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- 303 - Deadbeat Saint George refuses to pay for his lizard children's child support.
- 1875 - Queen Victoria outlaws the word penis, decrees henceforth the organ shall be known as Naughty Mr. Johnson. (Pictured)
- 1909 - Czarina Alexandra is enraptured by Rasputin's penis, puts it in the parlor mantelpiece.
- 1953 - Queen Elizabeth II announces that she shall confer upon all royal penii the title of Sir.
- 1967 - Bono's penis is voted by readers of Us Weekly as being attached to the "World's Biggest Dick."
- 1968 - Flower Power is replaced by Wind Power, and all the petals are blown away...
- 1993 - Bill Clinton becomes the first USA president since JFK to bring his penis to the White House.
- 2008 - Your mom forgets to pack your penis in your lunchbox, You get teased the rest of the day.