Portal:Technology
Technology is a natural byproduct of human greed and laziness. It all started when Man first realized he could do something faster with a tool, rather than his own bare hands, and he could then use the free time he would accrue to jerk off and eat berries. It is a sad irony that, for however much he could multiply the fruits of his labor, his wants would increase in tandem, and however complex our tools could become, they can never fill the boundless need to devour, to consume, which rules unchecked inside the human soul.
With wisdom, our civilization has abandoned the Sisyphean task of fulfilling every want, and has instead devoted the entirety of mankind's intellectual power to making numbers on a screen go bigger, and to create bigger and more exciting looking explosions. We have even begun building the foundations of a non-human super-intelligence, which will literally kill everybody on Earth the second it is turned on, in the hopes we can make some very rich people even richer in the interim.
The Wikipedia BBS (Bulletin board system) was the ancient for-runner of the modern Wikipedia Wiki. Founded in 1889 by Nikola Wikipedia and Alexander Graham BBS, the network blossomed in the early days of network wiring. In its humble beginnings, it strove to be on the forefront of Information. Early articles included Horseless Carriages, German World Aspirations and Tin flying machines of the sky. Such was the interest in the nineteenth century. Still in its infancy, telephones and telegraphs were utilized to send the early Wikipedia articles to the end user by means of electric current. One of the earliest investors included Jimbo Wales, who later took over the struggling enterprise.
The two men could not have been more different. Alexander Graham was fastidious and particular, with a fine attention to detail and notes. Nikola was a mad scientist. In fits of brilliance, he would move the project forward by decades under the methods of Graham, but then Nikola would collapse in his memory wood chair and make lightning for days.
- ... that the Apollo 11 moon landing computer had less processing power than a modern calculator?
- ... that the first computer mouse was made of wood and invented in 1964 by Douglas Engelbart?
- ... that you spend too much time on your smartphone?
- ... that you spend too much time on your smartphone?
- ... that the "@" symbol was chosen for email because it wasn't commonly used in names, making it a perfect separator?
Thomas Alva Edison, Jr. (February 11, 1847 – October 18, 1931) was an American inventor, industrialist and osteopath engineer. He invented, among other things, electric lighting, motion pictures, sound recording, and so is responsible for Las Vegas, Michael Bay, and Mariah Carey, respectively. Edison is commonly known as the "Idleson", creating "things" that make people very, very lazy and idle.
Edison was by far the most prolific and best inventor of all time, with over five million patents to his name, he also enjoyed his free time killing animals, a trait more common in early stage psychopaths and mass murderers, but his mother still loved him (we can assume).
Edison was born in the little town of Goat Lovers, Ohio on February 11, 1847. He patented his first invention - a belt-driven steam powered rattle - four days later. This made rattling more productive for newborns in Ohio and beyond.
The modern Compact Disc (also known as a CD) was first invented by Atlantian priest/scientists prior to Noah's flood. Due to their super advanced mumbo jumbo no one was able to understand the significance of CDs until the mid 1430's when the Evil Ming the Merciless used his secret decoder ring to translate certain Egyptian texts found inside the Great Pyramid (rumored to be a primitive fast food restaurant built by the Atlantians, but in fact the Great Pyramid was originally constructed by aliens from planet Paris25 as a way to keep their razor blades sharp, the Atlantians later modified it for fast food purposes, thus allowing the first ninja to deliver burgers to the ancient Babylonians. The secrets of the ninja/Atlantian alliance have yet to be fully probed). However, in the evolution of the modern CD, scientists increased the loudness of sounds on CD in order to keep the public stupid and ignorant.
| “ | Everything is designed. Few things are designed well. | ” |
— Bill Gates, on Windows 8
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