Whore: A Retrospective

Not only did he eat the pie, and watch the film, he also bought the T-Shirt. Available in all good stores.

Whore is the title of a remarkable treatise penned by noted political commentator and satirist 216.240.157.71, whose regrettably short list of authored titles fails to encapsulate his true mark on the psychology and philosophy of 21st century society.

Braveness and Brevity

Lauded for his careful choice of few words to express complex relationships between people and ideas, 216.240.157.71 made the leap from orator to writer on November 10, 2006, releasing both “Whore” and another untitled manuscript nearly back-to-back. His indelible mark on the literary world, expressed in stark, utilitarian prose, has resisted all time and tides that might have erased it from human memory — thus earning him a place amongst the literary greats of the latter-half of the first decade of the century (even-numbered years only).

His true mastery of the conservation of language — expressing more while saying less — is his gift and his legacy to humankind, and is perhaps best illustrated in a comparative study of his two written works. Sadly, this gift was not shared with the author of this article. Popcorn and a large caffeinated beverage is recommended before reading further.

Anus and Anonymity

This book has only a passing relevance to the subject at hand, but the author of the book (who is uncoincidentally also the author of this article) is whoring it out in hopes that you will read it, for no other reason but for the fact that he can. Also, Biggles.

Untitled

LIsten to me you little shit head.

You spend your life in front of the computer

and you will never have sex.

Fuck you,

continue you r useless life infront |

of the computer screen.

In 216.240.157.71's first novel (though some argue it is a poem), Untitled, note his complete and deliberate rejection of modern society through his spurning of conventional ideas about sentence structure — including punctuation, spacing, capitalization and spelling.

His writing takes chances in making provocative suggestion, peering into our inner lives to make supposition about personal habits, and even making ominous prediction about future events, all while ultimately dismissing our promise as human beings to grow, change and progress. But then hearken back to the pleaful opening line: “Listen to me”. Despite the divisiveness of the language there remains an ultimate yearning to be listened to, heard, and understood.

Thought is divided as to the intention of his message to us, though many agree that it's a sage warning that we are ultimately tied to rote — the transmission of human knowledge through social learning, passed by observation, emulation, and repetition of the behaviour of others until it becomes ingrained as our own. A dismal, repetitive and ultimately hopeless mode of propagation for a race that tends to be smug about its past achievements and hope for the future.

But 216.240.157.71's masterwork was still yet to come...

Slut and Sleazability

Whore

Whoring amongst the Great Northern Tribes doubles as both a religious observance AND a national sport, and is taken very seriously by adherents.

Hindleyite

For all the debate that was spurred based on his earlier, and much lengthier work, its impact was negligible in comparison to the excited discourse elicited by this cryptic sequel. A single word. A name. None of the extrapolation demonstrated in his earlier writing, but the simple suggestion of a person and an idea, connected by nothing but their shared presence within the same written work — a title and a chapter.

Early critics were quick to point out, and not without justifiable suspicion, that the brief interval between the first and second work suggested a lack of effort. After all, they argued, there is no way of knowing how many years were invested in the composition of the debut — only the end point is known, denoted by the date of release. However, with a follow up novel released within the same minute, questions about motivation and artistic integrity are inevitable. Many suggested an attempt by the author to capitalize on the success of his first novel, in hopes of riding the wave of his near instant stardom. Others surmised that some pressure may have come from the publishing company, but for similar reasons. Regardless of whether the release was bourne by external or internal pressures, for some the author's status as artist became very much in doubt. Visible cracks had started in a rising celebrity who'd shown so much promise.

Almost as soon, an opposition camp countered that there was no way to say with any certainty that the novels hadn't both been started and completed well in advance of the publication of the first. While they differed stylistically, this does not equate as a lack of effort or care, so much as an evolution in personal style or a deliberate attempt to address a subject from a dramatically different perspective. The author, they argued, may have been trying to give the reading audience more credit with his follow up release, taking deliberate steps to avoid spoon feeding pre-conceived ideas and theories related plainly, or asking questions pointing toward an obvious conclusion. Rather, the intent might well have been to provide only the most salient points of reference, and allow the reader an experience in discovery of truth by their own personal analysis — by logic, emotion, or some combination thereof.

Whore and Horribility

A computer simulation of what a "Hindleyite" might look like whilst contemplating Life's Unanswerable Questions.

Sadly in all of this, the human element was lost. The individual most affected by this controversy was forgotten or ignored, as is often the case in these situations. What of “Hindleyite”?

Much maligned and misunderstood, simultaneously an object of lust and contempt, the protagonist's own account may never be known. It is not even well agreed whether this character is based on an actual, living person or is themselves a work of invention — perhaps some archetype of human behaviour.

Fleas and Feasibility

If the latter is so, if Hindleyite is an element of our shared, collective unconsciousness, then perhaps the answer to this mystery lies within each one of us. One can only hope that the “whore” that dwells within the human soul can rise up in opposition to the notion raised by some critics that the work of 216.240.157.71 points toward the fallibility and inevitable failure of humankind. Perhaps the recognition of our weakness, our ultimate control over our own destiny, and the potential for personal and societal change can provide the impetus we need to avoid such a fate. Through his damnation, 216.240.157.71 may have inadvertently provided us with the keys to salvation.

Bites and Biography

Although little is known about 216.240.157.71, his works provide tantalizing glimpses of his background. His surviving manuscripts are written in a midlands dialect (note the use of words like useless, r and fokken). The polemical tone of his writings suggests he was engaged in public affairs, perhaps as a sheriff in Slough, or a panhandler in Hoboken. The use of anonymity is particularly striking. Contemporaries deliberately avoided signing their work: The author of The Cloud of Unknowing, for instance, hid his identity to show humility before God and to wrap his arguments in an aura of awe and mystery (akin to Scripture), deepening their impact. Hence, when 216.240.157.71 predicts that Codeine will never engage in sexual intercourse, he wishes the reader to know that this is not man's assertion, but divine command — Codeine must never expose his penis, or he will face the wrath of the Almighty. This divine judgment also falls upon the as-yet-unknown Hindleyite, condemned for entering spheres 216.240.157.71 felt inappropriate for his sex, although historians have recently argued that his characterization of Hindleyite as a prostitute may be little more than propaganda written to incite the people against his faction at court.

See also

• An example of proper Whoring technique.
• A list of articles you should really read now, then nominate for VFH in the order of your choice.
• Uncyclopedia's Greatest Living Author
• Library of the Great
• Blowing Things out of Proportion

Quasi-Featured Article (30 March 2008) 

This article was nominated to become a featured article; however, due to several votes being devoured by a 4-inch stuffed raptor, it didn't make the cut (10/13). Don't let this happen again! For just pennies a day, you can prevent another travesty of this nature, or vote for other articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.