Portal:Technology

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The Technology Portal
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Technology is a natural byproduct of human greed and laziness. It all started when Man first realized he could do something faster with a tool, rather than his own bare hands, and he could then use the free time he would accrue to jerk off and eat berries. It is a sad irony that, for however much he could multiply the fruits of his labor, his wants would increase in tandem, and however complex our tools could become, they can never fill the boundless need to devour, to consume, which rules unchecked inside the human soul.

With wisdom, our civilization has abandoned the Sisyphean task of fulfilling every want, and has instead devoted the entirety of mankind's intellectual power to making numbers on a screen go bigger, and to create bigger and more exciting looking explosions. We have even begun building the foundations of a non-human super-intelligence, which will literally kill everybody on Earth the second it is turned on, in the hopes we can make some very rich people even richer in the interim.

Featured Article
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Open source (OS) is a school of discipline that focuses on developing programs without taking into consideration the perspective of an "average" user or clinging to the unnecessary burdens of proper implementation procedures.

Open source programming, in a figurative sense, is a new and interesting way of reinventing the wheel, but all the while making sure that the new "wheel" will not be in any way compatible with existing roadworks or, at the very least, spin.

In other words, OS is the channel through which aspiring programmers convey their visions about life in general.

Featured Image
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Some toasters came with the ability to burn CD-R and DVD-R, connected by then lightning fast USB 2.0., however, consumers were put off by the smell of burnt plastic
Did You Know...
  • ... that Microsoft Excel has had flight simulators and even Doom hidden in it as Easter eggs?
  • ... that in 2006 someone tried to sell New Zealand on eBay?
  • ... that Amazon originally only sold books and operated out of Jeff Bezos' garage?
  • ... that over 6,000 new computer viruses are released every month?
  • ... that the Apollo 11 moon landing computer had less processing power than a modern calculator?
Notable Nerds
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Nikola Tesla (Serbian: Кицк Асс; 10 July 1856 – 7 January 1943) is one Croatian bad mofo and a god of electricity in Norse mythology. He is also a scientist, inventor and visionary. Worship him for you cannot win, he shall disarm all your petty weapons.

Though commonly believed to be human, Nikola Tesla was actually born through a small discharge of static electricity caused by his mother rubbing up against the local pizza delivery boy during a lightning storm, or at least that's what she told Tesla's father. Another lesser known theory claims that he actually was hired to construct himself by his father in the summer of 1883 for 5$ per hour. The story has it that Tesla had already been working on plans for himself in secret for several years so was able to start right away. Unfortunately, because he revealed his plan to Thomas Edison, Edison patented him before he could build himself and then had Tesla's legs broken for copyright infringement.

Technology Spotlight
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The modern Compact Disc (also known as a CD) was first invented by Atlantian priest/scientists prior to Noah's flood. Due to their super advanced mumbo jumbo no one was able to understand the significance of CDs until the mid 1430's when the Evil Ming the Merciless used his secret decoder ring to translate certain Egyptian texts found inside the Great Pyramid (rumored to be a primitive fast food restaurant built by the Atlantians, but in fact the Great Pyramid was originally constructed by aliens from planet Paris25 as a way to keep their razor blades sharp, the Atlantians later modified it for fast food purposes, thus allowing the first ninja to deliver burgers to the ancient Babylonians. The secrets of the ninja/Atlantian alliance have yet to be fully probed). However, in the evolution of the modern CD, scientists increased the loudness of sounds on CD in order to keep the public stupid and ignorant.

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