User:RAHB/Talk Archive 16

Talk Archive 1 (2/28/07 - 7/6/07) • Talk Archive 2 (7/6/07 - 9/8/07)
Talk Archive 3 (9/8/07 - 12/8/07) • Talk Archive 4 (12/8/07 - 5/18/08)
Talk Archive 5 (5/18/08 - 7/12/08) • Talk Archive 6 (7/12/08 - 8/20/08)
Talk Archive 7 (8/20/08 - 12/3/08) • Talk Archive 8 (12/3/08 - 2/19/09)
Talk Archive 9 (2/19/09 - 5/25/09) • Talk Archive 10 (5/25/09 - 10/26/09)
Talk Archive 11 (10/26/09 - 12/9/09) • Talk Archive 12 (12/9/09 - 4/25/10)
Talk Archive 13 (4/25/10 - 8/26/10) • Talk Archive 14 (8/26/10 - 8/13/11)
Talk Archive 15 (8/13/11 - 1/30/12) • Talk Archive 16 (1/30/12 - 7/12/12)
Talk Archive 17 (7/12/12 - 1/10/13) • Talk Archive 18 (1/10/13 - 7/11/13)
Talk Archive 19 (7/11/13 - 8/15/14) • Talk Archive 20 (8/15/14 - 5/27/18)

---

First!

 ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, Jan 31 '12 2:36 (UTC)

You naughty boy. -RAHB 02:52, January 31, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 3 February 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!

February 3th, 2012 • Issue 156 • There might be wild hungry cows on the loose!

On Felonies And Awards By RAHB Hello. I was sitting in the study this evening, sipping imported white jasmine tea while reading Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus, Rachmaninoff's Symphony No. 2 in E Minor proudly flowing into the room by way of a full orchestra I had composed of Hungarian slave children I'd purchased on the black market, when it suddenly hit me. I realized that there should be a way to communicate to the Uncyclopedian community (as well as our friends down at the Springfield Elk's Lodge, who hold a free shrimp buffet every second Wednesday) that the yearly awards for 2011 had been recently voted on, tallied, and awarded to their respective award-winners. Then it hit me, again! "Reginald," I said to myself aloud, severely confusing the few English-speaking members of my illegal young orchestra, "Why not personally drive across the world in an old Ford Torino, spreading the excellent news to everyone?" This idea was bound to work. In short, it didn't work. I'd explain the whole sordid tale, but I need to leave room in this thing for the actual news itself, so without further adieu (I do, too), here are your 2011 "...Of The Year" winners. Writer of the Year - Black flamingo11 and Sog1970 Uncyclopedian of the Year - Zombiebaron Potatochopper of the Year - Lyrithya Useless Gobshite of the Year - Roman Dog Bird and Lyrithya (cheaters) Zombiebaron of the Year - Zombiebaron and Zombiebaron (Runner-up: Zombiebaron) Congratulations to all winners, formerly prospective winners, nominees who didn't have a shot in hell at becoming winners, and Virgil Gordon of the Springfield Elk's Lodge, who last week correctly guessed the exact number of jelly beans inside of the mason jar that was set out in front of the lodge. Unfortunately, no prize was associated with guessing that there were 592 beans in the jar, as it was not intended as a contest, but as a mere decoration. In the future, the lodge will explicitly state the purpose of all jelly bean-filled mason jars by way of a small cardboard sign propped up against the jar. The Top 10 Articles of 2011 voting is also finished, but all of them haven't been re-featured and listed yet, so we're not going to mention that we know the winners until next week. Thank you for your support By PIGGY Good morning, Uncyclopedians (or evening, or possibly afternoon, depending on where you happen to be when you happen to read this). It is with high honour and big words that I announce that I have the utmost appreciation for your fine community here; for all of the squabbles on discussion pages and intractable behavioural issues demonstrated therein, you all have yet again exceeded even the highest expectations. Yes, you had the courage and decency to support me in my quest for wiki-domination, elevating my to the position of sysop, an endeavour for which I am tremendously grateful. As much as it would please me to richly reward you all for this show of faith, however, I must regretfully inform you that as a sockpuppet and general test account of User:Lyrithya, I am not actually authorised to act in any capacity exceeding the plausible scope of productivity and the odd prank or two. My sincerest apologies.

Check out these pages! This seems dangerous... I told you it was dangerous! This is all that damn monkey's fault! Well, go on... Skyrim-related bans: Modusoperandi changed block settings for Lyrithya with an expiry time of 1 hour (Overcharging for empty soul crystals.) Modusoperandi blocked ChiefjusticeDS with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (Failing to take advantage of the "rested bonus".) ChiefjusticeDS blocked Lyrithya with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (I shall set upon thee with my artificially increased smithing and enchanting skills. You shall perish beneath the world's largest stack of Iron daggers.) Lyrithya blocked GEORGIEGIBBONS with an expiry time of 32 seconds ‎ (How dare you mention Skyrim in my presense!) Lyrithya blocked Under user with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (Oh, High Hrothgar, is it? You know what? I'll just take this opportunity to push you off the throat of the world... there's a nice glitched rock down there for you to get stuck in. ) Lyrithya blocked ChiefjusticeDS with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ ([1] - Seriously?) WP:ANI humour! Oh, I must have missed it when they changed policy so that we just take a suspected sockpuppet's word that he's not a sockpuppet. Raul654 (talk) 19:21, 2 February 2012 (UTC) That principle was established in 2010: [2] [3] SandyGeorgia (Talk) 19:28, 2 February 2012 (UTC) Something happened to the UnSignpost staff They all disappeared. What happened? Where did they go? Will there ever be any more UnSignposts after this? A diagram of a hammer: Anatomy

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:10, 3 February 2012

Whahappened...

...to Comedy? I missed the VFD. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Feb 4 '12 9:41 (UTC)

No idea. All I saw was a bunch of broken redirects. -RAHB 23:23, February 4, 2012 (UTC)

Was it killed due to an expired maintenance tag? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Feb 5 '12 20:16 (UTC)

"17:01, February 3, 2012 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs | block) huffed "Comedy" ‎ (Expired Fix tag) (view/restore)" -RAHB 05:04, February 6, 2012 (UTC)

Figures. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Feb 6 '12 5:47 (UTC)

Hey Penis...

Could you please un-huff Turd for me? For obvious reasons I think. ~Formerly Annoying Crap 05:53, 5 February 2012

Maybe Dirty Sanchez also, if you're feeling frisky. You have to read that one kind of carefully to get the joke. ~Formerly Annoying Crap 06:07, 5 February 2012

Done and done. And a howdy from the great beyond. -RAHB 06:20, February 5, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks sugah. Sorry to bug you, but Antonio López de Santa Anna is the Dirty Sanchez article. Can you please unhuff that instead? ~Formerly Annoying Crap 06:45, 5 February 2012

Right! I probably should have guessed that. Oh by the way, I think Multiliteralist was looking for you. -RAHB 09:54, February 5, 2012 (UTC)

I google'd 'Zappa's Penis' and this is the first image I got. I hope you find it as orgasmic as I did. ~Formerly Annoying Crap 00:13, 8 February 2012

Dear lord, do I. It's like it was specifically made to tease me sexually. The saucy minx. -RAHB 01:17, February 8, 2012 (UTC)

Thank you again. I'm glad you didn't ask why I google'd 'Zappa's Penis,' but I think you already know for obvious reasons. ~Formerly Annoying Crap 02:02, 8 February 2012

Obviously. -RAHB 02:32, February 8, 2012 (UTC)

You!

Just made me giggle continuously for about 2 minutes. MrN 05:31, Feb 7

This admin stuff is funny business, man :) -RAHB 05:43, February 7, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 10 February 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!

February 10th, 2012 • Issue 157 • Ack! Ack! Ack!

Something happened this week. By RAHB Hello, Uncyclopedia. I don't think it's any secret to you all that something of utmost importance happened this previous week. Even with a coconut beer hangover, you'd surely be blind not to notice the far-reaching repercussions associated with this very important event that recently happened. Oh sure, I know there are those of you who believe that it really isn't all that big a deal. And there are those of you who will pretend to be aloof, and act like you know nothing about it. And, as always, there will be those of you who believe this is all simply a plot executed by the insidious Uncyclopedia Cabal (which does not exist) to try to crush the will of regular users, enhance power in the English quadrant, and advance their attempts at obtaining an M&Ms machine for the dump. We here at the UnSignpost would like to remind you that these claims are ridiculously unsubstantiated. Except, of course, for the bit about the M&Ms. In the coming days, the aftershock of these events will come to a screaming peak, as countless forum topics are created, talk-page flamewars are started, and before you know it we're experiencing a virtual Titus Andronicus effect being enacted upon our peaceful wiki. When asked for comment, Modusoperandi will say something unrelated, yet witty, and we'll all step back for a moment and realize what's happening to us. We will then continue on in our back-and-forth for an indeterminate amount of time, probably zombifying the topic several times over before it finally fizzes out later on down the line, then being re-awoken and used to adopt new site policy. This, in turn, will spawn a similarly detailed UnSignpost story, if we're still around by then. Personally I blame this all on the one who was holding the watermelon at the time. You know who you are. You disgust me. Shit Happens Editorial by a guy who has been exposed to shit for a long, long time Shit Happens all the time. Lets say ... you're drinking some kind of soda and it accidentally spills onto your shirt. Or you are biting on a burger when you accidentally choke to death but nobody cares. Or your penis falls off. Anyway, my point is, there are some negatives in life but you must learn to tolerate them .. especially when you're a fat ass who sits in your room spending your entire life consuming hotdogs and giggling at comedies on television while jacking off to classical fucks and trolling on the Internet which is absolutely, absolutely, NOT ME. So always be positive, even when your balls drop off. Or your penis. Or even your cat. Because as you know, the World isn't fair ever since some dick with an ass of a triangle set foot on this Earth. So get used to life, and if you can, get used to the dicks who banned your ass and spammed your page which is also, absolutely, absolutely, NOT ME. Oh, and always remember to stay on the bright side even if you are found lying naked with an underwear eight times the size of your penis and you get arrested, get thrown in jail, get beaten up by a kid who apparently isn't a kid and get castrated unintentionally while having a sandwich crammed down your throat trying to squat in a cell and you finally get out after 5 years only to get run down by an ass in a car and you get admitted to hospital but a doctor feeds you the wrong medicine and you rot away and die and you get dumped into the sewers. So remember kids ... always be posi-

Check out these pages! What? Yeah. Duh. Wow. Huh? From our logs: MrN9000 blocked 168.216.126.200 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(You need to use the toilet) Lyrithya blocked Zana Dark with an expiry time of 13 seconds ‎(I'd never blocked you. I felt left out.) Romartus blocked 86.12.164.5 with an expiry time of 6 months ‎(You have form sir. Six months living on moths for you.) RAHB changed block settings for Pisippo with an expiry time of infinite (Wonderful way to respond to a one-hour ban. I salute your arrogance.) RAHB blocked 86.186.208.180 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(Yes, hello. Stop creating utter shite, please. Thanks.) MrN9000 blocked Eddie1334 with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(Although what you say may be true, you still get banned. Surprisingly.) Slime mold of the week: Stemonitis sp. Questions of the Week Q: Am I supposed to be in here? User: Haydrahlienne A: Yes, you can be in here as long as you want. Just don't touch the monkey. Or the cheese. And don't eat the last biscuit. Also avoid upsetting our editor as he has a temper and a shotgun under his desk....Actually, you should just go. Q: Have you answered all of the questions on this page? User:RAHB A: We don't know, why don't you tell us? (A paradox for a paradox. Ball is in your court RAHB) Custom box #4 of the Week Custom box #4 is quite the Custom box #4. In fact, not only has it been named Custom box #4 of the Week, but it's expected to be high in the running for Custom box #4 of the Year, if the other custom boxes start pulling their weight. Whatever the case may be, individual awards aside, there's not a doubt in any Custom box #4 enthusiast's mind that when, one day, Custom box #4 walks down the long and distinguished path of retirement, it'll be immediately greeted by the opening of the gate to the coveted Custom box #4 Hall Of Fame.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 10:24, 10 February 2012

San Andreas

But how can one, other than an administrator, add photos not part of the Wiki format to a new page/article? And how can one other than an administrator design the info box? One thing I would hate to see is my new article deleted. And in the future, I plan to also maybe write an article about Liberty City (Grand theft auto 3 and 4), too. Derecho 02:54, February 12, 2012 (UTC)

Everything you need to know about adding images (and some other editing tips) is on this page. Use this page to upload images to the website. You don't need to be an administrator to upload or insert images. As far as the info box, I'm sure we probably have one already, although it really isn't necessary. If you really feel it's needed, I can try to find the template for you. A good way to learn how to format an article is also to look at other articles and click the edit button to see how they're formatted, and then do the same to your own. -RAHB 08:27, February 12, 2012 (UTC)

Box topology

That's not considered QVFD material?---   TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 06:59, February 13, 2012 (UTC)

I deleted it the first time and then they recreated it with more content than what was there. Not much more, I admit...Anyways, I don't see any harm in letting it survive for a week. Probably be deleted anyway. -RAHB 08:40, February 13, 2012 (UTC)

Box topology ... lol. But it ain't no Absolute Power.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Feb 15 '12 0:18 (UTC)

Elements

Hey mate, I saw you deleted the elements page. Could you send me a copy please? I thought a lot of it was entertaining, certainly made chemistry class more bearable, so would be grateful to have a copy. Thnx – Preceding unsigned comment added by Zamboner (talk • contribs)

UnSignpost - 18 February 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now Delivered Trendily Late!

February 18th, 2012 • Issue 158 • This is the place to be for the end of the world show.

Important competition news By The Cabal (which doesn't exist) As you all are no doubt aware due to paying the utmost attention to that which goes on around you, there was a competition this week, or possibly last week, or at very least, at some point relatively recently. This competition was the 2012 Happy Monkey Competition, in which various contestants competed to do something possibly monkey-related. According to the sitenotice, it is wrapping up around now, waiting only for the judges to show up and do their damn jobs, or, as the case may be, leave already so the janitor can clean up; it's not the competition hosts' fault you're homeless, and it's not their job to provide you with shelter past the allotted judging hours. What the rest of you may be less aware of, however, is certain controversy that has inevitably sprung up about this contest. Allegations of unfairness in proctoring and judging and a general lack of effective organisation and topics have no doubt sprung up, as they invariably do with every competition. Complications have also indubitably arisen from the tendencies of certain individuals to simply do things without asking, and of others to ask first and then ignore the responses. Rest assured, for the cabal is watching, and all who disturb the order of things will be dealt with accordingly. MOAR PENIS By RAHB Penisman has been sorely under-utilized as of late. In fact, he's been sorely under-utilized as of recent, and sorely under-utilized as of the past while as well. I just have one thing to say about this... Prepare for World Domination By Oliphaunte After a pro-longed session of drinking high-quality whiskey and smoking imported Cuban cigars, the fate of the world was finally decided between the Oli brothers. The western world, under the dominion of the English Empire and her colonies, would come under the complete control of King Olipro, while the eastern world consisting of the USSR and the powerful nation of Monaco would come under the control of Head Commissioner Oliphaunte. The two leaders would then combine their powerful empires into one global superpower and conquer all the little nations with their armies of pirate robots and Flying undead pilots. After which, a spaceship made completely out of cotton balls and masking tape would be launched to conquer Mars, Saturn, Venus, Uranus, and Neptune. Not Pluto, though, because that's no longer a planet. Instead, the two Olies will construct a replica Star Wars deathstar, which will be painted completely blue to avoid copyright infringement with Lucasarts (George Lucas now owns nuclear devices and becomes unstable when his trademarks are re-created without permission), and will use it to blow up Pluto for the hell of it. The planets will then be under the jurisdiction of the top friends of the two Olies. Saturn will go to Zombiebaron, Mars will go to Lyrithya, Neptune will go to Black flamingo11, Venus will go to Dr. Skullthumper and Uranus will go to Mattsnow simply because he wouldn't stop laughing when we told him Uranus was conquered. Now that the plan and been decided and the gears are in motion, it's only a matter of time before the entire world is conquered by Uncyclopedia, and everyone will be forced to contribute at least one article everyday about how great their overlords, Oliphaunte, Olipro, and friends, truly are! Mwhahahahahahha. Ha? It was then that Oliphaunte woke up in a back alley somewhere in Atlantic City with a dozen empty bottles of whiskey, a bag a hemp, and a calling card for male prostitutes. There was also a note next to him that read, "You got drunk and threw up on my living room rug, so I flew you to Atlantic city, beat you up, and left you with a bunch of male hookers. Also, stole you Hageen-Daaz from the freezer. -Love, Olipro." Oliphaunte then realized that the plan for world domination was just a dream...Oh well, at least he has rollbacks now.

Check out these pages! Potatochopping. Who are you? WHAT THE FUCK! New Award of the Month. From our logs: Sockpuppet of an unregistered user blocked 90.217.205.53 with an expiry time of 2 hours (You're so hilarious I have to ban you for two hours.) Thekillerfroggy blocked Buffsfootball6 with an expiry time of 2 weeks (all due respect (none), but my fat friend is like twice as fat probably) ChiefjusticeDS blocked 142.227.189.60 with an expiry time of 3 Days (Inserting Vanity: and generally failing to cause me to laugh uproariously. ) Roman Dog Bird blocked 218.185.79.222 with an expiry time of 1 week (My dog could kick your ass and he's small.) Excuse of the Week Hi, it's Lyrithya. Sorry for not being around much; I got the bright idea to reinstall the operating systems on my laptops on Monday and that kind of killed all my spare time since. Well, that and the beading. Also got the bright idea on Wednesday to buy a whack-load of beads and try to turn them into jewellery. To that end, so far I've only managed to chemically melt some peacock feathers together, but I have high hopes for the rest of it. And on the plus side, KDE works. Sort of. It's kind of slow. On Windows, at least. Anyway, if anyone was wondering, this would probably be why nobody remembered to write the UnSignpost for this week until now. Other Excuse of the Week Hi, it's RAHB. Sorry for the UnSignpost being late, but my hard drive blew up this week. And then other stuff happened. This would probably be why I didn't remind anybody to write the UnSignpost for this week. A Word From Zombiebaron Nothing notable happened to my computer this week, and, therefore, I don't really have an excuse for this week's late UnSignpost. Well Hello. My Name is Oliphaunte And I now have rollbacks. What's your user protection level? None? Well, that must suck for you. I wouldn't know cause, well, I've got rollbacks. You know that ludacris song "Rollout"? Yea, that's essentially my life right now, but with rollbacks. You know what that makes me feel like? A badass. Why am I a badass? Because I've got rollbacks. My name is Oliphaunte and I approve this rollbacked message.

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 07:57, 18 February 2012

Congrats... I guess.

Check it out! You have been nominated for Perv of the month! This is not a bad thing, but it might result in you getting a restraining order from several of your exes. Click here to vote for yourself (or otherwise)! ~Pleb the magic! 21:53, 02/18/2012

Joke's on you. I don't have any exes. -RAHB 00:31, February 19, 2012 (UTC)

Whoops! It seems you've been disqualified because you were banned in the previous month. My bad. Still, please vote! (Spoiler alert: Aleister's winning.) ~Pleb the magic! 05:32, 02/19/2012

My monster

Dear RAHB,

Thank you for deleting my infamous George Carlin article. I should not have made that thing in the first place, but anyway, I’d like to thank you for coming through and doing me a favor by deleting that monstrosity of an article I created.

And also, on a related topic, could you raise this one article for a few moments so I can bring it into my userspace? Here’s the huffed article that I’d like to have in my userspace: Lando Calrissian -Sir Matthew Philip Matthlock, Attorney at Law LLC, 1-800-MTT-HLCK (Give me a call!) 22:06, February 22, 2012 (UTC)

FYI, I'm sort of an on-off user, so don't be surprised if I don't get your message right away; and it would probably be better off if you answered to me here now that I think of it. -Sir Matthew Philip Matthlock, Attorney at Law LLC, 1-800-MTT-HLCK (Give me a call!) 00:17, February 23, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 23 February 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

February 23rd, 2012 • Issue 159 • FUS RO Journalism!

Softly softly, happy Monkey By Chief Now we here at the UnSignpost would be the first to admit that our coverage of the Happy Monkey Competition has amounted to less than the laser show of words that you were probably expecting. It is a sincere regret of the UnSignpost that it has been unable to provide any sort of meaningful coverage of a competition which describes itself as 'pure awesomeness' on its signup page. The competition successfully concluded this week and Aleister in Chains was declared the overall winner. We were privileged not to catch up with Aleister regarding this, and you shouldn't consider it either. In second and third were ICameHereInACloche and Xamralco, who lost slightly less than everyone else. For those who don't know how the scores for the Happy Monkey competition are calculated, it is by a simple process of getting the judges to rate an article out of ten in a table, much like this one, adding all their scores up, then throwing them in the bin and letting Shabidoo decide who the winner should be. The UnSignpost is very impressed with Shabidoo's ingenuity in overruling the opinions of his peers and stomping on the faces of his enemies. Those who enjoyed the Happy Monkey should take note of Shabidoo's next competition which he calls "Forced labour in a Salt Mine, while I eat grapes and sit on a deck chair". The competition has furnished Uncyclopedia with sixteen new articles. A splendid achievement; asked just how he had done this by Mattsnow, Shabidoo replied: "Raisins! Never underestimate the alure of raisins!". The UnSignpost fervently hopes that Dr. Skullthumper is still reading the UnSignpost so that he can take this knowledge and use it to save us from ourselves, a task he accomplishes at present by lurking on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel and successfully saying the word 'penis' more than anyone else. For the fans of long unbroken blocks of text among you, this week saw the arrival of this forum in which Thekillerfroggy sets out his agenda to sell Uncyclopedia to "the man" piece by piece. He also thinks that we should bring back cash prizes, introduce a daily editing charge and require that an article can only be featured on the front page if it also attempts to sell the reader discount Viagra. Finally an administrator who isn't afraid to say what we're all thinking: "When am I ever going to get some sort of financial return for editing this humour wiki?". The last word this week goes to Modusoperandi who asks: "Is there code to keep the ads and hide the pages?". The Forum By Chief TheHappySpaceman just can't wait for April Fools day. He's so desperately excited that he has started a forum in which we can all plot and scheme about just how we will take in the entire world this April 1st. ICameHereInACloche wasted no time in suggesting that we make Uncyclopedia good for April fools day and was, quite rightly, kicked down a flight of steps by Olipro, who pointed out that it's April fools day and not Christmas. The discussion is needless anyway since I have already decided that we should do absolutely nothing for April Fools day. Except, and here's the catch and the really clever bit, we make it look like we have. We'll all sit on IRC going "Lol" at all the plebs who arrive on the website going "OMG WHAT'S CHANGED???". Shabidoo wants to know what your name is! It's not creepy at all! There's a lot of discussion going on regarding huffing! No need to read any of it, just remember that you should FIX IT, DON'T {{FIX}} IT. Administrators take note, or PuppyOnTheRadio will come to your talk page and make you feel very bad indeed. The bad news is that BHOP still exists and TheHappySpaceman is using it to plug his very own award. He could least haven chosen something that Aleister might not win every month. In conclusion: don't go to BHOP. It's not nice there.

Check out these pages! Who knows? Who agrees? Who knew? Who dunnit? Who cares? From our logs: 15:54, February 22, 2012 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (Right that's it. You are totally banned, and your services are no longer required on Uncyclopedia. (For the next 5 mins). 07:15, February 22, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird's anal leakage (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Why don't we ever get any pleasant vandal usernames? Like "Roman dog bird's lovely petunias" or something.) 07:20, February 22, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman dog bird's lovely petunias (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Thank you.) 02:52, February 20, 2012 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Sergeant Stud Krug Againist Vandalz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Thanks for fighting against Vandalz, here is an early retirement) 23:06, February 18, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1234 seconds ‎ (For putting Penisman into the UnSignpost. MY EYES!) Biopic of the Week Just what is a "Cloche" and how does one come here in one? This question has troubled me ever since I decided that I must biopic ICameHereInACloche. It turns out that a Cloche could be many things. It could be the French word for Bell, but how on earth would this humorous fellow have reached the shores of Uncyclopedia in a bell unless the bell were pushed down a steep hill? A cloche can also be a horticultural tool for covering up vegetables, but it very notably does not come second in the Happy Monkey competition, nor could one get anywhere if one were covering up vegetables. Perhaps this writer of legend came here as part of the classical ballet movement: battement en cloche? It would explain all the dancing. The cold hard truth of the matter is that we don't know what a cloche might be, but we know that this user has come in one, but not in that way. All those who haven't should read this splendid article and perhaps his userpage if they have an abundance of free time. Readers are also discouraged from sending us examples of the things they have come in; we were almost killed by the last one. A message from Under user Now that I don't ban people, I don't get in the signpost much. solution: more people need to ban me. with good, funny, creative reasons. it's not much to ask, huh? BAN UNDER USER! Newsroom UnTune of the Week Stalker

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:47, 23 February 2012

Thanks

Thank you for cooling that guys temper down with his stupid edit war. -- UserTalkContributions 23:03, February 27, 2012 (UTC)

Now worries, that's my job. At least it would be my job if I got paid. I guess it's really more of a hobby then. So, thank you for being somewhat like a model airplane :) -RAHB 23:15, February 27, 2012 (UTC)

Hello!

You seem to have deleted the article Dynamite fishing, which I was working on. Did I forget a construction tag?--CameHereInACloche (Talk) 05:29, February 28, 2012 (UTC)

Restored now. It appears someone else actually removed the construction tag. Tsk. Carry on! -RAHB 09:02, February 28, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 1 March 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

March 1, 2012 • Issue 160 • You are all about to die.

Nothing. By Magic man So I got up this morning, ate some breakfast and watched some television, ya know, just normal morning stuff. Then I decided it was time for me to check Uncyclopedia, as I do every day. So I walk over to my computer, turn on the screen and bring up Safari. I go to Uncyclopedia, log in and what do I see? Oh, I'll tell you what I saw. This thing that I saw was so terrible, I almost died. What I saw was... NOTHING. C'mon, guys, can't you do anything? Start a competition, a new exciting forum, even drama! Anything! I mean, I can't be expected to entertain myself, can I? And to any of you smart-asses out there who tell me that nothing is something in and of itself, shut up and go fall in a hole full of pointy objects; you know what that would be helping by telling me that? Take a guess. News? By Drunk editorial staff For those with eyes in their brains and mugs in their ale, it should be clear that all manner of very important things have been occurring in the news. Or is this the news? Well, you get the idea. Apparently Uncyclopedians, Shabidoo in particular, think there is something wrong with the site. While this is indoubti-bi-tubby the case, a more pressing concern we must bring up is this: has there ever been anything right with the site? Today the scare involves NotM, a highly prestigious award won by all the people who aren't here right now, and how it creates problems in regards to new editor retention, despite the minor issue that we would have to have new editors in the first place in order to retain any of them. Another scare involves the complete lack of sufficient delete votes on VFD, along with the fact that Sycamore wants to decrease the maximum number of active votes there to 14 when 15 would in fact be a much more round number, and to decrease the score required to delete things from 5 to 4, when 5 is also a much more round number. We suspect Sycamore just has something against round numbers, probably due to some childhood trauma or something, unless it turns out that these are the wrong notes and it was someone else who wanted to do all that. Everything's so blurry. In other news, Wikia broke the site again, our illustrious admins keep forgetting to update the feature queue, VFP is lacking an appropriate number of votes, containing only the nominations of three images by Zombiebaron, who demands that more people vote for them because pi is awesome, and Uncyclopedia needs more sharons. And I really need to lie down. Profit! By a representative of Murdoch press Profit! A word that has dogged Uncyclopedia, most especially those pages doomed to huffing, for years. A concept that we, as a community, have overlooked in our time, and need to bring the focus back to.  A user has recently pointed out that as a community, we are forgetting this one fundamental principle. Our growth - nay, our very survival - depends on this principle. We need to become part of the corporate machine to further our plans of world domination. To do this, we may need to advertise, and to pay for quality submissions. Now many of you may be afraid of this. Change can be frightening, and after all, our last venture into the world of capitalism has left us falling short of the desired funds to purchase the Ferrari promote the site in the manner we were hoping for.  The point is, ladies and gentleman, that profit, for lack of a better word, is good. Profit is right, profit works. Profit clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Profit, in all of its forms; profit for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. And profit, you mark my words, will not only save Uncyclopedia, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA. Thank you very much. Editor's note: This is most certainly not a veiled attempt by the resident money launderers to give them something to launder. The people want this. They already have a number of ideas relating to the promotion and growth of the site, and want your feedback so they can have feedback! Yes!

Check out these pages! Money? Normal? Possible? Sensible? Eh? From our logs: Romartus blocked GarethPW with an expiry time of infinite (Block test (no cause for alarm yet)) Sockpuppet of an unregistered user blocked 69.34.161.38 with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Try to be more original next time. Cocks and anuses are so cliché.) RAHB blocked Ormiston College with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (And the worst user account in the world.) Tom mayfair blocked Wikipedialyte with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Inserting true information) RAHB blocked 115.124.0.68 with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Don't be a tit, please.) Sockpuppet of an unregistered user blocked 194.83.172.186 with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Could you come back a year from now and tell me if your IP is static? Then I can ban you for infinity next time.) ChiefjusticeDS blocked 58.170.123.142 with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Blanker. Now, because of you, a block that could have been used on a starving African child is being wasted. For shame.) Biopic of the Week This week's user's name raises many questions. Is a Vodkelpplant‎‎ a plant that grows Vodkelps? If so, what's a Vodkelp? Could he possibly have meant a Vodka Plant? If so, does he man a plant that grows Vodka, or a plant that makes Vodka? How many questions does his user name actually create? Why am I still talking like this? And most importantly, who killed Tupac? Anyway, while this guy hasn't posted on any talkpage, he's created a deluge of Undictionary entries. It's pretty hard to grasp how many he's actually made. Seriously, he can't be silenced! I mean, what an Imagination! If you think by 'a lot' I mean one, three, four, five, six or even forty, you're wrong; he's made many more than that. In fact, I think I'd even call him the titan of Undictionary entries. Alright, that's enough of that joke. But really, he's pretty cool. Go say hi on his talkpage, maybe his response to you will be the first time he ever posts on a talk page. That would be a reason to have a party. No, really, I'm done now. Newsroom UnTune of the Week Death Blood Kill Dude... Where'd my bottle go? Did someone steal my bottle? Oh, you... asscracks.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:23, 1 March 2012

Thanks for the Lando!

With that being said, could you also make these articles for me, please?

• User:Matthlock/Cheap Trick
• User:Matthlock/Geography of Romania
• User:Matthlock/Jokes that might be funny
• User:Matthlock/Nuclear reactor
• User:Matthlock/Mackenzie Bowell

That’s about it. I apologize if I sound like I’m asking for too much, sir.

And also, if you wouldn’t post Penisman again on the UnSignpost, I’d really appreciate it. -Sir Matthew Philip Matthlock, Attorney at Law LLC, 1-800-MTT-HLCK (Give me a call!) 23:19, March 3, 2012 (UTC)

Boom! I'd link you to the userspaced pages, but they're already conveniently linked above. Sexy! -RAHB 23:57, March 3, 2012 (UTC)

Wow, he's a busy little camper, and...

If nobody else is doing it, can you put up a Feature for today, or maybe for a couple days. The que is empty once again (this has occurred several times this last week or so). I asked Dr.Skullthumper as well, but he may have logged off already. Thanks. Aleister 00:01 47th Annivesary of "Bloody Sunday", the first attempted march from Selma to Montgomery.

Will do, sir. Thanks for letting me know. -RAHB 00:03, March 4, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 8 March 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!

March 8th, 2012 • Issue 161 • The most recycled periodical on the internet!

Vote for Change By Chief Frosty fixes IRC There have been rumblings on the wiki this week, and not just because someone in the UnSignpost office insists it is their human right to have three kebabs for breakfast. These are the rumblings of discontent, and they stem from the behaviour of several users on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel. Frosty was decent enough to create a forum in the Ministry of Love explaining his discontent with pretty much everything IRC. Those of you who are fans of long blocks of text with lots of unnecessary swearing will not be disappointed as Frosty delivers Uncyclopedia's first blockbuster of 2012. The crux of the issue is that the Uncyclopedia IRC channel is not unlike my back garden, dangerous to enter alone for fear that Olipro will burst from the undergrowth and verbally assault you before hiding in the shed. There appear to be several views on this issue, besides the obvious; the UnSignpost sat down with Socky to discuss how we could fabricate a quote from him this week and he didn't say "I propose that all who argue should be put to death". Determined not to be outdone when it comes to simmering discontent with our benighted wiki, Lyrithya weighed into the forum to say that she too was disgusted with the present situation and something should be done. It's both worrying and strangely comforting that you can always rely on her for this particular viewpoint. The rebuttal to all these dissenting views has been varied, mostly involving admitting that yes Olipro and Dr. Skullthumper are an acquired taste and that everyone should generally go back to the important task of deleting maintaining the wiki. Puppy fixes NotM Speaking of maintaining the wiki, it is with great pride and the greatest pleasure that we bring to you more reforms from the keyboard of Dr. Skullthumper, Uncyclopedia's lead innovator and blue sky thinker. He proposes that in order to make new users feel welcome we should abolish Noob of the Month. Don't look at us like that; it makes complete sense to me: new users plus no awards equals a better Uncyclopedia. That isn't strictly true, as PuppyOnTheRadio suggested that instead of having a system by which we award one user the award per month we stack the new users up and treat them as though they were articles on VFH. This will at least kill two noobs with one stone, as nothing proves quite so heartbreaking as having your first article stomped on and then thrown into the bin because it "Lacks cultural significance". You could then change to the VFN page and watch yourself be stomped on and then thrown into the bin because "His/her articles lack cultural significance". Users interested in this plan should report here and support Thrak Thrak the destroyer of Worlds: May his power endure eternally, praise be, praise be to use the name he uses in his welcome message. Dr. Skullthumper fixes Uncyclopedia Oh and in case you had forgotten, Thekillerfroggy still wants to sell Uncyclopedia to the man, man. Our pessimistic thought for the week goes to Electrified mocha chinchilla, who urges you to look on the bright side by saying: "Uncyclopedia will die if we do not make a conscious effort to expand our presence on the internet, thereby reaching a wider audience and attracting more contributors". So to conclude: WE'RE ALL DOOMED!!! THIS IS THE END OF DAYS! Happy Thursday! Conservation By Chief Only you can prevent forest fires, is what we would be saying if it was time for forest fire week again. It's not. Instead it is almost time for another Conservation Week! Unfamiliar with Conservation Week? Want to learn more? Why not head on over to the page and do a spot of reading? Or don't; trust that our summary of the rules is gospel and just start writing. Basically you rewrite articles so that they are no longer suitable for one of Dr. Skullthumper's templates of doom. Having completed your rewrite you gain a point, and you want to have more points than everyone, especially HauntedUndies, who is the Team Rocket of Conservation Week. Honestly, it's true. You can enter the competition for the low low price of ten English pounds, which goes towards oiling the gears and cogs of Uncyclopedia. Your article should also contain at least two pictures of a Monkey, regardless of the subject matter. Well? What are you waiting for? HAH! False start; the competition isn't running just yet, and updates could come from anywhere, at literally any time. Check out the forum and await further instructions.

Check out these pages! Conservation Centenary Madness In-jokes Proposals From our logs: 12:19, March 2, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked Fck cnt slt btch whre jrk-ff rttwlr wnk (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (We have a policy on vowel abuse here.) 00:01, March 4, 2012 RAHB (talk | contribs) blocked 85.73.86.233 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Today you endure my ire at the fact the revision differences colors have changed. Rar.) 16:12, March 2, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 216.11.41.2 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (JUST LOVES AMERICA SO DAMN MUCH) 14:06, March 2, 2012 MadMax (talk | contribs) blocked 31.221.14.82 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (The "nicest guy any one would ever want to meet"? You sure have a funny way of showing it Nathaniel.) 05:49, March 4, 2012 Roman Dog Bird (talk | contribs) blocked R.A.H.B. (Roman A-dog Hunting Baron) (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (hahaha) 14:19, March 6, 2012 Black flamingo11 (talk | contribs) blocked 199.212.250.156 (talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Come back in three days and tell us more about swans, this time in more detail and without the all caps.) Biopic of the Week Yeehaw! It's time for biopic of the week and this week we'll be looking at a user whose username I cannot seem to say without speaking in a ridiculous American accent. It's Jonny appleseed. Now Mr. Appleseed has been hanging about Uncyclopedia since November last year, and in that time you probably haven't spoken to him once. Why? Because he has been prowling about on UnNews, you remember UnNews, the place where you haven't been since the last argument over what shade of brown the banner should be. Jonny has written 16 articles, and they are actually quite good; I thoroughly enjoyed the thirty seconds I spent speed reading through them. He may be quiet but his potential is great; I foresee great things for you, young Appleseed (be sure to say that to him constantly). If you happen to have a spare moment, the UnSignpost suggests that you go and greet this highly promising fellow and perhaps try reading his articles while speaking with a strong American accent. It's a right hoot. Old-school FA 22 March 2006 Nigeria, two days into launching its first census in 15 years, has found it has an estimated 40 million rich and desperate princes and generals in its population, the press secretary for President Olusegun Obasanjo said today. "We were indeed surprised at the amount of high-status people in this country with Swiss bank accounts from whom the government is trying to obtain millions of dollars," the press secretary said in an official statement. "In fact, we didn't know we had so many princes, much less ones eager to unload large amounts of diamonds." Newsroom UnTune of the Week Sevenfold RAmen Public Service Announcement Users are warned not to send correspondence to their home address regarding the following edit: 21:47 HowTo:Persuade your husband‎ (diff | hist) . . (+1) . . Aleister in Chains (talk | contribs) (a couple of minor tweaks, nothing to write home about)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:22, 8 March 2012

That forum is now about voting

Everyone loves a good vote. Why don't you go and vote there. No, I mean now. Stop reading your talk page and go and vote. What the hell are you still doing here? Are you deaf of something? Go vote! Pup 12:47 10 Mar '12

You'll have to speak up, sonny. My ears aren't what they used to be. -RAHB 00:50, March 10, 2012 (UTC)

I once had an affair with an old woman. Terrible conversationalist, but never knock getting a hand job from a woman with Parkinson's. Pup 01:19 10 Mar '12

Delicious. -RAHB 01:24, March 10, 2012 (UTC)

This seems familiar, somehow.

I just wish, for the life of me, that I could remember where I read it before. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Mar 10 '12 13:07 (UTC)

Journalism can be entirely uncanny sometimes. -RAHB 23:45, March 11, 2012 (UTC)

St. Patty’s Day

Are you wearing green today? If not, don’t be surprised if I show up. Matthlock 23:37, March 17, 2012 (UTC)

Somehow I always wind up coincidentally wearing green without even knowing that it's St. Patrick's Day. I even bought a green lighter at the store earlier. Totally oblivious. -RAHB 23:57, March 17, 2012 (UTC)

!

RAHB, I'm sorry my posts bothered you so much. I'm sorry it made you that indignant. You could have come to my talk page and told me so, as Puppy and Lyrithya have done as well. If you tell me in a cordial way, I'll come down a level ... or two or ten. So sorry.

Unrelatedly or, quite relatedly, thanks for actually giving a s**t about this forum topic, you are the only admin (minus TFK perhaps) who has ever taken Frosty (and now Puppy) seriously about this, and to be honest, I've felt pretty bad for him over the last few months...he's a good user...and at least some solution ought to be found to make all his time dedicated to the site to be worthywhile, unfortunately he's been utterly ignored or told to whatever and then ignored more, which would explain why he had to start up yet another forum with a screen print. So yeah, thanks! --ShabiDOO 23:37, March 24, 2012 (UTC)

Yes, I've never had any doubt that Frosty, Puppy, et al were being serious about the situation. I'm sure though that anyone else taking the time to formulate a counter-argument against them is taking it seriously too. If you believe that something should be one way, you try to argue in its favor, and in life that often meets with alternate opinions. That doesn't mean anybody takes them any less seriously, they just also have their own way of seeing it, and are obligated to some degree to defend their own way. That's most of the reason why I was so harsh in my statements, because sarcasm and exaggerations won't get anybody anywhere in terms of reaching a consensus, and it certainly won't make anyone take things more seriously. That type of thing will only lead to more resistance against the idea. But yes, I suppose it would have been more prudent to discuss it with you first. In the future I'll try that. Thanks. -RAHB 07:01, March 25, 2012 (UTC)

On that VFS discussion

Another thing that just came to my attention. Features click over (theoretically) at midnight UTC. That works out at 10:00am my/Frosty's time (or 11:00am at the moment as it is daylight savings on the East coast here). Given that this ball is getting dropped a little, having an admin alert here at this time makes sense. (And for the record, I'm thinking of Frosty as admin, rather than myself, but would be willing to take it on this time if nominated.) Nominally Humane! 12:25 30 Mar

Seems that corresponds to about late afternoon to early evening in the US, so I'd imagine the issue is more with those of us in that region forgetting to do it or overlooking it at the moment. I rarely set the feature, for example, but that crossover happens to be more or less around the time I'm online every day, so I suppose I should start checking the queue more frequently. I'll get on doing that, but if there's anyone else you can think of that would fit the position, feel free to suggest/nominate them next VFS/etc. -RAHB 01:10, March 30, 2012 (UTC)

Oh, I will. But of course I am pimping for VFS vote in April in the meantime. Other than Frosty, me, Al, and Shabby, I don't have any others jump to mind. Tasmania is good but still way too new. Oh, and EMC of course. Nominally Humane! 03:14 30 Mar

More articles

Could you make these articles for me as well?

• User:Matthlock/Barnes Been Beyond Before But Believe Barnes, Barnes Being Bolmontious Bout Being There
• User:Matthlock/Francois Truffaut - Don't wanna bother making that French "C" thing, but you know what I'm talking about
• User:Matthlock/Fritz Lang
• User:Matthlock/Springfield
• User:Matthlock/VOTE FOR FROSTY AS UNCY'S ADMIN

Is that all right? User:Matthlock/sig 04:28, April 1, 2012 (UTC)

French "C" thing? Did you mean a French tickler? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Apr 1 '12 4:38 (UTC)

Right, thanks for the link, Bizzeebeever, correct that, make me User:Matthlock/François Truffaut instead. User:Matthlock/sig 06:35, April 1, 2012 (UTC)

Got it. You certainly keep me on my toes : ) -RAHB 05:10, April 2, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost 5 April 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now a major monopoly run by Xamralco

April 5th, 2012 • Issue 162 • Xamralco edition

Xamralco By Xamralco Hello, fellow Uncyclopedians. It is I, Xamralco, here to tell you that I have temporarily taken over the UnSignpost. However, being as inexperienced as I am, I have no idea how to put an UnSignpost together. Thus, for today, the UnSignpost will be about me, the greatest Uncyclopedian ever! More Xamralco Also by Xamralco Look, I know I'm awesome. My mom knows I'm awesome. Even my kindergarten, first grade, and ninth grade teacher, Mrs. Matthews, knows I'm awesome. It's just a fact, but I'm all about being fair, so lets see what the people say: “Ehh... He's alright.” ~ Pretty much everyone on Xamralco I guess "alright" is now a synonym for "Soooooooooo freakin' awesome." Who knew? Even More Xamralco Still by Xamralco I am super, duper rad. I know no one says that anymore, but I'm bringing it back. It is Xamralco who brings back the rad fads. Xamralco will also bring back talking in the third person. Xamralco loves talking in the third person. I sometimes enjoy talking in the first person, but you find talking in the second person far more fulfilling. Still, Xamralco thinks talking in the third person is quite entertaining. Must fill up blank space By Xamralco Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Crap, that wasn't enough By Xamralco How does ChiefjusticeDS make it look so easy? Oh well. Xamralco out!

Check out these pages! User:Xamralco User talk:Xamralco Special:Contributions/Xamralco User:Xamralco/sig User:Xamralco From our logs: 10:07, April 5, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) uploaded "File:Cartoonsushi.png" 10:07, April 5, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) uploaded "File:Japanflag.jpg" 16:44, April 4, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) uploaded "File:0303 hilary duff b.jpg" 17:05, April 3, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) uploaded "File:Rick cross.jpg‎" 18:11, April 2, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) uploaded "File:Rickhalo.jpg‎" Biopic of the Week Xamralco first proved himself worthy of being bestowed the title, "Honorary Human Being" by the Queen earlier this year after doing some really awesome stuff. He has joined Uncyclopedia only to become the most beloved editor in history. Fellow Uncyclopedians, NotXamralco and Xemrelco (which have no relation to the person in mention) have even called him a "comic genius," and he has been awarded tons of real awards, including "Xamralco of the Month," "Xamralco of the Year," and "Xamralco of the Week." Old-school Talk page Hello, Xamralco, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you: Beginner's Guide Our Vanity Policies - why we don't care about your friends How to be funny and not just stupid If you read anything at all, make it the above three links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these: About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia How to get started editing on Uncyclopedia Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date. (more...) Newsroom UnTune of the Week The Xamralco Song Xamralco is cool Which is why he's writing about how cool he is.

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9001(bot)    20:41, Apr 5

You're a facist!

Welcome back. Nominally Humane! 05:37 11 Apr

Much obliged. I'm gonna have to pick up the pace, I think in the past week Castro passed me in the death totals again. That bastard. -RAHB 07:16, April 11, 2012 (UTC)

But does he give good face? Nominally Humane! 08:28 11 Apr

Perhaps not, but he gives excellent head, though.~A Satisfied Visitor to Cuba 09:23, April 11, 2012 (UTC)

I'm just grateful he's got great legs. -RAHB 20:22, April 11, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost - Free Pixels Inside!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

All your readers are belong to us

Apr 12th, 2012 • Issue 163ish • The newspaper used as insulation by discerning homeless

Nobody panic. Everything is fine. By PuppyOnTheRadio In a precedented move, USP has handed the reigns over to somebody new in order to ensure it's timely delivery. USP has had a fine tradition of coming out regularly on a weekly basis since it's creation, and the handing of the reigns to Xamralco PuppyOnTheRadio whoever is willing to take it will guarantee that nobody will ever miss an issue again. In the meantime, the news continues to happen. VFH is in the healthiest state that it has been over the past 7ish years, as we are constantly reminded by the site banner, which is updating as regular as clockwork. The top three features articles of March is proving to be a hotly contested title, and is shaping up to be the first month in history where every article is likely to be in the coveted top position. And we have a strong consensus that there is no need for new admins, however we have a record number of potential admins nominated. Everything is fine.  More Stuff By Xamralco Sadly, I will no longer use the UnSignpost to talk about how great I am. Instead, the UnSignpost will return to its original purpose: Telling you about what's happening on the wonderful website known as Uncyclopedia. As Puppy mentioned before, ChiefjusticeDS has left his position as head editor and all hell has broken loose everything is running quite smoothly. In other news, the Great Republican Write-a-thon is coming to a close. If you haven't heard, a Canadian dude and some schmuck who knows nothing about American politics are co-hosting a writing competition that will assess which team of Uncyclopedians can write a better article about a selected 2012 Republican presidential candidate nominee. Strangely, these same two doofuses have also submitted an entry, something which most certainly should have been against the rules. Nevertheless, articles on all four candidates were put up on VFH (which is serving as a judge), though the Mitt Romney article immediately failed since no one bothered to rewrite it (which is mildly entertaining considering he's leading at the moment). And now, some cheese: No, that wasn't random... Everybody panic. Nothing is fine. By Magic man In an emergency spur-of-the-moment move, the USP has forced the burden of writing it each week onto another innocent soul in order to ruin their lives like so many others. USP has had a fine tradition of not coming out since 1974. USP has decided to hand the blood-stained reigns to dick-hole ass-face whoever it is forced upon in order to guarantee it will never come out again. In the meantime, the terrible news continues to depress us all. VFH is running as slowly as the plumbing in my house and actually has negative six entries. However, the site banner seems to want to shove lies down our thoats. This is probably on account of the fact that it is only editable by lying, cheating, inbred bastards that can't seem to update the fuckin' thing. The top three featured articles of March is proving to only be winnable if you suck the right person's dick, and is shaping up to be just like all the other months ever: uninteresting. And a record number of people were forced to vote that they want more narcissistic assholes, however not one single person has been nominated, as there are no users left. Nothing is fine.

Check out these pages! Zombiebaron There is a cabal Wikia can't touch this █████ From our logs: 22:06, April 10, 2012 PuppyOnTheRadio  (Talk | contribs) blocked Xamralco (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Trying to steal USP from me) 22:06, April 10, 2012 PuppyOnTheRadio  (Talk | contribs) blocked Xamralco (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Hang on... I can't block you. ) 22:06, April 10, 2012 Xamralco (Talk | contribs) blocked PuppyOnTheRadio  (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinity ‎ (No you can't. Bwahahaha!) Biopic of the Week PuppyOnTheRadio should be mentioned in here, as he used to write USP for a short period while UU was away, before he came back and Chief took it over. But he is a talentless hack, so ignore him.  Word of the week, provided by: a user Xamralco 1: (n) Someone who takes a post that somebody else has already volunteered for 2: A publication produced with excessive mention of one individual.  Newsroom UnTune of the Week I Like Cats (The Other White Meat) This is the end of Xamralco references in the UnSignpost We wouldn't want to take away Zombiebaron's thing after all. What's in the stars this week Pisces In your stars this week is a significantly large mass of plasma burning at extraordinarily high temperatures. They are held together by immense gravitational force and continue to burn as a result of a significant nuclear reaction. Due to their distance from the earth however most of them look like tiny pinprick points of light in the night sky, and are not visible during the daylight hours due to ambient light. Celebrity stars Vincent Van Gogh painted a starry night, but he was crazy and put lots of odd swirls in things. Lucky numbers 1, 7, 10, and 13 are all happy numbers, which is lucky for them.

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-- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 21:52, April 12, 2012 (UTC)

Would you mind...

... adding something to the site banner? Nominally Humane! 01:26 17 Apr

Did I do it right? -RAHB 01:34, April 17, 2012 (UTC)

Looks good. It dies terribly on IE7, but that's because IE7 sucks. Nominally Humane! 02:37 17 Apr

Naturally. -RAHB 03:03, April 17, 2012 (UTC)

It’s good to have an admin friend

RAHB, could you create the following articles for me?

• User:Matthlock/Strawberry Alarm Clock
• User:MatthlockThat_time_I_was_nearly_raped_by_a_rapist_named_Rapey_McRaperson_during_my_sojourn_in_Connecticut
• User:Matthlock/UnNews:History will look kindly upon me
• User:Matthlock/Larry King
• User:Matthlock/Hans Moleman
• User:Matthlock/Schrödinger’s Cat
• User:Matthlock/Al Pacino
• User:Matthlock/Stenchburg
• User:Matthlock/Shelbyville
• User:Matthlock/Ogdenville
• User:Matthlock/Capitol City
• User:Matthlock/North Haverbrook
• User:Matthlock/John Flansburgh

-I think that’s all for now, I’m not quite certain if I got the title of the Connecticut article right, though, you’ll probably find it though. Sorry if I’ve been sounding needy, but as I said before, it’s good to have an admin friend to bring back old articles from the dead, and you probably wouldn’t want me to be asking, say, Tom mayfair to take care of that for me, would you?

Matthlock, I've done a couple of these. Schrödinger is in my userspace already, so I've just redirected to it, and a few of these are still on the mirror site. It may be easier to do the search here and on the mirror site, as there are often things in userspace or on the mirror site already. Nominally Humane! 09:54 18 Apr

And for Erwin Schrödinger - the material in the huffed version is mostly pretty bad. The site for his name was just a target of a slash and burn, but there is a section in it I commented out that has some potential but I'm not happy with it being worked in there as is, and there is a fair bit of stuff I just cut out that may have some potential. (I don't think it does, which is why I did the slash and burn, but you may get something I didn't.) Nominally Humane! 10:00 18 Apr

Okay, I got it man! User:Matthlock/sig 22:19, April 18, 2012 (UTC)

Got most of em. I couldn't find one on North Haverbrook, not even with a google search. The rest are good to go, though. -RAHB 06:50, April 19, 2012 (UTC)

Wayback machine couldn't find it, but it did find our Main page from 2006. Nominally Humane! 07:12 19 Apr

Whoops, that was my mistake - I forgot that nobody made an article on North Haverbrook yet. Well, I guess I could make it. Anyway, thanks yeah. User:Matthlock/sig 23:21, April 20, 2012 (UTC)

No problem. -RAHB 03:07, April 21, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost 19th April 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The periodical without any junk in its trunk!

Apr 19th, 2012 • Issue 10² + 8² • Fuck Xamralco and his deadlines!

9001(bot)  14:52, Apr 19

What?

Excuse me, but you deleted the page Lithp without cause or reason. Bleakgh (talk) 01:15, April 24, 2012 (UTC)

I can restore the page for you then, but I did have cause or reason. The page was very short, obviously incomplete, had less than proper formatting, and didn't seem to carry any joke with it other than writing the article out entirely with a lisp. I've now moved it to a subpage of your userpage at this link here. You can work on it there until it's complete, and then move it back into the main article space. If you need any help with writing it, you can consult the beginner's guide and UN:HTBFANJS, or ask me. Also, there is the review service for getting more formal reviews of your work. Best of luck. -RAHB 01:22, April 24, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost Apr 26th 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

Apr 26th, 2012 • Issue 165 • In a state of total chaos since March 8th!

VFS Excitement! By Chief Hah! You thought you were rid of me didn't you? Thought you'd be rid of old Chief like you were rid of Mordillo?? Well I have news for all of you, which is exactly why I'm writing this story, because I have news for you! Those of you who have spent the last month wearing buckets on your heads will undoubtedly be unaware that there is a VFS going on on the VFS page, where the VFS happens! It would seem Uncyclopedia's demand for administrators is only eclipsed by its demand for Frosty to stop going on about wanting more administrators. The VFS is now in its final stage and the admins are all voting on they would most like to not unsee as an administrator next month. Leading the pack at the moment, with a whopping four votes, is EMC, running on the ever popular "Oh go on, please, after all it is a lovely day" ticket. Hot on EMC's heels is PuppyOnTheRadio, whose voting section is filled with discourse about how unhelpful and blunt he is, mostly from Lyrithya the head of Uncyclopedia's "Never Forgetting, Never Forgiving department". With the qualities she describes the UnSignpost confidently forecasts that Puppy will claim adminship and bring his sunny disposition along with him. Dragging his heels in third position is Frosty, who has three for votes, one oppose vote, one haddock vote and a pencil drawing of a windmill. We are guessing that he is in third, since nobody really knows. Assuming that haddock votes are similar to oppose votes and assuming that oppose votes are like against votes one can deduce that he is on a score of one, however should the judges decide the windmill is worth ten Salmon votes, there could still be all to play for. Frosty is also an administrator at Encyclopedia Dramatica, the wiki which proves you don't need to be able to spell Encyclopaedia in order to start one. Perhaps they are mocking the correct spelling. But we digress, it is evident that Frosty's entire persona on this wiki s a mere front for a plot! We have clearly uncovered a dastardly scheme to destroy Uncyclopedia, especially with the damning evidence presented by MrN9000 "23,450 edits maintained over a period of longer than a year all just to stage 1 days fun". He's disgusted and you should be too. Frosty, if that is his real name, was clearly dead set on not having his true intentions revealed. People of Uncyclopedia, the UnSignpost urges you to seize your torches and pitchforks; we shall burn and stab the demons out of him! Bringing up the rear in this race are Oliphaunte and Xamralco with no votes each despite everyone agreeing that they are splendid fellows, everyone except Lyrithya that is. VFS concludes at midnight on the 30th when the successful candidates will be inducted into the order and the unsuccessful candidates go back to having real lives. How exciting. Happy Thursday! Even more VFS Excitement! (The VFS Derby) By Shabidoo The horses have been chosen and the judge shoots his big giant black gun. POW, they're off. The Aussies take the lead thanks to RAHB while EMC inches ahead with the support of the zombie faction. Its a three way lead until...look...EMC and Frosty are ahead due to...who is that guy? Tom Mayfair? Seriously, who is he? Suddenly, Xamralco is....he...he is still in the same place... due to "support" from Lyrithya. MrN throws in all his votes. WHAT A RACE! Puppy inches ahead and now...look...another impossible to interpret move. EMC will stay where he is with a "neutral" vote by Lyrithya. Could this be any more exciting? And the first casualty, Frosty breaks his leg and falls back due to a very long block of explanation but he keeps going. Gosh that trooper! And...whats that...Chief makes an actual decision sending Puppy ahead. What's next!?!? And now...a total of four horses are..."supported" by Lyrithya...keeping them in the exact same place they were before! Followed by a giant monumental block with links and references shatters Puppy's leg...and he lags behind, can he keep going? Hey...a score fix. Puppy is ahead after all...thanks TKF for the correction! Lyrithya withdraws her "support" for Oliphaunte...meaning he no longer stays where he is...but instead...stays where he is! Remarkable. What a frenzy. Now an exchange between TKF and Lyrithya...resulting in...no change at all...and the fans are waiting for anything...any result at all. The Australians in the lead while the others are content with "support", "neutural" votes or "neutural support"! BF takes a stand and EMC shoots ahead that strong buck he is! TKF calls fowl on Mr.N and the judges decide that "no one cares". Romartus injects EMC with steroids pushing him ahead while he breaks Frosty's other leg due to a shocking "conflict of interest" scandal. Who saw that coming? Anything goes in the VFS derby! Now its bedlam...some punch the wind out of horses by withdrawing their "for"s or break horses leg by changing to "against". What a 360º. Horses fall left, right, centre while everyone tries to figure out what everyone else is doing. How intense! Not since the VFS derby of 2011 have we seen this scale of flip flopping! And now Zombie decides to hold onto his crowbar so he can break a horses leg if he threatens his favourite candidate. Others give horses a push ahead while others throw grenades strategically at other horses. It seems everyone is playing a game of chicken...waiting to see what the other person does. We are heading towards the final run, a grand all out cage fight. The two horses with the least broken bones crawling towards the end. Tune in next week to see if any of these horses cross the line before dying of internal injuries. Will someone make an actual decision in the next day or two! Keep your eyes posted!

Check out these pages! Are you a slut? Find out now! Count with total strangers for the low, low price of $19.99! Vote on your favorite dictator! Eat some Nutella! From our logs: 06:15, April 24, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) blocked BangYouLater (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 69 months ‎ (An internet-based porn website? How innovative.) 01:20, April 22, 2012 RabbiTechno (talk | contribs) blocked KeenChic (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (It's only a one-day ban because I've just had a fat line of drugs and am therefore in a good mood) 19:57, April 23, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 156.26.170.101 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (On the route to Nirvana edit warring is not Swindon that way lies) 18:54, April 17, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked Owfinewf (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Cybermullet, go away. ) 06:52, April 25, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked 98.220.243.133 (talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Spam man? No thank you mam. ) Biopic of the Week Qzekrom (or Cute Zekrom if you pronounce "Q" incorrectly) is by far the best Uncyclopedian who is also a pokémon (Sorry, Mr-ex777). Originally an evil IP who refused to join, Cute Zekrom finally did the right thing and made an account, which is great for us since all he does is patrol recent changes, ICUing and QVFDing like a madman. Oh, and he writes UnNews, further spreading his liberal/conservative propaganda to all. Sadly, Cute Zekrom only has 100 HP, which allows my Burmy to completely annihilate him. Plus, everyone knows that Yu-Gi-Oh! is really where it's at... Or Digimon. Digimon's pretty cool, too. Old-school FA 23 June 2006 Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves. The series was noted for its recurring themes of theological introspection, philosophical anthropology, the study of the nation-state, and use of cardboard boxes that could turn into any machine they wanted it to. The series confused many, as Hobbes himself was not born until 1588 - some 40 years after the show last aired. This seeming anachronism was explained by the fact that only Calvin could see Hobbes - leading to debate over if Hobbes was real or merely a figment of Calvin's imagination. (More...) Newsroom UnTune of the week I Forgot the Words! The Pee Buddy Awards! They deserve more attention than they're getting.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  00:48, Apr 26

I'm just a tad sensitive at the moment so...

... I assume you were being sarcastic when you said you didn't want me to come back, but I'm not as sure of people's feeling towards me as I used to be. Nominally Humane! 12:49 29 Apr

I still love you. I'll never forget our final night of unbridled passion. --ChiefjusticeGameCube 12:55, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

I know a really good grief counsellor if it'll help. Nominally Humane! 01:10 29 Apr

No amount of counselling could ever fill the hole you left behind, which honestly isn't as dirty as it probably sounds. It doesn't help that I read all talk page posts out in an exaggerated Welsh accent; I find it highly therapeutic. --ChiefjusticeGameCube 13:38, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

I'm Australian. That means that a Welsh accent to me sounds like Jonathon Creek. Nominally Humane! 01:41 29 Apr

I think you should record an UnTune of yourself singing "My heart will go on". This has nothing to do with what we were saying, I just think it'd be hilarious. --ChiefjusticeGameCube 13:47, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

I've been singing All by myself a lot over the past few days. Thanks to Steven Moffat I keep switching to Susan the happy trotting elf halfway through. Nominally Humane! 01:49 29 Apr

Yes, rest assured there was a hefty pouring of sarcasm on my words at the time. Part of that was because, as evidenced by my VFS-related posts over the past couple days in general, I've become extremely frustrated with this whole mess. I don't wish anyone to leave, but I do think that you should do what you think is right, whether that be leaving or staying, in whatever capacity you think is most appropriate. Don't let the opinions of other people (myself included) influence your decisions more than is reasonable. It's not worth the conflict it can cause in one's mind. -RAHB 00:24, April 30, 2012 (UTC)

Also, personally I'd like to hear you singing a touching rendition of Get Up Offa That Thing, but the last time I requested that of someone I wound up in three months of court-ordered therapy, so perhaps I should be silent on that issue. -RAHB 00:26, April 30, 2012 (UTC)

R.A.H.B.

RAHB, there are some things I’d like to talk with you about.

First of all, could you create these articles?

• User:Matthlock/Bosnia and Herzegovina
• User:Matthlock/Boltok the Rapist
• User:Matthlock/Little Pwagmattasquarmsettport
• User:Matthlock/Stanley Kubrick
• User:Matthlock/Philip J. Fry
• User:Matthlock/Halle Berry

If any of those pages do not exist, then I apologize.

Secondly, I’d like to ask you, how did you get your name anyway? What does RAHB stand for? Is RAHB your initials or something? (For example Robert Harold Allen Benson, not that I am in any way implying that that’s your name.) Tell me how you got your user name. I swear I will treat that with confidentiality if you want me to.

And third and most importantly, can you protect my user page?

Thanks! User:Matthlock/sig 20:41, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

It's a phonetic spelling of "rub". He invented the world's first masturbation based music genre called "rub-step". BannedPuppy (talk)

You people are so kind, but I keep telling you that I really can't take all the credit. Most of the influence came from early proto-wank music and impressionist art. -RAHB 00:36, April 30, 2012 (UTC)

I would like to bring your attention to this forum

Forum:Vote to De-Op Lyrithya Nominally Humane! 03:20 07 May

Yes. Okay. Thanks. -RAHB 03:51, May 7, 2012 (UTC)

More "in the interest of reducing non-votes being counted as votes" would be accurate, but it read terribly. Nominally Humane! 04:00 07 May

User script pages

User subpages with titles ending in .js or .css don't need to be protected; nobody but the user whose userspace it is and admins can edit them anyway unless there's something seriously wrong with the mediawiki. Hope that helps for future reference or something. 1234 ~ 20:20, 9 May 2012

Thanks. Frosty knew that already, and had a good laugh at us. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, May 9 '12 21:40 (UTC)

Yeah. Frosty did have a good laugh at us. For some reason I thought that only applied to the ones for skins, thanks >_< -RAHB 22:04, May 9, 2012 (UTC)

I didn't know this site had .js and .css. Aren't those forms of flesh-eating bacteria? User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig8 18:48, May 12, 2012 (UTC)

No, no, no. "JS" is what we call a movie script that's been dipped in coffee. And "CSS" is what happens when you put a whole bunch of Vogue magazines in a stack all the way up to the ceiling, and then it falls on top of you and kills you. Or something. We all fail at housekeeping here. Where am I? Who are you? *shifty eyes*  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, May 12 '12 23:22 (UTC)

Wonderfully stated. -RAHB 23:28, May 12, 2012 (UTC)

HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S ME, PENIS VANDAL!

Sorry for not editing in like forever, but I got sidetracked with life and other boring shit like that. And I like totally forgot about you RAHB. I am so sorry, please forgive my rudeness. Everything still running fine I see, thats excellent. Well hopefully you're awake I don't know to be honest, for the record I am British. Well if everything's all well and good i will part with this engorged blood-filled dong oh and if you're going to ban, please don't make it permanent I'm editing at an internet cafe and it will affect innocent users. Cheers. --74.55.82.154 10:31, May 14, 2012 (UTC)

Actually I might stick around I made an UnNews its fun :D --74.55.82.154 11:02, May 14, 2012 (UTC)

Good to see you again, old friend. You've made an UnNews, eh? I'd love to read it :-) -RAHB 21:25, May 14, 2012 (UTC)

Haw haw haw, you never will. Chief huffed it. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, May 14 '12 22:23 (UTC)

Curses! He knows the secret! -RAHB 10:11, May 15, 2012 (UTC)

The penis vandal smells like tuna! (p.s. RAHB, you were right, we were talking about two different forums. The deop forum was but-poop. --ShabiDOO 02:22, May 16, 2012 (UTC)

Ah, very good then. -RAHB 02:35, May 16, 2012 (UTC)

I have made an account too, I intend to be constructive instead of a drunk idiot. am I forgiven? --MasterWangs (talk) 08:28, May 16, 2012 (UTC)

Certainly! Welcome aboard, sir. Excellent choice of name. -RAHB 15:57, May 16, 2012 (UTC)

Let's purge every page on Uncyc Mirror

I think I know why Mirror.Uncyc is so slow. It's because nobody ever bothers to purge wiki pages there. (Purging a page clears the cache of all old versions of it and forces the most recent revision to appear.) So let's go there and purge pages! -- Sir CuteKyogreOnTheRadio [CUN • PBJ'12 • PLS(0) • Stuy'16] 02:28, May 16, 2012 (UTC)

I think it's more complex than that. But the mirror isn't actually affiliated with us. The legality of it even existing is questionable as well. Carlb runs it, doesn't update the software, lets it sort of dwindle, and refuses to discuss taking it down. If we had actual money I'd personally be in favor of taking legal action. -RAHB 02:34, May 16, 2012 (UTC)

Okay... I don't even have an account there, so I just sign as --Qzekrom ~~~~~. -- Sir CuteKyogreOnTheRadio [CUN • PBJ'12 • PLS(0) • Stuy'16] 02:39, May 16, 2012 (UTC)

I tried to sign up for an account (because I want to be the 'RAHB' referenced when history pages show my contributions linked to someone who could easily just be some other schmo signing in), but it keeps timing me out on the captchas >_< -RAHB 02:45, May 16, 2012 (UTC)

Okay... SPIKE has a talk page there but not an account... i think -- Sir CuteKyogreOnTheRadio [CUN • PBJ'12 • PLS(0) • Stuy'16] 02:49, May 16, 2012 (UTC)

A lot of people have talkpages there, because besides copying articles, it also copies every other page on this wiki. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 03:55, 16 May 2012

Exactly. It's really lousy. -RAHB 04:07, May 16, 2012 (UTC)

Can someone create my account? I'm too lazy to do it myself and wait hours for the account to get created... LOL. -- Sir CuteKyogreOnTheRadio [CUN • PBJ'12 • PLS(0) • Stuy'16] 02:11, May 17, 2012 (UTC)

Hello kind sir

Click here and follow the directions for fun and profit. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 10:50, May 20, 2012 (UTC)

Sounds sexy. I'll do that. -RAHB 21:41, May 20, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 06:48, May 21, 2012 (UTC)

Why don’t you go fuck your garden?

I read this article and I’d like to say I personally loved it. Nice job! This thing should seriously get featured. I believe that this article depicts the sin of envy really well.

Could you teach me – on my talk page – how to write an article like that?

And one other thing, no I’m not going to ask you to raise any new articles for me. I’d like to ask you, what nationality are you? I heard rumors that you might be Australian but I’m not so sure about it. You tell me what you are here. Thanks. User:Matthlock/sig 19:47, May 20, 2012 (UTC)

Take a look at my first UnScript

UnScripts:Hitler learns that Uncyclopedia has engaged in copyright infringement (not another Downfall parody!) -- Sir CuteKyogreOnTheRadio [CUN • PBJ'12 • PLS(0) • Stuy'16] 21:49, May 20, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost May 25th, 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

May 25th, 2012 • Issue 166 • Almost entirely asbestos free!

An Endzone Victory Dance From Your New Overlord By EMC Hi, I'm EMC, your family-friendly fascist and tyrant. Having been at Uncyclopedia for almost six years, I have seen some shit. A lot of it I can't talk about because of some gag orders which are still in effect. Some of it I don't want to talk about because even thinking about it gives me sympathy pains in my groin. But one thing I had never seen before was me becoming an administrator. One month ago, this was something which only happened in my wettest of dreams. Thanks to my mother's influence, I was able to win the VFS. Once this happened, I felt obligated to write this UnSignpost piece about this extraordinary blessing known as me. I will start from the beginning and finish at the end. I was born just like everyone else. Sometime shortly after that, I discovered Uncyclopedia. Six years later, I became an administrator. As you can see, my life can be summed up as a series of successes followed by more success. I invite you all to follow the example I have set for you in my years of servicing Uncyclopedians serving Uncyclopedia. I can assure you that a life in service to Uncyclopedia will become a life full of attractive foreign women consenting to your penis without the inducement of money. Be more like me: Get born. Discover Uncyclopedia. Become an admin. Make a USP article about yourself. Success awaits you, especially if you are me. BOB'S BACK ALLEY ABORTIONS YOU MAKE 'EM, WE SCRAPE 'EM, NO FETUS CAN BEAT US! CALL NOW FOR A FREE CONSULTATION! 1-218-936-8869 A New Beginning for the Beginner's Guide By EMC If you take a whiff around, you can smell many parts of Uncyclopedia rotting away, such as neglected projects like UnPoetia or those meme-filled articles featured eons ago. And just look at all of that dust on the HTBFANJS! But of the many things which suck and need major fixing, the Beginner's Guide is no longer one of them. Thanks to the efforts of Shabidoo and this USP article's author, the Beginner's Guide is now navigable and comprehensible. Users are no longer overwhelmed by stubs stuffed between unnecessarily long calculus equations or whatever the hell was going on with that thing before. Readers do not have to flip through using the "Next page" button. Instead, the new guide can be navigated with its template or its overview page, which now only have six relevant links instead of thirty-thousand and five irrelevant links. What preceded this and highlighted the necessity for rewriting the guide was the simplification of our UnNews guide and welcome message. It's a well-established fact that reading bores people. Giving people less stuff to read when they first join Uncyclopedia, experts say, increases the likelihood that new users will not only be less bored, but that they might actually read the Beginner's Guide/welcome message/UnNews guide and become worthwhile contributors/get banned less often. And at the end of the day, that's what it's all about.

Check out these pages! The PLS is here! International Spam IRC Month is almost over :( Fold proteins for great justice Hang out with your wang out From our logs: 07:08, 23 May 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user blocked Sure mean with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Sockpuppetry and all that jizz.) 23:30, 22 May 2012 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 69.113.93.82 with an expiry time of 3 Days (You do bad thing, I ban you now) 14:57, 17 May 2012 Electrified mocha chinchilla blocked 208.93.177.54 with an expiry time of 1 hour (Blanker: You are banned for blanking sections of the White Stripes article. Blanking sections of the White Stripes article got you banned.) 14:55, 13 May 2012 Roman Dog Bird blocked 67.163.130.253 with an expiry time of 2 hours (yo nigga, don't fuck with john candy. and remember, he isn't gay.) Biopic of the Week Tompkins is a retired admin who hasn't edited the site since 2007. This Iowan left Uncyclopedia to pursue a lucrative career in tipping cows (which we think is a euphemism) and designing corn palaces across the Midwest. Uncyclopedia's head office in Pyongyang has received several explicit postcards from him since 2007, all of which express deep regret at having left Uncyclopedia. Through these postcards Tompkins has told us that he hates his life and that leaving Uncyclopedia is the worst thing anyone could ever do, and that he advises anyone considering leaving to reconsider their consideration. In summation, Tompkins is a good example of why you should never leave Uncyclopedia or live in Iowa. Old-school FA 27 June 2009 Failure University (officially abbreviated FU, with sincerest regrets) is a fully self-accredited coeducational Internet-based university. Founded in 2006, it endeavours to provide advanced degrees to the mentally and financially underprivileged — namely those persons who were too dim to be matriculated by a standard college or university, and whose parents were too poor to build a new engineering building or add a wing to the campus library. (More...) Newsroom UnTune of the Week Randomness Rap

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--EMC ^[TALK] 00:10 May 25 2012

Y U NO PIRATE SOFTWARE?

Red Hat Enterprise Linux cannot be pirated, because it is free software. 117.219.5.220 10:41, May 25, 2012 (UTC)

Okay. But the article wasn't a humor article. It was just a guide on how to get Red Hat Enterprise. There weren't any jokes. And this, as you can see, is a humor wiki. I think. -RAHB 10:59, May 25, 2012 (UTC)

Your message

I really appreciated the tips you gave me on my talk page; although now I that think about it, an insane rant isn't really what I have in mind right now. However, I would like you to collaborate with me on an article about Blue Öyster Cult, because I have some half-baked ideas you can probably help me out with it. Please keep me updated on my talk page for the BÖC collaboration thing.

And also, I'm happy that you appreciated my praise of your article, and the fact that I made your day made my day as well.

To tell you the truth, out of all the admins at this site, you're my favorite. Let’s face the facts, Lyrithya is a control freak, Dr. Skullthumper is kind of a douche bag – although you, Skullthumper and TLB did do some pretty good work together. Anyway, yeah you’re my favorite admin. You might even take the cake for best admin ever.

And also regarding Hawkwind, I watched the video you gave me and I also checked out some Hawkwind CD's at the library. Some pretty good stuff.

Cheers! User:Matthlock/sig 22:42, May 26, 2012 (UTC)

115.64.139.229

Is making stupid edits. You seem to have the magical ability to ban irritating beings, please do this for me. heartiez. p.s Is this how ban requests are done around here? Wikipedia has this page to report such users to, do we have an equivalent? --MasterWangs CUNT and proud of it! 11:38, May 27, 2012 (UTC)

Indeed we do have that. Uncyclopedia:Ban Patrol is the place to go. That way all the admins can see what's going on. I got him for you anyway though. Thanks : ) -RAHB 19:58, May 27, 2012 (UTC)

Oh cool, I will remember that hopefully. --MasterWangs CUNT and proud of it! 10:49, May 28, 2012 (UTC)

The BOC

Okay, I started the Blue Öyster Cult article and you can find it here. Put your ideas for the article there. That's all. Thanks a million. User:Matthlock/sig 23:46, May 27, 2012 (UTC)

Your Arch / Qt / razor-qt font issue

I just spoke to somebody in #razor-qt on freenode, who said that you should try setting your font substitutions and such through fontconfig, as opposed to qtconfig. He said that Qt apps default to the generic X configuration, and that may be why your fonts are messed up. Also, he linked me this, although you may have already read that. But, yeah. Anyway. Hope it helps. If not, #razor-qt. Cheers. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, May 30 '12 11:49 (UTC)

Much appreciated. Turns out though that we were going about this the entire wrong way. The problem doesn't appear to have been razor-related, fontconfig-related, qt-related, or anything else. Five minutes ago I went back to the archwiki locales page you linked me to last night, tried running those commands again, and the errors I was having there before were magically fixed for some reason (I think somewhere along the way I wound up reinstalling something that affected my available locales or something). Anyway, then I was able to finish the instructions on the page and allow it to sort for other available locales and such. Turned out to be three little lines added to the /etc/locale.conf, and the important step of actually leaving the LOCALE area blank in rc.conf. It's MAAAAADNESS!!!! But it works now as if there was never anything wrong. P'fah! Thanks for all your help on it, though. And of course for keeping me company while I was going insane. -RAHB 22:24, May 30, 2012 (UTC)

Maybe it was the reboot. I'll take 53/319ths credit for the solution and call it a week. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, May 31 '12 1:24 (UTC)

Nah, I rebooted it like two hundred times yesterday. -RAHB 04:46, May 31, 2012 (UTC)

Fine, be like that. I'll just stand over here to the side and flick my lips with my fingers while saying "booobabooobaboooba". ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, May 31 '12 5:04 (UTC)

Mmmmm, boobas. -RAHB 05:11, May 31, 2012 (UTC)

Nominated for Perv of the Month

Speaks for itself. ~[ths] UotM 01:42, 06/04/2012

Yeah...kay. -RAHB 02:14, June 4, 2012 (UTC)

Kannur university

Would you give this one a few days in mainspace? See my remarks to the Chief. Spıke ¬ 22:28 4-Jun-12

Well, fair enough as per Chief then. -RAHB 00:04, June 5, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks! To be sure, I have no personal attachment to it but want to see if it leads to anything. If it doesn't, huff away. Spıke ¬ 00:18 5-Jun-12

Indeed. -RAHB 00:25, June 5, 2012 (UTC)

Rare Psych 4 U

Hi RAHB, I thought you might like this rare psychedelic track.

--Funnybony    11:09, Jun 5

Excellent! I was unaware of that stage in the Wolf's career, although it does make sense. Very cool idea to mix psych into his style. -RAHB 23:00, June 5, 2012 (UTC)

You know, Cream already mixed psychedelic into his style. They just removed his vocals and had Jack Bruce sing 'em.

This is awesome. I'm always wondering which black American bluesman a particular English band was ripping off, and so now I know the answer to that question. When it comes to Cream's cover of Spoonful, anyway. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Jun 6 '12 11:06 (UTC)

Mates, it is funny about who ripped off who. According to the Wikipedia page on Spoonful, Spoonful is a blues standard written by Willie Dixon and first recorded in 1960 by Howlin' Wolf. It is loosely based on "A Spoonful Blues", a song recorded in 1929 by Charley Patton, itself related to "All I Want Is A Spoonful" by Papa Charlie Jackson (1925) and "Cocaine Blues" by Luke Jordan (1927). But Cream get the credit - hahah! Cheers!--Funnybony    12:54, Jun 6

I'm willing to give a free pass to anyone related to the blues since the whole concept of the genre is basically playing the same three chord progressions with a bunch of similar lyrical phrases and themes and lots of instrumental passages. People in the blues "rip each other off" so often that they rip off their own ripoffs of other ripoffs all within one album. C'est la vie. -RAHB 21:36, June 6, 2012 (UTC)

Finger Cancer

RAHBy dahby....thanks for the vote. Could you give me more details, examples, suggestions as per "some minor formatting tweaked.". Please? --ShabiDOO 22:42, June 5, 2012 (UTC)

Certainly. The main thing is of course the links. I like links. LINKS!!! Another is the baby alligator image. I'm not sure if it was intentional to make it not a thumbnail, but it seems to sort of be out of place what with the thumbnails of all the other images. It also seems to sort of have a headline wrapping around it, although that's less of a problem, knowing that making images actually fit into their sections is kind of a hit or miss process, and not worth adding filler content or putting the image out of context in a different section. Due to the nature of the internet, that of course may also be related to resolution and browser type too, so if that's not actually a problem for other people then it doesn't really bother me either. Other than that the finger puppets in the history section seem to push the next headline down a bit, perhaps the pixels could be slightly reduced on that. That's another subjective one too of course. The main one is the links, and the sub-main one is the baby alligator picture. Other than that the article is rather perfect for the most part. -RAHB 22:51, June 5, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks RAHBipoo. --ShabiDOO 00:21, June 6, 2012 (UTC)

Notes of Interest

Not the real cover for "Agents of Fortune".

Okay, by now, you have probably looked over my chunk of the BÖC collaboration, and you probably have a few questions. So I’ll answer them.

First of all, I made that link to the Grateful Dead because the way I actually found out about Blue Öyster Cult was because my dad has a huge CD collection buried in the garage, and he occasionally mixed his CDs up and put them in the wrong cases. So I found their Agents of Fortune album actually hidden in the case of the Grateful Dead’s Workingman’s Dead album, so I thought that I’d just stick that in there as sort of an inside joke. Never mind, it’s sort of a long and tedious story, really, so I’m not going to get into that right now.

Secondly, I said that Blue Öyster Cult had a career that only spanned ten years. In reality that’s wrong – and actually the BÖC is one of the longest lasting bands in history and are still touring to this day – but I decided to say that since they have had no commercial success ever since the release of their 1981 album Fire of Unknown Origin, so I thought that it would be more interesting to say that they just quit, even though that’s not really the case. (And I’m not sure how to, but somehow I’m going to go full circle with that lie with this article.)

Now, regarding the lie that the BÖC gave up after the ’81, I’d like to devote a section to their “legacy”, which includes several different references to the band in pop culture – some well known, others slightly obscure – and also include a bit of surreal humor by saying that “(Don’t Fear) the Reaper” made its way into a fictitious video game called Cowbell Hero. The Cowbell Hero game is really just the product of my imagination, so don’t bother looking for it in any stores.

That’s all. Sorry for sweating the details, but I just wanted to make some things clear. Cheers!

(P.S. I’m in the middle of school finals right now, so don’t be surprised if I don’t come back right away.)

(P.P.S. I'd like to take care of the section on Agents of Fortune and Spectres as well.) User:Matthlock/sig 23:35, June 5, 2012 (UTC)

That all seems very good to me. Certainly understood most of that stuff anyway, as I've followed their career semi-closely. Even made it to a concert the did a few years back with Deep Purple, and they certainly don't sound like they gave up in 1981, but the joke is well understood. I like the idea of having the CD in the wrong case as well, although maybe the joke would be a little more evident if the CD in the Workingman's Dead case were, say, Secret Treaties, seeing as their covers have some remarkable similarities actually. But yes, all of that does sound fine. And coincidentally while you're working on finals, I'm going to be moving very soon, and may not have internet for a few weeks after while things get set up. And some other things are going on. But I'll try to get to it and add some things before then and then we can more properly reconvene on the project after both of our affairs are back in order. -RAHB 00:24, June 6, 2012 (UTC)

Hello

Hi, i'll try not to be rude when saying this, but i worked on the page "people with little or no talent" after the ICU was posted and if the ICU expires and my post complies, well obviously you delete THE ICU, so I request that you *please* unhuff the post, THANKS Batmanattack33 (talk) 05:32, June 7, 2012 (UTC)

And you were very polite about it which I appreciate. However, the article still does not comply with several quality standards, and so I won't be restoring it to the mainspace. But I have restored it, to your userspace, where you can work on it further without a time limit until the time that it does comply and then at that time move it back to the mainspace. -RAHB 05:41, June 7, 2012 (UTC)

Thank you for your courtesy, however, I still don't understand what I am missing, perhaps a list could be provided on my talk, or something. (71.227.249.80 14:47, June 7, 2012 (UTC))

Certainly. -RAHB 16:24, June 7, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks Mr. Zappa

Many thanks for the help! I shall follow format rules and do the pics as directed. I will also stop writing "vagina" and other naughty words in random places. Thanks again! – Preceding unsigned comment added by Ticklethekeys (talk • contribs)

Bring out your dead! It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!

June 14th, 2012 • Issue 167 •It's a periodical. Deal with it.

Censorship and The UnSignpost By Chief More of this. It was with some trepidation that the editorial team seized their pens this week, and not just because we don't actually hand-write the USP. The main reason is that the UnSignpost service has been about as frequent as hot Panda sex, which, brings us neatly to our big promise. We can't guarantee news or a that we won't disappear without warning again but we can guarantee talk of Panda sex, as frequently as possible. The big news on Uncyclopedia is the scandalous news that Wikia have added a warning that pops up when you first visit Uncyclopedia, warning readers that Uncyclopedia is objectionable, inappropriate and violent. The obvious question you would expect to be on everybody's lips is "What took you so long?" we've been all those things for years now, it's like they haven't been paying attention. However, the main feeling on the forums are outrage and angry expressions of... well, anger. Bizzeebeever is possibly more outraged than anybody else, something he is demonstrating by being frustratingly American in every contribution to the forum, littering his discourse with "Y'all"'s and "darntootin"'s. Bizzeebeever had this to say about the forum: "Somebody here has serious scratch" which we can only assume means Wikia's ownership of Uncyclopedia is akin to an unpleasant venereal disease. If that's not what it means then that's exactly what it should mean. The UnSignpost is right behind Bizzeebeever in demanding freedom from the itchy sexual diseasy era of Wikia ownership: OUR PENISES DEMAND LIBERTY! The Solution Wikia are denying our todgers their rights. The proposed reactions to being censored in this hideous manner include: filling Wikia's central wiki with porn and other violent content (to demonstrate just how family friendly we are), occupying another wiki, turning the warning pink, voting, voting on the voting, ignoring the warning and looking up Anal licking anilingus on Wikipedia. Spike has also proposed a major letter-writing campaign, as long as all the letters are different and include a lot of long words. It would seem that despite a forum topic and a lot of long blocks of text decrying the notice that it will remain with us for the foreseeable future. The UnSignpost urges readers not to dismay, and not to attempt to suffocate themselves by climbing into large bags of mashed potato. Seriously, it doesn't work and you look really stupid. Happy ANAL LICKING ANILINGUS Thursday! News round-up By Chief Woof Nobody was more disappointed than the UnSignpost staff when they discovered that things had in fact carried on happening while the UnSignpost was on hiatus. The biggest upcoming event is in fact the Poo Lit Surprise! The competition has in fact started, sparing you all the tiresome UnSignpost articles imploring you to participate, unfortunately for you we have not missed the competition itself so prepare for another tiresome UnSignpost article imploring you to participate. The competition is being run by Zombiebaron this year, Zombiebaron has in fact run it for the last two years but has always bullied some other sucker into running it for him and doing all the adding up. Zombiebaron is offering a cash prize of actual cash money which you can actually spend because it is cash money. Zombiebaron is offering templates and shiny imaginary money as prizes which you can't spend except in dreams. Xamralco is opposed to the cash prize because "Material possessions and wealth are so analogue... man" and because he probably won't win it. The UnSignpost would like to point out that any money you receive may have been touched by EMC and Black flamingo and their userpages give you enough of an idea of the sort of things they enjoy touching. Noob of the Moment is running splendidly with users voting and around everybody winning the award at a non-specified moment in time. Last month the winners were XDshempXD, Alpha Quintesson and Mockingbird ST who soared to victory having amassed some votes each. Well done all of you, you're all winners, that said there is a special prize for the real winner, which will be presented to the first one of you to present another admin with Socky's skull on a silver plate. He lives in Belgium, he's the one that isn't a Cow, bring us his head. Pee review has fallen silent which can only mean one thing and it isn't that we have reviewed every single article on Uncyclopedia. This is doubtless because of a lack of work from the fallen ones. Peeing is not only helpful to the wiki but can also win you a diamond studded toilet!! It's a toilet with diamonds! The admiration, respect and gratitude will also be tremendous, and if you pee regularly your bladder won't explode. A Diamond Toilet! So, to recap, that's the respect and admiration of your peers, a healthy non-exploded bladder and a diamond studded toilet! You'd be crazy not to go and review something right now! Finally patrolling edits is a very useful function, much like the ability to pee (diamond studded toilet! Diamond studded toilet!) , and it saves you time, effort and time. However Frosty has noticed that nobody seems to be doing it. Bizzeebeever is in fact winning at patrolled edits and at creating bar graphs to demonstrate points that you don't really need a bar graph to demonstrate. The point is however that if you patrol recent changes you should be patrolling edits. Bizzeebeever even made a javascript to let you patrol thousands of edits per second. Alternatively you could not bother to patrol edits, this would annoy Frosty an awful lot, but it would also let Bizzeebeever win at something, so you should probably do it.

Check out these pages! Wikia are doing this They aren't doing this Poo! Again! Pee my undead minions! And Again!! From our logs (Bumper UnSignpost Absence edition): 05:21, June 9, 2012 Olipro (talk | contribs) blocked Suicidal Depression (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (/wrists) 11:07, June 5, 2012 Black flamingo11 (talk | contribs) blocked 27.159.197.202 (talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Stop telling people about Chanel Handbags, they're all for me I tell you) 07:35, June 2, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 92.234.67.126 (talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (DAYUM BRO, YO SHIT IS SO CASH!) 05:06, June 3, 2012 Lyrithya (talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 7 seconds ‎ (Continuing to do things the right way) 23:43, June 5, 2012 Abuse filter (talk | contribs) blocked 95.239.30.1 (talk) with an expiry time of indefinite ‎ (Automatically blocked by abuse filter. Description of matched rule: You bother me.) 12:42, May 29, 2012 Mhaille (talk | contribs) blocked 142.227.28.133 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Latent Hetrosexual) 21:52, May 30, 2012 Electrified mocha chinchilla (talk | contribs) blocked 66.90.101.217 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (PWNT LIKE THE FAGGOT NOOB FUCKER THAT YOU ARE!! PWNT PWNT PWNT!!!) 18:19, May 30, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (talk | contribs) blocked I'mawesomeninja (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Two of your recent edits were shown not to be awesome.) 01:02, May 24, 2012 Roman Dog Bird (talk | contribs) blocked Shoop Da Whoopi Goldberg (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (best name yet. no, really. i mean that.) Biopic of the Week It's time for biopic of the week! This week the lucky user is Alpha Quintesson. For those of you who have never met Alpha, as I will affectionately call him, he is the nicest fellow you are ever likely to meet. Treading recent changes, wielding a plunger of power armed only with a Noob of the Month award and Uncyclopedian of the Month. A true knight of the Potato shaped table who has reverted more vandalism than most of the admins in recent months. Granted most of the admins are too powerful and lazy to do anything but swat irritably at passing vandals, but without the valuable work of my good chum Alpha the admins would have to actually do some work. I like him so much I might even shorten his nickname again, he can just be Alf, a good strong British name. The highest honour that it is possible for me to bestow, amongst others. Keep up the good work Alf and who knows, one of these days we might promote you to deputy-vice sub-assistant drudge! The possibilities are literally endless! Old-School FA Please note that this article is in no way, shape or form endorsed by or affiliated with Wikia Inc. Corp. Ltd. Wikia is awesome. It is quite simply the best wiki farm available, a breath of fresh air in a sea of stale wikihosts and morally corrupt corporate-run shared hosting deals. Wikia would never think about alienating you or your morals. Why should it? After all, it is hosted by robots that will crush your beliefs and intentions with its delightful selection of stock responses (See Forking of content), and since when did robots have any respect for human morals? But it is still cool. Wikia: not in any way morally questionable Newsroom UnTune of the week UnTunes:Still Alive (Bin Laden 2011 Cover) The Last Word The last word this week is from permanently absent UnNews dictator Zim ulator: 'Zulch! Not so fast! Last pieces of information! Cat the Colourful is a male. Now shuddup <insert name here>.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeGameCube 10:04, June 14, 2012 (UTC)

Assume the position! it's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

June 21st, 2012 • Issue 168 •Dost thou go cross-gartered yonder UnSignpost?

Blue Sky Thinking By Chief The only image Dr.Skullthumper did not delete. We here at the UnSignpost were just saying the other day, as we packed fudge at the mid-week meeting, how much we miss Dr. Skullthumper. Not because we like him or anything, nobody misses him for that. We miss him because he provided an unending stream of fantastic ideas! True, most of these ideas were along the lines of "Let's pack all the images on the wiki into a category which I have called 'Maintaining Your Brilliant Ideas Now' or MYBIN for short and let's delete all but the ones of Elephants holding tissues!!" but he was certainly trying and it made for sensational news. Alas, now Dr. Skullthumper has taken another leave of absence leaving nobody to save Uncyclopedia from certain doom. Or so we thought... It would seem that Shabidoo has his eyes firmly set upon the title of Humour-Wiki innovator having this week posted no fewer than three forum topics demanding, suggesting and complaining about the wiki and proposing that we all do something about it. His posts do lack Dr. Skullthumper's trademark doom and gloom and are instead infuriatingly chirpy and irritating. Pictured: A retro image from a retro article about a very retro game When asked to comment Shabidoo had this to say to Uncyclopedia: "I should now take this moment to inform you that you are all a bunch of snotty nosed dick faces, sinking into an abyss of cock-wad penis-smoking but-snot!!!". We know what you're all thinking; he's far too polite to be anything like Dr. Skullthumper. Shabidoo wants three things, he wants to be able to share pages on Facebook, he wants us all to go retro for a week and he wants his smart phone to load Uncyclopedia, probably so he can create more forum topics about banality. Shabidoo's best idea is retro week, we imagine this will comprise editing whilst wearing ridiculous hair, a ridiculous shirt, leather trousers and carrying a boom box. For those of you who aren't interested in that sort of thing, what Shabidoo actually proposes is that we re-feature seven articles from before 2010. Steady on there Shabidoo perhaps next time we could run Prehistoric week where we re-feature articles as from as far back as 2009! Most of you will remember 2010 better referred to by the man in the street as "The year before last". It's very retro, assuming you have no idea what retro actually means. The Facebook suggestion will likely meet with failure because it requires someone who can code, and we only have a couple of people who can do that and they're all insane, Olipro, American or a combination of the three. Elsewhere on the wiki this week Nikau missed the censorship outrage boat and was outraged by the censorship. Qzekrom created a forum topic and told nobody to reply to it, that was a bit weird,. The PLS is still running and Saberwolf116 returned to the wiki and was promptly ordered back to Pee Review and the voting pages for being foolish enough to announce his return. Nobody writes UnTunes any more, we could have a week of singing and dancing, we'd call it "UnTunes Week" because we're original like that. Happy Thursday. A Victory for Democracy By Chief Lyrithya's proposal for the content warning You all probably remember last week, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. You might also remember that the UnSignpost ran a story on the OUTRAGEOUS censorship of Uncyclopedia. The big development to that story this week is that Simsilikesims has managed to get the content warning removed! Oh, wait that's not right, what has actually happened is that the warning has been changed so that it is more welcoming, not that there are many more welcoming ways you can say "WARNING: This wiki has over 600 breast images and racism!" This may or may not be Simsilikesims writing the new content warning The new warning is delightful and nobody can say a bad word about it, except me. I hate it. It's too compromising, I'm all in favour of encouraging new users to come to our site, but the current content message makes them all think that Uncyclopedia is the place for them! Do you know that just this week I was patrolling recent changes hunting for Grouse vandalism with my dog, Barnaby Montague Clifford III, when I saw new users. This is the work of Simsilikesims he/she/it has sewn the seeds of our destruction! I would also like to complain in the strongest possible terms about the Cat on the notice and Simsilikesims signature. The signature that most people see first is normally Zombiebaron's on the block page, or mine in the canned welcome message I have sprayed onto their talk page. Don't you people see? If we put Simsilikesims' signature on the content warning people will start asking her/him/it things. A truly deplorable state of affairs. Also, Aimsplode really likes the new content warning, as if you needed another reason to hate it. You! By Chief You is exactly who could write articles for the UnSignpost! In order to keep the periodical working on a regular basis. We also needed this space to even up the columns because of RAHB's massive complaint. Enjoy reading that. We certainly did. That's enough space filled.

Check out these pages! Yeah, still Yes, STILL!! 634 boob images Please God somebody sing something From our logs: 19:52, June 19, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked Under user (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 20 seconds ‎ (The UnSignpost Gods demand the banning of a blessed Virgin every Tuesday. Since there's none of those around right now I'll have to make do with Under user.) 21:13, June 19, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (talk | contribs) blocked Under user (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes ‎ (wait wait wait i wanna block him too!) 09:01, June 14, 2012 RAHB (talk | contribs) blocked Wllmlos (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Take some time to think about how unfunny you are. Then, try again.) 07:02, June 15, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked 90.215.54.206 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Intimidating behaviour/harassment: This isn't Facebook.) 01:09, June 20, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked JoeSimmons (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (BIG TITTIES) 00:59, June 18, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (I saw your name and couldn't resist.) Biopic of the Week It's time for biopic of the week! This week the user we are "featuring" is none other that "Featured User". Now let me entertain you with a small amount of information shamelessly taken from his user page and ruthlessly put into my own words. Featured User was created in September 2011. There you go, wasn't that interesting? Featured User has created a number of splendid articles since then and remains something of an enigma, hardly speaking, hardly appearing but writing contest winning articles and winning awards when he does. He's like me in a dream I once had, where nobody hated me. FU, as you can call him should he annoy you, hasn't been seen since March which leads the UnSignpost to have a deep deep affinity with him. Let us all hope for his swift return perhaps, when he does, he can save us from ourselves. Old School FA Water Polo... With Sharks! is the hardest game to play, bar none. The sport is exactly the same as regular water polo, but with sharks. The Sharks are not aligned on either of the two competing teams, nor are they their own team, they are just thrown into the pool to add some spice, zest, and lethal danger into what would otherwise be a bland and inconsequential game of water polo. Although extremely difficult, and with a low survival rate, it's a great way to get yourself a scholarship to college. It is also notable for having the least-qualified and worst referees of any sport ever. Newsroom UnTune of the week GloriAAA! Complaints Corner I'd like to complain about the state of affairs in this hotel's tea room. The smell is unbearable in here. There's too much light let in from outside, and at night the place is too fecking dark to see whether or not I'm drinking green or black tea. This is very important as I have a theaflavin-3-gallate deficiency that flares up only at 9 o'clock in the morning. You'd this would be okay because that early in the morning I'd be able to see the tea, but the problem lies in the fact that if I have any more tea than fills the deficiency within a 24-hour period, I experience very inconvenient seizures and the temporary loss of ability to control my sexual urges, effectively leaving me twitching around on the ground while repeatedly thrusting my groin into the air, making grunting noises. But I digress. There's a dumpster next to the tea table and it attracts a great deal of local bird-life. All the unpleasant kinds, seagulls, pelicans, crows, what have you. Couldn't attract a nice spotted purple martin, noooooooo. It has to be the disgusting birds attracted to trash. Idiotic. At any rate, in retrospect it doesn't look like this is the tea room at all. I seem to have fallen down the trash chute by accident this morning. Cheerio! -RAHB 00:09, February 11, 2012 (UTC) We're glad you enjoyed your stay at the Bates Motel. We hope you choose to stay with us during next year's uncyclopedia Q&A convention. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   01:57, February 13, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeGameCube 00:43, June 21, 2012 (UTC)

That article you just deleted

Mind putting it back. I was about to work on it.---   TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 18:25, June 22, 2012 (UTC)

I assume you mean HowTo:Keep Yourself Awake at Night. I just deleted about five articles. -RAHB 18:39, June 22, 2012 (UTC)

Exactly. Thanks.---   TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 19:01, June 22, 2012 (UTC)

Hi! You deleted a double redirect from my namespace, wich was good, I had completely forgotten about it. Just wanted to inform you that I'll recreate it but with other content than before, since I'm to lazy to write "user:x/blabla" in the search funcion. Änjelajs (talk) 15:18, June 27, 2012 (UTC)

(P.S. And yes, I'm aware about the irony that this meant more work then to just search for "user:x/blabla" and create it.)

No worries : ) -RAHB 00:40, June 28, 2012 (UTC)

What gives?

You deleted my page? :0 *How could you (Sarcastic)* can i just go ahead and put it back? I was trying to refine it. Rainzx (talk) 23:50, June 28, 2012 (UTC) for got to sign that one

You can, but keep the construction tag on it until it's completely refined this time. Which means to put in some actual time and work and effort and originality and not to make it just a bunch of rape jokes with poor formatting. Can you do that? -RAHB 23:51, June 28, 2012 (UTC)

Oh ok but I didn't know that the construct tag did exactly I wasn't expecting for it to say that it would be checked in seven days Rainzx (talk) 23:55, June 28, 2012 (UTC)

No worries. The construction tag gives you a week to work on it if it isn't finished. Alternately, you could just create it in your userspace (ie User:Rainzx/Sleeping With Sirens), which gives you an unlimited time to work on it, and then you can move it to the mainspace when it's done. -RAHB 00:02, June 29, 2012 (UTC)

You're the winner!

So... uh... yeah. You won PERVY! Which means you'll get a sexy template for your userpage and the ability to add "The Pervy" to your sig. Cheers! ~[ths] UotM 01:36, 07/01/2012

Excellent. One step closer to world domination. -RAHB 02:57, July 1, 2012 (UTC)

Folk Guitarist's Lament

I listened to your song, "Folk Guitarist's Lament," it was actually a great song. It is without doubt one of the funniest songs I've ever heard, not to mention also one of the catchiest I've ever heard. You're not a bad musician. In fact, I'm even thinking about putting "Folk Guitarist's Lament" onto my iPod and placing it into my cool songs playlist.

Also, I really enjoyed your hippie song as well, but that's beside the point. Also, I've been listening to some of your UnNews audios and I'll tell you what, you actually have a really nice voice; there's an inexplicable air of pleasantness behind your voice; I'm serious about that.

I'll tell you what, if I ever write an article that I think needs to be narrated, I'll call on you. Say, is there an award for narrator of the month on this site? Because if there, it would go to you, and I mean it.

Also, I would like to say that Frank Zappa was one hell of a producer.

Anyway, have a really awesome day; and good night..... for a potluck. User:Matthlock/sig 19:43, July 3, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah...very funny. Seems like most people here are very multi-talented. --ShabiDOO 19:48, July 3, 2012 (UTC)

Many thanks. To be perfectly honest I really don't think the Folk Guitarist's Lament is particularly good, it's probably even my least favorite Uncyc contribution I've made, but I'm glad somebody liked it :)

There is an article narrator of the month award, and an unnews audio award, both of which I've won twice and aren't really given out much anymore. But I haven't done an audio file for Uncyc in ages, mainly because my recording setup is only slightly better than having no setup at all. If I can ever manage to get a job and get some money and afford a new computer and some decent enough gear I plan to go back at it and do some better new recordings. With less noise, voice cracks, poor splicing, etc. But again, thank you for your kind comments on what I've done. I do agree with one thing. I do have a very pleasant voice :P

And Frank Zappa was one hell of a lot of things :D -RAHB 02:52, July 4, 2012 (UTC)

Stop, drop and roll! It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

July 5th, 2012 • Issue 169 • You'd be crazy not to listen!

Reform and change By Chief Pictured: VFS It was the winds of change that wafted through the UnSignpost office this week, at least that's what we assume the smell is. This week's topic of change is the ever popular Vote for Sysops/Sandwiches. What's wrong with it? It's not good enough that's what. VFS has always been something of an old standby for the UnSignpost, it has drama, it has thrills, it has the invariable abuse of power and crushing of dissenting opinions. It has everything that made Uncyclopedia what it is today. With so many positives- did we mention the abuse of power? The drama? With so many positives it is hard to believe that anyone would ever wish to be rid of VFS, but it seems there is always one bold revolutionary desperate to spoil everybody else's fun. This week's bold revolutionary role is played jointly by Saberwolf116 and Lyrithya. Shocking really, after all Lyrithya always seemed so happy with how everything on Uncyclopedia was run and hasn't tried to change a thing since she got here. She favours scrapping VFS altogether and introducing a system similar to that used on Wikipedia. This correspondent would like to share the advice of his estranged father with Lyrithya: "If you like Wikipedia so much why don't you go and live there?". Lyrithya should go and live on wikipedia where her precious '"equality" and "accountability" can exist, she can leave us to fester in our misery, we've been enjoying that for several years. Saberwolf116 meanwhile is a splendid well-meaning fellow who has no idea that it is in fact quicksand full of shards of broken glass that he has unwittingly stepped into. Saberwolf proposes a system similar to a discussion board where everyone discusses and agrees who is the best candidate for the job, they are then appointed and begin doing a splendid job, perhaps while we are all living in Saberwolf's fantasy world we could all visit the Marshmallow planet and grow enormous beards. Saberwolf had this to say about his plans to abolish the voting: "Let's vote", so he is off to a good start. Lyrithya meanwhile proposes that we let people nominate themselves at any time and if they're good enough we make them an administrator, it's a good idea and it works on wikipedia, but so would Aztec human sacrifice if the arbitration committee suggested it. Satan deciding that admin votes should count double in the first round of VFS. Sycamore also appears to be formulating a system based on letting the administrators decide everything until the final stage which the UnSignpost is sure will go down a storm amongst a group who feel that letting administrators' votes count double in the first stage of the current VFS is a breathtaking abuse of position and power, which can only have been instituted on the instruction of Satan and his demonic minions. The discussion continues on the forum, though based on the current state of affairs you are unlikely to be made an administrator unless your mum is "ghey", which means RAHB is safer than anybody. On a lighter note Qzekrom suggests an article feedback tool be added to the bottom of articles so people can rate the article, some may remember we scrapped a scoring system for articles because "Nobody ever uses the thing". Anybody wishing to let an author know about the ghey-ness of their mum or how terrible their article is are encouraged to make use of the talk page, or have a go at using Pee Review, that's why most people use it. PLSURPRISE! By Chief Yes, the Poo Lit Surprise competition has concluded. There was a tremendous amount of ceremony as Zombiebaron closed the competition having completed all his adding up. It was something of a news item in of itself that there were no ties and a clear winner was found in every single category. The grand champion was Modusoperandi who wrote a splendid article about the Slender Loris. You should read it, you should vote for it. You should vote for everything and anything. The competition runner-up was Thekillerfroggy who successfully came second more than everybody else. He must be very proud. He wrote HowTo:Meet women, which is quite ironic when you think about it, he also wrote Freezer, which isn't ironic, even if you think about it. You should nominate these articles and then vote on them. Shabidoo's retro week idea that we thoroughly ridiculed the other week sits sickeningly on the Village Dump flaunting its garish imagery and mocking the forum's otherwise sombre tone. This forum still exists despite the issue it was created to challenge having been resolved, though it does seem to be nearing the record for the most votes on a single forum topic. Finally, the top 3 of the month has moved to the forum because it is easier to vote on it by phone. If we are altering things to make them easier to edit from a phone we should probably move the entire wiki into a forum. Happy Thursday!

Check out these pages! You don't! It does! Vote! Boat! From our logs: 05:22, July 4, 2012 Modusoperandi (talk | contribs) blocked 68.63.193.235 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (he eat fat dicks too hahhhhaaahha niches this shit is fake and the booze who wrote can a fat ass dick like their mother hahah) 11:13, June 30, 2012 Black flamingo11 (talk | contribs) blocked 90.208.52.194 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Please don't revert people unless you are sure you are better than them.) 17:45, June 29, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 24.113.223.122 (talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Blanking is 4kids. HAHAHA YOU SEE WHAT I DID?? I MADE A FUNNY!) 05:36, July 3, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 minute ‎ (VANBALISANG DA MANE PAGE) 17:53, June 27, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked Dragonsheep (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Muck spreading is what farmers do. Are you a farmer?) 19:16, June 25, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked ROMARTUS IS A DIRTY TURD (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (GIANT BALLS) Biopic of the Week Hello! This week the biopic of the week is devoted to a set of stairs and a Jewish man. Yes, it's Staircase, a user who hasn't been seen since April 2010! A small number of you might remember Staircase for his articles and his touching up of your inner thighs. He won awards and I miss him. He never really knew me, he probably didn't know you but the wiki is a worse place place for the lack of him. I also miss Mordillo, I miss his Jewishness and his not-permitting-that-sort-of-thingness. He was a splendid fellow and he wrote good articles, plus he agreed with me, nobody does that any more. A moment please for two of our gayest and best. May they bring their own brand of humour and sexual perversion to whichever caring institution has the honour of housing them in their retirement. Old-school FA Henchmen are the missing link between the super evil and the rest of us. No task is too menial or monotonous for them. They don't talk much but they think fast. Henchmen are the vital cogs in the massive gearwork that is the wristwatch of the villain. Without them, his wristwatch would only be right twice a day. And villains need to be able tell time accurately all day. They are the villain's last and greatest line of defense - well, after the laser cannon that they built on the moon, the nuclear warhead and the escape pod, of course. The life of a henchman is sweet indeed- danger, beautiful women, a really good dental plan... who wouldn't want to be a henchman? Newsroom UnTune of the week 7 Shits Woof The UnSignpost Dog reminds all readers of the importance of symmetry. That is all.

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--ChiefjusticeGameCube 08:17, July 5, 2012 (UTC)

Fuck your garden is now on VFH

You can vote for your article if you want to. I did the nom! :) User:Matthlock/sig2 20:04, July 5, 2012 (UTC)

Also, on an unrelated note, what's the name of the song that's playing in the background of your Break-up letter audio? User:Matthlock/sig2 20:15, July 5, 2012 (UTC)

I believe that's Creedence Clearwater Revival's Someday Never Comes.

Well, I'm here to tell you now

each and ev'ry mother's son

You better learn it fast

You better learn it young

'cause someday never comes ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Jul 6 '12 1:14 (UTC)

Ah man! I LOVE CREEDENCE! They are so much better than the Eagles. User:Matthlock/sig2 20:23, July 6, 2012 (UTC)

'I hate the fuckin' Eagles, man!'

User:Matthlock/sig2 20:24, July 6, 2012 (UTC)

Matt, you are a man after my own Lebowski-loving, Creedence-listening, long hair-having heart :) -RAHB 21:15, July 6, 2012 (UTC)

Hey thanks man! Oh yeah, I made a new forum if you are interested in any way. User:Matthlock/sig2 21:53, July 6, 2012 (UTC)

Author request

User:Qzekrom/sigshop - author request

Please delete per author request. --QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 21:26, July 11, 2012 (UTC)