User:Willy on wheels/Christian Weston Chandler
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| Other names | CWC, Christine Weston Chandler, Christian W. Chandler, The King of All Lolcows, The TRUE and HONEST Chris, Chris-chan |
| Occupation | Comic book creator, YouTuber, illustrator, musician, doctor, goddess, alpha lolcow |
| Years active | 2000-present |
| Spouse(s) | Kacey Devoria |
| Children | Sonichu, Rosechu, Asperchu |
Christian Weston Chandler (born February 24, 1982), known online by his screen name Chris-chan, is a professional doctor, comic book creator, the rightful successor to Willy on Wheels, skilled musician, and former current YouTuber.
History[edit | edit source]
Pre-Internet chronicles[edit | edit source]
Early life[edit | edit source]
Christian Weston Chandler was born as Christopher Weston Chandler into a loving family on February 24, 1982. Not much is known about his early years, but in 1984 he had an encounter with an abusive babysitter named Rochelle, who locked him in his room. For years after this incident, he was silent. His parents took him to the doctor, where he was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.
Despite these major difficulties, Chris persisted. Only a few months later, he rediscovered English, and began to rapidly gain reading skills. His parents objected to putting him special education, and despite all his difficulties, he excelled in a normal school. When he was seven years old, his parents thought he was blessed by God Himself, and as such changed his name to Christian. Mere weeks later, he figured out how to program his own game with his dad's help. By his entry to third grade, his teachers considered him to be "exceptionally gifted". He finished elementary school with perfect grades.
Middle school was a significant period in his life, as he won $1,000 to spend on Sonic games. Despite being a fan of video games and playing them every day, he still got perfect grades in school. He made many friends during this time, despite his mediocre social skills.
High school[edit | edit source]
High school is widely considered the best time of Chris' life. During this period, he made some of the best friends he ever had, Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus. He also made many girls who became his friends, although most pitied him due to his Asperger's. They didn't hang out with him much outside of school, unlike Jack or Clyde. He graduated high school on the honor roll, with everyone applauding him. He described his graduation as being dreary and depressing, although he pretended to be happy.
Early adult chronicles[edit | edit source]
College years[edit | edit source]
During his first year of college, Chris felt unhappy, since he and his two friends in high school had to part ways. He did receive the news that Jack and Clyde were dating by this point, which cheered him up a little bit. However, he was still sad most of the time, and girls wouldn't talk to him as much anymore. He was bullied by a ginger during this time, and as such developed an unnatural hatred for gingers. He had many encounters with the manajerk Mary Lee Walsh, which ended with a short suspension. What happened between them is unknown, but it is assumed that Mary Lee Walsh used her powers to summon an army of damn, dirty jerkops, who dragged him to the ground. He almost got suspended, but thankfully, GodJesus came in, killed the jerkops, sent Mary Lee Walsh to 99942 Apophis, and replaced her with a man named Jimmy Hill.
As his new year's resolution in 2000, Chris decided he would find new friends. Within a few weeks, he befriended Mao, Sean, and Evan. Evan had been drawing comics since high school, and the group quickly gained interest in drawing them as well. Chris himself designed the character Asperchu. Starting in late February 2000, the group began distributing comics around the school. The school's principal, Jimmy Hill, took an interest in these comics, introducing his own character, Sonichu. The four greatly liked this idea, and as such, began production on the greatest webcomic ever made: The Amazing Asperchu.
The Amazing Asperchu[edit | edit source]
On March 17, 2000, production of The Amazing Asperchu began. The story revolved around Asperchu, a Pokemon with Asperger's Syndrome. Asperchu was not that good at social interaction, so his friends Mao and Evan helped him with this. Some people see Asperchu as Chris's self-insert, but this is a stupid idea. After a while, Asperchu meets Sonichu, and the two quickly become friends.
Eventually, Asperchu and the other three walk past Chris' high school, where they meet him. Chris is revealed to be struggling with an identity thief named Ian Brandon Anderson, who claimed to be the TRUE and HONEST CWC. Whether Ian was trying to steal Chris' name or was just insane is unknown. Chris in the story is much like Chris in real life, being lean, and very attractive. He also gets straight As and is friends with Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus, but there are some features that he doesn't share in real life, such as being friends with Sean. Clyde and Jack are also in a relationship, despite only starting one month after high school ended.
Ian is the exact opposite. He is fat, ugly, gay, retarded, and cannot find a boyfriend-free girl to make into a sweetheart from the ground-up, as most women are repulsed by him. Why he is trying to find a girl even though he's gay is unknown.
During the time they spend at the high school, Ian is revealed to have captured Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus and harnessed their power. He also made Mary Lee Walsh the school administrator. Ian and Mary Lee Walsh team up and take the Asperchu Crew to a river in the middle of the woods, and fight them. Ian Brandon Anderson and Mary Lee Walsh almost win, although Clyde Cash emerges at the very end and defeats Mary Lee Walsh. Afterward, Ian wakes up on the floor, crying, due to being laughed at by everyone for trying to impersonate Chris. Mary Lee Walsh was sent to 99942 Apophis.
Intial Reception[edit | edit source]
The Amazing Asperchu was first shown to Jimmy Hill, who said that it was "The best thing I've ever read". Afterward, it was published in the local newspaper, which somehow ended up with an approval rating of 132%. However, despite these successes, The Amazing Asperchu never reached that much success. Asperchu material continued to be released, although after Chris graduated from college in 2004, production slowed down majorly.
Late College[edit | edit source]
Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus soon found out about The Amazing Asperchu, and greatly approved of it. Chris, Mao, Evan, and Sean were also very popular due to their comic. They continued to produce more of it, with a page coming out every single day from 2000 to 2004. After the four, dubbed the "Asperpedia Four" by this point, graduated college, production of the comic slowed, with only one page coming out every few weeks due to the fact they only communicated via email. However, Chris's friends still enjoyed Asperchu and read new pages as soon as they came out.
A Challenger Arrises![edit | edit source]
In 2004, a "high functioning" autistic male ironically named Ian Brandon Anderson discovered Asperchu while he was suspended from college for harassing people. I'm not kidding. He didn't actually read the comic, as shown by the fact that he thought it was good even though the main antagonist was named Ian Brandon Anderson and looked suspiciously like him.
He (un)creatively named the stolen original comic Sonichu, and it mostly went unnoticed due to its many flaws. Not even his parents liked it. During this time, all of the Asperpedia four were working jobs, so they didn't notice. This comic highlighted his blatant homophobia, egotism, poor grasp on reality, and his underlying homosexual and transsexual desires. Thankfully, only his parents saw it, and they were just a bit too dull to realize this.
He graduated from college in 2006, taking 6 years to finish a 2-year course. After this, he refused to get a job, instead relying on disability insurance. He spend most of his time at an internet cafe named THe GAMe PLACe, where he would meet his best friend worst enemy, Megan Schroeder.
Megan Saga[edit | edit source]
Megan was a boyfriend-free girl Ian Brandon Anderson met at THe GAMe PLACe in 2004. She was 4 years younger than Ian, although despite this, Ian wanted to make her into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up. Megan's friendship with Ian is rather strange, as Ian's time there was mostly spent yelling racial slurs at 7-year-olds and drawing his ripoff Sonichu comic. Megan probably liked him because she could get him to spend hundreds of dollars of welfare money on WW2 memorabilia.
Much like Ian, Megan was interested in drawing, being much better than him at it. She appeared in Sonichu #5, and also introduced Ian to My Little Pony and Sailor Moon. Oh God...
Ian seemed overly clingy to her, as he saw her as a person to lose his virginity to. Megan was, shockingly, not interested. Despite Ian Brandon Anderson being overly creepy towards her, she didn't leave him.
In 2007, Ian Brandon Anderson had his first taste of fame when he made a video for the Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown PaRappa the Rapper contest. Despite upvoting the video with hundreds of sockpuppets, he still managed to lose to a man far more talented than him named Adam Stackhouse. This resulted in Ian sending multiple death threats toward Adam, although he never responded. Fate was rather kind towards this impostor. At least, for the moment.
Encyclopedia Dramatica page[edit | edit source]
On November 3rd, 2007, an Encyclopedia Dramatica page was created about Ian, erroneously titled "Chris-chan". Since this was ED, the page was filled with empty threats, pointless insults, goatse, offended links, goatse, Sherrod DeHippo praise, Goatse, and Goatse.
Although Ian ignored the page for the first part of its existence, eventually the amount of goatse on the page reached a critical level, and Ian stepped in to remove it by creating the Reldnahc account. Although ridding the internet of goatse was a noble goal, Ian did it because he was homophobic. He also turned into a shameless vanity whore, removing words he didn't like (such as scary, or, even worse, the dreaded "retard" word!), said that his FAKE and DECEPTIVE Sonichu medallion was good and made of CRAYOLA FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC, and says that he is not "racist", just "old-fashioned", a common synonym for racist. Oh, he also added some data about himself. For some reason.
The next day was even worse. Various poorly-drawn images depicting the naughty stuff were uploaded to the site, making goatse look beautiful in comparison. Also, nobody realized it was actually Ian Brandon Anderson uploading this, showing how slow Encyclopedia Dramatica editors are.
On the 30th of December, 2007, another account impersonating Chris was created, this time named "Chris-Chan". Since his penis was very small, he decided to blank 3 pages. Oh, he also somehow got George W. Bush to take down the page. Nevermind, it was fake, but he really thought it would work. Really.
After this the editing died down, although in late January, Ian replaced the page with a message trying to discourage cyberbullying. However, one could argue Ian was doing the same thing. He also used an account named "Clyde" to make these edits. There was no relation to the TRUE and HONEST Chris's friend Clyde Cash, since Ian never read Asperchu, and if he did, he wouldn't like Clyde since he was gay, both in Asperchu and in real life.
Megan Saga comes crashing down[edit | edit source]
In March 2008, Megan discovered that Ian posted a poorly-drawn image of her nekkid to the site, and demands that he remove everything on the Encyclopedia Dramatica page. He did comply, although he, for some reason, replaced the most offensive image with a zoomed-in drawing of her crotch. Fortunately, this image will not be displayed, as it violates federal law in the United States and 150 other countries. However, Admins on Encyclopedia Dramatica protected the page. Also, everyone thinks it's his sister, which is even worse. Later in March, he corrects the information... Which fails to make him look any better. Oh, yeah, Megan (reasonably) dumped him over this, as not even forcing him to buy Nazi memorabilia was worth this.
ED Saga part II: Electric Boogaloo[edit | edit source]
Ian uploads several images to the site of the TRUE and HONEST Chris being beaten up. He continues to try and repair his relationship with Megan, but fails horribly, and leaves the internet until August. His church discovers his edits, and (rightfully) bans him.
After March ended, the TRUE and HONEST Chris joined Uncyclopedia, but otherwise maintained a very small internet presence. He created a website to promote Asperchu, and to talk to his friends who worked on the comic. Outside, Chris was an avid sportsman at this point, and worked 8 hours a day at a local office while he was planning to become a doctor.
Meanwhile, Ian was banned from THe GAMe PLACe for 2 weeks, and Megan stopped talking to him for good. In May, Ian was baptized again at his new church, which seemingly didn't have a problem with the Encyclopedia Dramatica page. In June, Ian was banned from THe GAMe PLACe for life, and tried to give a birthday present to Megan.
ABSOLUTE MADMAN RISING[edit | edit source]
In August 2008, Ian Brandon Anderson loses it and uploads a video to his YouTube account, declaring war on Encyclopedia Dramatica, says that he is NOT GAY, and also says, "I AM NOT A PEDOFORK, YOU DORKS!" On August 8th, Ian believes he achieved victory over Encyclopedia Dramatica when the site went down for a few hours.
Blanca[edit | edit source]
In late August of 2008, someone supposedly named "Blanca" contacted Ian Brandon Anderson. He should have easily been able to realize that this was a troll because no woman would want to be even close to him, but, he didn't. He writes to Blanca about some things nobody would talk about, and even puts her and her OC in the Sonichu comic, for issue 8 (actually 9). Sonichu's sweetheart was also drawn nekkid by him, and that she was over 18... despite being 15 before. We can only wonder why.
MY EYES!![edit | edit source]
Blanca eventually leaks images of Ian wearing his mother's pantsu and his penis with Sonichu drawn on it. Despite this, Ian fails to realize Blanca was a troll, and just thinks she got hacked. Much like the image of Megan, these images are not shown because viewing them is punishable by death in over 9000 countries.
The return[edit | edit source]
Eventually, Blanca regains control, and Ian rejects another girl for her. His YouTube account is hacked by those damn, dirty, stupid trolls, and so he creates the CChan6789 account, impersonating the TRUE and HONEST Chris. His DeviantArt gets banned for uploading NSFW content, although he creates another one immediately after. Also, Ian dumps Blanca.
PandaHalo[edit | edit source]
On September 24th, 2008, Ian dumps Blanca and swears loyalty to someone named "PandaHalo", who is his new Sweetheart from the Ground-Up. He also Rickrolls everyone in the same video. He dumps PandaHalo mere days later for no reason in particular.
Blanca Part 2: Electric Boogaloo[edit | edit source]
After years of being a virgin with RAGE, Ian somehow gets trapped in a love triangle with three TOTALLY REAL women. After swearing loyalty to PandaHalo, he dumps her and another girl for Blanca, and sends her a PSP as well as tons of selfies. Later that month, Blanca receives Ian's FAKE and DECEPTIVE Sonichu medallion, and sends it to the damn, dirty trolls, who destroy it. Little did Ian know these trolls were actually Blanca herself, and so cried on camera for no reason. Again.
PandaHalo Part 2: Electric Boogaloo[edit | edit source]
After the breakup with Blanca, Ian rushes towards PandaHalo. Again. However, since Ian cannot maintain a stable relationship, he rarely talks to her and prefers to play LittleBigPlanet. He also nearly cheats on Panda in December 2008, and seemingly believes he is surrounded by girls. It didn't take long for Ian to talk about secks again, and the fact that he shits himself. No surprise. A site for female fans of Sonichu is created. According to the TRUE and HONEST Chris, he discovers this website, and begins to make plans for revenge against that impostor.
Clyde Cash enters the scene[edit | edit source]
Although the TRUE and HONEST Chris wouldn't act until months later, Clyde Cash, his friend, acted earlier. While Clyde was plotting with Chris, his brother, Ryan Cash walked in, and immediately killed himself due to how atrocious the comic was, and the fact that someone would copy from Asperchu. Ever since this happened, Clyde swore to get revenge on Ian. He initially asks Ian just to give him an apology, which he refuses, and compares Ryan to a dog. He also shits himself. Again.
Gregg Mays[edit | edit source]
By this point, Clyde had gone past the point of mere "apology". He emailed Ian pretending to be a Nintendo employee named "Gregg Mays". While Ian is again flirting with girls other than his one and only Panda, "Gregg Mays - That's "Gregg" With 3 G's" emails him. In a shocking timeframe of 2 days, he hacks Ian's Sonichu clone website. Chris congratulates him.
However, Gregg had to back down, after Ian summoned his lawyer, Jay-z, and threatened him with his canine teeth.
Miyamoto Mayamoto Saga[edit | edit source]
Due to legal threats, Gregg Mays had to stop down, and asked his superior, Shigeru Miyamoto, to contact Ian with plans to make a Sonichu game. In all, Ian would rather have Nintendo make a game about himself, as shown by a PowerPoint presentation about... well, shockingly, himself. In spite of this, Miyamoto was impressed, and invited Ian to Redmond, Washington, in order to make the game. However, Ian didn't have enough money to go to Redmond, and left Miyamoto in the rain for 5 days straight, while he was waiting for him. Surprisingly, Miyamoto put up with his bullshit for almost a month, until Reggie Fils-Aimé rescued him from the grasps of the evil Clyde Cash, and send a string of angry emails to Ian. After all this ended, the TRUE and HONEST Nintendo sent a letter to Ian confirming that Clyde Cash was impersonating everyone involved.
Julie[edit | edit source]
Julie was a boyfriend-free girl from Molvanîa who Ian had been flirting with for months, but he preferred PandaHalo. However, after Clyde Cash stole PandaHalo from Ian, he decided to go back to Julie, who now lived in Ohio after Molvanîa's destruction. Although Julie was extremely depressed over Ian not choosing her, he eventually went with her. Clyde Cash kidnapped Julie, and forced Ian to make a video saying that he was a gaybian gay. Oh wait, Ian said he was forced to make the video. Never said he wasn't actually gay, however. Later, Ian and Julie starting having hot sweaty furry e-sex, but, on Valentine's Day, Ian's father walked in on him, and got a bit annoyed. Anyway, a disturbing video of Ian humping a doll for 7 minutes emerged, which was then mailed to Ian's house. His father saw it, and took away his PS Triple for a few days.
Julie also had a brother named Max, who was "slightly" abusive and collaborated with Clyde Cash to kidnap Julie and sent her to China. Ian Brandon Anderson was convinced that he had to save her, and spent most of his birthday money on a trip to Ohio, only to drive to the wrong address and find an elderly black woman. Ian also flirted (and even tried to send nudes) to Max, which only furthered the notion that he was ABSOLUTELY NOT GAY. Max had a break with Clyde when he forced Ian to shove his shitty medallion up his ass and acknowledged that BILLY MAYS was the mayor of CWCVille IBAVille. He also admitted that both he and Julie were not real, and that he was actually a 13-year-old, thus making Ian a pedophile. In all, he emotionally abused an autistic manchild for 2 hours.