Forum:You bunch of bastards.

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March 23rd, 2009 the Year of our Lord:

When in the Course of sub-human events, it becomes necessary for one disgruntled former User to abolish any notion of another party's oppressive Ideals of so-called self-restraint and control, as well as tact, and to assume among whatever powers he damn well pleases, a decent F**k you to the opinions of pretentious little dicks requires that he should declare the causes which impel him to say such mean things.

Aforementioned user holds these truths to be fucking obvious, that all Accounts are created equal, that the owners of said accounts are entitled by their Servers with completely alienable but nonetheless sacred Rights, among these, Life, or lack thereof, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Lulz. To secure these rights, certain individuals are endowed by the iron lance of Democracy with the exclusive power to condemn, judge, and banish, deriving their authority from the consent of the submissive, much the way rapists derive their authority from the consent of the DRUGGED and OUT-COLD. Thus it follows, that whenever any Form of such mock Government becomes destructive of its purported ends, it is the Right of the INDIVIDUAL to fashion from his God-given materials whatever crude simulacrum of impolite gesture he thus finds fitting, and the Right of the Community of PEOPLE to take upon themselves action to relieve the burden of Subjugation, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles as they have now been enlightened to, and organizing its powers in such form as that to them and future proprietors of these sacred halls shall seem most likely to effect their Security and Happiness, and tickle their fancies and gently fondle their sense of LULZ, that most ineffable and indispensable of human Dignities.

It is not altogether an impossibility to uphold these ends at once, to preserve Order and Stability most vital to a functioning and long-lasting Establishment, and to let the pursuit of lulzy bliss go undeterred, as we have seen with countless Governments and Communities long since and long living. The history of the present coalition of Administrators cannot, by any measure of decency or Common Sense, be counted among these establishments, for it has by plebiscite been known that there are Powers among and yet above the Proletariat that seek to abolish systematically the authority of the Will of the People, and establish for all a new Government, grounded only in the Interests of the State, and the preservation of the STATUS QUO. As whether true or not, the urgency of this matter demands immediate attention, and to elucidate some of the claims afore made, let Facts be submitted thus:

1. Hinoa's an asshole, and I believe he probably still is.
2. This place is not funny, mine and mine most cherished Works included. Only now upon returning from a long reclusion do I realize this, and weep.
3. Satire, even good satire, is funny for all of three seconds.
4. I lied about reading and liking your articles.
5. Your chatroom is a joke so far removed from irony it's its own parody.
6. Encyclopedia Dramatica is better than this site will ever be.
7. You're stupid.
8. You have a small penis.
9. Dr. Manhattan has a larger and bluer penis than you.

Let it be known, with God as Witness to what transpires here today, that these complaints have been rendered and submitted in earnest, with full intent to make known the plight of the common User. I, therefore, the Representative of the exiled Neophyte, and Neophytes everywhere, do, in the Name, and by the Authority of the good masses of the World Wide Web, half-assedly publish and declare, that my Mind and Spirit are no longer confined to the temptations of this be-tentacled, spirit-deforming place, but is liberated from all psychological and emotional binds thus far established. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm, yet supple, reliance on the protection of Jesus Christ, War-Lord Isa of the Shepherd Fields, Slayer of Heathens and Killer of Amen-Ra, Sun-God of the Nile, His Holy Blood be Blessed Sweet, may Reap the Grand Harvest of Souls, for He Is King of Kings and Emperor of the Earth, I wholeheartedly and without hesitance pledge my tarnished - but still better than all of you - Honor.

Signed March 23rd, from in his basement,

None other than 206.82.92.63.

Then get the fuck out of Uncyclopedia. If you hate this place, why do you use it? 70.51.130.115 01:24, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

Ugh, it always logs me out when I come on here. *FACEPALM* S-984 01:25, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

Did anyone see the game last night? I tell you that number 10 was a good 5 yards offside. MrN 01:30, Mar 24

I'd UN:W this but it's too long. Could you rephrase all that, in 100 words or less? --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 01:40, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

•  For. I like the cut of your jib son. -OptyC Sucks! CUN15:17, 24 Mar

Thanks for coming. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 19:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

Question

Who the hell is Hinoa? -- Hi, hey! I'M A MOTERFUCKING NIGGER BITCH LOVER 01:28, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

Iunno. S-984 01:30, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

He's Famine's little brother. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 02:04, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

And my grandpa. FROM NOW ON! --MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 02:06, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

tl;dr and don't care

Yes, MrN. I did see the game last night. No. 10's strike was class though. ---kun "whisper sweet nothings into thine ear..." 14:26, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

tl;dr

Now, who wants a sandwich? - Admiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate 16:15, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

tl;dr

Hahahaha, I get it! It's like the Declaration of Independence, but with lulz in it! Oh man, you guys. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:16, Mar 24

tl;dr

Bastards, all of you! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 20:28, 27 March 2009 (UTC)

tl;dr

Ha! S-984 19:24, 29 March 2009 (UTC)