Portal:Technology

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The Technology Portal
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Technology is a natural byproduct of human greed and laziness. It all started when Man first realized he could do something faster with a tool, rather than his own bare hands, and he could then use the free time he would accrue to jerk off and eat berries. It is a sad irony that, for however much he could multiply the fruits of his labor, his wants would increase in tandem, and however complex our tools could become, they can never fill the boundless need to devour, to consume, which rules unchecked inside the human soul.

With wisdom, our civilization has abandoned the Sisyphean task of fulfilling every want, and has instead devoted the entirety of mankind's intellectual power to making numbers on a screen go bigger, and to create bigger and more exciting looking explosions. We have even begun building the foundations of a non-human super-intelligence, which will literally kill everybody on Earth the second it is turned on, in the hopes we can make some very rich people even richer in the interim.

Featured Article
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The Wikipedia BBS (Bulletin board system) was the ancient for-runner of the modern Wikipedia Wiki. Founded in 1889 by Nikola Wikipedia and Alexander Graham BBS, the network blossomed in the early days of network wiring. In its humble beginnings, it strove to be on the forefront of Information. Early articles included Horseless Carriages, German World Aspirations and Tin flying machines of the sky. Such was the interest in the nineteenth century. Still in its infancy, telephones and telegraphs were utilized to send the early Wikipedia articles to the end user by means of electric current. One of the earliest investors included Jimbo Wales, who later took over the struggling enterprise.

The two men could not have been more different. Alexander Graham was fastidious and particular, with a fine attention to detail and notes. Nikola was a mad scientist. In fits of brilliance, he would move the project forward by decades under the methods of Graham, but then Nikola would collapse in his memory wood chair and make lightning for days.

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Microsoft's 1995 hit game Blue Screen of Death sees players attempt to troubleshooting their PCs, desperately hoping the crashes aren't caused by the GPU you just bought (sucker!)
Did You Know...
  • ... that the first domain name ever registered was Symbolics.com in 1985?
  • ... that a programmer once caught a bug by literally finding a moth stuck in a relay of an early computer?
  • ... that the Water integrator was a Soviet-made computer which used water to run analog calculations?
  • ... that Nokia used to sell toilet paper?
  • ... that Monty Python was responsible for naming junk e-mail Spam?
Notable Nerds
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Thomas Alva Edison, Jr. (February 11, 1847 – October 18, 1931) was an American inventor, industrialist and osteopath engineer. He invented, among other things, electric lighting, motion pictures, sound recording, and so is responsible for Las Vegas, Michael Bay, and Mariah Carey, respectively. Edison is commonly known as the "Idleson", creating "things" that make people very, very lazy and idle.

Edison was by far the most prolific and best inventor of all time, with over five million patents to his name, he also enjoyed his free time killing animals, a trait more common in early stage psychopaths and mass murderers, but his mother still loved him (we can assume).

Edison was born in the little town of Goat Lovers, Ohio on February 11, 1847. He patented his first invention - a belt-driven steam powered rattle - four days later. This made rattling more productive for newborns in Ohio and beyond.

Technology Spotlight
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Input devices are the most important components to a computer. Without input devices, people would have no way of communicating with computers. Without input devices, this website would not exist. Without input devices, nobody would be able to compile a list of input devices. Without input devices, you wouldn't be reading this article and your whole life would be a waste. We should study input devices to learn why we should appreciate them so much. We should use input devices to scroll down this page.

The joystick was the very first input device designed for the computer. This device was built by IBM as a companion piece to their first prototype computer, the BRAINIAC, which was the size of three olympic stadiums and was capable of adding single-digit numbers together.

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