User:Dangerousd777/Xat Chatbox
Come on down, they have free cake and lemonade...
“Darian, you just ruined it, fucking nigger, STFU nigger”
“In my day we didn't have these things, we had pens, paper, and brains, especially brains”
“Hey, what the hell? Why the FUCK am I in this article?!?”
“Because you are”
Congrats! You get a trademark roundhouse kick for $19.95 FREE from Chuck Norris for being a smart ass...
Welcome to a chat room in the utter pitiful disguise as something else. As frivolous as this sounds, it seems to work with the 5 million that went here on and off while this monstrosity has existed. Today in this article, we will review something more sinful than Las Vegas, with more people chatting in it at once than the small city no one really cares about in Alaska that Sarah Palin just manages to govern. And people who live in it and inhabit it like a orange kitten, or a bad article, in fear of getting huffed like a bad bad case of fleas. You might ask, what does this have to do with Sarah Palin? Well here is a list:
Tedius, compulsive, over-exhaustive list of things this article has to do with Sarah Palin that I wrote:
- Hockey
- MILF's
- Moms, and Hockey Moms
- Bulldogs
- Lipstick
- Agent pigs in disguise to ruin the world through the magical power of the Illuminati
{{Q|In Soviet Russia, list writes YOU!!!|Soviet Russia on
There happen to be people so addicted that they freak out like a hooker overdosing on smack, or a 6 year old child when s/he falls off his/her bike.
My jolly word of taking caution[edit | edit source]
Now, if you ever feel like going there, I want you to take a deep breath... of pure carbon monoxide, and I want you to roll up a 60 year old vintage newspaper and hit yourself on the head with it and go "bad dog", then I want you to go get raped. Never, I repeat since you probably can't hear very well or don't pay attention, NEVER, Under any circumstances what so ever, even think of going near this shit. Now that may have sounded harsh, but one day you'll thank me, so lets continue.
Who made this, how, and why???[edit | edit source]
The company that has made this shit is Xat, little is known about Xat, well that I know... They have forums where their chat addicted people come to post about their never ending chain of problems, and about their problems discussing their problems. As you might have guessed, these people are not very articulate, often posting things such as "zomg I has teh most awesomest username, but my gf broke up wit me cuz I was chattin with other women". If I had a nickel for every time they said that, I'd have a pile of nickels that could fund Wikimedia for a lifetime, which would be 18 months, then all computers die and are reborn, then are tediously judged, but who is the Jesus of computer hardware?
Xat has an unknown amount of staff and nerdy lifeless programmers that most likely sit at their desks all day cyber sexing female nerd specimens on specialized chat rooms. About 5 eyewitnesses said that the chat rooms were crappy, and were 'IRC' rooms, 'IRC' just might stand for "Irresponsible cock suckers", and only the douchebags at xat would stalk lil' girls in there 'IRC' rooms. They also said that one day something deviously ominous happened, while one of the programmers was masturbating to pictures on his child pornography ridden hard drive, the semen from his disgusting orgasm just managed to fly upwards into the keyboard, jamming several keys when he left a flash file creation program open, and just somehow, as legend has it, the Xat Chatbox, was created. After this fateful event not only did the programmer probably have to clean out his keyboard with a broken paperclip, they also had to figure a way to get this on their site, and so it was done...
Whether or not this last bit really happened doesn't matter at all, it just means we are faced with something more difficult than grues, because grues cannot travel through copper and fiber optic wires around the internet to peoples computers where they send messages that Xat logs and keeps just for memories when their chatbox goes down, And grues can't kill you in light, so your computer monitor may save you from a pack o' hungry grues, but it won't save you from a pack o' hungry hairy 40 year old perverts trying to eat you [out]. You might ask "oh... really?", but I don't care what you ask, it isn't going to change the past, unless you ask me for a time machine, even then you must find the 10 Duracell AAA batteries that power Xat's servers, you'd help both of us out, but then some of my good ol' jolly friends would get pissed and would have to kill you, but you only get one wish, so whats it gonna be? huh?
Aside from this nonsense, lets do something you may have learned in geometry, a conditional statement. For example, IF you go on the chatbox, and IF you talk in the lobby with these sad sad people, THEN you will become hooked and become a lost cause. This didn't even involve any numbers, now you try!
An example of some random chat dialog from the lobby version of the Xat Chatbox, they all come in different flavors, you can have them all, as long as they're vanilla.
Monday [02:25] Elizabeth_luvz_Seth: omg I can't sleep, I'm worried [02:26] Seth-[Pimpwalker]: It's okay babay, you have me [02:26:02.3] (Uber fast reply) Elizabeth_luvz_Seth: Yay ur here, wanna secks? [02:27] Seth-[Pimpwalker]: Hellz Yeah [02:27:15.5 - 05:30] (Elizabeth and Seth cyber sex for over 3 hours)
Do you really want to be the above example? Probably, but watch what happens...
Tuesday [12:24] Elizabeth_hates_Seth's_guts: FUK U SETH, FUK U!!!111 [12:30] Seth-[Pimpwalker]: WTF did I do?!? [12:31] Elizabeth_hates_Seth's_guts: U HAD SECKS WIT ANOTHER LADY LAS NIGHT! [12:33] Seth-[Pimpwalker]: No...? [12:33:33.33333] Elizabeth_hates_Seth's_guts: YES U DID, AND I'M BREAKIN IT OFF WIT U [12:35] Seth-[Pimpwalker]: Okay fine, I lost my virginity last night to this fine ass lady next door, you live a quarter of a mile away, that's way too far for me to walk. [12:36] Elizabeth_hates_Seth's_guts:... NEVAR TLAK TO M3 AGAIN U FREIK
This is what happens when you have girlfriends online...
I myself, <insert name here>, promise to never approach or even think of going to this place. If I do or if I even think about this horrid action which is even worse than actually doing it then I must stay there for 16 days straight and talk to dickweeds and dick puffing weeds rampantly growing in the wilderness of the internet.
Typical Xat Users (based on stereotypes you probably made up from observations of your first 5 minutes of the Lobby)
Toons[edit | edit source]
A 'toon' is anyone without a picture that relies solely on the poorly drawn cartoonish avatars that Xat has designed, all 1300 or so of them... Now seeing as everyone who works at Xat wasted their lives making this shitty chatbox and the avatars for it. Now I wish they had known beforehand that hardly anyone except people who have never held a camera in their life use such a thing, regardless of how good the artwork is, but you can be sure that they wouldn't want to waste their time with avatars so poorly designed as these. You would probably much prefer to use a picture that shows how exactly god-forsaken ugly you are to the rest of the world, unless you don't, then you'd best be a guy sticking with a picture of Britney Spears flashing her crotch or a photoshop of David Hayes sneaking in the bushes. Now do you wonder why everyone else is better looking? It's because they're (not so obviously) fake. You wouldn't know however, considering the internet may be a child but not a newborn as stupid and inexperienced as yourself.
Typical dialog between 3 or more 'toons'.
Lobby (Boogiezone) - Click here to go to Lobby to see for yourself. Friday [5:04] Pwnz0rs: lol [5:05] Chickita: What is soo funny? [5:05:37] Pwnz0rs: me with my bangin hips on your moms hips with my penis between her cherry lips [5:06] Chickita:... [5:09] *Sexy_Hot_Sabrina enters room* [5:09] Sexy_Hot_Sabrina: i love sex, who wants to have sex with me, i swear im a hot girl [5:09:09:09] Pwnz0rs: oh yeah baby, i do, hit me up i wanna shove my 5 incher in your butthole [5:11] Sexy_Hot_Sabrina: if i werent horny, id call you a fuckin pervert [5:12] Pwnz0rs: oh yeah baby you know i am, now bend over and let me spank you [5:13] Chickita: What the fuck?!? [5:14] Pwnz0rs: chickita, want me to cram it in your butthole too then jizz on your pretty face [5:15] Chickita: fuck you im ignoring this cunt [5:15:23] Sexy_Hot_Sabrina: im pretty, cum all over my face [5:16] Pwnz0rs: ok. im really a black guy, so itll be more like chocolate syrup than vanilla ice cream [5:16:54] Sexy_Hot_Sabrina: i love swallowing thick creamy jizz [5:17] Chickita: You are a role model to all sluts aren't you? [5:18] Sexy_Hot_Sabrina: going into pc with pwnz0rs, later bitch [5:19] Chickita: WHY DOESN'T ANYONE LOVE ME :'(. [5:20-5:30] *Chickita sits and cries in a corner for 10 minutes about what just happened, then cuts her self and goes to Lobby to tell everyone about how she is so emo.*
'Real' people (with photoshopped or stolen pictures, also known as obviously fake people)[edit | edit source]
==People who wasted their time registering (Fake about 65% of the time, otherwise so unbearably ugly their picture stops working) When you register, you get a profile, much like MySpace, although no one is ever going to take a peek because no one cares. Typical quotes from so called 'friends' is as follows:
SHAWNA IS GAY AND STUFF BUT SHES GAY AND LIKE I WANA FUCK HER SIDEWAYS ON A MOTORCYCLE IN THE CIRCUS YEAH CAUSE IM SUCHA GANGSTER THAT SHE GAVE ME THE SWINE FLU AIDS IN MY BUTT SO IM TAKIN A PEE IN THE TOILET SO IT MAY BE A LITTLE NOISY. FUCK FUCK FUCK THE WHAT I WANA FUCK YOUR BUTT BECAUSE IM SUCHA SLUT DONT TREAT ME LIKE A MUTT YOU PUT ME IN A RUT SO LET ME FUCK YOUR BUTT CAUSE I AM FEELIN LIKE A SLUT IN A HUT
=What this article would be like in a parallel universe, AKA Encyclopedia Dramatica=
Chatbox, define it, try to explain it, come on, just fucking try! Obviously you can't because you does not know what the hell it stands for. Well I can help with that, or I'd rather not, and your on your own. (Like you always have been)
The Xat Chatbox was created by Xat, you just learned something, but if this hurts your brain then inject yourself with half a ton of heroin and do a handstand for half an hour while reciting the long lost national anthem of Oscar Wilde's "Why I am worshiped on Uncyclopedia", then, and only then will we can finally continue with MY article.
If you would like to see for you self, which I highly recommend you read MY article first, then please proceed here, but caution, there are many dangers ahead, as with faggots and weaboos. CLICK HERE!!! CLICK HERE NAO!
Continuing with MY article [WARNING: May or may not driveling nonsense, read at your own risk, then rip your eyeballs out and stab them with a broken pencil][edit | edit source]
It's a box where you chat, like adding 2+2, if you get the answer 5, then you should also attempt to divide by zero, and if you do, then you destroy the universe and create one where you'll actually have some friends, unfortunately for you, this article is coming with it.
Ahem, anyways, Xat is a company of 60 monkeys on 15 typewriters, all fighting for a single typewriter instead of taking turns with 15 of them, unluckily for Shakespeare, they aren't continuing his works. But instead they're making places for nerds and lifeless losers to go hang out and converse about how they're going to cyber sex each other and end their lives, quite pitiful eh?
And speaking of 'Eh?', the only kind of savage apes that would do this would be the ones at Xat, which is based in Toronto, Canada. Completely self-absorbed with programming shitty calculators using hot Java, mmm... coffee, one moment please... This was a failed attempt to have a purpose in their lives. Another brain damagingly idiot hobby they also had was watching Canadian Idiot, the show where everybody plays games, they play 2 games, Hockey on steroids, and Hockey with lead pipes filled with firecrackers made in China, everybody knows what firecrackers from China in a lead pipe equals, but you wouldn't because it has been passed on from generation to generation, orally, with several more licks and a longer suck each time, and you were a feral child who never knew anyone until now, your mom had twins, and you were the 'defective' one (lacking a soul and a brain perhaps?), so she left you in the dumpster where you learned to read from a lengthy 666 page satanic bible. And if you were wondering where that 666 page satanic bible came from... it came from Anton Levey's grave, where the flowers grew like 13 year old boys on synthetic hormones and where the birds chirped happily, however all was not well when the thief came down with a bad case of demon possession from idolizing the book, and it was thrown in the dumpster, landing on your head with a loud pop, and this would have been enough to have forced people to sell their souls to save themselves the pain (You had nothing but a reptilian brain so this had no effect on it), however you had no soul so Satan had no grip, and Jesus Christ doesn't either so...
One day they decided to make stuff for Myspace, however no one really used this because no one trusts monkeys, and nobody cares. The stuff they tried with all the brain straining effort they could put forth were a 2 character brain fuck program, and a 16 line C++ (which stands for C+Assembly+VisualBasic=SHIT) program used for displaying poorly drawn monkey porn, this was a great achievement in every way for these 60 monkeys using 1 typewriter all binging on Cocaine and orange kittens. However the monkey porn managed to make Chuck Norris very very angry and he vaporized half, or 1/2 (ZOMG MATH AGAIN!!!) using a sayan roundhouse kick (yes he ripped off the sayan yellow hair faggot part from Dragon Ball Z, a failed adult show that contained content that is now being stolen by everyone, who actually respects copyrights these days?) of the 60 monkeys, as 2 died from fear, 10 from the overdose from the uber hard drugs, and 2 1/2 from teh vapor (the half is unknown to this very day, but Xat logged it like they do with everything else). Chuck Norris then used his incredible sax abilities to channel the vapor into him to get high from the Coke and Orange kittens, since the monkeys were selfish, and that was what added the very, to very very angry.