User:RAHB/Talk Archive 15
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Talk Archive 1 (2/28/07 - 7/6/07) • Talk Archive 2 (7/6/07 - 9/8/07)
Talk Archive 3 (9/8/07 - 12/8/07) • Talk Archive 4 (12/8/07 - 5/18/08)
Talk Archive 5 (5/18/08 - 7/12/08) • Talk Archive 6 (7/12/08 - 8/20/08)
Talk Archive 7 (8/20/08 - 12/3/08) • Talk Archive 8 (12/3/08 - 2/19/09)
Talk Archive 9 (2/19/09 - 5/25/09) • Talk Archive 10 (5/25/09 - 10/26/09)
Talk Archive 11 (10/26/09 - 12/9/09) • Talk Archive 12 (12/9/09 - 4/25/10)
Talk Archive 13 (4/25/10 - 8/26/10) • Talk Archive 14 (8/26/10 - 8/13/11)
Talk Archive 15 (8/13/11 - 1/30/12) • Talk Archive 16 (1/30/12 - 7/12/12)
Talk Archive 17 (7/12/12 - 1/10/13) • Talk Archive 18 (1/10/13 - 7/11/13)
Talk Archive 19 (7/11/13 - 8/15/14) • Talk Archive 20 (8/15/14 - 5/27/18)
Mhaille
...throws one up yer... -- Sir Mhaille 
(talk to me)
- I don't know what that means, but it's good to see you again too, Mhaille. -RAHB 16:02, August 15, 2011 (UTC)
Hullo
My name is Lollipop. Apparently, we've kind of met before. You deleted my article almost a year ago. Anyways, hi, i'm Lollipop (formely known as Maniac mcpee). I'm usually spotted on recent changes reverting vandals or writing strange articles. So, as my welcome present, I give you a lollipop.
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YOU HAVE BEEN AWARDED A GRAPE LOLLIPOP
Lollipop has awarded RAHB/Talk Archive 15 a grape lollipop.
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--
Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 05:29, 16 August 2011
- Why, thank you, Lollipop! Pleased to meet you. You know, I don't remember which article of yours I deleted, but I definitely remember that old username. Reverting vandals and writing strange articles are two of my favorite things. Well done, sir! -RAHB 17:21, August 16, 2011 (UTC)
Oi you there!
I remember you, you're that arsehole who banned me last September for absolutely no reason. So I hope you realise as a result we can never be friends... Ok, welcome back or something. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 
06:51, August 17, 2011 (UTC)
Now it only wants you gone; it's the UnSignpost!
The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!
August 18th, 2011 • Issue 134 • Have a Dumpling.
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It's Kicking Off
 A little while ago, when the world was young and we were actually interviewing people instead of making up vaguely racist quotes, the UnSignpost ran a story on the #uncyclopedia IRC channel. At the time we could have raised issues about it being a wholly separate community where the rules of the site blur into a haze of... haziness, but we didn't; we were far too busy making jokes about penises and the abundance of jokes on the same to be found on IRC. Now, once again, IRC has been thrust into the limelight and a great deal of hand-wringing and swearing has inevitably been the consequence. Yes, this is the news that once again the cruel spectre of drama hovers above the wiki as Lyrithya has decided that there are several problems that need addressing. Number one: she would like a trip to Europe but doesn't have the disposable income, number 2: Uncyclopedia sucks , number 3: there are not enough forum topics about problem number two. She has set out to remedy the horrendous forum deficiency by creating two with deceptively enjoyable titles. The serious point to these forums revolves around the accountability of the administrators, which Lyrithya feels there is not enough of. The forum topics are the usual; huge blocks of text with no humorous comments about the Power Rangers anywhere in sight. It's all very sad and will probably end with someone leaving and vowing never to return.  The other vitally important news is that Zombiebaron reports that the Forest Fire Week huffing has finished, a full two weeks after Forest Fire Week finished. When asked to comment on the less than speedy huffage of all these articles, Zombiebaron had this to say: "Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron! Zombiebaron?" which surprised us since we didn't even know he played the violin. Now all that we need to attend to are the thousands and thousands of broken redirects which MadMax spent countless hours creating to make everyone's lives easier. Now he has the honour of watching them be destroyed in the name of making the wiki better. Happy Thursday everyone. R.I.P Roman Dog Bird
 It is with great sadness that we report that our long time friendly, disturbing, creepy, dirty, often autistic admin Roman Dog Bird has apparently left for some reason, a departure he announced with a rather dramatic yawn, a shame, as his ban reasons are probably the closest things to actual humour we have on Uncyclopedia. This reporter in particular found his often unjustified bannings of IPs, deletions of memorable pages and general disrespect for authority truly inspiring. On a side note, RAHB decided to return this week as part of a poorly concealed attempt to cover up the disappearance of another partially departed admin, Dr. Skullthumper. We would like to encourage all readers to welcome RAHB back by telling him how much Frank Zappa sucks on his talk page; apparently he likes that. |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:14, August 18, 2011 (UTC)
Wonko tiddlybum-post
Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth
August 25th, 2011 • Issue 135 • Pudding anyone?
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Illogicopedia is stealing our ideas again
In an entirely precedented move, Illogicopedia has yet again stolen our proud Uncyclopedian traditions. Yes, they've finally done it, they've finally taken for their own everything that we at the UnSignpost proudly stood for, making a mockery of our fine establishment by starting up their own newspaper, the Illogicopedian Times. Or restarting, really; Readmesoon et all managed to put out a whole three issues in 2009 before getting arrested for snorting bumblebees or something, or whatever Illogicopedians do in their spare time, so technically the current is a continuation of that.  But even more shocking than that, the Illogicpedia Times is doing well; after the announcement of its revival with the release of a dummy issue and a call for contributors, Illogicopedians have actually been contributing. Almost immediately two new issues were created; while these two were both a little too well-done for a proper ?pedian publication, the worst bits were merged into the first new issue, which has already been released to tremendous apathy on their end, and outrage on ours. But this was plural Illogicopedians, unlike the usually singular Uncyclopedian or two who invariably finds itself desperately floundering for topics to write about for our publications, and as we all know, nothing ever even happens on ?pedia, so how do they do it? What are we doing wrong? The answer, my friends, is nothing. We aren't doing anything wrong; they simply stole all our ideas and used those to write their own, and having not written any of their own in so long, they had all our back issues to comb. We suggest going to Readmesoon's talkpage and mocking him and the other editors thoroughly when they inevitably run out of said ideas to steal; it shouldn't take terribly long seeing as we never really had many to begin with. Meantime, perhaps we need more Zombiebaron.  Please help me.
Please help me. I am trapped in a well. It is very dark and cold down here. I was flying a kite and looking up at the sky when I fell down here by mistake. Please send me food. (To send food to Zombiebaron, please enclose all foods within a handmade envelope and address the envelope the P.O. Box 9912203288-402B at your local train station) Urinal issues
Due to a recent shortage of plumbers, some of the urinals in the men's restroom have been backing up. As such, we at the UnSignpost would like to urge all readers to tread carefully in there, and if possible, try to lend a hand in the clean up. More news to come as the situation becomes more dire. |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:13, August 25, 2011 (UTC)
Why
I want to know why you deleted my page on Early Cuyler?
- It was on QVFD, looked half-assed, and I assume a lot of it is jokes taken directly from the show. I don't particularly enjoy that show so I haven't watched it enough to know for sure. If they're not jokes from the show I can restore it for you, but with a construction tag because you'll need to work on it a little more. -RAHB 20:21, August 26, 2011 (UTC)
- Yeah well I just found out about the construction tag and no, the jokes were not from the show, other than the character names, which are all on the squidbillies page, so i assume those are acceptable to use. So please do restore it with a construction tag, and it looked Half assed because I had not finished it. Could you please elaborate on the QVFD and why there is an issue with my article being 'on it' as you say?
- QVFD is a way for a certain group of users to alert the administrators to articles that should be deleted because of not meeting any of a number of certain quality standards. It's an imperfect process, but it makes things more efficient and as you've seen, it's easy enough for an author to request their article to be restored and usually an administrator will cooperate with them if the author is even-tempered and polite, as you've been. Seeing as that's the case, here you go. Have a nice day and good luck! -RAHB 04:02, August 27, 2011 (UTC)
- Yeah well I just found out about the construction tag and no, the jokes were not from the show, other than the character names, which are all on the squidbillies page, so i assume those are acceptable to use. So please do restore it with a construction tag, and it looked Half assed because I had not finished it. Could you please elaborate on the QVFD and why there is an issue with my article being 'on it' as you say?
Mailman's here! Lock up your daughters and horny middle-aged Wives!
The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!
September 1st, 2011 • Issue 136 • JJPMaster is a loser.
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Spambots!
 Recently, an evil army of spambots has laid siege to Uncyclopedia. While most users went on in blissful ignorance, the rollbacks loaded their guns, the admins loaded their cannons, and Sannse took one look and didn't load her checkuser. "You're overreacting," she would have said had anyone asked her, which they didn't. These spambots are known for their random edit summaries and their apparent praise of the wiki, apparent because they have been all too happy to spread the very same praise around other sites as well, the whores: "This really helped me, I know so much now," said one of the spambots when cornered by a bin of potatoes. It later said the exact same thing regarding a deleted page. As always, the UnSignpost urges all readers to confront these bots and tell them they're doing it wrong, that they are adopted and how their mothers never hugged them, as well as that their coding is deprecated and their owner runs them through Internet Explorer, losers. And for those of you who prefer the usual blah blah blah to stop them, that also remains an option. This is just plain Unacceptable!  Drama. You never know where it's going to strike. You never know when it's going to strike. You never know how or why it's going to strike. And dare I say, there are times when you cannot be altogether very sure at all what it's going to strike. One thing is for certain, though; here at Uncyclopedia, we do a bloody poor job of it, and in the name of Klaus Nomi and his immaculate hair, we should all be ashamed! There are not enough bad things going on! Everywhere one looks it's another pathetic little pissing fight about something as insignificant as BUTT POOP!!!!, or a misdirected conservative whining about retards. Enough, I say! This is child's play! Gone are the glorious days of perpetual Uncyclopedia flame-wars, the legends such as Talk:Euroipods forever eluding the minds of today's generation of shit-raisers and stink-throwers! What of the glory that was NXWave, and his numerous sockpuppets? What of the majestic splendor of the great Aspie war? Uncyclopedians, you have disgraced your heritage! You have almost made this a pleasant place to reside! Do you realize that? This week I challenge you, oh alleged patrons of flamewars and troll-being, to take a look at yourselves, and you will soon realize that your true purpose has been eluding you for all of these years. It's time we stand up and yell! Scream! WHINE like you mean it! Whine like you whined on your first day of kindergarten when your mother drove away! Whine like a prom queen suddenly and unexpectedly drafted into the Armed Forces! Whine like your forefathers and their forefathers before them! CAUSE A STIR! CAUSE A REVOLUTION! CAUSE CHAOS! But most importantly....cause a drama. Thank you. Frosty wants to know how he's doing.
He's doing horribly. He is not a better editor than that other guy, who at least had the decency to bring me bribes of frappes and muffins. |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:13, September 1, 2011 (UTC)
I'm Adding A Header To This Myself Because I'm Obsessively Compulsive. Or is it compulsively obsessive? Also, when did I stop capitalizing every word? Oh, forget it.
Why did you huff wisdom teeth? - Jingles007
- Because, it's construction template was expired and it had not been edited since August 24th, effectively making it abandoned. If you'd like to continue working on it I could restore it to your userspace so you can finish it without a time limit. -RAHB 05:39, September 3, 2011 (UTC)
Salutations, and other complications
“Who died?”
Felicitations
It is apparently de rigueur to spam a user's talk page with templates, if that user has voted for your article on VFH, or has other-services render'd. As you have apparently done something of this sort, here is your reward: a plain, black box with white lettering, thanking you in a generic fashion for what you have done.
(Signed) Bizzeebeever
P.S. Yes, your suspicions are correct, this template is utterly unoriginal.
P.S.—before I forget: thank you for the nomination in the first place.
Oi, this is the shit: a parody of a parody.
Lookit this shit. I feel so...flattered. They're doin' parodies of me, already. ⇒»Biz E.B. Ver 
(gabble) 12:18, September 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Hahahah yeah, I saw that a bit ago in the RC. I figured you'd be getting a kick out of it :) -RAHB 12:21, September 5, 2011 (UTC)
Ah,
Thanks for nomming my article, Mr Rahb. When you first said you liked it I couldn't tell whether you were being sarcastic or not, I guess that clears that up (unless you're being, like, really sarcastic). So, uh, Zappa eh? Cool. Thanks again. --Black Flamingo 20:29, September 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Oh yeah, man. It's really fantastic. A fine example of absurdity and surrealism. Or as they say at the chess club, "really goofy." It's seriously one of my top five favorite articles now. -RAHB 22:38, September 5, 2011 (UTC)
This UnSignpost brought to you by... uh... fairy dust? Hmm, we seem to have run out of sponsors.
Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!
September 8th, 2011 • Issue 137 • This is still going? How?
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New urinals to be installed
 As you are no doubt aware, having been following the UnSignpost religiously like every good Uncyclopedian does, we recently reported on the decrepit state of the Uncyclopedian urinals. In the weeks since, the lavatories have been undergoing repairs following an in-depth investigation into the matter conducted out of sheer paranoia. It would seem this paranoia was warranted, however, because the entire messy affair was apparently caused by some idiot getting the bright idea to pour a vat of rubber cement down a broken toilet. If you have any information that might lead to the identity of the culprit, please, report it to the authorities. A forum has also been created to aid in the cleanup; if you would like to aid in the efforts, or would simply prefer to point and laugh at your smelly peers as they help install new urinals, that would be the place to go.
Greetings, Uncyclopedians. You may remember me from our previous issue, in which I mercilessly berated the lot of you for being a pathetic bunch of whiny losers who wouldn't know a good drama if it bit them on the nose. Beating the ever-loving shit out of your self-respect, I then left you with a challenge. To "most importantly, cause a drama." Within the past week, you've really shown me something. Congratulations are in order! Rejoice, Uncyclopedia! For you have not only caused a drama, you have in fact become The Drama! Your armpits reek of the glorious B.O. of internet drama, and that reek is really getting me off! Fear no more, for as long as thine hearts remain impure, and your bellies full of Mountain Dew, you shall never stray off the path of utter boorish piss-fighting again! I will make sure of that, watching over your future endeavors of pointlessness like a guardian magical angel with a funny Irish hat. You deserve it. You have reached the very top of the mountain, like some flaming golden eagle, majestically flying across the sky, shitting all over everything in its path...majestically. Don't listen to what your detractors say. Your constant bickering is UNITING the very country of Uncyclopedia, like some sort of annoying super glue that causes a rash if it comes into contact with human skin. You should be proud! You should be elated! You should be madly stroking yourself off at the very prospect of being the very best dramanator the world has ever seen!! But seriously, you can stop it now.
While this should come as no surprise to those of you immersed in the affairs of Wikimedia, assuming there are any of you immersed in that, we at the UnSignpost recently found ourselves quite horrified (and strangely aroused) by the images to be found on Wikimedia's servers after an anonymous source informed us of what currently qualifies as a feature. Specifically, yaoi porn. While for the sake of all our manhood we probably shouldn't repeat the URL here, for the sake of all our women and our gays, we're going to link it anyway. Enjoy, ladies. And gays. For the rest of you, however, there is a very important lesson to be realised from this: our own situation here on Uncyclopedia really isn't all that bad. Sure, we've been featuring an unusual amount of articles explicitly about the male member this week (unlike the more typical ones implicitly about it), but none of them were quite this explicit, were they? No, really, were they? We didn't actually read any of them on account of being too busy researching this other matter for the sake of you lot. We do this all for you! It's all for you! Hello? |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 01:14, September 8, 2011 (UTC)
pulseaudio
Someone suggested this as a replacement. I have no idea what it actually is or what any of the stuff on that page means, but maybe it'll mean something to you, if you still haven't sorted things out. ~ 
23:47, 8 September 2011
Award Winners
Can you update the awards on the front page? It's still at July's awards. It should be at August's. --
PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 8 September 2011, at 23:50
- I guess so, if no one else is going to. I didn't really want to do it this month because I don't really know any of these people at all. But give me a couple minutes, I'll put something together. After all, writing about things I have no intimate knowledge of is my specialty. -RAHB 00:02, September 9, 2011 (UTC)
!
⇒»Biz E.B. Ver (gabble) 00:12, September 9, 2011 (UTC)
- Hahah yeah I saw that. Good way to cap it off. Well, that and the reporter dying thing. I'm gonna get to recording that ridiculous tie-in song in maybe an hour too. -RAHB 00:15, September 9, 2011 (UTC)
- "Cap it off"...or not. Mattsnow says it doesn't belong on recent unnews because it's too inside-jokey. I guess Izbeenoneweek will never see it, and will keep contributing polar bear stories 'til the end of time. Oh, well. ⇒»Biz E.B. Ver
(gabble) 00:19, September 9, 2011 (UTC)
- "Cap it off"...or not. Mattsnow says it doesn't belong on recent unnews because it's too inside-jokey. I guess Izbeenoneweek will never see it, and will keep contributing polar bear stories 'til the end of time. Oh, well. ⇒»Biz E.B. Ver
Wow. Just... Wow
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Under User has blessed you with cake for being friendly and/or useful. Eat it quickly before he changes his mind. Warning: cake prepared in an environment which also processes nuts, and contains lactose, gluten, ground glass and arsenic, which gives it a lovely tang. |
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Woo! Yay, go you! Under User has decided that you are "quite a decent sort", which is apparently one of his highest terms of praise! This is therefore a good thing, and in accordance with this, he's throwing a party down the manhole to celebrate. Look at him go! You're not invited though. Don't take it personally. |
That is so fucking awesome you just earned both of these in one go. Thanks man, that made my day, and this week in particular, that's fucking hard to do. --UU - natter 
09:20, Sep 9
- Hot shit, cake! Glad to be of service, albeit very delayed. I'd like to reiterate just for my own benefit that that track was incredibly fucking difficult to make. You should have seen my sweat-glistened body while I was singing it. It was quite a sight. Possibly an arousing one. -RAHB 14:45, September 9, 2011 (UTC)
- I can only imagine how it must have been when you were recording the AAAAAA section. But only in small doses. If I imagine it all in one go, I have to have a lie down. And I laughed so hard at that bit when I heard it, BTW. Anyway, I think it's fair to say its featuring is in large part down to your efforts, so many thanks once again sir. I salute your sweat-drenched efforts! --UU - natter
20:30, Sep 21
- I can only imagine how it must have been when you were recording the AAAAAA section. But only in small doses. If I imagine it all in one go, I have to have a lie down. And I laughed so hard at that bit when I heard it, BTW. Anyway, I think it's fair to say its featuring is in large part down to your efforts, so many thanks once again sir. I salute your sweat-drenched efforts! --UU - natter
Hey I know you!
You're that one guy! Awesome! User:Mrthejazz/sig 01:35, September 11, 2011 (UTC)
The UnSignpost: Now with free bacon!
Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!
September 15th, 2011 • Issue 138 •My News Hungers for Justice
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Poo and Pee
As we draw closer to the close of the summer, many Uncyclopedians find themselves casting about, searching for a way to manifest their creative talents before they all have to go back to school and learn how to add up big numbers. It is therefore fitting that two competitions will be hosted this month in order to alleviate the pain in your pants. The first is Pee Week, which began on Tuesday; this competition ran last year as well and was a great success in clearing the Pee backlog down to about 17 pages and was critically acclaimed by all 4 participants. Now, once again, all members of PEEING are summoned to the edge of the bowl to help clear a blockage which, according to RAHB, is "Backed up like a fat gerbil in a small tube". The competition this time has been started by Lyrithya; you know her, she's the crazy dame with all the wacky ideas about "Accountability" and "Standards". When asked to make a quick speech to commemorate the start of Pee Week she didn't say anything, so we made something up: "I now declare the revels open", she might have said. The rules are very simple: do reviews, wait in mounting anticipation for your review to be checked, list it here, move out of parents house, win a template, kiss a lady. It's that simple.  The other competition that loomed into view this week was the PLS, our biggest writing competition. It's so cool that some of you may wish to beat box while reading the rest of this story so you feel like you're in "da club", because that's cool, right? This competition is being hosted by a harsh spunk-chugger who had plenty to say to the UnSignpost about the PLS, but as we unfortunately have other stories to get onto this week, we cannot provide you with any of the 73 page interview. Luckily Zombiebaron was on hand to say a quick word about the PLS: "Zombiebaron". The competition is very much the same as it has been, except this year the Best Alternate Namespace Article category has been dropped in favour of a Best Collaboration category, a controversial move due to the poor performance of such a category in previous years. ChiefjusticeDS had no comment to make about this, preferring instead to talk to our correspondent about his new book, "My Shit Life in 4,000 Pages". The competition starts on the 20th of this month, but judges are needed to judge (duh) the categories and there are still some spots available - see here for information and general blabbering about aircraft carriers and whatnot. Vandals destroy Uncyclopedia
 In a massive meme fight which no one bothered to pay attention to until it was too late, two psychotic neurotic narcissists utterly destroyed the once-proud institution known as Uncyclopedia. "I banned them both for eternity!" said Uncyclopedia nanny Lyrithya, with tears in her eyes. "But their actions had already set in motion a horrible, horrible doom for us all, just like building that suburb on top of an Indian burial ground in the movie Poltergeist caused a hell-mouth to open. Oh, God. *shifty eyes*" The two vandals, who had been writing a rapidly-devolving series of articles incorporating the motif of a talking polar bear, apparently became so inane that their stupidity-streams crossed, tearing a crack in the Uncyclopedia space-time continuum. Suddenly, every Uncyclopedia article became commingled with its Encyclopedia Dramatica version. The entire Lovecraftian horror was quickly destroyed by a nuclear-armed United Nations hit squad. The cheeky monkeys, known as Izbeenoneweek and Bizzeebeever, are believed to be recovering from their wounds somewhere in their respective mothers' basements, however the future looks far from rosy for either of them. Various current and past Uncyclopedians, ranging from SPIKE to TheHumbucker to Zombiebaron, are said to be pissed to the point of wanting to track the two pranksters down and kill them with an iron-bound physical copy of HTBFANJS. "I'm coming back to the charred remains of Uncyclopedia, just to kill these fuckers," said Dr. Skullthumper. "Oh, by the way, hi, Lyrithya." |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:14, September 15, 2011 (UTC)
Hey, want to join PEEING?
Apparently I'm supposed to ask that after folks complete five in-depth reviews. ~ 06:10, 15 September 2011
- Was that my fifth? Boy, how piss flies. I appreciate the...obligatory offer, but I'm not all that into joining Uncyclopedia groups. Nothing personal, but it's just one of those things. I dunno. Eh. Thanks, though! -RAHB 06:22, September 15, 2011 (UTC)
- Well, should you keep doing good ones, as I hope you will, you may find yourself abducted into it anyway. Just so you know. Blame ChiefjusticeDS. He's a wily man. ~
21:41, 16 September 2011
- Well, should you keep doing good ones, as I hope you will, you may find yourself abducted into it anyway. Just so you know. Blame ChiefjusticeDS. He's a wily man. ~
About A Guide to Trolls
I know it's been tagged for ICU, and I'm hoping to improve it as soon as someone reviews it on Pee Review. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon. Do you have any idea? ~![[thehappyspaceman]](http://images.uncyclomedia.co/uncyclopedia/en/thumb/1/17/Ths.jpg/20px-Ths.jpg){kind=small}
will • fight • to • death 21:36, 09/16/2011
P.S.- Love your logo replacement. Zappa forever!
- Well, I'll tell you what. Seeing as you're so polite and seem to really want to do good, and seeing as you're a Zappa fan which tickles me, I'll give it a review later today and try to help you out with it :) -RAHB 21:50, September 16, 2011 (UTC)
- I hate ICU. ICU would be my mortal enemy if peanut butter sandwiches, Ljlego, and demonic chipmunks already weren't. --
PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 16 September 2011, at 22:17
- The alternative would be deleting every new article that isn't already good. Your choice. Except it isn't, I guess. But you can pretend it is :) -RAHB 22:32, September 16, 2011 (UTC)
- What did Ljlego ever do to you? He didn't do what he did to me to you, did he? Damn, that tickled. ~ 22:37, 16 September 2011
- Ljlego smells funny. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!)
22:55, September 16, 2011 (UTC)
- You didn't hear it from me, but it probably has to do with his rampant halibut fetish. -RAHB 22:57, September 16, 2011 (UTC)
- Ljlego banned me because I blamed him for turning Lyrithya into a pigeon colon. I was forced to apoligize under penalty of becoming the same pigeon's testicles. He also smells funny (or did someone just say that). -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 16 September 2011, at 23:38
- Ljlego banned me because I blamed him for turning Lyrithya into a pigeon colon. I was forced to apoligize under penalty of becoming the same pigeon's testicles. He also smells funny (or did someone just say that). --
- You didn't hear it from me, but it probably has to do with his rampant halibut fetish. -RAHB 22:57, September 16, 2011 (UTC)
- Ljlego smells funny. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!)
- What did Ljlego ever do to you? He didn't do what he did to me to you, did he? Damn, that tickled. ~
- The alternative would be deleting every new article that isn't already good. Your choice. Except it isn't, I guess. But you can pretend it is :) -RAHB 22:32, September 16, 2011 (UTC)
- I hate ICU. ICU would be my mortal enemy if peanut butter sandwiches, Ljlego, and demonic chipmunks already weren't. --
Thank you for the review. :)
Just to let you know, I'm moving it to my userspace, and after I improve it a wee bit, off to the UnBooks: namespace it goes! I've also come here to answer a few of your questions. First of all, I never actually used the Censor template, I just used the block element █ a bunch of times. Secondly, I hope you don't mind me removing the ICU template while it's in my userspace. Cheers! ~ will • fight • to • death 01:53, 09/20/2011
- Ah, I see, I've never used the block element or the censor template so I just called it whatever I could think it was. Glad to see you're going into userspace and working on it and that you've picked the UnBooks namespace, excellent decisions. And absolutely you can remove the template, since they don't apply to userspace. In userspace you can pretty much do anything you want if it's not cyberbullying, so it's the preferred method of operations for a lot of writers around here. Glad to hear you're going forward with it. Drop me a line when it's finished, I'd like to read it :) -RAHB 02:01, September 20, 2011 (UTC)
- Also, my article is doing a lot better on Illogicopedia. W00t! ~
![[thehappyspaceman]](//images.uncyclomedia.co/uncyclopedia/en/thumb/1/17/Ths.jpg/20px-Ths.jpg)
will • fight • to • death 01:56, 09/20/2011
Huffing of page
Dear RAHB
I would like to know why you Huffed the page Counter Strike Source. I would appreciate if I would get a copy of the original page back. Thank you.
★Hwachongster★ My Talk Page! 09:37, September 20, 2011 (UTC)
- Certainly. I've moved a copy of the page to your userspace so that you can work on it at your leisure without threat of deletion. The reason it was deleted was because its construction tag was expired (the tag is valid for one week), and the article wasn't finished yet. At any rate, good luck on finishing it up. Cheers! -RAHB 14:18, September 20, 2011 (UTC)
Bergerac
Dear RAHB,
I see that you Huffed the page Bergerac. I had resurrected it so that I could work on it and allow the world to know about the misadventures of Cyrano de Bergerac and C.J. Hungerford. Any chance of allowing it back in?
- Here you go. Be sure to make some improvements on it before moving it back into the mainspace. Cheers! -RAHB 17:57, September 20, 2011 (UTC)
Protecting Platypush
It was me. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 21 September 2011, at 02:40
Pee Week
| This user took part in Pee Week 2011 and finished with a positive score.
In recognition we hereby award them the title and rank of "A rather spiffing chap". Envious? Want to get templates, fans, stuff and more? Review something! It's more fun than eating! |
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Thanks for helping out and generally not sucking, you massive freak. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 08:08, September 21, 2011 (UTC)
Pee Weak
Thanks for the rubdown on UnNews:911 conspiracies explained by a sandwich. You were very detailed and pinpointed (like a laser!) the places where the article was weak. I've made edits, took Tom Brokaw out to pasture where he now munches on old new stories), and, since I am only here once a week, used my audacity to self nom the page on VFH. I lay in the mud, and you came and offered me a hand. And although you removed the hand as I tried to rise, you offered it, and it's the thought that counts. Thanks mightily. And it's good to see you around again, hopefully to stay for awhile (unlike me, who's on that once a week hellish cycle). Aleister 17:39 21-9-'11
- Woah, I almost missed this message for some reason. Glad to see my review helped out, and as I said, now that the appropriate changes have been made, it looks like I can vote For this very nice piece. Yeah, I'm probably here to stay, I really wind up missing the place when I go away. Good seeing you again as well, glad to see you're still up to...whatever it is that you do here. Writing featureable articles I presume ;) -RAHB 07:42, September 22, 2011 (UTC)
Brought to you by Lion Bars! It's the UnSignpost!
Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!
September 22nd, 2011 • Issue 139 •Lion Bars, so many Lion Bars.
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Lion Bar Week
 All good things must come to an end, and so, apparently, must everything else, as Pee Week successfully concluded on Tuesday of this week, having encouraged users to complete a whole 23 reviews! This mammoth undertaking means that it now takes only 10 minutes to scroll to the bottom of the Pee queue, and truly showcased the difference the promise of a special template can bring. One of the competition rewards is a "write-up" for the winner in the UnSignpost about "Their general awesomeness". Despite having attempted to explain that we don't do nice write-ups here and offering to publicly rubbish the families and friends of the winner instead, we eventually agreed to provide said write-up in return for a week's supply of Lion Bars. I mean, Lion Bars! I didn't even know you could get them in shops any more! If you break them in half it's like a Lion's Mouth, I mean it's like "ROOOOAR"! Anyway, so as we sat down, with a week's supply of Lion Bars, no less, to prepare this "glowing write-up" (which we were only doing because we got free Lion Bars). We thought it might be prudent to find out who had won Pee Week, and it turns out that the big winner is Frosty. Well, not really; we're the real winners because we got free Lion Bars. However, assuming success is not measured in Lion Bars (which it is), Frosty has indeed won. All the other people we interviewed about Frosty all told us he was fantastic, but he was quickly forgotten when our interviewees discovered that we had a sack full of Lion Bars with us and they only lapsed into further raptures of joy when we revealed that you can snap Lion Bars in half and roar. There you have it: Frosty is pretty awesome for winning Pee Week, but not quite as awesome as a week's supply of Lion Bars. Editor's note: Whether or not this is considered a "glowing" write-up is neither here nor there; we have an expert (kindly referred to us by the good people at Lion Bars) who is prepared to testify that this story is 200% more cheerful than usual. The editor would also like to thank everyone who was involved in Pee Week for their hard work in helping to clear the Pee queue. News from the Forums
You all love the forums right? Of course you do; everyone loves a good shout (IN CAPS!) and a spot of drama. So this week the UnSignpost has checked out the forums to tell you what is really going on on Uncyclopedia. First up is the most important news - the Poo Lit Surprise started on Tuesday and we have dispatched our roving reporters to the competition in order to interview participants, write stories and other journalistic stuff you wouldn't understand. We understand that the competition is expecting record turnout this year, with six articles submitted at the time of going to press. Six! Next you'll be telling us that people vote on VFP more than once every six months and that more than two people know how to use the new abuse filter. The other fascinating topic in the forum is that of the sidebar. You see it there at the side? Well that's the sidebar, clue's in the name. Basically Lyrithya thinks the sidebar is unacceptable; there are just too many links on it. The solution? Voting and lots of it; with 45 voting headers in the forum at the time of going to press, even Uncyclopedia's most avid voters will be able to get their daily voting fix here. The UnSignpost invites users to go over and create their very own voting header and vote for that as that seems to be exactly what everyone else is doing. Assuming Uncyclopedia hasn't disappeared in some kind of voting singularity by next week, the UnSignpost will be here to explain to you exactly what is going on with the sidebar, something which at the moment is being shaped almost solely by Mattsnow, Aimsplode and TheHappySpaceman, with occasional input from Zombiebaron and Socky. We don't think we need to explain to you why this is not right. The other stuff in the forum is about Hyperbole reaching 50.5 features, the site notice being filled with bodily fluids, a bumped forum from about seven months ago and this forum which has been going for about 3 weeks now, and, like the Panda in Zombiebaron's first book, just needs to have its brain consumed and die. |
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--ChiefjusticeXBox360 07:21, September 22, 2011 (UTC)
"Oh, God! But why...in the balls?"
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Thanks for the VFH nomination + vote on UnNews:Alaska woman wins 2011 International Punching-A-Bear-In-The-Face Championship. Here's hoping the coming world-wide bear uprising spares you! |
Hold onto your wage packets! It's the UnSignpost!
The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!
September 29th, 2011 • Issue 140 •A Periodical for the Uncyclopedian of tomorrow, today!
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Poo Underway
 What's that you say? We can't possibly run a story on the Poo Lit Surprise for a third consecutive week? Well what on earth gave you that idea? No this story is about the other goings on on Uncyclopedia that certainly aren't the Poo Lit Surprise, which incidentally is happening at the moment. So for absolutely no real reason we called in to speak to Oliphaunte who we found crying his eyes out somewhere that most certainly wasn't the PLS. "It's just so unfair" he sobbed to our wholly unsympathetic reporters "I worked so hard and now on a technicality I have had two articles disqualified from the-" Unfortunately a huge Rhinocerous then appeared from nowhere and ate Oliphaunte before he could tell us what he had been disqualified from; much to the delight of our assembled reporters who could all now knock off work forty minutes early. However an interesting fact that we did dig up is that if Oliphaunte had been disqualified from the PLS, something which we can't confirm, it would make him the first Uncyclopedian to ever be disqualified from two separate PLS categories, for the same reason, in the same day. Ha ha ha, how embarrassing that would be. It has also come to the attention of our editorial team that there is a worrying noob shortage on Uncyclopedia, how do they know this? They know this because on passing the PLS page on our way to... peace and quiets we happened to notice that there are currently no entrants for the best noob article category, something which any aspiring new users should take note of, since you need only churn out a piece of utter This story has been all about the PLS, we totally fooled you. Shame and VFH
 The headline says it all. The shame that we all should feel for the state of things and the location of that shame. This is the news that VFH hit a new and highly interesting low this week. All five of you who visited the page may well have noticed the banner at the top (which is gone now, in a transparent attempt to stop me having something else to ramble about this week) declaring that while we aren't short on articles that the community thinks are worthy of a spot on the front page, we are short of a community to confirm this. Well no we aren't it's just they are all very very busy. Frosty for instance is exceptionally busy creating and maintaining forums like this, while Aimsplode is still desperately flogging the deceased equine that is this... thing. Clearly these people are not to be distracted by the social niceties of voting and the creative process. Another, much more interesting revelation this week came when TheHappySpaceman declared his hatred of "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" which polls show has recently become more popular among Uncyclopedians than www.pornforsadlonelybastards.com. We didn't bother asking him for comment, partly because laziness is next to Godliness but also because he hates ponies so is unlikely to find a group of journalists asking him for quotes about the same any more enjoyable. So there you have it, TheHappySpaceman hates ponies and nobody is voting on VFH. Truly these are the darkest of days. |
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--
01:38, September 29, 2011 (UTC)
What does one have to do to get permabanned around here?
FUCKING HELL JUST DO IT ALREADY! --74.55.82.154 01:39, October 2, 2011 (UTC)
Archive Vandalism/example on wheels!
i cannot archive it because it says move=sysop. Help me to archive it.--FcukmanLOOS3R!!! 13:59, October 2, 2011 (UTC)
Page on Pete Sampras
You tagged my page on Pete Sampras for ICU. I have moved it to under construction. Could you please help me how I can improve the page. If you give me more detailed information on why it dosen't meet the requirements as an article on uncyclopedia, I can work on those to improve the page. I am new on uncyclopedia so I might be missing on procedures, quality etc. Any help you can provide will be much appreciated.
- Hello. Yes, well, the main issue with your Sampras page is that it doesn't seem to have many jokes or attempts at humor. Most of it appears to just be an analysis of Sampras' game. I can see that there's humorous intent by the way some things are worded, but the article needs some sort of intent or some way that it's trying to express some sort of humorous idea. As is it's very dry. The other thing is that the grammar is rather spotty in some places. If this is an issue I'd be glad to proofread it and correct anything when you've finished with it. -RAHB 03:47, October 4, 2011 (UTC)
- Thanks for the input. Will work on it.Naveenswiki 16:58, October 4, 2011 (UTC)
- Please go ahead and delete this page. I have made a copy onto my talk page. I will submit it for review once I have improved it. Tx. Naveenswiki 19:20, October 10, 2011 (UTC)
- Thanks for the input. Will work on it.Naveenswiki 16:58, October 4, 2011 (UTC)
A day late, because ChiefjusticeDS got lazy: The UnSignPost!
Now Delivered Trendily Late!
October 6th, 2011 • Issue 141 •Am I still on that fecking island?
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It's all over!
Well obviously people are getting sick of hearing about it (because ChiefjusticeDS has done nothing but blab about it for the past 3 issues, thus making it dull and boring by the time it is actually worth mentioning), but the bi-annual Uncyclopedia:Poo Lit Surprise is locked for judging and shall be until the 12th, when the winner will be announced! I have to say, as a judge, there are some pretty aspiring, feature worthy works being displayed and it really bring out the best of Uncyclopedia. But then again, some works don't look like they are quite finished and the 2 weeks have simply flown past for some of the hopefuls. I am also disappointed that our n00bs where two n00bish to actually include any entries except for one, which has subsequently won without any effort. Anyway I'm pretty sure we know who has the best article and will therefore win the whole ordeal. But really, what will become of all this? Further proof that all Uncyclopedians are a series of monkeys on typewriters? Or some top notch quality humor for the enjoyment of all and enough features to fill the queue until Christmas? Well I'm going to play it by ear, and wait until the judging part is over and done with. Because as far as I can see if our writers are as competent at our judges, there is no hope what so ever. JUDGES GET JUDGING, OR YOU'LL BE VERY VERY SORRY INEED!
The bitch is back!
 Oh yes, a phrase used all too frequently to indicate some loser is indeed amongst us again. Tom mayfair, a user who has been largely dorment since 2008 has made an epic comeback in the past week swearing eternal allegiance to the cause once more. He came barging in demanding his sysop powers back (with success I might add) and got right back down to editing again. Good work Tom! But this of course makes us all wonder where the hell the lad has been for the last couple of years, after all he only made a groundbreaking 6 edits in 2010. So why the hell has his sad domestic life become more important than us suddenly? Well the truth is, he's got a wife or something as far as I've been told told over IRC and so he is probably more preoccupied with the better things in life, rather than some sad little websites full of people who can't write to save their lives. I therefore hate the loser for making a mockery out of us all. We're going to lose our precious talk pages!
Oh yeah, because wikia is all bright 'n'all, we're going to be losing our talk pages for some fancy pants message walls kind of like facebook. Users have expressed outrage to this, in the form of angry forums, flame wars, letter bombs and urban terrorism. I don't blame 'em either, this is just plain unacceptable, I have a list there of people that owe me money! Anyway the petition is 'ere, go add your name to the over 200 that are already there for all the good it'll do. Now back to my sulking about my precious talk page... |
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~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 01:49, October 7, 2011 (UTC)
Serious
Am glad you nominated a Cajek page. Can you imagine if all the good writers came back? (although many have gone to writer's heaven). I'm not spending as much time here as I would like, but sometime soon will be back to steam. Cajek!! Aleister 17:14 7-10-'11
*poke*
This is just a reminder that you offered to judge the PLS, wound up with your name on a section, and still haven't done it. Apparently the deadline for results is October 12th, so... uh, please do so before then, and stuff. Cheers. ~ 20:22, 8 October 2011
- Will be doing so, no worries. :) -RAHB 21:46, October 8, 2011 (UTC)
- Thanks, man. I also came here to inform you that I am bored and command you to entertain me, but that's actually more useful. ~ 02:25, 9 October 2011
- Thanks, man. I also came here to inform you that I am bored and command you to entertain me, but that's actually more useful. ~
About the article you're working on
Thought you could use this. MadMax 01:26, October 9, 2011 (UTC)
- HAH! That is indeed a funny one. Not sure it fits the tone all that well, though, seeing as the narrator is a swanky Seattle importante who probably would never associate himself with sugary cereal. But thank you, all the same. By the by, I don't think I've ever actually had occasion to speak with you before. So while the moment is here....hello, Max =D -RAHB 01:30, October 9, 2011 (UTC)
Hey RAHB
Do you want the other two in your userspace too? —Sir Socky
(talk) (stalk)
GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 11:59, 9 October 2011
Pretty much what I said to Guildy
Hi RAHB, I just saw the scoring on the PLS articles and your offer to do a review. You are right by saying there were some awesome articles on there. That would be awesome if you could tell me in a nutshell what are your thoughts on User:Mattsnow/HowTo:Snowboard your way to awesomeness!. I worked a great deal on it and nobody put it in their top 5. No need for an in-depth piss session, just a couple of lines like you did for the other articles, if you'd be so kind. What doesn't work? Where to improve? What are my chances with the girl next door? Thanks 
Mattsnow 22:51, October 11, 2011 (UTC)
- Certainly and absolutely. I'll give you a nicely-sized review first thing tomorrow (I'm in UTC-8 and it's 10:50 PM now, and I usually wake up around 1 in the afternoon, just to let you know). Your article in particular doesn't need all that much humor tweaking, but I noticed something in the way it all unfolded that was, well, I'll cover it in the review. I certainly appreciate your effort in the event, and I'll do my best to aid you in pumping it up, as it were :) -RAHB 05:52, October 12, 2011 (UTC)
HI RAHB
Long time no see!!!!!!!
I have been far too busy to harress you on Uncyclopedia for a long time, I am so so sorry. We have a thing going man!
Long floppy dong :D
--Wang Vandal :D 10:21, October 12, 2011 (UTC)
- Aw, man. I was starting to get nostalgic there for a while. Glad to see you're still letting it all "hang loose" from time to time though. Sorry for not infinibanning you this time around, RDB got ya while I was reading something or other. My memory only goes back about 35 seconds so I have no idea what it was. Or what I'm doing. What's going on? Why are there sirens? -RAHB 10:36, October 12, 2011 (UTC)
Banned?
Why did you permanently ban my IP address (97.120.199.220)? I made those edits ironically. – Preceding unsigned comment added by I am worthless shit (talk • contribs)
- Well it's incredibly fucking annoying, and considered vandalism. I'll unban it if you promise to behave yourself in the future. Also, sign your posts with four tildes (~~~~) -RAHB 00:40, October 13, 2011 (UTC)
- Well, you don't necessarily need to unban my IP address, because, as you can see, there is a glitch in the system where I can still edit pages by logging into an account; even though I am using the same IP address. Nevertheless, I was unaware that Uncyclopedians like yourself were so easily fucking annoyed, and so considerate as far as vandalism is concerned; so I will promise not to replace every word or punctuation mark on a page with something slightly different. (I will admit that I did find replacing the word British on the page British Hedgehog with the word Australian to be awfully funny.) I will also promise not to vandalize (British? OK, vandalise). Perhaps this post seems insulting to you. If it was, then you were trolled, so disregard the parts that were insulting to you. I am really not a mean person. I am just overly sarcastic and cynical. I suppose this is a bad quality? ~~~~
- LOL jk. I am worthless shit 02:47, October 13, 2011 (UTC)
- Not at all, I'm rather overly sarcastic and cynical myself. It's not that I personally took any "offense" to your edits (I'm also not actually British, but American), they were merely aesthetically annoying, and in line with common vandal practices that we see very often. If you'd like to put your sarcasm and cynicism to better Uncyclopedic use, you could always write an article of your own as well. I don't think you're a bad guy, but yeah, we're not huge fans of trollololing around here. So it'd be best to not do that. At any rate, your IP is unbanned now. It's actually not a glitch in the system that you can log in with your account, because accounts aren't attached to IPs, and yours was made before the IP ban. If you'd tried to make another account while the ban was on, you would have found it wasn't possible to do. At any rate, have a nice day and all that. Just don't flood recent changes again. -RAHB 03:24, October 13, 2011 (UTC)
- LOL jk. I am worthless shit 02:47, October 13, 2011 (UTC)
- Well, you don't necessarily need to unban my IP address, because, as you can see, there is a glitch in the system where I can still edit pages by logging into an account; even though I am using the same IP address. Nevertheless, I was unaware that Uncyclopedians like yourself were so easily fucking annoyed, and so considerate as far as vandalism is concerned; so I will promise not to replace every word or punctuation mark on a page with something slightly different. (I will admit that I did find replacing the word British on the page British Hedgehog with the word Australian to be awfully funny.) I will also promise not to vandalize (British? OK, vandalise). Perhaps this post seems insulting to you. If it was, then you were trolled, so disregard the parts that were insulting to you. I am really not a mean person. I am just overly sarcastic and cynical. I suppose this is a bad quality? ~~~~
Sparta?
THIS IS NOT SPARTA!!!
Thanks for your vote and featurization. ; ) —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:10, 14 October 2011
pls article
I'm glad to hear it was funny, and I rerouted back to the style of a Wikipedia film article - Indiana Jones and the Typical University-level Dig. To be honest it was still in draft form when it was locked, because I thought I had a few days. Basically it is Indiana landing in the midst of a college dig, emphasis on college because I don't know how many would appreciate boring archaeological concepts without having spent a semester on them... Anyway, this is still a subtle gesture towards vfh if you think it is coherent enough. I removed some of the script like aspects that, in hindsight, added nothing. --Nikau 11:12, October 15, 2011 (UTC)
- Groovy man. I think I'll go ahead and nominate, but I'll wait until the PLS is "officially" over. Speaking of which, I should probably find out why it isn't "officially" over yet. -RAHB 03:00, October 16, 2011 (UTC)
- Wait, so how was I able to edit if. I. You. They. They unprotected it, and then they're going to unprotect me. Oh my Goooood. Is it done now, or can I still give out blow jobs? Not for the sake of points, I just like cock. -Nikau 05:23, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
- All will be revealed in time... -RAHB 07:04, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
- Wait, so how was I able to edit if. I. You. They. They unprotected it, and then they're going to unprotect me. Oh my Goooood. Is it done now, or can I still give out blow jobs? Not for the sake of points, I just like cock. -Nikau 05:23, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
I have stolen your idea...
and put my own spin on it. You Have a Problem Dame 
GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 15:45, October 15, 2011 (UTC)
- Hahahahah, very cool. Clearly We Have A Problem : ) -RAHB 03:02, October 16, 2011 (UTC)
- I think we could co-exist. Just an excercise on my part. Besides, you know it takes a great challenge to lure me out of retirement. Hugs, Dame
GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 15:32, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
- Certainly, even though the two follow a similar format, they're two different ideas that work well on their own or together. Of course, we could always overkill it all and actually write We Have A Problem. I'd raise an eyebrow, but there's no emoticon for that. -RAHB 22:45, October 18, 2011 (UTC)
- I think we could co-exist. Just an excercise on my part. Besides, you know it takes a great challenge to lure me out of retirement. Hugs, Dame
ME AGAIN
HI RAHB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Big fat dong :D
I look forward to the witty ban :D --Penis Vandal :D 06:49, October 16, 2011 (UTC)
Vanity?
It's none of my business, but I noticed you huffed an article called Wayside school. Turns out it's actually a book series and TV show. It also had an ICU tag on it, I think. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 16 October 2011, at 22:27
- Yeah, all of those things are true. But it sounded to me like he was comparing his friends to the book/TV thing or something. Eh, I dunno, I guess I'll just restore it. Probably won't make it past the week anyway. -RAHB 00:18, October 17, 2011 (UTC)
still doing audio?
You seem to be the go to guy for podcast like things and I figured there is so much to play with in the base idea of UnNews:US withdrawal in Afghanistan may be followed by more strategy alterations, warm fuzzy feeling if you have the time. The article is about 2 years old but only struck renewed relevence in the last month.--Nikau 01:39, October 20, 2011 (UTC)
- Sure, I could do that. I'll try to get around to it tonight, but if not then it'll have to wait 'till next week sometime. I've got a busy weekend coming up. -RAHB 01:50, October 20, 2011 (UTC)
- Don't worry 'bout a thing, have a fun busy weekend. --Nikau 11:21, October 29, 2011 (UTC)
You've been deleting userspace redirects
And I'm not sure why. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 09:43, 21 October 2011
- Oh, BizzeeBeever requested those deletions in IRC. Sorry, I should have put a deletion summary or something. -RAHB 09:46, October 21, 2011 (UTC)
Allah/God/Yahweh (pick one) thanks you for your VFH vote
...on that UnNews piece I did. Sure, it was a cheap feature, but I consider it reparation for the unceremoniously-discarded Why?:I should probably keep my drapes closed, which I consider my best work. Also, my garden fucked your mom. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Oct 22 '11 11:04 (UTC)
Casual words
Hi, I created the page Casual Words just for fun, but has been deleted for spam. I was just trying to be funny ._. Anyway sorry if I wasted your potato. Thanks for the reply! Submission! Hamburger! As you can see, I can't write or read English, so I'm glad for the shiny button, and that the current community portal can be with you, my content. --Genuzzo 19:29, October 25, 2011 (UTC)
- Ah, in that case I'll unban your IP. It was nothing personal, but there's a wiki trend going around where people program spambots to insert nonsensical strings of words into the wiki and clutter the place up, so I thought it was one of those. My apologies. As far as the article goes, mayhaps it would be better suited for Illogicopedia? : ) -RAHB 19:39, October 25, 2011 (UTC)
Generic UnSignpost header
Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while
October 27th, 2011 • Issue 142 •Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!
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Regular Servicing
Over the past two weeks Uncyclopedia has been a dreary and empty place. Uncyclopedians flit through the corridors unseeing, unknowing, unfeeling, uncaring. The reason? The UnSignpost has missed two issues. Now the UnSignpost would like to apologise for this, we would like to say that it was because Capitalist demonstrators have been camped outside our offices demanding that we stop producing terrible material for nothing, but we cannot because they aren't. We don't even have an office so if that were true it would be something of an achievement. No it is the blight that has caused the fall of so many UnSignpost editors: laziness and life. Like the Grim Reaper in Final Destination they stalk you from the second you write an issue and then, when you least expect it, they strike all of a sudden you have priorities and you can't be arsed to complete any of them, which would be a problem, if you could be arsed to care. But fear not normal service has now resumed and the UnSignpost will be making its way to talk pages again this Thursday, which should please all four of the people who are A: active enough to read the UnSignpost, B: Not members of the editorial team who have read it already and C: Haven't read it while it is being written. The other big news from approximately two weeks ago is that the Poo Lit Surprise is finished, much to the delight of everyone. The big winners were of course Uncyclopedia and the creative process, there are no losers on Uncyclopedia after all, only the sad pathetic freaks who come in last. Of course they do not stand comparison to the biggest loser of all; the 11th Poo Lit Surprise chairperson ChiefjusticeDS who had quite a lot to say about the competition, happily we have managed to condense all of the 4 hour interview down to 8 words: "I was very glad to host the PLS". The real winners, besides the creative process, Uncyclopedia, Jesus and Democracy, are listed here. Special mention must go to Black flamingo11 for winning both Best Article and Best Collaboration (with Lyrithya) and also for being the runner up in the Best Rewrite category. Black flamingo had this to say about his incredible success: "SQUAWK", you can also listen to his full reaction just here, he's in the third row, fourth from the right. The Return of the Tide
 As assorted drama unfolds around our beloved Wiki, it should be noted that some people have foolishly returned to the site, passing up the opportunity for a lucrative career milking cows or watching sheep. They have returned, we assume, for the simple fun of writing funny articles, the fools. Such bipolar candidates include everyone's favourite opiate Codeine. Try not to get his heart rate above 90 which, coincidentally, is his estimated age. His doctor told us in an exclusive interview that he may not make it if he so much as stands for more than 3 consecutive minutes, and that his obsessive "Anniversary" edits may hint as being a first grade of dementia. UnSignpost statisticians (yes really) have also calculated that this is the 15th time Codeine has returned to the wiki this year. At the other extreme of the sanity spectrum. Nikau who came back to the wiki with a vengeance: clogging up Recent Changes, writing 4 articles at the same time while doing Pee Reviews and drinking around 40 cans of Red Bull per hour in order to keep up the frantic pace. It is believed that he edits the wiki on 3 separate computers at the same time: two with his hands and one with his toes. He would probably do even more if it would not mean that he would be persistently edit conflicting himself. The community is really grateful for the return of such marvellous dinosaurs and decided to organize a Rhinoceros BBQ in their honour. Friday at <insert name here>'s house. Please bring your own dancing girls or we'll have to use Olipro and Mhaille again, and nobody has quite recovered after last time yet. |
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~ 
I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:17, 27 October 2011
Truth Is (Dr) Stranger Than Fiction
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There I am in all my "glory", circa mid-90's. lol. The great thing about KFJC is there's an actual training program and you simply won't get away with most of the stuff that's in the article. Thanks for the nom and vote bra!-- 13:39, October 28, 2011 (UTC)
- It all makes sense now. Your mid-90's self also bore some resemblance to Dweezil Zappa. -RAHB 04:21, October 30, 2011 (UTC)
Happy Halloween!
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R.I.P.
Here lies RAHB, a noob of thirteen. He blanked a ton of pages, and has never again been seen.
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-- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 1 November 2011, at 01:13
Generic UnSignpost header
Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!
November 3rd, 2011 • Issue 143 • Forseeing all sorts of unforeseen problems since 2008!
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Fundraising
 Money, dosh, moolah, cash. It's the time of year when Wikipedia pastes a gigantic banner to the top of all of their pages hosting a link to an inspirational article penned by Wikia-Oberstgruppenführer Jimbo Wales (not to be confused with Uncyclopedian JimboTheKillerWhale). The text of this article usually runs along these lines: "Isn't Wikipedia wonderful? Yes it is. Now if you donate the small sum of £300 we can keep it looking nice and won't have to send it back to its parents in tiny pieces". This is an absolute disgrace. It's like they're holding Wikipedia to ransom; if I wanted to pay for information I'd move to Nazi Germany, assuming I had a time machine, obviously. How does this affect us here on our own benighted wiki? Well, the logged-in among you may well have paused to examine the banner that has been pasted all over the site notice this past week, at least you will have done before you hid it and carried on with whatever it is you people do all day. Predictably Lyrithya, never one to be swayed by the crippling apathy of the Uncyclopedia userbase, has suggested that we all try and create our own banners. Evidently she isn't swayed by the crippling ineptitude of the Uncyclopedia userbase either. Now we'll be brutally honest, the UnSignpost doesn't have a template critic and the current editorial staff aren't really sure how the UnSignpost itself works; we just fill in the boxes. However, as seasoned UnSignpost readers are no doubt aware, ignorance never stands in the way of good journalism, so having affixed berets to our monitors and incredibly condescending and disgusted looks to our faces, we decided to examine the submissions so far. First up is this one, which was made by Magic man in 2010, which brings a certain authority to the piece... we assume. However we simply cannot countenance the font, which makes it look like it was written by a spider on rollerskates. Go back and try again, Magic man, and get a haircut as well.  The next choice offering came from the pen of EpicAwesomeness, and here it is. We sat down with EpicAwesomeness so he could talk us through the allegorical significance of the piece: "Well, you know, it has Wikipedia in it, you know, because I was just like trying to capture the fact Wikipedia is in it, you know?" he droned at our slack-jawed reporter. "There's, you know, some italics to prove I'm, like, sophisticated, and some blood to show I'm deep, it's my blood, I like to be in all my work. The background is a mix of my-" Alas, the recording of the interview ends there to the sound of gagging and retching, so we can only imagine what the background of EpicAwesomeness's banner is a mix of. Lollipop's offering is this interesting piece which expresses his desire to sodomise dogs. On an unrelated note the UnSignpost dog will not be appearing in this issue. The only other offering has come from an IP. We here at the UnSignpost are united in our delight at its subtlety and in raptures at its wit and elegance. Just kidding; the pictures are wrong, the text is wrong and I've never seen a template name so flawed. For your chance to critique the honest endeavours of other Uncyclopedians, visit the forum here. Or don't; visit the official page instead and remain untainted. Awards  The forums have once again become the stage for what looks set to become one of the more exciting votes of the year. Thekillerfroggy has suggested that awards are becoming devalued when they are being handed out after voting from only one or two people. Naturally the solution is a quota of some sort, that or we drag the unused awards out to the square and beat them to death as an example to the others. This obviously comes as something of a blow to our plans to introduce an UnSignpost Editor of the Month award, which we wouldn't announce to anyone and would award to the most deserving amongst us every week until Judgement Day. The vote appears to be getting some support, indeed the forum has gotten more votes in two days (8 at time of going to press) than Playwright of the Month has managed to accrue so far this year (5 at the time of going to press). This leads us to suggest that instead of implementing its recommendations we simply create a new award, Policy Changing Forum of the Month, since as Thekillerfroggy so eloquently suggests "If you build it they will come". And so they will, TKF, assuming of course that you're building some kind of wank machine. The forum link is hanging about in the "Check out these pages" section, cleverly masquerading as a link. If you can't find your way to the correct forum with these instructions then we don't think you deserve to have a say. You big stupid-head. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:54, 3 November 2011
Ahem
- *cough* ~ 15:45, 5 November 2011
- *hmmm ah hummmm* -RAHB 00:14, November 6, 2011 (UTC)
- Yes. ~ 01:11, 6 November 2011
- Yes. ~
FANKS
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AG FANKS MAN! You was prove you are not a sout piel and now you can like to get dis template because you did pay attentions... Now go milk dat bliksimse cow! |
Thanks
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Thank you for voting |
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Generic UnSignpost header
The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.
November 10th, 2011 • Issue 144 • Is it really that big?
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Hard-Hitting Journalism
 There's plenty for the UnSignpost to talk about this week so, naturally, we have decided not to talk about any of it. Instead we are going to tell you about the issues, the real issues, the ones that they don't want you to know about. Issue number one is that the cabal chairperson for November: Zombiebaron has, and not everybody knows this, instructed the administrative body to ban everyone in the world. You can see that it's happening. I mean, does it not seem strange to you that every time there's some kind of vandalism at some point an administrator just happens to turn up? Are you with us? True anarchists should be sure to pick up their copy of "If you can't revert it, kick it to death" when it comes out on UnTunes. Another issue that they don't want you to know is that we appear to have another VFS fast approaching, which for the experienced among you also means four weeks worth of UnSignposts following the VFS. This is news which pleases our editor greatly as it will just about take him through to the stage where he can fill at least half of every issue with mince pie banter and can continue to drop into a stupor every Thursday without fear of missing another UnSignpost. The page is a melting pot of passive aggressive wankery mixed in with pessimism. We won't be quoting any of it here unfortunately, our wankery license got revoked after we ran that Conservapedia issue. Electrified mocha chinchilla has also hit the forums this week objecting to constant changes to the site notice. Something which should be secondary in importance to the fact that the vast majority of the userbase don't seem to have noticed, clearly we need a new site notice, possibly one that sits in the middle of the screen and runs away when you try to close it. Lyrithya has closed her fund-raising forum, having raised no money whatsoever, this correspondent isn't quite sure whether she understands what you when you fund-raise, and also would like to suggest she runs a car wash next time she wants to raise some cash. She closed the forum by saying "Thank you all for your efforts. Unfortunately blah blah blah...". Disgruntled banner creators are strongly encouraged not to hunt Lyrithya down and "Gut her like a stuck Pig", but obviously if such a thing were to happen it would not only provide great publicity for the wiki, but also would provide UnSignpost material for at least three months. On the topic of UnSignpost material, the editorial team would like to celebrate an entire year at the helm of the UnSignpost. A year, over the course of which, only two issues have been missed. Thanks must go to Frosty, Lyrithya and anyone else who picked up the slack on weeks when the editor wasn't doing the job he should have been. Thanks also to the subscribers, without you we'd just be sticking this on Mhaille's talk page every week. I'm so pleased to have been a part of this that I've bought you all this small box of chocolates, to share, and I've bought myself this giant golden Camel because... well... I need it. IC
 There is a group of people, cool people. These cool people do cool things like collaborate on articles monthly and... well, actually, that's all they really do. But they're cool while doing it! These cool people are so very cool that they have a section on the main page devoted to them and their very own Uncyclopedia: namespace page. I know what you're thinking, "Who are these people, and where can I get one of their autographs?" Well, I'll tell you. These cool people that I'm referring to are the gang over at Imperial Colonization (That's right, kids, I'm on the list. One at a time, please. Don't worry, everybody, I have enough ink to sign everyone's foreheads and babies and such). Unfortunately, a terrible thing has happened to the cool kids at IC. Their section on the main page has ben hidden away between <!------------ ------------------------------ -->'s, their Uncyclopedia: namespace page hasn't been edited since July, and, worst of all, dare I say it? Their coolness has worn off. I know, it's pretty bad. Now that the IC crew is lacking in coolness, they haven't been seen collaborating on an article together in months and they've been having the same vote since October... in 2010. The situation is  We here at the UnSignpost are far too lazy to actually interview anybody, so we just decided to try and interview ourselves. But we kept missing our appointments, with ourselves. We wanted to interview Chief, but he was far to busy with "real life" to talk to us on the matter, whatever that means. We tried interviewing Magic man, but he wouldn't talk to us about IC because he said, "If you talk to yourself, you'll get people to think you're crazy." What a weirdo. And we didn't even bother contacting Frosty because we don't like him. So when all was said and done, the only actual person we interviewed wasn't even alive at the time. It was Zombiebaron, and I bet you can guess what he said. However, if we had interviewed anybody who had more that one word in their vocabulary, we imagine some of those words might be words like 'bad', 'unacceptable', 'disappointing', and maybe even, *Gulp*, 'uncool'. So Imperial Colonization, if you're reading this, this is a call to action. Go finish that vote that's been going on far too long now, and collaborate on an article, already! That's right, you know what I'm talking about, I'm talking about getting |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:50, 10 November 2011
Hey RAHB
A bit earlier you deleted Lindsay Lohan because it hadn't been edited for a while, but I just remembered about the article this morning. So, would it be a problem if I moved it back to mainspace so I can work on it? You see, I have this... thing where it's virtually impossible for me to finish something in userspace. When I see a "User:Sockpuppet of an unregistered user/" in the title, it's like some dark, evil entity is telling me "You will never finish this. Just give up already." —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:11, 10 November 2011
- Oh yeah, absolutely. It's just customary to delete the WIPs after a week, but if you're gonna get back to working on it I see no reason why not to allow it back in. Go forth and prosper, oh argyle one! -RAHB 00:14, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
Hey Raaaaaaaaaahb
Thanks for the jillions of kind words you've said about me recently. I got a bit excited when I saw people actually voting for me on WotM and I decided I wanted to share with you what has always been one of my favourite Zappa numbers. I'm sure you've heard it many-a-time but enjoy!
--Black Flamingo 21:28, November 10, 2011 (UTC)
- We Are Not Alone! Clearly you've been consulting my latest non-fictional novel, How To Get Into RAHB's Pants. I always love to see another Zappa fan hanging around the place. All the others were vanquished in the Great War. Or something...at any rate, don't mention it, man. I've been back for three months now and seen that almost nobody attempts your style of comedy anymore, and the ones who do seem to come up short. And, obviously you're a pretty nice guy, from what I know. And how could you not be, posting such sexy instrumental passages on my talk page like that. In fact, did you know that We Are Not Alone was originally supposed to have lyrics? And that here they are?! The concept was eventually incorporated into Stevie's Spanking. But now I'm getting to that point where I ramble about Zappa and start scaring people away, so I should stop now. -RAHB 00:22, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
- Yes, I really enjoyed the novel, the imagery was very vivid. And by imagery I mean excessive illustrations of your penis. I made up my own words to the song that basically just go "you know that we are not alone, we are not, not alone" to the same tune as the sax solo. Try it! That's what I sing on the many occasions that it gets stuck in my head. --Black Flamingo 20:04, November 11, 2011 (UTC)
UnSignpost - 17 November 2011
The periodical without any junk in its trunk!
November 17th, 2011 • Issue 145 • Yes, yes it is really that big!
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VFS and Turkey Balls
 Now it would be very easy for the UnSignpost to devote yet another issue of the year to covering the VFS and the voting on the same, the interviews with the candidates, the scores, the numbers, the lunches with the bureaucrats, and Sycamore shaking his head slowly as he despairs at the futility of it all. So we will. It's VFS time again! Voting was opened on Sunday by Zombiebaron with a pair of massive scissors. As he prepared to cut the ribbon he turned to the assembled masses and, wiping a tear from his eye, announced, "Zombiebaron"; naturally the crowd went wild. The early nominations flooded in: everyone who was anyone seemed to garner a nomination, as well as several people who aren't people at all. Two users have distanced themselves from the pack: Black flamingo11, the noire gregarious wading bird who has captured Uncyclopedia's imagination with his endless flows of witty prose and his avoidance of all forms of drama, has stacked up twenty-two fresh crispy votes. In order to best sum up his thoughts on being nominated, we've decided to hack up anything he has said on the VFS page and arrange it into a more suitable order: "What a nice old man his socks are. I would make a terrific admin. I'm my first choice." You heard it here first and, hilariously, so did he.  The other contender is Romartus, with twenty votes. Uncyclopedia's voting machine and general history boffin had this to say to the UnSignpost: "Perhaps too young. Excellent." He probably isn't a paedophile but if you are concerned, then why not write to us at: "Save The children, The UnSignpost". We'll get them, by which we mean your letters, not the children. Other contenders are Frosty with seven votes, PIGGY with nine and Sycamore, who has eight. As VFS hurtles towards its final round, we here at the UnSignpost are on the edge of our seats and we hope you will be too. The other news is that it is once again time for the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, described by liars as "A celebration and carnival of sublime writing" and by others as "A wretched hive of scum and villainy". Eyes forward everyone! It's all about to kick off! Nominate my PIGGY!
Discussions began in the forum this week. Well of course they did, after all that is what a forum is for. However one particular discussion is over the removal of the rule against nominating your own articles for VFH without a pee review. Uncharacteristically for a discussion on Uncyclopedia about an aspect of Uncyclopedia, everyone appeared to be in agreement. The brains behind the idea, if brains is the right word, is Uncyclopedia's very own deputy innovator Lyrithya, who would like nothing more than to see the good ship Uncyclopedia sink below the ocean of crap because Uncyclopedians were far too busy hanging their appalling articles off it to notice this analogy breaking down. Unsportingly the forum was started the day before the UnSignpost was due to be delivered last week and thus everything that we have said so far is hideously out of date. The rule has already been removed and no, we didn't want your opinion; you'd have just slowed progress down with your so-called "questions" and "concerns".  The other news for this week is that Zombiebaron has figured out how to raise our edit count by over 9000! His solution is to simply delete 15,000 articles by Christmas because... well, because it would be tremendous fun. Also because Dr. Skullthumper, who isn't a real doctor, made some statistics that showed that we had most edits when we had 15,000 articles, so deleting 15,000 to bring us back to around 15,000 will, logically, produce more edits, mostly, we fear, from people complaining that we have deleted 15,000 pages without asking. Anyone wishing to participate in Zombiebaron's Time Travelling Article Removal and Edit Count Revival Event (that's easy to remember because it spells TTARECRE) should assemble, with their time machines, a week last Tuesday to be given their instructions twenty minutes earlier. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:27, 17 November 2011
Grittleton
Hi, why did you delete my entry for 'Grittleton' ? Please let me know why i wasted my tine writing this entry ?
UnSignpost - 24 November 2011
The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!
November 24th, 2011 • Issue 146 • This is a knife!
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VFS and Turkey Ball
 Well here we go again: VFS has reached ROUND FOUR!! The excitement on the wiki was palpable and here at the UnSignpost we could barely contain ourselves. Now while we usually compare the need to meet a deadline every Thursday for every week of our lives to being slowly lowered into a vat of acid without the benefit of being Batman first, this week we were whisked out of the vat before the worst could befall our dynamic duo. Thus we began to plan for the UnSignpost as far back as Monday. Monday! It was as though our prayers had been heard by a God whose power only manifests via consensus on humour wikis. So another VFS has been delivered to us and as the top candidates have been selected, we will now judge and belittle them for your amusement and our own perverted satisfaction. Black flamingo11: Bursting through to the third round of VFS in first place is Black flamingo11, whose cunning tactic so far has been to make absolutely no comment at all regarding the VFS. We're sure some kind of snivelling "Thank you so much for voting for me, it's good you did because I completely deserve this" message will wing its way to your talk page. We sat down with him to establish just what he thought being an admin might be like: "It's the cash I look forward to the most!" he enthused as we queued at his local soup kitchen, "I mean sure I enjoyed doing things just to be helpful, but if there wasn't cash in it for me somewhere, it'd just be pointless!". Thank goodness he isn't just in this for the money or he'd be so incredibly disappointed. Romartus: So close on Black flamingo's heels into the third round that it's a good job he's wearing such baggy trousers is Romartus. Besides voting for everyone who isn't himself in the second round he has also made very little comment on the VFS, but expect no comment from him regarding your support or how much he appreciates it. Why? Because he is actually a very sophisticated robot who thirsts for the destruction of unwitting humour wikis like this one. We didn't need to talk to him; after all, robots don't have feelings, so fuck you Romartus! You'll never find our office. The other top story this week is that the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball has begun. The judges are in place and the competitors are poised on the blocks. Any moment now they'll write an article and run down to the other end, some three hundred meters from the starting line, there they will leap as far as they can into the sand. We assume. Otherwise there is absolutely no need for this competition to be taking place on a running track and I am utterly mystified as to why I've been handed this starting pistol and why Shabidoo has those flags. If this seems like your idea of a good time, the competition is open until the third of December though please bring pants: "The next person who arrives without pants will be disqualified," said competition host Mhaille yesterday. "This competition has the potential to be very exciting and we don't want anyone getting the wrong idea, or getting splashed." I'm back!
Did you all miss me? No? Fuck it. I'm going again. Festive Treats Ahoy!
 Just a quick word to announce the imminent arrival of two Remember: PIES!!! |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 02:12, 24 November 2011
UnSignpost - 1 December 2011
Just like Grandma used to make!
December 2nd, 2011 • Issue 147 • Don't make me use this!
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Reflections, Turkey Ball, Cabal Broadcasts and VFS
 As December dawns, the UnSignpost can only reflect on what has been an eventful year. Or rather we would if the reflections on this year weren't all about poo, bacon and Lyrithya... FOR THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW. The UnSignpost would like to remind all users that there is only a month left before The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball ploughs onward, amassing entrants in all categories, to Mhaille's undoubted delight. While Mhaille was not available for comment, we were able to sit down with Lyrithya who just happened to be in the lobby complaining that she has not been in the UnSignpost enough over the last few weeks. What comment would she make? What fabulous insights would she reveal? "What Turkey Day Ball?" asked Lyrithya. This was deeply concerning on two levels, firstly because Lyrithya is judging the title category, and secondly because she said it to a hat stand about 4 feet to our reporter's left. Leaving Lyrithya to continue her tense negotiations with the hat stand about getting a job with computers, we moved on to interview Zombiebaron, who commented, "Zombiebaron", as usual. The annual Mince Pie eating competition started on ChiefjusticeDS's talk page on Tuesday, two days early, because he's impatient as well as being fat and lazy. All users are invited to join in and attempt to match Under user's astonishing VFS has also concluded. As you read this splendid periodical the results are known, however due to our lack of a time machine and the injustice of the world in general we do not know as we are writing this now. Our experts have looked at the vote and, after much deliberating, tea drinking and "Please stop holding me prisoner"-ing they concluded that there could be several outcomes, which further lead us to conclude that we should have captured some better experts. You'll have to wait until next week for the scoop on the new admins, which should please Black flamingo11 as he hates being in the UnSignpost; the illusive flamingo had this to say to the UnSignpost this week: "The horse porn is in the house; why would I throw it out?". Don't look at us, you voted for him. Hugely important happening stuns Uncyclopedia; no one cares
 This week a bolt of lightning apparently emanating from Wikia struck Uncyclopedia in a sustained manner, singeing eyebrows and back-hair from the United Kingdom all the way to that iota-sized island which Frosty calls "home". What was this scintillating stroke of... of... scintillation? Why, a mighty arbiter of Wikia was perturbed from her perch by the screams of the tortured mortals long enough to, as she put it, "blackmail a techy" into granting Uncyclopedians that boon for which they had clamoured for literally a couple of days: new namespaces. Yes, you asked for it, and now you've got it: those heretofore-faux namespaces, including HowTo, Why?, and that incredibly popular mainstay of Uncyclopedia, UnDebate, are now actual namespaces. According to several people who understand the full implications of this, having namespace-specific stuff will potentially make the entire thing a lot easier to deal with. Said designated Uncyclopedia scapegoat Lyrithya: "Having namespace-specific stuff could potentially make the entire thing a lot easier to deal with." When the news of the blessed event was heard, there was shouting, jubilation, gunshots, and widespread looting, and that was just Roman Dog Bird. Uncyclopedian-extraordinaire Zombiebaron, taking a couple of seconds off from his normal endeavours attempting to fit all of Uncyclopedia onto VFD, was heard to shout his own name in an uncharacteristically-ebullient manner.  Extravagant fame-whore Bizzeebeever, the author of the forum topic which started it all, spoke from his 15,000-room palace constructed entirely from mirrored pianos: "Of course, no one man can take credit for this," he said, flinging the end of a tie-dyed feather boa over his shoulder, "it was truly an achievement made possible by the work of multitudes. Anyone who notices the massive groundswell of changes should especially thank Lyrithya for her ceaseless work on the site." He also went on to thank Sannse for her munificence and benevolence, as well as the small pile of ashes which, we presume, is all that remains of the "techy" whom Sannse "blackmailed", and, lastly but not least-ly, Zombiebaron... for "being such an incredible pile of 'Zombiebaron'." |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:14, 1 December 2011
UnSignpost - 8 December 2011
Now With 0 Trans Fat!
December 8th, 2011 • Issue 148 • Goodbye to all that.
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VFS ends... or does it?
 The wiki has new admins. There we go, got the first bit of non-news out of the way. Since time and circumstance have both conspired against the UnSignpost in a bid to not only evict us from the building but also to ensure we have nothing to report on every week, it has in fact been eight days since this particular piece of news broke. Black flamingo11 and Romartus have been made administrators and, clearly in protest as to how such a thing could have possibly occurred, Lyrithya has started a vote to change the system in order that such grave injustice does not ever occur again. Black flamingo11 agrees that he is exactly the type of weird abomination that such a system would easily sieve out. Romartus simply muttered something about not wanting to upset the lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls; we assume he is chained to a radiator in her flat, occasionally being forced to dance for her amusement. Lyrithya proposes that we scrap the current system, just like she always does, and then we bring in a brand new one which nobody except her understands (see the abuse filter for details). Lyrithya is also to be congratulated for making Modusoperandi be serious for five minutes, something which science, constant pain, and the ingratitude of man has failed to do for around twenty years.  In other news, Joe9320 has declared that Imperial Colonization has risen and that "This will mark the Stupid Ages of Imperial Colonization." This correspondent has to agree that this will certainly be the case if Joe9320 runs it. While he was declaring things that nobody will remember in five minutes time, Joe also declared himself Lord of Uncyclopedia and all its dominions, may those who defy him drink eternally from Satan's grotesque member. Or words to that effect. Zombiebaron and Thekillerfroggy celebrated the sixth anniversary of the featuring of Euroipods by defacing the logo with a blue calculator in exchange for money and referring their friends to do the same. Such jollity flew straight over the heads of most of the userbase, whom Thekillerfroggy condemned as being far too young to remember when, like he can, this was all fields. Happy sixth birthday, Euroipods. We baked you a free cake. You just have to pay for it, and get your friends to do the same. This barrel? Oh no, we haven't even thought of scraping the bottom of it.  Finally, this forum still exists, and users have flocked from miles around to vote for it. The UnSignpost has no comment to make on this, except to ask these people: Who are you? How did you get in when we changed the locks? Try not to get too concerned. Remember, Wikia is a reputable company and certainly isn't a transparent front for a greedy Dragon which hates you. Honest. Competition Ahoy!
 Those of you who absolutely love writing competitions have happily had very little to complain about for the last couple of weeks as the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball has enthralled and thrilled you for literally hours. The competition closed for judging last Saturday. Needless to say this is a long time to wait perched upon the edge of ones seat, as Shabidoo confesses himself to be, so it is just as well that the vast majority of the judges have decided to help out by failing to turn in any judging. The UnSignpost wises to remind competition judges that failure to complete judging on time can have a number of detrimental effects including sudden blindness, ostracism within the community and believing oneself to be an Ostrich. So unless you want to be hurtling 'round the wiki flapping your tiny wings in a futile attempt to take flight this time next week, I'd get on with it, and we do mean you, Wilytank. Thought we wouldn't notice, didn't you, and as for new admin, Black flamingo11, he has absolutely no excuse. Get to it you worthless peons; if you had lives you wouldn't even know this competition exists!  MadMax has proposed a second edition of The Article Whisperer to commence immediately after Christmas. Let us take a brief moment to explain why you are ideally suited to not only take part but why taking part is a brilliant idea. First of all, MadMax has the power to crush you like a dry reed, and secondly because MadMax has the power to crush you like a dry reed. The Article Whisperer is a competition held by UN:REQ to get some of the most requested articles on the site written down and made shiny. Head over to the forum right now and try to spare some time to volunteer to write or judge this, the most useful of our writing competitions. If you don't, MadMax will kill a Panda. In your house. Possibly. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:26, 8 December 2011
Hey man!
Why did you delete I torched your signed football/names? Look how the article looks without this thing! Please restore it. --Mimo&maxus 08:19, December 10, 2011 (UTC)
- Ah, now I see. I saw it in newpages and only saw one name and it was created by an IP, so I assumed it was something useless. In contrast to that it appears to actually be very useful. Very good. It's restored now :) -RAHB 23:22, December 10, 2011 (UTC)
UnSignpost - 15 December 2011
The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!
December 15th, 2011 • Issue 149 • I demand satisfaction
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Weekly news round-up
 This week, in lieu of doing any actual news gathering the UnSignpost has swooped around the monthly awards pages and a couple of other pages to keep you updated. We've clicked on literally ten links taking immeasurable risks in the process. First up is Uncyclopedian of the Month which is entirely given over to praising Bizzeebeever for whatever it is he does around here. While we've certainly heard of the fellow we aren't quite sure the 'cut of his jib' as Thekillerfroggy might say is suitable for a serious award such as this. Bizzeebeever commented that he thought "Giving away an award this cheaply sorta devalues it" and for once the UnSignpost finds itself in total agreement. Bizzeebeever currently leads the pack with nine votes to Pentium5dot1's two with slime beast Xamralco bringing up the rear as always. Writer of the Month is also less of a competition and more of a 'let's all vote for Nikau' party. Nikau currently leads with thirteen votes. Naturally, since it is a party half of the userbase haven't been invited and Frosty has chosen to have a party all on his own at the bottom of the page, it's just like we've gone to Australia to meet him. On a serious note don't actually go to Australia; it's full of spiders who hide under toilet seats and drop down on you from trees... while you're on the toilet. Predictably N00b of the Month is also not much of a competition either with Jonny appleseed leading by virtue of having the most sensible username, his fellow competitors Gleep and Ferric AlFerrous had nothing to comment. Probably because we didn't ask. Meanwhile Reviewer of the Month, Potatochopper of the Month and UnBooks:Author of the Month have two nominees between them and have accumulated a total of one vote due to some despicable against voting on Potatochopper of the Month. Users should be aware that the annual awards will open next month to the delight and general acclaim of all. It is the solemn duty of every Uncyclopedian to vote on every single one these awards and yes, we do mean you <insert name here>. The UnSignpost will be there as always, always the bridesmaid but never the bride etc. etc. N3wz! For the win!!  HEY GUIZE!!! It's me again! Back to bring you more lolicious news and totally s1337 anecdotes! SEE WHAT I DID THERE, IT'S LIKE SWEET AND 1337! HOW S1337 IS THAT!! I totally LOLed @ Uncyclopedia this week as Magic man proposed a competition entirely based on Walruses. THAT'S SO ORIGINAL! Another tip-top totally important story is that Sockpuppet of an unregistered user bumped a forum topic from 2008 to the top of the list in order that he could add some kind of template to it! I'VE DONE SO WELL AT FINDING NEWS THIS WEEK! I've even put a totally hilarious picture over at the side (LOL)!!! So last time I talked about mince piez (Moar internet slang; I'm still hip!). So there I was hanging over the oven as the giantess shook me vigorously AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY!! HAHAHAHA... Signal interrupted New message incoming There is no need to panic. Help will never come. Emergency breathing apparatus will not be necessary at this time. Report all dangerous subversives. Expect no mercy this Christmas. Thoughtcrime does not entail death, thoughtcrime IS death. Informants are not everywhere. Secret meetings of which you have no knowledge do not guide this wiki. Nobody cares about your articles. Our vigilance is ceaseless. Continue to as though everything were normal, which it is. Administrators will not tolerate levity of any kind. Bans protect you from that which would do you harm.  Location scrambled. Message ends Signal re-established, original transmission resuming -and if that Rabbit hadn't appeared when it did... well let's just say I'd probably be serving jail time right now! See you next time p33pz!!! Sodomy and Turkeys
Turkey and sodomy. A pairing as seemingly natural as faecal incontinence and free-balling, but at Uncyclopedia we do this with a somewhat less messy outcome an an annual basis - the Aristocrats Turkey Day Ball. This year saw some wonderful entries that promoted strong familial bonds and understanding in the main category - the Aristocrats joke. The tasteless equivalent of the best actor Oscar this year went to Black flamingo for his Aristocrats (class). Tied for second place were Xamralco and Thekillerfroggy for their works on Deleted Scenes and Mementocrats accordingly. We approached Black flamingo for a quote, but in the style of Brando we ended up talking to a Indian instead. Not the one he rode in The Wild One though. In the following category - the equivalent of the Oscar's Best Dance Direction award - was for the Best Bad Taste article. The not-too-shabby Shabidoo won the day with his uncovering of the skeletons in the family closet with The things your family doesn't know, making us wonder about his home life. Following this were Thekillerfroggy - making him the only individual to make the top three in two categories - and some other guy. Finally, the The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery, or The picture one category was hotly contested this year. Magic man streaked ahead of the pack, much to the distaste of the remainder of the pack, Zombiebaron and Mimo&maxus. Special mention here must go to Black flamingo, however, for not competing and still managing to outrank SPIKE, for his less impressive non-entry. Check out all the entrants at Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball. Do it while your mother is in the room. |
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--ChiefjusticeXBox360 10:43, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
request
could you move sydney to my userspace please? I have some ideas on how to help it. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 06:28, December 17, 2011 (UTC)
VFH
Hey man, thanks for nomming the Kim Jong il unnews! I didn't write it with any hope whatsoever to nom it on VFH since it is so timely, but seeing how it is going, maybe it's not gonna be too outdated when it gets on the frontpage. Write something, man, I most enjoyed "I have a problem" Mattsnow 20:48, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
- Heh, hey, no problem. It's a good UnNews, and I figure it's only got a short window to be featured, so I went right ahead and nommed it. No worries. As for me writing something, well, there might be something coming soon... -RAHB 22:08, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
- I'll read it sooner or later, when it's on VFH I guess, but when you feel you are through with it, feel free to ring my bell, I'll certainly take time to read it and criticize if I don't put it on VFH, though knowing you I'm quite sure it's gonna be VFHable. Don't know shit about Frank Zappa though, so I feel the intro should say who he is a bit! In a lulxy way of course, just like you did.
Mattsnow 00:31, December 21, 2011 (UTC)
- Uncyclopedia:VFH/UnNews:Stay strong, great people, for Kim Jong-il passed away Just fucking wow! So unexpected. I went on IRC to spam the news he was dead, and as nobody took the bait, I felt I should write about it snce it is a gargantuan news. I wrote it with the frame of mind "we have to have an unnews about it, so just botch one, an hour on it maximum" I'm very surprised people like it, it goes to say you don't have to spend weeks on an article I guess! Well since you nommed it, all credit goes to you since I never thought it had VFH potential. Mattsnow 13:14, December 21, 2011 (UTC)
- All credit goes to you, my friend, for having written an excellent piece of news. And on the final (and most important) day of Zappadan, no less! Go, Matt, go! -RAHB 00:46, December 22, 2011 (UTC)
- A Merry Christmas to you! Don't drink too much, don't eat too... you know the drill! But did you see the video I added as a "bonus" on the article? Scary eh? Do you feel I shouldn't add videos? A lot of people do, but I like to say it is just a "bonus" Anyway, what do you think about it? And should I add videos as a "bonus" in your opinion? Mattsnow 06:13, December 24, 2011 (UTC)
- Heh, well, it's not really my place to tell any other author what to do with their article. Personally, I usually don't like adding videos to articles, because they're usually tacky and detract from the article. The one in the Kim Jong-il article is very appropriate though, I think, especially with that bolded text that comes before it. It fits in well, and further illustrated how ridiculous North Korea and their worship of Kim really is. So I'd say it certainly works there. A Merry Christmas to you as well, Matt! I won't be drinking too much, but I'll certainly be eating too much :) -RAHB 07:55, December 24, 2011 (UTC)
- A Merry Christmas to you! Don't drink too much, don't eat too... you know the drill! But did you see the video I added as a "bonus" on the article? Scary eh? Do you feel I shouldn't add videos? A lot of people do, but I like to say it is just a "bonus" Anyway, what do you think about it? And should I add videos as a "bonus" in your opinion?
- All credit goes to you, my friend, for having written an excellent piece of news. And on the final (and most important) day of Zappadan, no less! Go, Matt, go! -RAHB 00:46, December 22, 2011 (UTC)
- Uncyclopedia:VFH/UnNews:Stay strong, great people, for Kim Jong-il passed away Just fucking wow! So unexpected. I went on IRC to spam the news he was dead, and as nobody took the bait, I felt I should write about it snce it is a gargantuan news. I wrote it with the frame of mind "we have to have an unnews about it, so just botch one, an hour on it maximum" I'm very surprised people like it, it goes to say you don't have to spend weeks on an article I guess! Well since you nommed it, all credit goes to you since I never thought it had VFH potential.
- I'll read it sooner or later, when it's on VFH I guess, but when you feel you are through with it, feel free to ring my bell, I'll certainly take time to read it and criticize if I don't put it on VFH, though knowing you I'm quite sure it's gonna be VFHable. Don't know shit about Frank Zappa though, so I feel the intro should say who he is a bit! In a lulxy way of course, just like you did.
UnSignpost - 22 December 2011
The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes
December 22nd, 2011 • Issue 150 • Merry thing you may or may not celebrate!
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The Footlitzer Prize is a thing!
 So, last week our great Chief talked about the pitiful state of Uncyclopedia's awards without even mentioning the most pitiful of them right now. If you read the title, you'd know that I'm talking about the "Why should I care about a stupid feature on a stupid site?" a stupid person may ask. Journalistic parody is the most important form of parody out there. Anyone can write an article, but it takes skill to write an UnNews article[citation needed]. We should be trying to reward those skillful bastards, not ignore them. Without UnNews, nobody would take us seriously. Oh, wait. The point is that the Foolitzer needs our love. The hardworking writers that bring us smartly crafted misinformation every day need our love. We need to give them that love. Otherwise, we'll end up being worse than we already are, and do you think little Sophia's self-esteem can afford that? Do the right thing, people. You've got two days. Why two days? Because you just do. VFH
Hello, there. I want to talk about VFH. Those three little "How can I help?" you ask. Well permit me to hit you with some totally real and non made-up facts. Every 5 seconds a that VFH has low voting numbers Thekillerfroggy kills a Panda. An actual real Panda. After campaigning fiercely in Xamralco's sitting room he agreed to go and vote. On VFD. Does he have any idea how many deaths he caused? Let me hit you with some more facts. Every time the number of articles on VFD increases Zombiebaron kills a Dolphin. Do YOU have any idea how many deaths you cause when you vote VFD? Now look. You can save a Panda with just a click of a button. Vote! That's all. On VFH. Would you rather save a Panda or kill a Dolphin? Well? Which is it? Did you know that every time you fail to answer a rhetorical question the UnSignpost is forced to kill a Panda?  Our articles are dying. Look at the number of votes being devoured, not to mention articles being taken down from VFH because they mysteriously had "low health". And you all know who is causing the health to deplete? It's the |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:51, 22 December 2011
Randy Savage
You bastard edit conflicted me. That is not nice. : ( OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 10:40 27 December 2011
- My apologies. I didn't think anyone else was around this time of the night : ) -RAHB 11:21, December 27, 2011 (UTC)
- It's the time zone, friend. I live in Finland, so it wasn't night at here. : ) PS. WTF? Just tried to save this page and I edit conflicted myself. What a crazy world of edit conflicts. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 15:08 28 December 2011
UnSignpost - 29 December 2011
Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.
December 29st, 2011 • Issue 151 • I wrote something here!
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Goddamn Chief!
 Right now you might either be saying to yourself, "What the hell? How did someone other than Chief score the first slot on the Unsignpost? That egotistical jerk always gives himself the first slot!", didn't even notice that it was someone different writing this week or (and most likely) you're not even reading this, as you have a "real" life, whatever that means. Well that seems to be the case this week with our friend ChiefjusticeDS, as he released the following statement today at 13:42 UTC:
But have no fear, my lowly peasants, as, once again (as in, this has never happened before, and will probably never happen again), I, Magic man, swooped in just in the nick of time to save the day with my amazing power to write dumb shit really fast (no, seriously, this is probably not going to be finished until five minutes before it's scheduled to be delivered). Everyone should stop by my talkpage and tell me what a great, amazing, cool, fun, awesome, lovable, orphan-hugging, money-donating, saint I am. By the way, for anyone who was wondering, that's my rendition of Chief up in the corner there. I'm the editor this week, so I get to do what I want. This is fun! My attempt at actual news  Yeah, as it turns out this is a hell of a lot harder than it looks (I'm literally just looking over the dump to see what the hell's happened this week). Once everyone's done telling Chief what a worm-ridden, rotten, ugly, stinky, dick-sucking, shit-eating, dumb-ass piece of shit he is (because I'm sure everyone will obey everything I tell them on the UnSignpost), also remember to tell him what a great guy he is for doing this every week.[1] Anyway, TKF reached forty features, so that's fun. I'll put the link to the obligatory forum in that section over there (I'm pointing right now, but I guess you can't see me). Staying with the TKF shit, he also rewrote Sex. I meant to help him with that, but then I went out of town. Sorry, TKF. Anyway, it looks like it'll be featured (yeah, forgot to mention it was up on VFH. Everyone go vote for it). I won't go on about how great the rewrite is, 'cuz you can go read it yourself, but it is. And now to deviate from TKF (that sexy bitch): Al started a giant Just pennies a day-style collab here, and has been asking for everyone's help. So... go do that. In other news, Christmas happened, but no one cares about that. Well... that really didn't take up as much space as I thought it would. So... anyone got any ideas? I sure as hell don't. I'm sure there was much more important news that I'm forgetting, but who really gives a shit? I sure as hell don't. Damn, this is a lot harder than it looks. Welp, looks like the columns will be uneven again this week, not that anyone cares. I sure as hell don't.
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:54, 29 December 2011
A belated thank-you from an inveterate procrastinator
Greetings, RAHB. You voted for Mexico lol.jpg on VFP, and also for me on UOTM for December. Now, obviously it's been a while since this happened. However, I figured that, while it can be too late to ask for forgiveness, it is never too late to give thanks.
Once again, thank you, and my apologies for not thanking you sooner. This impersonal, auto-generated message will self-destruct in 5 seconds. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Jan 4 '12 11:23 (UTC)
P.S. Why is it that the only uncyclopedian who's fun to talk to on IRC can't keep Internet service? It's not (expletive) FAIR!
UnSignpost - January 5th, 2012
The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!
January 5th, 2012 • Issue 152 • Stop, drop and roll!
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'Tis the season to be voting
 It's that time of year once again; the time when Uncyclopedians link arms and stride into the glorious light of a new dawn of a new year. It is also when we hold our annual brown-nosing competitions otherwise known as the yearly awards. Now you and all your friends can vote on Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year, RadicalX of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year as well as WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Not forgetting of course to go and vote on all the userspace awards. We were able to speak to Romartus as he prepared to start all his voting: "I don't know whose dreams to crush first!" he squealed at our correspondent like a child on Christmas morning; assuming that child was also frothing at the mouth and twitching. Thekillerfroggy got the awards off to splendid start on Sunday, by nominating Zombiebaron for both Potatochopper of the year and Uncyclopedian of the year and doubtless picking out a wedding dress for the day he finally plucks up the courage to propose to him. The homicidal amphibian also nominated Black flamingo11 for Writer of the Year and was incredibly sickening in doing that as well. Commenting on this in an off-the-record interview TKF said "It's January, the one month out of the year where we suck each other off for a while." If only we could have spent Christmas at his house. Alas we must now stop reporting on the substance of the nominations and votes as the vomit in the office is beginning to reach knee level. The scores are far more interesting to report on since the usual practice of seeing who can concede to their valiant opponents in the most heart-warming fashion isn't quite under-way as nobody thinks they are far enough in the lead to risk it. Writer of the Year is being lead by Sog1970 who would doubtless be thrilled by the news were he aware of it, as it is he hasn't edited in ten days and was probably killed seven days ago in a horrendous tram accident. Uncyclopedian of the Year is being lead by Zombiebaron, TKF's husband to be. Naturally he had a comment to make and it was to say "Zombiebaron" to all his loyal supporters. Over on Potatochopper of the Year Lyrithya appears to be trouncing the competition already much to the delight of Aleister, we assume, we never understand what he's saying and our interpreter is out of the office until the end of the month. The only person this news will upset is Lyrithya herself who professes to find awards "Upsetting and distracting." This is apparently not compensated for by the unbridled joy of crushing one's opponents and asserting your superiority over your fellow man. The excitement! Who will win? Hold onto your hats folks there's another 26 days of thrilling voting to get through before we find out! From the desk of the Cabal: Resistance unnecessary in 2012
 Another year vanishes into the swirling mists of yesterday and it is once again time for the non-existent Cabal to address you, the filthy under-people. As always the Cabal wishes you a happy new year and is more than happy to execute ten filthy under-people for every filthy under-person who refuses to have a happy new year. It did not escape our attention that once again you have failed us. Last year we recommended complete compliance and abiding at every possible opportunity, yet in 2011 we saw two VFS votes, four new administrators and two new bureaucrats. It seems we must remind you that a secretive cabal isn't much use if everybody on Uncyclopedia is included within it. We also witnessed deletions of important pages in the name of "seeing how things work", namespaces, admin experiments and a skin change. You continued to persecute the weak amongst you and generally behave like the loathsome, occasionally funny[1], group of monkeys we know you to be. Your single saving grace is that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2011 closed a week before the end of the year, however the page is soiled with bacon, ponies and the unregulated prattling of Roman Dog Bird in no less than 30 of the reflections. Such foolishness does not amuse the cabal. Now our all-seeing eyes must turn to 2012. This year it is recommended that users unquestioningly accept any changes that may or may not be made to the wiki, editing should not be undertaken without obtaining a certificate of normalcy from your divisional sub-prefect, remain indoors, do not attempt to breach the walls. The good ship Uncyclopedia must sail onwards and without all of the filthy galley-slaves we cannot arrive at the distant shores of... well that need not concern you. That is all voters, you may now continue to maintain the complex.
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Greetings
I have gone through my records and it appears as though you may have voted for me for some award, supported one or more of my articles on VFH, or supported one or more of my images on VFP, in the past year or so. If this is not the case, then please ignore this message. Otherwise, thank you for your support. May you have a long and fruitful life, and have many parasites. ~ 18:57, 6 January 2012
Whisperer...
Sorry that you weren't able to finish your entries. Someone said something about something that sounded bad, so sorry about that as well - whatever it is. I do enjoying reading your stuff, so I hope that whatever is stopping you creating is soon a thing of the past. Or something. Pup 06:29 11 Jan '12
- Indeed. Thanks for the well-wishes. I'm finding it difficult to obtain an internet connection at the moment, amongst other things. I'm sure I'll get it all cleared up eventually. Nice seeing you around again though. I forget when you got back, but I know you were gone for a while. I think. Then you came back, and that was cool. Here. Taketh up this keyboard and write in my stead while I'm away. I like your writing as well, so it'll give me something to look forward to when I get back. Be my internet, Puppy. Be my internet... -RAHB 21:40, January 11, 2012 (UTC)
UnSignpost - 12 January 2012
The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!
January 12th, 2012 • Issue 153 • You may fire when ready.
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TAW!
TAW! TAW! That's the sound the Article Whisperer would make if it was a bird! It isn't, of course, but you understand. This is the news that The Article Whisperer closed for judging on Monday. In MadMax's unending quest to prove himself more efficient than anyone who has ever run the PLS, the competition has already named the victor in the category Best Most Wanted Article, and the winner of the best article that you want the most to be the best was Lyrithya, who took the opportunity to disturb us all with an article on Twilight. In case you're worried you'll catch the gay from reading it, the crux of the matter, according to Lyrithya, is that things are hard, and having a boyfriend is impotent (it's like important but spelled differently). Speaking after posting the competition wrap-up 12 days before the competition wraps up, MadMax denied claims that he was jumping the gun somewhat, calling such suggestions "Preposterous pointless poppycock". Pleasing alliteration aside, preposterous pointless poppycock is very much the remit of the UnSignpost. The competition is accepting judgements from competition judges until the 16th; it remains to be seen how MadMax handles the usual competition finishing problems: everyone, including several people who didn't participate, tying for first place in one of the categories and one of the judges suddenly vanishing two hours before the deadline. Never forget that Aleister cannot be trusted.  A quick update on the yearly awards: Zombiebaron is still triumphantly leading the pack on Uncyclopedian of the Year, Lyrithya still hates awards and Shabidoo thinks the best way to get round this is to ignore everything she says. Satanic messages abound over on Writer of the Year, as all three leading competitors have scored six each; Mhaille is also present, scoring a much more acceptable four in his yearly quest not to be writer of the year. Potty is a much more straightforward affair with Lyrithya destroying all competition. Clearly she only dislikes competing for things when she isn't certain that she will win. That's all for this week; keep those voting fingers voting! Who Cares?
 Looking back at this shitty doggy smelly piece of shit, I cannot help but realise the true beauty of not caring. Through the days of editing, not caring has saved my life more than once. I didn't care about the mince pies. Nor did I care about the French and Indian War. I mean, seriously? A French and Indian War? LOL. Why am I telling you this? Because I want YOU to stop caring about something. Does one not relish the true beauty of not caring? Do you not see what are the results of this beautiful action could be? I told Magic man this and he turned me into a frog. Again. Anyways, if you stop caring about something, you will realise the true result of not caring! I mean, look, some users stopped caring about VFH, and let me tell you, they're having a wonderful time now! Well, except for one of the admins, who said: "Oh, Popsy! If you stop caring about articles, you're in trouble!". Oh, ha ha, nice joke. There appeared to be a problem for a while because after not caring about VFH for a few days, I couldn't edit any pages for a week. Weird. Some weird-ass picture popped out saying some bullcrap - "You can watch Uncyclopedia but you can't shag the shit," or something like that. My aim is to have a certain topic with so little caring, it should be under the Nobody Cares category. Can we do that? I think so! Just stop caring about something! I don't care what you stop caring about and you shouldn't care if I care that you are/aren't caring about what you normally care about! So what are you waiting for? STOP CARING NOW! Important announcement
You all remember the Pee Review? It needs more people reviewing. It also needs more people who say they're going to review things to actually review things, and people who request reviews to review stuff themselves. So this is an announcement announcing that I, Lyrithya, will feed anyone who doesn't review stuff to my cat. Seriously, she's hungry and I'm broke and this was the best thing I could come up with. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:03, 12 January 2012
UnSignpost - 19 January 2012
Better sign it.
January 19th, 2012 • Issue 154 • Remember to proofread! The red penis your friend!
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We're all going to die!
 Death is coming. What's that noise? Death. Who's that at the door? It's death. Death will come for you, just as it is coming for Uncyclopedia, freedom and the American way. This week sees the UnSignpost tackling two issues, the first of which is SOAP. January 18th this year was in fact something more than simply another day where I contemplated suicide as I trudged to the bus stop in the cold. This year it was the big exciting SOAP protest day. Uncyclopedia won't stand for SOAP, nor will it take it lying down. Wikipedia spent a tremendous amount of time coming up with the idea of blacking out all their articles to protest against SOAPn and while the UnSignpost, as you are well aware, often shies away from making political statements on issues such as this but in this case feels compelled to condemn Wikipedia for racism. We submit to you that blacking out ones articles on a day of protest implies that black is a worse colour than white, which as we all know is racist. Denizens of the internet, rise up - let Uncyclopedia protest by whiting out all of its articles because the only way to protest racism is to be racist but in the opposite direction. This SOAP stuff may seem dangerous, but a quick scrub and it's like you never used it; plus you smell nice. What a massive fuss over some SOAP. Next thing you'll be telling us that some sort of internet censorship programme is passing through the US congress, what an outrage that would be! Uncyclopedia, unfortunately, ignored us completely for that special day. Our suggestion of the slogan "Don't drop the SOPA!" was met with universal disdain; we even swapped a couple of the letters around to make it more passive aggressive. Racism abounded in the SOAP forum, with users suggesting black-outs, black-ins and white-ups. That is, until Matt lobster suggested that we simply make fun of Wikipedia like we normally do, then there was voting and then there were pop tarts. In other news, Uncyclopedia has no users and we are all going to die unloved and unmourned thousands of miles from home. Unless the latest figures are to be believed! Mattsnow has produced compelling evidence that Uncyclopedia is not in fact doomed. Speaking on Tuesday, Mattsnow said: "You can prove anything with statistics, which is why I've compiled this list of statistics to prove the other statistics wrong!". Obviously we attempted to get in touch with Dr. Skullthumper, who usually reminds us all why we're doomed and usually has a plan involving deleting most of our articles to save us from the fiery unpopular-on-the-internet circle of Hell. Unfortunately the good doctor was out, but there was a note reminding us all that Uncyclopedia is doomed and that we shouldn't believe a word of what Mattsnow says. We leave you to reflect on these issues, with Socky's analysis of the situation: "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!" Uncyclopedia turns the light switch off to protest Wikipedia's blackout.
All through the wonders of css and js, Uncyclopedia did manage something after all in a last minute attempt to mimic Wikipedia. And, just like on Wikipedia, by doing something as simple as disabling Javascript, users quickly found they could turn the light back on. Or they could have added " In conclusion, OMG, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!! |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 15:08, 19 January 2012
Hey!
Could I get a copy of Lost (TV Series), as well as the article that listed all its episodes? I'm working on something, so I'd appreciate the assistance. --Scofield & The Machine 11:13, January 20, 2012 (UTC)
- I could do that for you. I gathered RAHB doesn't readily have access to an internet connection at the mo. —Sir Socky
(talk) (stalk)
GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 11:23, 20 January 2012
Only you can stop mediocrity from winning
I know you can --ShabiDOO 11:38, January 24, 2012 (UTC)
Verizon
Just an idea: Threaten to switch to a competitor like Comcast or Centurylink. That'll get customer service's attention. Hope to see you back in action soon. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 06:29, January 26, 2012 (UTC)
For. ~ 07:09, 26 January 2012- Yeah, I've tried that before. Not that it would do a world of good anyway, seeing as the only internet provider that services my area is Verizon. At any rate, I've been assured (by an English-speaking person, I might add) that I'll be getting my internet back tomorrow. I have no reason to believe that, but I can hope. -RAHB 02:49, January 27, 2012 (UTC)
For. UnSignpost - 26 January 2012
The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!
January 26th, 2012 • Issue 155 • CAKE!
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Phoning it in!
 That is exactly what I'm doing, I'm actually writing the UnSignpost from a phone, my phone, I'm not a thief or anything. As such it is a thoroughly miserable experience mitigated only by the feeling that nobody will be disappointed when, tomorrow morning, the UnSignpost arrives in the manner you have all come to expect. So what's happening on Uncyclopedia? I don't know, I'm still waiting for all the tabs I opened to load! It's Wikia's fault, I mean what the shit is this? I remember when I could use the internet on my phone from a car on a dark hill somewhere in the East Midlands and it wouldn't mean the complete lack of any functionality in the device. We won't see the like of last week again soon! I tell a lie when I say I couldn't start Uncyclopedia, I made it to the main page. Naturally I sobbed for ten minutes because I don't have any messages, much like I do in real life before realising that I wasn't logged in. Then I sobbed for another ten minutes when I realised that didn't make the slightest difference to the number of messages I had. So we have a feature, it looks excellent and I'm sure it is excellent voted on as it was by a Zombie, a dog and a man from Belgium! The forums actually loaded quite quickly on this brick with internet access that the people at HTC had the gall to refer to as "Quietly Brilliant". IMAGINE MY SURPRISE AT THE FIRST TOPIC: Forum:Fix the mobile site. I for one can attest to the truth behind this request; the mobile site is about as easy to navigate as a rave in a hedge maze, and slightly harder to find your way out of. Have a splendid week, I'm off now. As soon as I find the save button.
Found it.
Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron. Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 08:28, 26 January 2012
:`0
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHB! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Put the gun down! The cops are gonna shoot! ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Jan 27 '12 23:31 (UTC)
- You're right. It's just not worth it!...Oh, hey, what's this? High speed internet connection? FUCK YEAH! -RAHB 03:58, January 28, 2012 (UTC)
So
You're a real classy dude man. ~ 05:31, 28 January 2012
- Penis? -RAHB 05:37, January 28, 2012 (UTC)
- Ye-es... ~ 07:19, 28 January 2012
- Excellent. -RAHB 07:28, January 28, 2012 (UTC)
- Fantastic. —GOD DAMN WHORE
Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [10:11 29 January 2012]
- Fantastic. —GOD DAMN WHORE
- Excellent. -RAHB 07:28, January 28, 2012 (UTC)
- Ye-es... ~
