Portal:Technology

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The Technology Portal
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Technology is a natural byproduct of human greed and laziness. It all started when Man first realized he could do something faster with a tool, rather than his own bare hands, and he could then use the free time he would accrue to jerk off and eat berries. It is a sad irony that, for however much he could multiply the fruits of his labor, his wants would increase in tandem, and however complex our tools could become, they can never fill the boundless need to devour, to consume, which rules unchecked inside the human soul.

With wisdom, our civilization has abandoned the Sisyphean task of fulfilling every want, and has instead devoted the entirety of mankind's intellectual power to making numbers on a screen go bigger, and to create bigger and more exciting looking explosions. We have even begun building the foundations of a non-human super-intelligence, which will literally kill everybody on Earth the second it is turned on, in the hopes we can make some very rich people even richer in the interim.

Featured Article
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Adobe Potatochop CS4 is the industry standard software for chip production amongst chip shops the length and breadth of England. Available with a number of plugins, including the most recent 'extra crispy' update, it is, along with Adobe Suppersready and Adobe Fritolayers, one of Adobe's most well known pieces of software.

Released first in the United States, it is currently available for Pringles XP and Pringles Vista under the slogan "Once you chop, you can't stop" and also for Apple Mac as CS4 (Chip Shop 4). The latest version of this popular software is bundled as part of the CS Studio range, along with Adobe Fritolayers, and the recently acquired Macromedia Frites, Macromedia Fryworks and Macromedia DreamGriddler.

Featured Image
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Some toasters came with the ability to burn CD-R and DVD-R, connected by then lightning fast USB 2.0., however, consumers were put off by the smell of burnt plastic
Did You Know...
  • ... that the first 1GB hard drive, released in 1980, weighed over 500 pounds and cost $40,000?
  • ... that the first computer mouse was made of wood and invented in 1964 by Douglas Engelbart?
  • ... that the first alarm clock could only go off at 4am?
  • ... that the first domain name ever registered was Symbolics.com in 1985?
  • ... that the first webcam was created to monitor a coffee pot at the University of Cambridge?
Notable Nerds
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Steven Paul Jobs, commonly referred to as Jeve Stobs (February 24, 1955 – October 5, 2011) was a prominent American cancer victim and embittered technophile best known for selling monochrome products at inflated prices. An innovator, Jobs pioneered wearing turtleneck sweaters, oppressing Chinese factory slaves, plagiarism, and putting "i" in front of everything.

By the time of his death, he had achieved a near-cult status through his front company Apple. Jobs was able to build Apple into the most valuable organization in the world through exploiting the strata of society known as "hipsters" and selling them already available technology in much prettier boxes. Jobs's legacy is much-debated, but what is certain is that his death by cancer proves that although Apple products are less susceptible to fail from viruses, PCs (pancreatic cancers) are a different matter.

Technology Spotlight
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The modern Compact Disc (also known as a CD) was first invented by Atlantian priest/scientists prior to Noah's flood. Due to their super advanced mumbo jumbo no one was able to understand the significance of CDs until the mid 1430's when the Evil Ming the Merciless used his secret decoder ring to translate certain Egyptian texts found inside the Great Pyramid (rumored to be a primitive fast food restaurant built by the Atlantians, but in fact the Great Pyramid was originally constructed by aliens from planet Paris25 as a way to keep their razor blades sharp, the Atlantians later modified it for fast food purposes, thus allowing the first ninja to deliver burgers to the ancient Babylonians. The secrets of the ninja/Atlantian alliance have yet to be fully probed). However, in the evolution of the modern CD, scientists increased the loudness of sounds on CD in order to keep the public stupid and ignorant.

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