Usher
“Usher can be very dangerous. He makes you wanna leave the one your with, start a new relationship...”
“He's cool”
Usher Raymond III, known as Usher, is a uber-gay musician, rapper, and dancing addict who, since the early 1990s, has made R&B and techno music to disguise his blatant campness. His main claim to fame, DJ Got Us Fallin' in Love, was actually stolen from some Minecraft YouTuber named CaptainSparklez and released as a separate song. Nevertheless, as of today, he is the only black dude I know to actually collaborate with will.i.am on his own free will.
Life[edit | edit source]
Early life[edit | edit source]
In 1978, Usher's life began. Unlike many rappers, who were born in the gangsta streets of Georgia, New York, and even West Virginia, he was born in Dallas, Texas. After being ushered into the world, his dad immediately left him and his mom to gamble his life savings on some drugs. This caused him to work as an usher for most of his early childhood, as when the church asked for donations, he would skim off some of the earnings for himself. The head priest of the church would notice Usher's talent in 1991 and allow him to attend the church's youth choir, causing Usher to move in with his grandmother. During the preparations for the choir, his grandma realized he could sing, later convincing Usher to be a R&B musician instead of reciting old hymns.
Soon after, Usher and his family moved to Atlanta due to the fresh hip-hop scene that would be conducive to Usher's success. He would form a local band NuBeginnings, a ragtag collection of wiggers and hip-hop wannabes who had 'da funk. These included Jimmy Wales, a British nobody who liked rap, Bobby Brown's bodyguard, and some other randos that no one cares about. Despite being unnotable in every shape and form, Jimmy later was part of some websites which for the sake of this article, will be ignored.
The bodyguard, A.J. Alexander, would get Usher to perform on the 90s version of American Idol, Star Search, where he sang several Boyz II Men songs decently. However, when the founder of LaFace Records, L.A Reid, secretly seen Usher privately perform some disco songs wearing skinny jeans, he immediately signed Usher into his company. However, when Usher realized that Reud had invaded his privacy, he refused to allow his first album, Usher, be released. However, thanks to Sean Combs, it was released in August 1994.
Musical career[edit | edit source]
After a short stint where the public was asking why he was singing about the birds and the Bee Gees, Usher rose to prominence when he graduated high school in 1995, becoming the first black dude in a long while to get a diploma legally. Afterwards, in 1998, he would release his second album, My Way, where he showcased his love of dancing. During that time, Usher came out of the closet, causing one of the album's singles to become #1 in the United Kingdom. Soon after, the album's second single, Nice & Slow, peaked #1 in the Billboard Hot 100, causing the RIAA to allow him to release as much songs as he wanted. After that, he had the opening spot in one of Janet Jackson's tours and starred in several UPN shows, making him even richer. However, when he wanted to donate his money to increase awareness of Containing Disco Balls, a organization which seeked to secure, contain, and protect disco balls which had poisoned people in the 70s, he was assaulted by some gangsters who hated his sissy R&B and thrown into a soap opera. In the opera, Usher found a Michael Jackson CD inside, sparking his longtime drive to make music even more dance-heavy than Jackson's.
The 21st Century and Justin Bieber[edit | edit source]
Despite being less popular than he was in the 1990s, his singles were still topping the Billboard charts, and in 2004, he collabed with Alicia Keys to produce some more chart-topping music. He also collaborated with R Kelly to try to find the perfect word to replace the placeholder R, Beyonce and Lil Wayne to make Wayne not a meth addict, and Shakira and Stevie Wonder to make theories about Obama's terrorist roots. He even sang with Michael Jackson in one of the latter's tours, getting him some clout. And then he ruined it all in March 2010 by making a song with will.i.am, making his fans not respect him anymore. Soon after, an anonymous user on Reddit revealed that Usher had been making lyrics for Justin Bieber, further ruining his reputation.
Out of ideas for songs and in desperation, he stole the lyrics and tune to a song named "Revenge" from a fan who played Minecraft and rehashed it into "DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love". It singlehandedly saved his career, making him return into the public grace, and causes him to earn more money as well. He even got so popular, that in 2024, he starred in the Super Bowl LVIII, which I presume is a prestigious cooking contest. Nowadays, he is a sex symbol, getting to bang thousands of dudes without anyone caring. Additionally, he has three kids from several marriages, and just like his dad, abandoned them all.