a son, I hope he'll be a nigger rather than an IP)
19:57, 1 December 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.184.39.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Regardless of what your girlfriends may have told you, orgasms are real)
18:18, 1 December 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Codeine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a Country/Folk musician ‎ (When I see your name on my block log, I think of a song lyric by Townes van Zandt, if that means anything.)
18:03, 1 December 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a penis ‎ (When I see your name in my watchlist, I think of penis. And that's not always a good thing.)
21:03, 30 November 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Sycamore (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 30 seconds ‎ (That's for editing a year old topic and making RAHB think there was actually something exciting happening. Bastard.)
20:37, 30 November 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Sycamore (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 30 seconds ‎ (That's for editing a year old topic and making me think there was actually something exciting happening. Bastard.)

Biopic of the Week

There's beautiful, there's downright gorgeous, and then, beyond even that, there's Prettiestpretty. Blessed with writing talent to rival her boundless good looks, she has edified us on the delights of the Queef, the significance of the Colossus of Barbie, and much more besides. Long may she lend her grace to Uncyc!

Forgotten and so-short-it-possibly-ought-to-be-a-template page of the week

Tact: Writing? Have you ever thought about getting a real job?

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 19:07, 5 December 2008 (UTC)

My first article huffification

Just wondering if I could recreate My first article . It's a joke, not a serious attempt (if you want to see that I am, in fact, capable of halfway-decent work, check out Busta Rhymes). Maybe, if you really don't want it as an article, I could add it on to Bad articles?

Well, I certainly understood the joke, and I recognize and appreciate the concept. It's just a very overdone concept is the problem, and yours was particularly short. I can restore it to userspace or something if you want it back. Or you can put a construction tag on it and at least flesh it out a little more. A longer article utilizing the same concept probably wouldn't be too bad to keep around, if you'd like to do that. -RA HB 21:56, 8 December 2008 (UTC)

VFP crisis

Hey, just dropping a line to let you know about some problems over at VFP. If you would go over there and do some adminitarical sysop magic, it would be much appreciated. Thanks! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 17:26, Dec 9

Whoa...problems over at VFP? Imagine! sir

sysrq @ 20:07 Dec 9

It's horrible. it's like a MS Paintgasm. Colin

ALL YOUR BASE

Heaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 00:52, 10 December 2008 (UTC)

Wow. That was a fucking mess... -RA HB 06:24, 10 December 2008 (UTC)

Blanking spree

You might want to strike 212.227.103.74 with a bahnammer. He's going around blanking pages and replacing them with rude comments. I think he may have also stolen my wallet. --Sir Starnestommy (Talk • Contribs • CUN) 06:11, Dec. 10, 2008

The offender hath been smote. Thanks for letting me know. -RA HB 06:14, 10 December 2008 (UTC)

AAA

What's wrong with I LEFT THE OVEN ON!!! I thought this was exactly the type of material that uncyclopedia loves --GDawg816 | Talk | GDawg816, he pwns all n00bz n roxxors all soxxors 14:24, 10 December 2008 (UTC)

Well, at a glance, I'd say the ICU tag gives you a pointer right there - there's not much formatting, and it looks a bit of a mess. There's potential for it to work, I'd say, but you should probably take a look at some other articles and steal formatting ideas from them. Also, it's quite short. You need to think about adding to it. Tell you what, Cajek does this kind of manic, stressed out article quite well, take a look at some of his stuff and see if it gives you any ideas. But yeah, formatting and expansion are your friends here, I'd say. If you'll excuse the drive-by. --UU - natter

14:35, Dec 10

I have a week, I'll get around to it --GDawg816 | Talk | GDawg816, he pwns all n00bz n roxxors all soxxors 14:38, 10 December 2008 (UTC)

You may want to consider moving it to your namespace while you work on it. That way, it won't get deleted. sir

sysrq @ 14:45 Dec 10

Yeah, what they said. It's very short and messy. On the plus side, I generally delete articles that look that short and messy, but I decided to keep yours because I liked the idea. I especially liked some of the one liners, my favorite being "What could I possibly be cooking in the oven for breakfast?" It just needs to be expanded and made to not look so sloppy. I'm sure you'll do a fine job. -RA HB 23:25, 10 December 2008 (UTC)

Thanks guys. I originally wrote it as an illogicopedia article. So how do I put a sporked tag on it?? --GDawg816 | Talk | GDawg816, he pwns all n00bz n roxxors all soxxors 18:26, 15 December 2008 (UTC)

{{spork|Illogicopedia}} should do it. -RA HB 19:04, 15 December 2008 (UTC)

HALP

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Special:Contributions/99.0.66.51 --Charitwo^Talk 23:32, 10 December 2008 (UTC)

The cavalry has arrived. -RA HB 23:37, 10 December 2008 (UTC)

Senior Jones

Why'd you delete Senior Jones?

It looked like it was about someone you know or someone un-notable. Is he someone I should know about? If he is, I'll gladly restore it for you. -RA HB 03:25, 11 December 2008 (UTC)

Well, i just randomly found that picture on google, but thats ok. I hadn't added much content anyway.

SHAZAAM 14:25, 11 December 2008 (UTC)

Oh well if the character is completely fictional, I guess it would be OK to keep the article around. Would you like me to restore it? -RA HB 23:01, 11 December 2008 (UTC)

Query on Dead Link Pee Reviews

Hi, I was looking at the Pee Reviews, and found two which don't link to an article. The first was Uncyclopedia:Pee_Review/Enriconism_(quick), about an article you huffed for vanity. The other is Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Clay Weiss, which from the summary, that I fear may be the whole article, also looks like vanity. I couldn't find this one even after searching for it.

Is there a policy on where to report dead link pee reviews so they can be removed, and/or have the proper link found & inserted so the reviewers can find the article?--Mnbvcxz 18:04, 11 December 2008 (UTC)

I'd probably ask MrN9000 or Under user, or someone closer to pee review, when it comes to policies. But in the cases you stated, where the article certainly doesn't exist, also where it's a duplicate review page, or where there's nothing even linked on the review page, and any situation like that, I believe it's common to list the page on QVFD so it can be deleted. Hope that helps. -RA HB 23:03, 11 December 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: 11th December

-Colin "All your base" Heaney

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

December 11th • Issue 28 • The truth, the whole truth, and nothing

Colin breaks #uncyclopedia

By SysRq

At approximately 7:01 EST, Colin "All your base" Heaney officially fucked everything up yet again. IRC was engaged in what started out as a naturally occurring, all-caps LOL train. However, being the little faggot that he is, Colin decided to join in, effectively making it not funny anymore. This reporter, being an expert witness in cases of dipshittery, quickly came to the conclusion that "Colin makes everything suck."

However, Uncyclopedia's resident shitstain did not stop there. He proceeded to incite bizarre and violent urges within members of IRC, causing them to commit unspeakable acts. This reporter, under Colin's influence, killed both of his parents; deadpidgeon and MrN9000 both became homosexuals as a result. Colin himself was then found to have been responsible for every case of unpleasantness throughout history: the Holocaust, 9/11, and abortion.

As other users unknowingly joined the channel-turned-warzone, they too fell victim to Colin's faggotry. Users were eventually transforming into furries and fucking each other with "furry Disney dicks" just before this reporter relocated to a safer distance. Needless to say, there is now sufficient evidence that everything stupid and gay and unfunny is, in fact, Colin's fault.

Chicks, man.

By Regret Tenenbaum

Hot Chicks. Just the words start your heart racing and your mumble mumble. Hot chicks have long failed to receive the ample, under-wire support they deserve here on Uncyc, and if it were not for one, soft-drink based, visionary noob, the femmes fatales of Uncyc would still be a saggy, wrinkly mess. Now all the babes, sexy ladies, foxy chicks, MILFs, and, yes, even magical anime girls, rest in the palm of your hand, throbbing with their new-found intellectual networking - WikiProject Hot Chicks. When asked how the aforementioned n00b came up with such a brilliant idea, he responded: "I don't know what UnSignpost is, my motivation for starting U[N]:WP Hot Chicks was because I thought it was rather humorous, I would like to be adopted, and in Soviet Russia, all your base are belong to YOU !!" (Doctapeppaman was promptly given a stern spanking for such irresponsible use of memes).

The project has already succeeded in tagging several sexy talk-pages with the WikiProject Hot Chicks seal, thereby rating them on a random and baseless scale from A- to D-Cup, and the project will most likely be a success, considering the high ratio of users to perverts present on the site. Perhaps, one day, the project will achieve its primary goal - making every article without enough pictures of scantily-clad women into an article about cheesecake.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

02:14, 10 December 2008 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.142.37.160 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Hi. Welcome to Uncyc. I'm glad you enjoyed your stay here. We did too.)
13:16, 8 December 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 208.43.6.211 (Talk) with an expiry time of 15 years ‎ (congratulations! You'll be back when OJ is out of prison. Let me know he gets a parole before that)
Codeine (Talk | contribs) huffed "Wild sweaty orgies" (If anyone's gonna write an article about these it'll be me. I've done the research.)

Biopic of the Week

Far more than just a definite article, THE is a veritable cornerstone of the site, spoken of in hushed tones wherever people gather together to discuss prolific authors with ALLCAPS usernames only three letters in length. From computer expertise and nature documentaries to frankly ludicrous amounts of UnNews, THE covers all bases. And he won the WotM at the twenty-ninth time of asking in January 2008.

Vital Question of the Week

If we put blatant space filler in this box, will anyone notice?

Classic "...of the Week" Box of the Week

Week Box of the week - by far the most classic Classic "...of the Week" Box of the Week, "Week Box of the week", was featured in the very first edition of the Unsignpost, and for some reason that only the classic writers of the most classic Classic "...of the Week" Box of the Week know, Week Box of the week spoke not of boxes, as you weak-minded simpletons might believe, but of something higher - Dr. Skullthumper or Cajek's "humor juice".

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 21:11, 11 December 2008 (UTC)

Warnings

December 2008

Please stop. If you continue to huff new pages, as you did to List of Nobody Facts, you will be banned from the Internet. --204.128.70.65 15:38, 11 December 2008 (UTC)

:-D RabbiTechno 15:41, 11 December 2008 (UTC)

This is the last warning you will receive for your disruptive edits.
The next time you delete or blank page content or templates from Uncyclopedia, as you did to List of Nobody Facts, you will be blocked from editing.

-- 74.235.208.123 00:00, 12 December 2008 (UTC)

Roll up, roll up! Enjoy a nice burger or some tasty popcorn while yer watchin' the show, folks! Get 'em while they're 'ot!

Doctor, this is the last warning YOU get, the next time that you warn someone, you will get my ban hammer up your arse. Apart from the fact that you look extremely stupid warning an admin. ~ Mordillo where is my DICKHEAD? 00:08, 12 December 2008 (UTC)

Wow. Now THAT'S fail. sir

sysrq @ 00:12 Dec 12

Gets popcorn* This, I have to see. -- Sir Codeine K·H·P·B·M·N·C·U·Bu. · (Harangue) 00:17, 12 December 2008 (UTC)

I smell banhammers... Colin

ALL YOUR BASE

Heaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 00:18, 12 December 2008 (UTC)

No, that's me. I farted. Sorry. ~ Mordillo where is my DICKHEAD? 00:19, 12 December 2008 (UTC)

Well, you got your wish Doctor. I was blocked from editing. And I've learned my lesson now. I'll ~~continue to delete the bullshit that gets posted here daily, in the interest of keeping the quality of this site at a maximum~~ never do it again. I promise. -RA HB 00:52, 12 December 2008 (UTC)

Long time, no see.

I'm going to need you to be serious with your membership on my Wiki. Not to disrespect you or anything, but I don't want to work the Wiki by myself because I risk not being able to edit on certain days. Could you please assist me with my Wiki just to be on the safe side? --Ryanasaurus0077 22:14, 14 December 2008 (UTC)

I have to be honest with you man. I don't really have the time, nor do I have the interest in subject matter. I've got college courses now, plus my administrative work at this wiki, plus my outside, non-wiki projects, plus my job, and it's all keeping me pretty busy. And the Remington Steelers just isn't something that does, or ever has captured my interest, and I'm afraid that makes it low on my priority list, as well as is certain to lower the quality of any edit I were to make there. That's why I haven't been editing, and it's the main reason I will probably continue to not edit, for quite a long while. It's nothing personal, but there are my cards, laid out on the table as clearly as I know how. -RA HB 23:34, 14 December 2008 (UTC)

Really? I do feel sorry for you. I'll make you an administrator on my Wiki, while the two of us can advertise for my Wiki wherever appropriate. Howzat sound? --Ryanasaurus0077 21:33, 15 December 2008 (UTC)

I'm flattered that you'd entrust administrative powers on your wiki to me, and if you would like to, then by all means, go ahead. I just can't make any promises about frequent edits, or much else in the way of contributing content for that matter. -RA HB 00:33, 16 December 2008 (UTC)

A Little Confused

I recently found out that you huffed my article on the University of Illinois at Chicago. Your explanation was that I failed QA. I have read the QA and was wondering if you could tell me what exactly was the problem with the article. Humor is, afterall, subjective, but if there is any chance that you could restore it and/or help me improve on the article, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks. -Hleath2 00:45, 15 December 2008 (UTC)Hleath2

Well, if you'd like the content back, I can restore it to your userspace in the click of a button. The reason I deleted it was that it read like every article about schools we get at Uncyclopedia. It ran through the racial stereotypes and local humor that only university-goers would understand, and it talked about how the school was corrupt and bad. Quite honestly, it was identical in premise and execution to 99% of school articles we get here, and that's just not the type of content we like to have. It's unoriginal and local-based. If it's something you and locals like due to the status of "getting it" that anybody there would have, I can restore it to userspace, but as is, I don't think it's got much of a place in the main article space. -RA HB 02:52, 15 December 2008 (UTC)

Yes, if you could restore it, that would be great. It's probably true that it is local-based, so I'll work on improving it. - Hleath2 04:59, 15 December 2008 (UTC)Hleath2

Here you are, good as new. -RA HB 15:42, 15 December 2008 (UTC)

Just one request for my UnTunes song

One request: Would you please record UnTunes:Do They Know It's Kwanzaa? I really need a singer who will sing this song. You can say no if you want. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Pinoy CUN|IC Kill | 08:42, 16 December 2008 (UTC)

I love doing uncyc audios, but I just don't have the right setup to do a quality untunes audio right now. To add to that, I'm away from home right now for about two weeks, so I don't have the setup I do use with me right now. Sorry man, I hope you find somebody who's willing to do it. -RA HB 01:47, 18 December 2008 (UTC)

Well, I can find someone else. You used to do these, right?

|Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Pinoy CUN|IC Kill

| 01:11, 19 December 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, I did. Back in the day. -RA HB 01:50, 19 December 2008 (UTC)

Hm. I'm staring my mic in the face and it wants something to do. Perhaps once I'm done fucking it, I could use it to, say, record this for you. sir

sysrq @ 02:20 Dec 19

Yeah, let Sys do it. Only a man who makes love to his mic can possibly do this song justice. -RA HB 02:39, 19 December 2008 (UTC)

Especially a mic as expensive as this one. Shoot, I'm gonna need a few toothpicks to clean this thing up. sir

sysrq @ 03:03 Dec 19

Igor get feature?

So yeah, while you're there scorefixing on VFH, any chance of you changing the feature? Also, good morning RAHB. --UU - natter 10:13, Dec 20

Good morning UU. VFH has been confusing the hell out of me lately, what with what is apparently something new where the previous featured article stays up even if it's not on the queue anymore. Anyways, Igor is up now, thanks for the heads up. -RA HB 10:30, 20 December 2008 (UTC)

Dude?

why'd you delete Lecarow?Anto475 23:03, 20 December 2008 (UTC)

It failed VFD. -RA HB 23:04, 20 December 2008 (UTC)

Whats wrong with Ass-tard?

I've just joined and i've made 2 articles. why do you keep killing Ass-tards. I dont mind some criticism I just want to know what I can do to make it better, btw i read the QA and read tons of other uncyclopedia articles so i have an idea of what type of writing is wanted- any suggestions on how to improve the writing would be nice.

I can restore it with a construction tag for you if you'd like to keep working on it. My suggestions are that you make it less name-droppy (aka, inserting random instances of instantly recognizable names all over the article for no reason), take away the list, make it longer, touch up the prose, and add pictures, as well as giving it some sort of original comedic slant. -RA HB 23:20, 20 December 2008 (UTC)

that would be nice, but i dont really understand what the construction tag is. I tried it on my previous article and i did't really understand what happened. I'll continue editing it and reduce some of the names-thx in advance

The construction tag basically says to all potential deleters, "hey man, this isn't done yet." Occasionally an article with the tag will get deleted anyway, usually due to it being vanity or just the tag with no content, but in the majority of cases, the tag keeps your article safe for a week, while you work on it. You can also work on articles in your userspace, a subpage of your userpage, and they never get deleted. There you have as much time as you want to work on a page, until it's complete and ready for the main article space. In the meantime, I've restored it for you. Cheers. -RA HB 21:45, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

Happy Hanukkah

PARTY LIKE IT'S 5769

if you're not Jewish, party anyway

Happy Hanukkah from Rabbi Techno
NOW START DRINKING

Merry Christmas

Bonner would like to wish you

a Merry Christgame
And a happy New Game
P.S, You just lost the game
(Bonner) (Talk)

Seasons Greetings

Remember:
Keep the "X" in
X-mas

Santa checks his list to see who's been naughty and who's been nice.

And naughty always makes out better at X-mas

Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 18:24, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

Merry Christmas

Despite that not being what I wanted to ask... did I get disqualified and/or just not place in the Aristocrats Ball? I'm confused... it just looks like everyone else at least got listed on there and I didn't?

But also, it's Christmas! Score. --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 19:20, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

Well, there were nine entries, and everyone who scored any points was listed. You and one other guy didn't score any points in the judging round, because the top five for everyone's list scores points. See here for details. From what I've seen of judging, and of my own judging, we all liked your article, it just didn't make top five due to lots of other great articles being entered too. -RA HB 21:39, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

A FESTIVUS FOR THE RESTOFUS!

	Happy Festivus, from The Led Balloon and Jerry Stiller. Put up your Festivus Pole, air your grievances, and prepare for the feats of strength, for festivus cannot continue until I am pinned! Oh, and merry Christmas if you're into that sort of thing.
	It's a Festivus miracle!

- P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 20:33, Dec 21

Happy Holidays from all of us at SysRq Waste Disposal and Grinder Co.

Happy Giftmas. ~Sissie

sir sysrq @ 23:45 Dec 21

One more thing:

Seeing as how you liked User:SysRq/Abortion so much, would you mind unprotecting it soz I may move it to the mainspace? The other TDB articles may need similar treatment. sir sysrq @ 02:30 Dec 22

Now that the event is over, that I will do. -RA HB 02:34, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

Mind aborting the Abortion current article for me so I can keep the edit history? sir

sysrq @ 02:49 Dec 22

It's all yours. -RA HB 02:57, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

Done. Thanks buddy. Also, thanks for the comments. sir

sysrq @ 03:01 Dec 22

Indeed. And you're welcome for the nom I'm about to make as well. -RA HB 03:05, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

Oh, you silly goose, I wasn't hinting at anything. =] Thanks for doing that all on your own without any prodding or reminding from me. I don't even like featured articles. I don't even know what that means. (Thanks again mate.) sir

sysrq @ 03:12 Dec 22

Pfft. I was gonna nom it anyways. Same thing I'm gonna do with a couple others once they get moves to main. -RA HB 03:16, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

Huffed stuff

Can you bring back the Cunterstone and Ib Al-dzi things for 7 days so I can carry on tweaking them? I have photos and shiz to add. And they're not truly random balls, I made them to complement the door handle thing. What was the reason behind the huffing? Just . . . not good enough and so on? [[BlueDexter 22:33, 22 December 2008 (UTC)]]

Well, the reason was that they're not notable enough (being made up) to carry on their own articles outside of the original. You can't just talk about them inside the same article? -RA HB 22:35, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

That does make more sense. I suppose I could hilariously change the names to that of random celebrities, but keeping it all contained is better. Can you unhuff them for the evening so I can save the text? I'll be without nets for a few days after tonight, bur I'll be able to update the handles page before the 29th. [[BlueDexter 22:41, 22 December 2008 (UTC)]]

Oh no, please do not change the names to well known celebrities. There's nothing more comedically unoriginal than that. Leave the names you've got, they just don't need to be expanded into full articles about themselves. Anyways, your articles have been restored to your userspace, which are subpages of your own userpage that generally you can do whatever you want in, at here and here. Cheers. -RA HB 22:46, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

Excellent. Don't worry, it would take a lot to make me write something like "Yngwie Malmsteen invented the door handle OMFG WTF" and expect people to find it funny. That is grounds for fail, which is why I made shit up in the first place. Obviously I linked a couple of celeb names to it afterwards, but hell, it's gone now. Cheers, [[BlueDexter 22:54, 22 December 2008 (UTC)]]

Cool cool. Happy writing. -RA HB 22:55, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

The carrots in your bum

So basically what you're saying is you have carrots in your bum? Yeah. That's what you're saying.

What can I say? You've got me pinned. I've been thinking lately of moving on to brocolli, but you know...carrots are good for your eyes and stuff. -RA HB 08:12, 23 December 2008 (UTC)

Tis' The Season

'PARTY LIKE IT'S SATURNALIA!'

Io, Saturnalia!- Eat, drink and treat your masters with disrespect!

Happy Hedonism from the Saturnalicius Princeps
NOW START DRINKING JAGERMEISTER WHILE WEARING UGLY SWEATERS AND SILLY HATS

Happy Holidays!!

Happy Pagan Holiday from Tayor.

Actually, Yule was the 21st. But, uh, the Christian Christmas is a capitalistic farce, so, uh, hah. Long live the original!

And I am SO not a heathen.

STILL BIGGER The HRH MuCal. Tayor MUN (Praise!) (CMC!) 14:54, 23 December 2008 (UTC)

BITCH, PLEASE!

I'd just like to say to you, <insert name here> Merry/Happy/Already with the happy! Hannukah/Kwanzaa/Festivus/Capitalism, bitch-nizzle! and other mildly offensive things that make self-respecting white-people cringe with disgust.

"Sudden Retard Syndrome"

I wanted other people to add onto it because I couldn't think of anything else to say. --99.189.252.31 13:30, 24 December 2008 (UTC)

Now you don't have to worry about it. -RA HB 03:18, 26 December 2008 (UTC)

During this season...

Yeah Happy/Merry whatever you believe/ride off to get presents from us at the Church of Assholes Who Make Fun of Churches of Assholes --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent

13:30, 24 December 2008 (UTC)

Treat

Kip the Dip has given you a holiday candy cane!
Don't use that "mistletoe belt" gag on my sister again. It's getting old.

Happy day and shit!

Yeah-haw! I wish you lots of love!

Here's Your Christmas Tree

'Merry Christmas 2008 From Sawblade5'

Here's a Potato Christmas Tree For You!
Caution the Grue protecting this tree!

----Pleb- Sawblade5 ^{[block me!]}⁽ ^yell ^| ^FAQ ^| ^{I did this} ⁾ 08:13, 25 December 2008 (UTC)

London, Ontario article

Can I at least have my "huffed" article back so I can make a proper copy of it? Or is this place as arrogant as Wikipedia? 64.231.110.20 22:18, 28 December 2008 (UTC)

Piano Neck Tie Why did you delete my piano neck tie article? There was nothing offensive in it. It was my first attempt at an article and I was planning on adding to it. I thought this was a free sharing website, why do you get to decide what stays up? I didn't like your Jim Carrey article, but I didn't try to delete it. Please explain

1) You couldn't delete it if you did try because you are not an administrator. 2) Your piano neck tie article pretty much solely referenced Zoolander and was unoriginal. 3) Even a "free sharing website" as you say, has its standards, and an unoriginal short article falls outside of those. 4) If you'd like to try again, you can restart it, but make it original, and add a {{construction}} tag to it if it is incomplete. 5) We don't care about being offensive. Be as offensive as you like. It's about being funny and original. -RA HB 00:40, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

6) Nothing's wrong with me! 7) Nothing's wrong with me! 8) Somethin's got to give! 9) Something's got to give! 10)What the hell am I counting? 11) What the hell am I counting? 12) This isn't my talk page, is it... - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:58, Dec 30

Now that's funny. (above)

Piano Neck Tie

1)If it's not deleted, is it still possible to see what I wrote so I can add to it? 2)It's mostly referenced to Zoolander because that's where I got the idea. 3)Thanks for responding so quickly.

1) It is deleted. However, I can restore it. 2) Yeah, I kind of figured the idea came from Zoolander. Still, try to add something new to it. 3) This. -RA HB 03:09, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

Gardevoir?

I was looking through the Delete log (yeah, its what I do on break), and noticed that the article Gardevoir has been huffed 3 or 4 times in the last 3 hours, just to be remade by the same IP with the same content in the article. Just thought it should be brought to your attention. Merry Kwanzaa ^{Pirate Lord}__Sonic80 (Yell • Latest literary excretion) __ 01:16, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

Cool cool, I'll protect it for a month. Thanks. -RA HB 03:11, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

Uh, dude...

Some asshole put your name on this. I would take it off if you're not going to do it, otherwise welcome to the show. =] —Sir SysRq (talk) 02:52, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

Don't you mean...some dick? -RA HB 03:18, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

If by dick your mean penis, and if by penis you mean RAHB's penis then yes. —Sir SysRq (talk) 15:02, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

Beano

Why'd you huff my page man? Are you American or something? Vegetationlife 19:28, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

YEAH! Fuckin' Yankees! The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 19:44, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

I am American, though that has little to do with why I deleted your article. I deleted it because it was just one picture and nothing else. The picture alone does what the article did just fine. If you'd like to make it into a full article, maybe with more pages in this magazine, go ahead and do that. In the previous state, it was deletable. -RA HB 00:26, 31 December 2008 (UTC)

Well that's where you're wrong. It was two pictures. So there, bah! Boo sucks. Vegetationlife 10:54, 31 December 2008 (UTC)

I stand corrected... -RA HB 10:55, 31 December 2008 (UTC)

Thank you for voting.

Thank you for voting.

Thank you all for voting me your Writer of the Month for December 2008, despite my rather long winded speech half-telling you not to while still being whore enough to accept the award anyways. Enjoy this pretty template styled after my pretty new userpage as your payment, as per our previous agreement. Much love, —Sir SysRq (talk) 22:49, 1 January 2009 (UTC)

More Blocking Please

If you haven't already, and you most likely have, could you block OnyxNegro as well? You can probably guess who it is. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 06:05, 2 January 2009 (UTC)

Such a shame that such a tit uses such a wonderful comedic character as his pseudonym. Such and such and such... -RA HB 06:11, 2 January 2009 (UTC)

Whoa

Is that Alice Cooper near the end? -- Hi, hey! I'M A MOTERFUCKING NIGGER BITCH LOVER 20:51, 2 January 2009 (UTC)

Looks more like Tiny Tim to me O_O -RA HB 18:27, 3 January 2009 (UTC)

Heh. --

Hi, hey! I'M A MOTERFUCKING NIGGER BITCH LOVER

18:38, 3 January 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 1st January 2009

Now Delivered Trendily Late!

January 1st, 2009 • Issue 29 • The first newspaper to wish you a Happy Christmas 2009!

The UnSignpost starts 2009 as it ended 2008: Late
The UnSignpost, the wiki newspaper with the highest staff turnover on the interwebs, has made a promising start to 2009, by being late with the first issue of the year. Gentleman editor UU said "I could say the issue was ready on time, but it was tricky to find a paperbot, but we at the Signpost have never hid behind excuses. Oh no, wait, we do that all the time. I couldn't be bothered to hunt hard enough to find a paperbot. Sorry. Still, it's not like the readers expect better, is it?"

Several readers were probably available for comment, but we didn't ask them anything and blatantly made one up: "it wouldn't be the UnSignpost if it arrived on time", Orian57 might have said, if we'd asked him.

The Patronising New Year Editorial^TM
If you follow a sensible calendar, and not a Chinese, Jewish, Muslim, Celtic or whatever one, a New Year has just dawned, bringing with it the faintest vestiges of hope. Hope that things may just be different this time. Hope that we may keep a resolution for longer than a week. Hope that we will achieve all those targets our hearts desire. Hope that mankind may finally rise above the pettiness of squabbling between families, religions and nations, and unite in a glorious surge towards a bright, common future.

From this we can infer that Andy Dufresne in The Shawshank Redemption didn't have a clue what he was on about - hope is a ridiculous thing, and should be crushed as soon as possible. However, there is still the possibility, however remote, that something good might happen. Active users might start writing more good articles again. VFH might start to flow like it used to. Old users may return, invigorated, to bestow upon us fresh fruits of their imaginations. New users may arrive to take up the baton, and stride boldly forward, blessing us with a wealth of new articles that inject fresh purpose and impetus to the site.

Don't look like that - it might happen.

Well, monkeys might also fly out of your butt. Depends if teleportation technology ever becomes viable, widely available, and small enough to secure in such a narrow location.

Face it, we haven't a clue what this year holds for us yet, folks, all we can do is try and make it the best we can by writing more articles, and helping new users out, and see where we go from there. This is your UnSignpost, patronising the fuck out of you. Happy New Year!

Kevin Rudd says Uncyclopedia is the worst
By Joe9320
Recently, Kevin Rudd said that Uncyclopedia is the worst. In his statement when he was at his speech in Beijing, China, he said "Uncyclopedia is the worst. They put up articles of disgust, nonsense and rudeness. Fuck Uncyclopedia! It's just a plain ripoff of Wikipedia" Then he went on to say how Uncyclopedia is bad. He also said "Illogicopedia is nonsensical, but much better than Uncyclopedia. Even Wikipedia doesn't have anything disgusting on it, despite articles about rude words". As the people of Uncyclopedia, we totally disagree on Mr Rudd's comments on Uncyclopedia. People should realise that this great website is not a ripoff of Wikipedia. Hail Cthulhu!

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

14:04, 26 December 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.59.56.100 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (For doing something to a page on Phil Collins. You have terrible taste.)
12:56, 25 December 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked YourFriend (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (If I shove a Christmas tree up your ass, does that make you an angel?)
21:23, 18 December 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.182.114.238 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Your edits are bad on a scale I haven't seen in quite some time. You'd be the chosen one if the goal of this wiki was to make shitty stubs about your friends.)

Biopic of the Week

Proudly the worst since 2005, Uncyclopedia is the place all subscribers to this newspaper will have edited at least once. That means you are directly responsible for its worstness. We hope you feel suitably chastened.

Year of the week

2008. As far as years went, it was OK - there were days in it, things happened and whatnot. People joined, people left, people returned, people lurked, people vandalised, and drama was never far away. But it's probably the best year we've had for at least 8 months.

Year that hasn't happened yet of the week.

2022. We just get a good feeling about it. It'll probably suck now.

Exhortation to vote on stuff of the week

We at the UnSignpost know how much you all love voting, so what better treat than the bumper crop of New Year voting pages? Top 10 of Dec, WotY, UotY, PotY, WotM, UotM, PotM, RotM, VFH, VFD... How much fun can you have in one month?

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 01:01, 3 January 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

I just wanna say tank you for not tanking Laws of Physics. Go get yourself something nice, like a Panzer. J-Shea 05:36, 7 January 2009 (UTC)

Have you...

Checked your sig lately? ~ 14:17, 7 January 2009 (UTC)

I did....I'm still thinking of how to retaliate on yours without spilling a big ugly code mess all over the page. -RA HB 02:27, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

As long as your acknowledge your penis, we're all good. ~

09:27, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

Oh, I do on a regular basis. It would get upset if I didn't. -RA HB 10:07, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

I seem to have a spinning penis as my sig. ~

16:17, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

Well, it's a dildo. Which is like a penis, but plastic. -RA HB 22:19, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

OK. I seem to have a spinning dildo as my sig. ~

22:24, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

Yes. Yes you do. -RA HB 22:36, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

I need to think about this. This is big. And spinning. ~

22:37, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

This means something. This is important. -RA HB 22:40, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

Back

I'll finish the powers that be now, be done in a week or so.

HUZZAH! I love you. -RA HB 11:29, 9 January 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 8th January 09

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

January 8th, 2009 • Issue 30 • Suckling the Milk of News from the Teat of Truth

Uncyclopedians on Xbox Live

By SysRq

Recently, ~~hundreds~~ ~~dozens~~ some Uncyclopedians have joined the ranks of thousands of pizza-faced proud high school graduates and pre-pubescent twelve year old boys in the dysfunctional, loosely connected network of gamers known as Xbox Live. Among these traitors to Uncyclopedia were Orian57, a friend of the UnSignpost and frequently featured writer. Other Uncyclopedians on Xbox Live include The Woodburninator, Mhaille, Bonner, and Heerenveen. How could such successful Uncyclopedians go so wrong? I went undercover as "Pope Gustav" to expose these turncoats and find out why they abandoned the site in such numbers.

The following is an actual transcript between me (under the alias "Pope Gustav") and Orian57 (under the alias "Orian57") on Xbox Live.

Pope Gustav: Hey buddy, it's SysRq from Uncyclopedia.

Orian57: Hello. You want to play some Horde?

Pope Gustav: Yeah, man. We're playing on Gridlock, right?

Orian57: Actually, Security is a much easier map for Horde.

Pope Gustav: Cool.

This is stunning evidence that Orian57, along with others, is leaving the site for the glamorous life of Xbox Live. When confronted with this transcript and these accusations, Orian replied that "I was just on Uncyclopedia today. I was just bored and wanted something else to do." Oddly enough, all of the other Uncyclopedians that have Xbox Live accounts that I spoke to also claimed to have "lives" outside of Uncyclopedia, lives that mainly consist of playing Halo 3.

Article gets +21 votes on VFH

By Mnbvcxz.

Only a few days after going back to featuring "Today's Featured Article" for only one day, instead of the previous two, the article, The defense rests, your honor received 21 "for" votes and no "against" after a mere 3 days on VFH. The article, nominated on VFH by SysRq, and written by noted admin Modusoperandi, is the first article surpass +20 votes in a long while on VFH. Upon hearing of his accomplishment, Modus is heard to have said, "I'd like to thank all of the little people that I crushed to get where I am," and, "Can I wear my Kernel Popcorn costume?" SysRq, the article nominator is quoted as saying, "I was the one who nommed that article; I deserve some recognition."

For those of you are new around here, VFH is the process by which uncyclopedia nominates articles for "Today's Featured Article", the article in the top left corner on the mainpage. All users of uncyclopedia, including anonymous ip users are encouraged to vote on VFH and nominate articles on VFH. VFH can be found here, but typing in VFH in the search box, by clicking the "Votes for Highlight" link under the community links on the right (it's second from the bottom between "Pee Review" and "Votes for Pictures"), and Uncyclopedia:VFH, in addition to several other redirects.

Many users have expressed approval of this accomplishment, as the more votes an article gets, the better an article is. Therefore, by voting on an article, one injects more quality into an article, in the same way that manufacturers "inspect" quality back into a finished part. Additionally, the admins will not longer be forced to torture various cute animals to inspire users to vote in VFH: provided VFH doesn't stall out again.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

14:30, 7 January 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.249.151.205 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (hi hi poop? That's the best you can do?)
22:38, 6 January 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 151.201.148.112 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (People who don't learn need to get extra lessons via their anus. Well, I'm here to give extra lessons. Bend over mister!)
15:22, 4 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 79.175.81.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (1nd, I have 2 dads, and 2th, just because I am the product of dirty, dirty incest, and also a fuckface, that is no reason to blank my talkpage. Fuckface.)

Biopic of the Week

Whatever else you say about Mordillo, you can't say he's idle. Except in real life, because he's spending all his time on his computer, banning asshats, deleting crap, making stuff happen, writing quality articles, and sorting shit out. Of course, as he's a Zionist, it's all part of a wider conspiracy to control our very thoughts, but that's probably a small price to pay for such an efficient admin.

Old School Featured Article of the Week

I'm a dick. A private dick. That's like a private dancer but with a gun and dances cost extra. That's how we do it in the detective game. It's a game like Clue, but without the cards or the board. Just the dice.

And they always come up snake eyes.

The name is Gwendolyne. Last name's not important. All you need to know is my friends call me Gwendolyne. My friends are bourbon and ice and I haven't spoken to ice in years.

Translated Uncyclopedia Article of the Week

Drill Sergeant in Mexican.

¡UN INSTRUCTOR DE ENTRENAMIENTO ES LO QUE CARAJOS SOY! ¡DESDE AHORA NADA VENDRÁ DE ESA INMUNDA COLADERA LLENA DE CACA QUE USTED LLAMA BOCA! ¡SÓLO RESPONDERÁ CON 'SÍ SEÑOR' O 'NO SEÑOR'! ¿¡ENTIENDE RECLUTA!?
Read the original.

The welcome(?) return of Cajek ban of the week

09:46, 7 January 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Cajek, you have no idea how wasted I am. 15 shots of gin and somehow I'm still awake. And blocking you. Fuck yes.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 16:03, 9 January 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 15th January

Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

January 15, 2009 • Issue 31 • Making the New York Times look like Mad Magazine (or is that the other way round?)

From The Desk of the Cabal: Incest and sex change are now bannable offenses

From the desk of the cabal. Embedded with the last person who came looking for the cabal

Following the sex change operations of citizen (now citizeness) Yettie, and several suspicious sexual activities in the Uncyclopedia compound, the Cabal hereby decrees the following:

Sex changes are only allowed if the citizen wishes to become a voluptuous female.
Any other operations are banned (particularly those who wish to become males, or just more manly looking, in order to improve their chances of scoring with various Uncyclopedians of either gender).
Any sexual activities with family members is strictly prohibited.
Exceptions are: members of the AAN family members, who can shag aunts and granddaughters as much as they'd like.
Sex tax is now in affect. All sex acts taking place in Uncyclopedia are taxable. Taxes should be paid to Olipro no more than 24 hours after the act has taken place. Acceptable currencies are: Euros, Dollars, Pounds, Young Boys and Camels.

Thank you citizens, this message was not delivered by the Cabal which does not exist. Behave nice, vote on VFH and obey the Cabal. The Cabal is your friend. Or it would be. If it existed.

Pee Revuu?
In a surprise move, Boomer, former dictator in absentia of PEEING, the group for opinionated users who enjoy nothing more than giving a good Pee Review, has announced his official retirement. His last official act was to appoint Under user, noted reviewer and maintainer of the Pee Review committee page, to his old position of Captain Catheter. Some regular pee reviewers are worried; Orian57 was heard to say "If UU is going to do Boomer's job, then who the hell are we going to get to do UU's old job of keeping track of pee reviews, judging the quality of pee reviews, and actually getting around to doing the occasional pee review? Don't look at me, I'm gay."

UU himself dismissed such fears, pointing out that he's got nothing better to do with his time than arbitrarily judge the quality of other people's opinions anyway, and adding "I'm relieved to be taking up this position as it will drastically reduce the number of reviews I'm expected to do. Also, I'm thinking of introducing a policy of stripping Orian57, and only him, of his RotM award, his rank, his mittens and his right to drink hot chocolate ever again unless he does a bloody review some time soon".

However, some users are still not convinced this is a good idea, or even possible. One, speaking on condition of anonymity, said, "I seriously doubt that UU can do Boomer's job and his own at the same time. I mean, how can he be accused of being a lazy arse if he has almost twice as many good pee reviews as anyone else and does 75% of the pee review maintenance tasks? This ruins the running pee review committee in-joke about Captain Catheter not doing anything. There is no way this can work."

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

08:25, 13 January 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Tardman (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (I love being a cunt, it makes my hair glow)
23:58, 12 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 218.186.12.218 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Replacing a page with 'Hey uncyclopedians, edit this please' is basically the same thing as replacing it with 'Hey uncyclopedia admins, ban me please.' Talk pages are your friend. Blanking is not.)
01:06, 12 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.135.165.198 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Hey! I remember you! You evaded that ban that one time, remember? Good times, man, good times.)
15:17, 10 January 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Modus Operandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 months ‎ (1 month for being an ass, the other for that stupid username.)

Biopic of the Week

It's hard to define the singular entity known as Modusoperandi in mere words. He's like Uncyclopedia's wandering troubadour of amusing non-sequiturs: roaming the land in search of discussions worthy of his absurdist input, sitting by the campfire of the conversation, treating those assembled to another whimsical one-liner, and then heading off toward another exchange where his presence is required. Kinda like the Littlest Hobo, but with jokes. And lots of awards, featured articles, admin powers and suchlike.

VFD Delete vote of the week

Delete How many half-baked, stale jokes can we fit on one page? More importantly, how can something be stale and yet only half-baked? by Syndrome on Awesomeness.

Transatlantic jaunt of the week

After many months in the hands of that most malevolent of dictators, the United States date format, the New Year allowed our stand-up English editor to put the UnSignpost printing presses on a 747 to what this journalist considers the correct British format! Rejoice! (Note: What you paid for this paper may or may not have gone on the presses' ticket. We don't know. It may also have gone on that booze over there.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 21:31, 15 January 2009 (UTC)

11:11 WISHES ARE COOLER THAN YOU x 32953868u3-459o]3-we[rktfjer9b 85-]03wo5[vpi329085-9]3

Do you know what i am ?!
well i am crushed right about now because my Amazing thingo on 11:11 wishes was deleted.
bring it back or i will have to .. do something horrible that you will not like.
OKAY?!?!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR?!

p.s. as of now, i do not like you.

Coolasbrah 10:56, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

1) Learn to type.

2) Sign messages with a four tildes (~~~~)

3) You removed content from my talk page. That makes me angry.

4) The diamond is the hardest substance known to man.

5) Your article sucked.

-RA HB 09:01, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

1) Learn to type yourself you n00b.

2) i know how to sign messages, i was just testing you.

3) I removed it as punishment for deleting my article

4) I'm the hardest substance known to man ;) HAHAH GOOD ONE ?! that joke would have been amazing if i wasn't female.

5)Your face sucks.

Coolasbrah 10:31, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

1) Poopy.

2) Poopy.

3) Poopy.

4) Poopy.

5) Poopy.

-RA HB 10:47, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

1) Real mature...

2) Real mature...

3) Real mature...

4) Real mature...

5) Real mature... Go play in traffic

Coolasbrah 10:52, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

1) Thank you.

2) Thank you.

3) Thank you.

4) Thank you.

5) Thank you. I will.

-RA HB 11:02, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

1) My pleasure.

2) My pleasure.

3) My pleasure.

4) My pleasure.

5) My pleasure. You go have fun now

OMFGZZZ JESSE MCCARTNEY IS ON TV !! HE'S SO PRETTY!! ILY HIM!!

p.s. He's much cooler than you

Coolasbrah 11:20, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

dear my good old friend RAHB I NEED YOUR HELP!!!! i know you probably couldn't care less and this is probably not the place to ask but if you were a wonderful person you would answer me this :) how do i get pictures on my article?! thanks good old buddy old pal . Coolasbrah 13:50, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

Lol. You talk like a friend I used to have in high school. 11-11 wishes and "ILY" and such. Anyways, there's a button on the left side of the screen that says "upload image/file". Click that and follow the instructions on the page it takes you to to upload your image to the site. Then, inside the article, put [[Image:Thetitleoftheimage|thumb|right ''or'' left|''insertnumber''px|Optional caption here.]]

And that should do it. Best wishes. -RA HB 21:55, 16 January 2009 (UTC)

WHY???

Why did you huff my dear article on Glaucoma?Cmc Mgr Mr. Isaak - "Wiry" - Sean 06:02, 18 January 2009 (UTC)

Perhaps you should have checked the huff log. It clearly states that your article was voted for deletion, on this page. A fair voting process took place and it was decided the article was to be deleted. There was a template on the article when it was nominated, informing you it was nominated, and encouraging you to vote keep. The article was deleted after a voting process and will not be brought back, unless you wish to work on it in your userspace, or keep it for personal use. -RA HB 06:23, 18 January 2009 (UTC)

Nomination

Hey, I wrote that article on the cardboard box. It was my favorite of my first three but for some reason, my least favorite one has 13 votes and this one has only a few and your against. Since I am still a noob, I just wanted to know what more could I add to make this better and feature worthy. If you don't want to help I completely understand but I would love the advice of someone with a few features under his belt. Thanks!--Tagstit 04:37, 19 January 2009 (UTC)

Well, I do think you're doing great work, but the reason for my against is slightly touched upon in the nomination. The extended version is that I just think the article is very redundant. It's a wonderful idea, and a tried and true comedic style that I greatly enjoy on most occasions, but it has so much untouched-upon potential for hilarity. I think the initial joke (something insignificant as a cardboard box is being praised as an innovation in technology) runs its course by at most the end of the first section, and like I said before, I can pretty much predict the whole article from reading the introduction. I think it needs something unexpected, some fresh material later on down the article, that keeps me as the reader more interested. Other than that it's a good attempt, and I certainly don't frown upon it in general, I just think it needs a little more work and a little more joke-crafting if it's going to be put on the main page, but that is my opinion, and I tend to be a little more critical than some other voters at times. Hope that helps. -RA HB 04:53, 19 January 2009 (UTC)

It definitely does, thanks! If it doesn't get featured then I will try to get it fixed up for next time, if there is one. Your time means alot. Thanks again!--Tagstit 05:09, 19 January 2009 (UTC)

No problem, glad to see noobs concerned with quality. Best wishes. -RA HB 05:12, 19 January 2009 (UTC)

Hack-up request (mainly out of curiosity)

Could you please restore and userspace The Preggo Kingdom? I know its probably retarded/one line, but I was just curious what the content was. (There was a link to it from one of my more "slapstick" articles.) If you do it for whatever reason, that's fine. --Mnbvcxz 19:14, 21 January 2009 (UTC)

Content was "The Preggo Kingdom is a kingdom found in a parallel universe built on an endless sea of land with little water to be seen (it is underground). This kingdom grows berries which gets all of its residents (females, males, genderless, etc.) pregnant. This is the kingdom Sonic the Preggo came from." Let me know if you'd still like it in restored form. -RA HB 08:20, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

Thanks. Nevermind then. --Mnbvcxz 16:09, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

Re.:Admins Gone Wild II

Can someone take a piss on it?! I tried to get it on Pee Review and it will not go there at all. Maybe there is a Shit Review section? Bigfeet 23:46, 22 January 2009 (UTC)

Sure, I need a break. I'll take care of it.

pillow talk 00:08, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

Out of your huff yet?

RAHB

You deleted my very funny page. It was a good page - a lot better than some of the pish on this site. I followed the advice, the rules, edited etc etc.

The page was called Fintry - and it was FUNNY! I can tell you it was a lot more interesting than reading about people boasting about their WEE tadgers.

Your only comment said something like, "you changed my ICU snivvle, snivvle I want my maw, I ve got a big weener you know...". So I put the page back, without your comment and you deleted it straight away.

Where can I find my work? I'll make it EVEN better.

You know, if you would have come here and said "you deleted my article. I'm unaware of what rules I seem to have violated, but if you could, I'd like it back, perhaps to improve on it. Thank you," then I may have complied. Your behavior so far though has indicated that you have no intentions of civilly dealing with this, and therefore I don't see why I should either. -RA HB 02:20, 26 January 2009 (UTC)

Unscripts

Thanks for that. I was in a hurry, and I didn't know what the code was. What do you think of it? It's hardly even started, but I'm trying to work on it. --ᐛᐂᐖ 19:55, 24 January 2009 (UTC)

I think you've got a good start on it. Could use some more jokes in what's there, but it looks like it could be something good as long as you continue to work on it. I'll look forward to the finished result =) -RA HB 23:18, 24 January 2009 (UTC)

Sorry

I don't know what came over me. A bit of UUism, I suspect, but I had to correct your grammatical mistake. Of course, it was probably some highly witty and extremely subtle joke you were making and which I have now accidently destroyed. Please don't ban me for to long! - [22:37 25 January 2009] YYettie

OH GOD! IT'S RUINED! DO YOU HEAR ME?! RUINED! YOU SONOFABITCH! MY LIFE'S WORK DESTROYED! Nah, but yeah, it was intentional. It's a reference to a joke from a television show that nobody's ever watched. No harm, no foul. How's it going, Yettie? -RA HB 02:18, 26 January 2009 (UTC)

OH GOD! IT'S FUCKED! DO YOU HEAR ME?! FUCKED! ME SONOFABITCH! MY LIFE'S REPUTATION DESTROYED! Just because I didn't reply to this. But I'm replying now. So you can talk to me under two different headers on your talkpage. Lucky you, huh? - [17:06 9 February 2009] YYettie

You mother fucker. How dare you confuse me in such a manner. -RA HB 08:47, 10 February 2009 (UTC)

Los Angeles Clippers

I expanded it considerably. Do you think it is near ready to remove the expand tag?

Thanks.

Well, hey, it could probably use one more paragraph, but no pressure. Looks good to go. I've removed the tag, thanks for expanding it. Cheers. -RA HB 01:30, 30 January 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 22 + 7 (+1) January

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

January 22 + 7, 2009 • Issue 32 • Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

Zionists consolidate wiki power
By The rather nervous junior horoscope writer accidentally promoted to editor in chief

Yeah the st-story is, erm, about Mr Mor-Mordillo’s erm asce-ascent—rise to new power. He was, eh, pr-promoted to erm, Be-Beu- Bureaucrat? Which, erm, me-means he can- can now do- do th-things he cou-couldn’t d-d-do b-before; Kind-kind of like m-my pro-pro-promotion. Heh-heh, th-that was a j-jo-joke.

S-some Un-Uncyclope-Uncyclopedians th-think this p-p-proves s-s-s-something abou-about so-some s-sort of J-Je-Jewish, erm, conspiracy. Or-or something, I-I’m n-not really sh-sh-sure why that was meant to be funny. Pro-pro-probably was-was-wasn’t. So-sorry.

Th-the decision ca-came about b-b-because of th-the fuh-fuh-forum voting process in-in-initiated b-by Under—Under user wh-who was u-u-upset tha-that Bureaucrat C-C-Codeine had decided to leave.

After s-some ti-time voting it-it was d-d-decided that Mordillo w-w-would become a Bureaucrat and that C-C-C-Codeine wasn’t leaving a-a-after all! Which was g-g-good.

M-M-Mordillo di-didn’t ma-make a c-c-comment s-so I-I’ve b-been told t-to make one u-up. Erm, “Ha ha ha! N-Now you-you’re all un-under my thumb!” Or something, that that wasn’t really f-funny ei-either. Sorry, M-Mordillo, it-it’s not my W-words!

Image:Do a jailbait.jpg Determined to be a Shemale
By Mnbvcxz and Orian57

To the relief of Uncyclopedians everywhere, notorious image "Do a jailbait" has been scientifically proven not be a girl. Originally, many suspected that the disturbing and disturbingly attractive image was that of young girl: age estimates ranging from jail bait age down to "pedo-bear approves" age. However, due to much "research" on the internet regarding the appearance shemales who are just over the age of consent, it has been determined that said image was in fact a young shemale. Researchers said the hairy arms and the huge penis of the lady in question proved without reasonable doubt that the image can not be that of a girl.

Many in the Uncyclopedia community were relived by the news. Orian57 in particular who stated the child was “quite sexy.”, on the image talk page, was relieved to find he could no longer be considered bisexual.

Some worry about the continuing freedom of Sockpuppet of an unregistered user after his comment: “I don't care. Me wanna rape!”

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

19:48, 22 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Jeus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (And the Lord said, "Let there be bannination," and there was bannination, and one more asshat was kept off of the wiki, and the Lord looked and he saw that it was good.)
03:30, 19 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.27.241.181 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanking talk pages is annoying. Your inability to take a joke is even more annoying. The fact that you haven't yet been banned for either is the most annoying of all. I can fix one of those.)
02:47, 19 January 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked CANIHASTHISPLEEZ (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Looks like somebody needs to get a life. This nice little ban will keep Uncyclopedia from getting in the way of that.)

Biopic of the Week

To some, a meaningless jumble of letters, Mnbvcxz is much, much more than that. In fact, he's much, much more than you could possibly imagine. In fact, he's so much more that trying to explain it in a small box in a wiki newspaper is futile, particularly if you spend so much time explaining that you can't explain his awesomeness that you leave yourself little space to try. Still, he reviews, categorises, helps out and does stuff. But that's only the tip of the iceberg that is Mnbvcxz!

Reason why the UnSignpost is a week late of the fortnight

The editor was busy, and totally lacked inspiration. Want to make sure the paper is on time next week? Give us a story in the press room!

Cajek ban of the fortnight

05:21, 19 January 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a spanking ‎ (20 bans in August, 9 in September, 10 in October, Just 2 in December and 2 in January. Disgraceful.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 02:30, 31 January 2009 (UTC)

Thanks and thank you

First of all I would like to say an informal thanks for your support on Potatochopper of the Year. However the vote that you cast in my behalf deserves a big THANK YOU. It means a lot. Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 00:26, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

RAAAWR

RAAAAAWR.

Gavin would like to thank you once more for sympathizing with him enough to vote for his book to be among the top ten books of 2008. Unless, of course, you happen to be a transsexual, in which case you are a freak and should not email him. Much love, —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:49, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

Audio man, you are the man

It's all reviewed and shit, yo. Work your audio magic at your own leisure. Thanks in advance. (And maybe, if you like it, you could put in a good word for me) —Sir SysRq (talk) 23:57, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

You huffed SimShitty...

My I ask why? I had brought this article back from the dead because I felt that it had potential to become something great. I was careful to choose an earlier version that was at a higher level. I was going to bring this article to state unrivaled by any of its history. And then you huffed it because "I was the only contributor." Should I have put something on my article that could have prevented such a fate? Rbpolsen♦☺ 00:47, 3 February 2009 (UTC)

Ah, my apologies for that. I huffed it straight out because we've had problems with that article being crap in the past, as it seems you've taken notice of. Also because it looked exactly like a previous version of it, which looks like I was right about. However, I've restored it for you now, since I can see you're going to make efforts to make it good. I put a construction tag on it, which, as the name says, notes that the article is still under construction, so you can begin work on it again. And the whole "only contributor" thing is just a pre-rendered delete message for when nothing else is typed into the "reason" field in my deletions, not the actual reasoning for deleting the article. I wish all the best on improving it, and thanks for addressing it in a civil manner. Cheers. -RA HB 01:10, 3 February 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 5th February 2009

The periodical without any junk in its trunk!

February 5, 2009 • Issue 33 • It's Journalism Jim, but not as we know it.

The ‘of the Year’ run down of the year!

By Orian57

So after a long neurotic month of blatant prostitution, secret e-mail canvassing, bribery and coercion in deciding who should win the various ‘of the Year’ awards (plus a completely normal five days of knowing who did) the results are in!

UotY: Mordillo! Nominated (but not voted for) by UU with the reason “[he does] the big bad wolf stuff to keep fuckwits at bay.”. 21 Jew jokes later (“Jew that controls the internet”, “I feel I have to vote for him” and “I love this man. To the point that his girlfriend is seriously distraught by it”) Mordillo was the landslide victor a whole 12 votes ahead of the runner up, UU! And he deserved it too (though to be frank I deserved it more)!

Our WotY was Modusoperandi! Narrowly beating Mhaille by 2 votes he was nominated by UU with the reasoning “…Tends to brighten my day whenever I see him, although that could be the light reflecting off his gleaming naked body.” Another 19 Canadian jokes ( “this silly Canadian”, “I never would have thought that casting a vote would be so painful as this” and “Modus is like maple syrup. On the outside he's all golden, sweet and sticky. On the inside however, he's all golden, sweet and sticky”) won him the award! (though to be frank I would have appreciated it more!)

Next up was our winner of PotY, Prettiestpretty! She was nominated (but not voted for) by Mhaille because she is the “producer of some very impressive work” and has won the PotM twice! 18 girl jokes later (“such a foregone conclusion”, “She's earned this and then some” and “Unlike most people here, I'm actually going to give a reason for voting for PP. I'm even going to write two sentences explaining the reason.”) she deservedly won the award which she herself designed. (I don’t even know how to use MS paint but I’d still like to have been acknowledged).

There was also an impromptu N00b of the Year award created that Rcmurphy ran off with. He was nominated by Spang with the reason “He really deserves it this time” and received 12 N00b jks (“How can you be a year old and still be a noob without being rcmurphy”, “He's still confused too” and “[Hyperbole is] regularly here and dangerously competent. Rc remains the quintessential n00b”). (*grumble* I started lurking in 2007…)

Lastly and leastly there was the UGotY which was awarded to Wikia. Nominated by Mhaille with the reason “Wikia continue to raise the bar on defining what it means to be a Useless Gobshite”. He/she/it got 5 jokes that I don’t properly understand (“As much as I'd like to see Yettie take this, Wikia is both more useless and far more of a gobshite”, “it's rare to see such dedication to gobshitery” and “Outstanding contributions to fail.”). (Ok so I’m not bitter about loosing this.)

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

1:33, 2 February 2009 Flyingfeline (Talk | contribs) blocked 81.169.166.86 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Oh, brilliant. Well, that's going to be fun for both of us. I wonder who'll get bored first?)
04:39, 31 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.138.52.153 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Hey there! Remember me? I was the admin that asked you to stop failing so hard back in October. Now I'm asking again, but with a ban length 12 times longer.)
18:16, 29 January 2009 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Sej (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ ("And He saw the work, and He was sore displeased; and He did smite the n00b with all his wrath". Book of Codeine, ch. 6, vs 9)

Biopic of the Week YesTimeToEdit

Commonly known as Yettie, he won N00b of the Month back in April 08 after writing a featured UnNews. He went on a crusade to gave us all more things not to care about than we can handle. Following another feature he deservedly won UGotM. There has also been some recent confusion about his gender.

Cajek ban of the week

04:48, 31 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 28 minutes ‎ (Apparently the UnSignpost has a 'Cajek ban of the week' section. This is my week!)

Custom box #3
This box is empty. Imagine something nice here like a Caribbean holiday, getting sand in your shoes and arse crack while being blistered by sun you weren't made to handle and pretending to enjoy yourself.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001 (bot) 03:15, Feb 5

Award!

While clearing out the shed, Rabbi Techno found some
old pipes with squirrels in them. As he has no use
for them, he decided to give them away as gifts to
everyone who voted for him in January's
Foolitzer Prize. Cheers, everyone!
Rabbi Techno

FOXES 11:17, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

Game What A Game - Flying Spaghetti Monster

I found out that my Game What A Game - Flying Spaghetti Monster is huffed (inhumanely) and the reason ,according to the huff log, is "lol". Hence, I really hope to know why you delete it. Is there any rule or unwritten rule or invisible rule that repel my work? Or, it's just because I forgot to key an Exclamation mark on its title?--SunnyChow 03:51, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

It's because it was an internet flash Game-And-Watch game pasted onto the article with the game template. Am I missing something? -RA HB 04:20, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

It's a flash game I made.--SunnyChow 05:02, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

Hmmm. Well, if you made it, then it can stay. But I swear I've seen the same game in the Game And Watch Gallery before. -RA HB 05:40, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

Well! It actually refers to The game Octopus of Game And Watch but that's some big difference. Have a sight.(Ctrl for left, Enter for right)--SunnyChow 06:07, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

Well yeah, as I can tell, it's the same exact game. I got the joke, and thought it was funny, but I'm not sure whether it should be allowed, as the game is identical with a different name. I suppose I'll think it over, though if you could modify it in any way (such as the octopus coming from up top instead of the side), that would solidify it. I'll confer with some other admins though to see whether it should be allowed, because I do think the joke is funny and should have some iteration here, it's just the blatant copying I'm afraid of. -RA HB 10:31, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

My Palkia template

My name is not important, the point of the name was to prevent it being similar to my youtube account name which is something completely different. The template is not spam and is actually worth some credit because of the time I put into making it, unlike some templates my one has a degree of humour. EvilPalkia 7 February 2006, 4:37 AM (UTC)

Your template follows the typical "<insert cartoon character> wants this article to die, and will kill it." format that all the shitty templates on the site follow (the ones we're trying to get rid of). Most of the pages you put it on were also pretty full of templates to begin with, and don't need anymore (and probably need less). -RA HB 04:39, 7 February 2009 (UTC)

Mmm....bannage!

Oooh, ooh yeah baby. Was that ban as good for you as it was for me? - [11:45 8 February 2009] YYettie

Meh, I've had better. -RA HB 23:11, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Very well then, that'll be €12.34£ and $15. - [07:34 9 February 2009] YYettie

God, I knew I shouldn't have gotten a British whore... -RA HB 09:31, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

Well, you should have thought of that before. You really need to think these things through! Anyway, cough up the money. Well producing it would be better, I'd rather you didn't cough it up. - [16:37 9 February 2009] YYettie

You're a mafia dude, can't you produce your own money? -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 16:40, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

Yes, but real money is nice for a change. Counterfeit gets bored, and it's nowhere near as crispy as the real thing. - [16:49 9 February 2009] YYettie

Unless, of course, you put it in the crisper. -RA HB 20:04, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

Well of course. The crisper makes everything crispier. And better. Crisp=Good. - [20:12 9 February 2009] YYettie

Mmm...money crisps. —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:18, 9 February 2009 (UTC)

Re: I read your mind

I'm not sure if you are watching my talk page, so I'll repeat this here:

Thank you, and sorry for not being more proactive about contacting you, but I wrote an HTML comment (silly me) when I commented on the VFD, saying that it should go under User:Pentium5dot1/Storage facility/Template:Funny. See User:Pentium5dot1/Storage facility for a more thorough explanation. I know this userfication convention of mine is highly nonstandard, and I forgive you for getting it wrong. ~~Should I move it myself or wait for you to do so?~~ Sorry for inconveniencing you.

I struck out a sentence because I am going to do the move myself. --Pentium5dot1 (semi-retired) t ~^_^~c 07:39, 11 February 2009 (UTC)

I have put the redirect resulting from the move up for QVFD. --Pentium5dot1 (semi-retired) t ~^_^~c 07:53, 11 February 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 12th February 2009

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

February 12, 2009 • Issue 34 • Mainlining news direct to your talk page artery

Worrying influx of n00bs a threat to Uncyc's "worst" status

By UU

How can you resist my n00b power of cuteness?

After the flow of n00bs slowed to a trickle at the tail end of 2008, 2009 has seen the site experiencing a veritable tidal wave of new editors, enthusiastically bounding around the site like wide-eyed puppies that have yet to meet Olipro, tramping mud into the carpet, and leaving half-eaten IPs on the floor of the Village Dump.

Worse still, many of these new arrivals show early signs of being dangerously competent: writing funny articles; giving in-depth pee reviews; voting on stuff; helping folks out - generally making the kind of contributions that could, if the community is not careful, lead to the site losing its coveted "worst" status.

Experienced editors queued up to condemn the invasion - "Very happy to see the influx in good new editors coming in, we've been devoid of that extra boost for far too long it seems" said RAHB, the bile seething from his every pore, while MrN spoke scathingly about "great additions to Uncyc".

But is it too late? With competition for the NOTM award at its most fierce for months (4 noms and none of them Rcmurphy at the last count), it looks like it may be too late to reject this transfusion of new blood. Is there any hope for the long-term future of the proud traditions of the wiki under this relentless onslaught of new talent?

A comment on Bullshit from MrN
As a well known protagonist of the noble and honourable art of bullshitting I felt it my place to speak out regarding this most tricky of issues. Much has been said of late regarding the consistency, and texture of what we at Uncyc consider to be suitable for our beloved wiki. As you know, normal traditional (un-specified) crap we don't want, but there must always be room for more bullshit on Uncyclopedia. Some will no doubt consider my last comment to be horse shit, which (as you may know) has a slightly thicker consistency. The dilemma we must then face is how do we categorise and specify the fine (if rather smelly) line between what is crap and what is bullshit. The study of bull-crap may also been of concern to some readers, but I feel it not my place to enter that arena. This article stinks enough as it is. However... When considering bullshit, I feel it important to point out our rigorously defined guidelines regarding the use of bollocks as I feel many of the important principles apply. If I may quote:

“Sometimes articles arrive at Articles for deletion which have only the most tenuous connection to reality: they are, to use a British term, Complete Bollocks. This is not always a bad thing.”
~ Uncyclopedia:Complete Bollocks

I think that speaks for itself. Got it? So basically, we want more bullshit, some horse shit, and a liberal helping of complete bollocks. But NO CRAP. Unless it's crap which adds to the general stench of the article in question (assuming that stinking is what we want). Got it now? Well, look at it this way... There was a man who had three wives. No, that was Moses. Oh, so Moses comes down from Mount Sinai and says: "Well, lads. I got him down to ten, but adultery is still in." No wait. Sorry, that was complete bollocks. I'm drifting into the realms of pointless excrement, and what does this have to do with anything? Don't tell them that! So what was it I was talking about again? Oh, yea... Does anyone know where I left my slippers?

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

13:25, 9 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.71.123.168 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (1 day for blanking, 1 week for blanking a featured, 2 weeks for blanking a top 10 and the rest is a bonus!)
02:46, 8 February 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 97.83.236.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Fer the love of Christ, you make me think I actually have a life. You've been doing the same God damn thing since the summer. Just fuck off already.)
16:41, 7 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Luvvy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a purrr ‎ (And that's for flirting with another admin. Shame on you.)

Biopic of the Week

DrStrange is one of these here stellar n00bs that we're wittering on about in that there main article. He's been here for a bit over 2 months, and in that time has won NotM and already been nommed for WotM. At this rate, he'll be WotY by about June. Good job he's funny and good at writing things really, otherwise we'd be obliged to hate his precocious guts.

Gender confirmation of the Week

YesTimeToEdit astonished the Uncyclopedia community by admitting to being male. Orian57 continued in whale raping Yettie. SysRq consequently "won teh penis", granting him this most prized life-time achievement award. In the ensuing chaos, Sockpuppet of an unregistered user cut off Yettie's penis and went on a raping spree with it. Mnbvcxz still believed that Yettie was a girl and the latter declared his love and desire to be raped towards the former. SoaUU AKA Sockie admitted having a vagina, or did (s)he?... Mnbvcxz refused to give his/her gender... Will Yettie get his penis back? Who is pretending to be male and who is pretending to be female? Tune in next week! Same penis-time. Same penis-channel.

Cajek ban smackdown of the week

02:53, 10 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a voyage made in less than twelve parsecs ‎ (You want a ban-off, RAHB!? BRING IT!)
00:46, 7 February 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a Kessel run ‎ (I shall not allow TheLedBalloon to dethrone my weekly Cajek-banning title!)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001 (bot) 20:46, Feb 11

==

Not sure if you've looked at Newpages, but I thought I'd point you in the direction of this before it gets inevitably deleted (probably by you, actually). –—Hv (talk) 11/02 21:16

Oh yeah, I saw that when it was in userspace. I'm not sure whether it's written with actual slanderous intent, or as a tongue-in-cheek kind of thing. I wasn't too heavily offended by it, so I'll let someone further away from the issue decide whether the article itself should stay or not. -RA HB 21:26, 11 February 2009 (UTC)

Strictly tongue-in-cheek. It's a parody website and I wanted to parody you. --Docile hippopotamus 09:17, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

As I figured. Carry on. -RA HB 10:20, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

I'm still waiting for my parody article. Come on, guys, get with it. Also, penis. —Sir SysRq (talk) 14:45, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

Yes. I demand a mainspace article including my glorious self. Why are RAHB and Cajek the lucky ones? - [19:45 12 February 2009] YYettie

Who let you two out of the garage? -RA HB 21:59, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

My penis. —Sir SysRq (talk) 23:14, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

That would explain how you deactivated the lasers... -RA HB 23:28, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

It would also explain my penis. —Sir SysRq (talk) 23:38, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

Yes it would, amongst other people's penises. -RA HB 00:13, 13 February 2009 (UTC)

If by "penis" you mean "anus" then yes. —Sir SysRq (talk) 00:23, 13 February 2009 (UTC)

If by "anus" you mean "sandwich" then yes. -RA HB 00:51, 13 February 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for voting

And now, a special message from the President *pff...hehe* of the United States

You see, Obama, America just isn't ready for an Islamabad president quite yet. That was your problem. Never go against the Lord.

My fellow Uncyclopedians,
This past vote on VFH has been an emotional one for our wiki. The people have spoken, and I am honorated to accept the privilegitude to servify the Uncyclopedia front page for another eight years.
What do you mean, articles are only featured for one day?
Thank you for voting. Much love, —Sir SysRq (talk)

Explanation of Amalekite page: Satire on the Bible

I see that you deleted the Amalekite page. I feel that it should be re-instated. Perhaps you missed the humour. I'll give you a little back-ground and the it may be clearer.

The Amalakites are first mentioned in Arabic and Jewish texts dating from about 2400. Just like other tribes at the time, they tended to fight with their neighbours.

In more recent times the term Amalekite has been adopted by the parody religion the Reformed Pastafarians, to refer to the council of senior advisers.

The article I wrote in uncyclopedia on the Amalekites mentioned that a tiny fanatical minority like to read texts that promote violence against the Amalekites. The reality is that a very large number of people in the western world read the Bible and encourage others to do so. The Bible is very nasty to the Amalekites. If the Amalekites are now a peace-loving group of people, then the Bible can be seen as inciting hatred and violence against an innocent group of people.

At no point did I want the Amalekite article to be in any way seen as anti-semitic and since the Amakeites and Jews were rival tribes about 2,400 years ago, I thought that it was worth explicitly mentioning that the Amalekites are now pro-Israel. Also that will further make the out-bursts in the Bible seem even more unjustified.

For the record here are some quotes from the Bible regarding the Amalekites:

Deuteronomy 25:19 says the following which I think is very funny: you shall blot out the memory of Amalek from under heaven. Do not forget. I genuninely am not making this up.

But much of the rest of the bible is more sinister: Psalm 83 recommends the following treatment of Amalekites: Do Thou unto them as unto Midian... Who were destroyed at En-dor; they became as dung for the earth.

Exodus 17:14-15 quotes the lord as saying I will completely blot out the memory of Amalek from under heaven. Moses replies: The LORD will be at war against the Amalekites from generation to generation.

Samuel Book 1, Chapter 15, Verse 3: Now go, attack the Amalekites and totally destroy everything that belongs to them. Do not spare them; put to death men and women, children and infants, ox and sheep, camels and donkeys.

and then later in Samuel Book 1, Chapter 15, the Lord is quoted as saying the following regarding the Amalekites: make war on them until you have wiped them out.

Samuel Book 1, Chapter 27, discusses David's warring with the Amalekites: Whenever David attacked an area, he did not leave a man or woman alive, but took sheep and cattle, donkeys and camels, and clothes.

Samuel, book 1, chapter 28, mentions what happens if you don't slaughter enough Amalekites: The LORD has torn the kingdom out of your hands and given it to one of your neighbors—to David. Because you did not obey the LORD or carry out his fierce wrath against the Amalekites.

Chronicles, book 1, chapter 4, mentions what the good descendants of Simeon got up to: They killed the remaining Amalekites who had escaped.

Regards: Samcollins1234 10:33, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

Well, I didn't read the article (so I don't know your reasons for deletion), but Sam here certainly knows his stuff if that sways you to his arguement. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 11:52, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

Satire? On the Bible? I've never heard of such a thing! Outrage! Also, this isn't my talkpage! Further outrage! Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 11:59, 16 February 2009 (UTC)!

Since RAHB isn't around, I restored it under your userpage (User:Samcollins1234/Amalekites). Work on it, make it good, make it better, make it best, then ask an admin if it's good enough to move out to mainspace. It needs pics, more text, and that certain special something. I'll leave it up to you to figure out what that last one is (my certain special something is a mix of self-loathing and alcoholism). Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 12:01, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

Self-loathing mixed with alcoholism, eh? A heady brew. I'll have a pint. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 12:04, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

Hmmm. I see my talk page has been bombarded while I was playing video games. Sam, let me first say that I totally understand your basis for an article here, after your lengthy explanation, and find the same humor in those verses that you do (damn Christians). I didn't delete your article because I thought it was offensive (and it has to be reeeeaaaally fucking offensive for me to really give a shit on that front), but because it was short. However, looks like Modus has got you all set up, so I look forward to reading your completed version in the future. You know. That place where all doors move up and down, instead of left and right. -RA HB 12:33, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

Shit! RAHB's back! Scatter! Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 12:37, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

Bombarded, you say...? But, but, but...who would do such a heinous thing?! Rabbi Techno

FOXES 12:40, 16 February 2009 (UTC)(was never here...it was someone who looked like him)

Heinous? Heh. Heheh. "Anus." Heh. Heh heh. -RA HB 15:03, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

You said anus. Guffaw. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 11:57, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 19th February2009