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"Some argue that the Un stands for unfunny."

“Probably the best idea since Collective Farming”

~ Oscar Wilde on Charity

Charity is a Communist belief that all people deserve to have access to essentials such as clean water, education, food and pornography. Much to the annoyance of world leaders, the idea has gained popular support from the general population of most western countries. Charity is often practiced by those of a religous disposition, God having been an avid Communist him/herself.[1]

Philosophy[edit | edit source]

The philosophy of charity operates under the idea that all people are indiscriminately equal. It assumes that a situation wherin every person in every country on the planet has access to basic amenities is simultaneously both feasable and desirable. Like enviromentalism, one can only understand the mentality behind it by either (a) being brought up in a sheltered environment, away from the harsh reality of life; (b) being brainwashed by the mainstream media of capitalist society; or (c) being of average intelligence.

It would, therefore, be logical to assume that most people support the concept of charity. However, while (regretably) the average human being is of average intelligence, the vast majority suffer severe impairment in the area of Giving a Shit. For this reason, charity is practiced by very few.

Mission[edit | edit source]

The aims of charity are as follows:

  • To ensure that the world's population has all necessities for a comfortable life by redistributing the goods of the rest of the wealthy;
  • To brainwash the populace -- and, indeed, the other members of charitable organisations -- into believing that this is possible;
  • To prevent the teaching of economics, history or other subjects which may hinder the above goal in schools;
  • To spend most of the money given to them on advertising and fundraising expenses in order to achieve the above goal of brainwashing. More pamphlets and presentations = more brainwashing.
  • To offset some of the advertising and fundraising expenses by sharing mailing lists with other charitable organizations;
  • To ply those of the population whose conscience is developed enough to understand the concept of guilt (approximately 0.002%) into supporting the the first aim;
  • Once all people in the world have a comfortable life, to punish all those who were previously wealthy with crippled economies (likely, this will have already occurred);
  • To be unable to see the Irony.

Religious Implications[edit | edit source]

Charity is practiced primarily by those of religious nature, as religion (with some obvious exeptions) was unintelligently designed to scare people into obeying the whims of egotistical dictators--including self-inflicted poverty. At the same time, no need is required for those infected with religion to actually care, apathy being a key element of human nature. As a result of this, charity is a key point in many religions.

Organisation[edit | edit source]

Charities are structured as a self-sustaining leaderless dictatorship: a small group of members are aware of the group's goals; the rest understand nothing, but are brainwashed into behaving in a 'charitable' manner. Members of most charities also participate in a ritual known as a 'ten minute love', where images of people afflicted by poverty are shown in a viewing theatre to large groups of employees, and any trace of coherent and logical thought is replaced with an overwhelming desire to give away their money. During this ritual, subliminal messages along the lines of 'it's not fair!' are interspersed with the images.

Politics[edit | edit source]

Due to the sizable influence that charitable organisations now hold, most governments have agreed to donate money to the Third World. However, charities' self-inflicted ineptitude at economics renders them unable to see that the money given to poor countries is almost invariably spent by corrupt governments on recreational drugs, and that on the occasion that the money does reach the people, the end result is the accomplishment of something as decidedly un-groundbreaking as the provision of three days' supply of economy lemonade for a slightly flatulent accountant at a mediocre purveyor of erotic cakes. In Swansea.

Notes[edit | edit source]

  1. How dare you assume that God is male! I bet you've also noticed that the text here is bl***, you racist bastard!