Portal:Technology

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The Technology Portal
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Technology is a natural byproduct of human greed and laziness. It all started when Man first realized he could do something faster with a tool, rather than his own bare hands, and he could then use the free time he would accrue to jerk off and eat berries. It is a sad irony that, for however much he could multiply the fruits of his labor, his wants would increase in tandem, and however complex our tools could become, they can never fill the boundless need to devour, to consume, which rules unchecked inside the human soul.

With wisdom, our civilization has abandoned the Sisyphean task of fulfilling every want, and has instead devoted the entirety of mankind's intellectual power to making numbers on a screen go bigger, and to create bigger and more exciting looking explosions. We have even begun building the foundations of a non-human super-intelligence, which will literally kill everybody on Earth the second it is turned on, in the hopes we can make some very rich people even richer in the interim.

Featured Article
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Adobe Potatochop CS4 is the industry standard software for chip production amongst chip shops the length and breadth of England. Available with a number of plugins, including the most recent 'extra crispy' update, it is, along with Adobe Suppersready and Adobe Fritolayers, one of Adobe's most well known pieces of software.

Released first in the United States, it is currently available for Pringles XP and Pringles Vista under the slogan "Once you chop, you can't stop" and also for Apple Mac as CS4 (Chip Shop 4). The latest version of this popular software is bundled as part of the CS Studio range, along with Adobe Fritolayers, and the recently acquired Macromedia Frites, Macromedia Fryworks and Macromedia DreamGriddler.

Featured Image
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Some toasters came with the ability to burn CD-R and DVD-R, connected by then lightning fast USB 2.0., however, consumers were put off by the smell of burnt plastic
Did You Know...
  • ... that YouTube started out as a dating site before pivoting to video sharing?
  • ... that most of the internet is made up of AIs talking to each other?
  • ... that over 6,000 new computer viruses are released every month?
  • ... that the first domain name ever registered was Symbolics.com in 1985?
Notable Nerds
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Steven Paul Jobs, commonly referred to as Jeve Stobs (February 24, 1955 – October 5, 2011) was a prominent American cancer victim and embittered technophile best known for selling monochrome products at inflated prices. An innovator, Jobs pioneered wearing turtleneck sweaters, oppressing Chinese factory slaves, plagiarism, and putting "i" in front of everything.

By the time of his death, he had achieved a near-cult status through his front company Apple. Jobs was able to build Apple into the most valuable organization in the world through exploiting the strata of society known as "hipsters" and selling them already available technology in much prettier boxes. Jobs's legacy is much-debated, but what is certain is that his death by cancer proves that although Apple products are less susceptible to fail from viruses, PCs (pancreatic cancers) are a different matter.

Technology Spotlight
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Space Shuttles are large vehicles run by NASA that typically travel between the Earth and extraplanetary destinations like the Moon, Alpha Centauri, diverse areas of Texas and thus Hell. Widely viewed as the safest and most comfortable way to travel to any of those destinations, they have developed a cult following, being mimicked by such fictional television characters as Captain Kirk, Buck Rogers, and Ronald Reagan. The Shuttle system as a whole consists of three components: the orbiter (right) which carries people and cargo; the external tank, which holds an extra supply of coal for the shuttle to use during lift-off; and the SRBs (Smelly, Reeking Bums). Space shuttles fly regular missions from Kitty Hawk, North Carolina, sometimes at a rate of two or three per week. At a maximum flight speed of 600,000 miles per hour (166.66 miles per second), the space shuttle is by far the fastest ship in the known universe, being even faster than the Millenium Falcon.

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