Portal:Science

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The Science Portal
Science: the study of goop

Science, in the narrow sense of the term, refers to any system of knowledge attained by verifiable means. In a very broad sense of the term, science refers to a system of acquiring unclear ideas based on magical thinking, speculation, peer pressure, and convenience, which are all neatly packaged under the label of "research."

Scientists adhere almost religiously to the scientific method, a process they deem suitable for properly developing and evaluating ludicrous explanations for unobservable phenomena based on hare-brained study and questionable verification. Although science claims to bypass supernatural explanation, science is ultimately based on human observation and consciousness, something fundamentally unknown and unknowable.

Fields of science are commonly classified along three major lines: Supernatural sciences, which study the twilight zone, Anti-Social Sciences, which study subhuman behavior and societies, and the Humanities, which study the effects of alcohol on Post-Grads. Mathematics is not a science, but rather a kind of literature based on symbols rather than words. Engineering is not a science, or even an applied science, but rather a simple rulebook of formulas created by mathematicians to the less developed so they can do the hard work of making bridges and pylons. (See more...)

Featured Article
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Everybody loves the universe. If you can look past the black holes, the rogue asteroids, the gym teachers, and that paper boy who keeps throwing your magazines into the bushes, it's a simple place most of us can call a happy home. It's a good thing. However, even the obviously non-sentient universe has a sense of irony. You see, the universe is going to end. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not 10120 years from now, but it will happen. One of the ways science predicts our inevitable demise is by pissing off God. But that's another story. Instead, another way that science predicts the universe will cease to function is through the "heat death of the universe" theory.

The universe, like all things, has to end. In about 10120 years, even black holes will start disappearing. The universe itself will reach a state where entropy overtakes energy. Here, allow me to demonstrate using this pen. You see how when I write, it loses ink? That's like the universe. Here, allow me to demonstrate further using this grenade. You see when I pulled the pin and threw it out the window it exploded? That's like the universe. Here, allow me to demonstrate still further using this sandwich. See how when I eat it, it goes away? That's not really relevant though. I was just hungry.

Written by Cajek
Featured Biography
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Albert "Frizzy" Einstein (14 March 1879 – 18 April 1955) was a German theoretical physicist noted for his theories of relativity and for being almost as smart as me. When people would thank him and ask him about his theories he never knew what they were talking about, usually answering "You mean those poems?"

Einstein entered the air of Earth's gravitational well in 1879. His father and uncle ran the family business: designing and repairing electrical apparatus running on direct current. As direct current was eventually replaced by Nick Tesla's alternating current, this demonstrated the family's innate foresight into scientific trends. As a boy Albert could be found prowling around, jigging doorknobs, and looking at someone else's stuff. He had a tendency to oversimplify things, and couldn't understand the rules of any game.

Featured Lab Equipment
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The Frankly Disappointing Telescope can be found in the South East region of the United Kingdom. Its creator, Trevor McClaverty (a.k.a. Flaky Trevor), was inspired by both the Overwhemingly Large Telescope and the Very Large Telescope. Unfortunately, McClaverty did not have the tools, scientific know-how, or monetary capability to create such an impressive instrument. Hence the Frankly Disappointing Telescope.

As the photo shows, the telescope was constructed using a single empty toilet roll tube. Any household has the raw material necessary for in-home production of the telescope, but Trevor had the innovative idea before others could jump on the boat and sail it away. He also has played with the idea of sticking multiple tubes together, however he found that this technology did not increase the power of the telescope. In fact, the more tubes that were used, the more difficult it became to see out the other end, and, due to substandard sticky-tape, the telescope had a tendency to droop as its size increased.

Did You Know?
  • ... that researchers at Yale School of Applied Medicine developed a blood test which detects early onset Autism with 99 percent accuracy?
  • ... that the fossil of a strange prehistoric great ape species, named Homo Sapiens, was discovered in Kenya and everywhere else.
  • ... that 70% of all berries contain napalm?
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