User:Rcmurphy/Hindleyite Is Dead hoax
"Hindleyite is dead" refers to the little-known urban legend claiming that obscure Uncyclopedia user Hindleyite died in September 2006 after a severe aneurysm in the head region. Hindleyite himself played no part in the spread of the legend; in fact, after receiving a call last week from a local news agency wishing to confirm his death, he reportedly was so surprised that he passed out on his kitchen floor. Unfortunately for Hindley, he had left his refrigerator open overnight, allowing the floor tiles to cool to a dangerously low temperature.
Within hours of losing consciousness, Hindleyite had succumbed to hypothermia and fulfilled the Hindleyite Is Dead legend.
The Original Legend[edit | edit source]
The legend began as an anonymous posting at the Uncyclopedia Village Dump. In a grammatically-challenged post, User:173.42.143.198 claimed that Hindleyite "is daed i kiled him." 173's purpose for making this statement is unconfirmed; however, experts have postulated that it may have been written in anger after Hindleyite, an Uncyclopedia admin, deleted the IP's article entitled "i made a yuky doody part 2."
Attempts to contact Hindleyite proved fruitless. Messages left on his talk page remained unanswered, and frantic Uncyclopedia users and fellow admins failed to find any traces of him in the IRC network. For all appearances, Hindleyite appeared to be either dead or lost within the vast systems of tubes comprising the internet.
The IP tracked[edit | edit source]
Within hours the whole of the Wikia investigative team, consisting of one computer-illiterate soccer mom searching MSN because she hadn't yet discovered Google, had found absolutely nothing. But in Uncyclopedia's hour of greatest need, there arose a hero. The good and honorable BENSON, having taken a long reprieve from Uncyclopedia to recuperate from launching the biggest Forum coup in the history of Uncyclopedia Forum coups launched by members named BENSON who write in all capitals, had returned to lead the way with his technical prowess.
[Boring section about searching through tubes skipped]
Hindleyite had been found! But at what cost?
The cost[edit | edit source]
$800 including parts and labor.
The legend lives on[edit | edit source]
But not everyone believed that Hindleyite had actually been found. Several Uncyclopedians were quick to cry Foul! They demanded physical evidence of Hindleyite's survival. Statements purportedly written by the rescued Uncyclopedian did not suffice to assuage their doubts. Nor did photographs released online. A few skeptics cracked when the YouTube video conferences popped up, but not until the DNA samples were mailed to each Uncyclopedia member did the majority of the doubters give up hope of Hindley's demise.
Wait, I thought he "died" of an aneurysm.[edit | edit source]
No, you read incorrectly.
And he knew about the legend, too.
In fact, skip that whole first section. Except that he really is dead now.
OR IS HE?