Portal:Technology

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The Technology Portal
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Technology is a natural byproduct of human greed and laziness. It all started when Man first realized he could do something faster with a tool, rather than his own bare hands, and he could then use the free time he would accrue to jerk off and eat berries. It is a sad irony that, for however much he could multiply the fruits of his labor, his wants would increase in tandem, and however complex our tools could become, they can never fill the boundless need to devour, to consume, which rules unchecked inside the human soul.

With wisdom, our civilization has abandoned the Sisyphean task of fulfilling every want, and has instead devoted the entirety of mankind's intellectual power to making numbers on a screen go bigger, and to create bigger and more exciting looking explosions. We have even begun building the foundations of a non-human super-intelligence, which will literally kill everybody on Earth the second it is turned on, in the hopes we can make some very rich people even richer in the interim.

Featured Article
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The Wikipedia BBS (Bulletin board system) was the ancient for-runner of the modern Wikipedia Wiki. Founded in 1889 by Nikola Wikipedia and Alexander Graham BBS, the network blossomed in the early days of network wiring. In its humble beginnings, it strove to be on the forefront of Information. Early articles included Horseless Carriages, German World Aspirations and Tin flying machines of the sky. Such was the interest in the nineteenth century. Still in its infancy, telephones and telegraphs were utilized to send the early Wikipedia articles to the end user by means of electric current. One of the earliest investors included Jimbo Wales, who later took over the struggling enterprise.

The two men could not have been more different. Alexander Graham was fastidious and particular, with a fine attention to detail and notes. Nikola was a mad scientist. In fits of brilliance, he would move the project forward by decades under the methods of Graham, but then Nikola would collapse in his memory wood chair and make lightning for days.

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An ultraportable solution to long lines at festivals and concerts, the Crapmobile: for wherever and whenever you need to go...
Did You Know...
  • ... that email existed before the World Wide Web—it was first used in the 1970s?
  • ... that CAPTCHA stands for "Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart"?
  • ... that the first 1GB hard drive, released in 1980, weighed over 500 pounds and cost $40,000?
  • ... that there's a secret "monkey island" mode hidden in some versions of Windows 3.1 as an Easter egg?
  • ... that Apple originally designed an apple shaped flip phone?
Notable Nerds
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Steven Paul Jobs, commonly referred to as Jeve Stobs (February 24, 1955 – October 5, 2011) was a prominent American cancer victim and embittered technophile best known for selling monochrome products at inflated prices. An innovator, Jobs pioneered wearing turtleneck sweaters, oppressing Chinese factory slaves, plagiarism, and putting "i" in front of everything.

By the time of his death, he had achieved a near-cult status through his front company Apple. Jobs was able to build Apple into the most valuable organization in the world through exploiting the strata of society known as "hipsters" and selling them already available technology in much prettier boxes. Jobs's legacy is much-debated, but what is certain is that his death by cancer proves that although Apple products are less susceptible to fail from viruses, PCs (pancreatic cancers) are a different matter.

Technology Spotlight
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Space Shuttles are large vehicles run by NASA that typically travel between the Earth and extraplanetary destinations like the Moon, Alpha Centauri, diverse areas of Texas and thus Hell. Widely viewed as the safest and most comfortable way to travel to any of those destinations, they have developed a cult following, being mimicked by such fictional television characters as Captain Kirk, Buck Rogers, and Ronald Reagan. The Shuttle system as a whole consists of three components: the orbiter (right) which carries people and cargo; the external tank, which holds an extra supply of coal for the shuttle to use during lift-off; and the SRBs (Smelly, Reeking Bums). Space shuttles fly regular missions from Kitty Hawk, North Carolina, sometimes at a rate of two or three per week. At a maximum flight speed of 600,000 miles per hour (166.66 miles per second), the space shuttle is by far the fastest ship in the known universe, being even faster than the Millenium Falcon.

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