George Foreman Lean Meat Fat Reducing Killing Machine
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The George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Killing Machine, sometime incorrectly referred to as the George Foremant Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine, is a Weapon of Mass Destruction designed by George Foreman and currently manufactured under exclusive license by Boeing.
The Killing Machine was surreptitiously introduced to the world during the eary 21st Century in the guise of a useful household appliance. However, its true potential has yet to be fully revealed, and the full consequences of the growing dependence of the world's kitchens on this device is as yet unknown.
Description[edit | edit source]
The George Foreman Lean Mean Fat-Reducing Killing Machine, or GFLMFRKM ([[ipa} gufflumrickem), resembles a flat-toothed skull or fossil, turned on its side, and accessorised in a wide variety of colors. It has two states: 'dormant' and 'whoop ass'. While in the 'dormant' state, the weapon has a number of useful side-functions, including the ability to reduce the cholesterol content of most meat- and potato-based foodstuffs, a useful bun-warming tray on the top side for use in burger barbeques, and many more non-murder-based uses. Contrary to popular belief, George Foreman is not the inventor of the GFLMFRKM. The grill was invented by Michael Boehm, an employee of Salton, the device's manufacturer, which at the time of invention, was an Asian owned firm. George was considered one of the four "speaking heads," summoned from the depths of hell to market the product, along with Joe Namath, Joe Dimaggio, and Muhammad Ali, all three of whom were not chosen. Foreman was paid $127.5M plus $10M in stock options, making him a major stockholder in the company. By May 2009, more than 100M units have been sold, making it one of the best selling electrical kitchen appliances/murder weapons in history. George Foreman went on to live a life of luxury, gaining fame after preventing an army of mutant cockroaches from invading Mexico.
Rise to Ubiquity[edit | edit source]
Thanks to George's deceptive advertising campaigns, including his successful "I'm so proud of it i put my face in it!" adverts of the early 00s, the GFLMFRKM was spread throughout the kitchens of the civilized world. It was especially popular amongst university students and single mothers, for whom the effort of cooking anything in a utility that did not serve multiple functions was low enough to provide the device a dominating presence in the kitchens of the lazy everywhere.
Activation of the devices[edit | edit source]
In recent years, George Foreman has claimed that "the time has come to liberate my Lean Mean Fat-Reducing Killing Machines. I'm so proud of them, that I'll put YOUR faces in it!" The machines have yet to be activated by George, whose present whereabouts are unknown.