Portal:Technology

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The Technology Portal
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Technology is a natural byproduct of human greed and laziness. It all started when Man first realized he could do something faster with a tool, rather than his own bare hands, and he could then use the free time he would accrue to jerk off and eat berries. It is a sad irony that, for however much he could multiply the fruits of his labor, his wants would increase in tandem, and however complex our tools could become, they can never fill the boundless need to devour, to consume, which rules unchecked inside the human soul.

With wisdom, our civilization has abandoned the Sisyphean task of fulfilling every want, and has instead devoted the entirety of mankind's intellectual power to making numbers on a screen go bigger, and to create bigger and more exciting looking explosions. We have even begun building the foundations of a non-human super-intelligence, which will literally kill everybody on Earth the second it is turned on, in the hopes we can make some very rich people even richer in the interim.

Featured Article
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Open source (OS) is a school of discipline that focuses on developing programs without taking into consideration the perspective of an "average" user or clinging to the unnecessary burdens of proper implementation procedures.

Open source programming, in a figurative sense, is a new and interesting way of reinventing the wheel, but all the while making sure that the new "wheel" will not be in any way compatible with existing roadworks or, at the very least, spin.

In other words, OS is the channel through which aspiring programmers convey their visions about life in general.

Featured Image
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Advanced sensors and warning signs have significantly increased the driver survival rate for a wild Grue encounter from 0.02% to 9%
Did You Know...
  • ... that there's a secret "monkey island" mode hidden in some versions of Windows 3.1 as an Easter egg?
  • ... that the first computer mouse was made of wood and invented in 1964 by Douglas Engelbart?
  • ... that Monty Python was responsible for naming junk e-mail Spam?
  • ... that Amazon originally only sold books and operated out of Jeff Bezos' garage?
  • ... that a programmer once caught a bug by literally finding a moth stuck in a relay of an early computer?
Notable Nerds
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Elon "Not A Hitler Enthusiast" Musk (born June 28, 1971) is a hair transplant model, Twitter monger, microchip in-braininator, self-declared autist, right hand of the current POTUS, professional baby namer, deadbeat dad, world's most divorced man, and business magnate, which means he hires other people to invent stuff and then gets all the money and fame. Unlike Steve Jobs, who gets undue credit by technology wonks for revolutionizing the smart phone industry, Musk is given undue credit for paving the way to mankind's salvation through his signature line of government-funded penii-shaped rockets and electric cars. This has naturally gone to his head. Nerds have compared him to Iron Man, which is apt, since their technical and engineering genius are both fictions used by billion-dollar corporate doody dump machines to generate loads of money.

Self-declared protector of """free speech""" and capitalism, Musk has founded a string of novelty technology companies, like flying dildo launcher SpaceX or Tesla, which sells cars that will drive themselves into oncoming traffic. On February 6, 2018, he launched his personal Tesla Roadster into space–it can be seen with a telescope, running over the desiccated corpse of Carl Sagan.

Technology Spotlight
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A rake is a tool that is used to collect leaves, gather rocks, sweep up pebbles, and dry my tears. While seemingly simple in nature, it has been the work of many generations. At first, the rake started out appearing much like a stick and was used by European peasents or Japanese time travelers, depending on what story you believe. Then, Alexander von Rake came into picture and had the idea of putting something onto the rake to enhance it's abilities. Looking back, it seems obvious to us in the future, or futurians for short, that to attach metal to the end, but this idea did not come as quickly to yo mama, I mean yo forefather. At first, Alexander tried using the hands of children on the end of rakes, but this was a colossal failure. Since failure is not tolerated in Germany, he was sent to jail. His apprentice took up someone else's work and made the rake as we know it today. Still, one question remains about rakes. What will rakes be like in the future?

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