“I like to suck the cream out of the middle first, but sometimes it turns out that the cake part is made of Latex...”
Twinkies are small, cylindrical fuel pellets consumed as food by an alarming number of American civilians. They taste rather like a skunk just farted in your mouth. Originally developed by Lockheed-Martin to replace napalm during the Vietnam War, but were deemed too inhumane and relegated to the bottom of a 4,000-foot mineshaft in South Dakota. In 1977, NASA discovered the Twinkies as it searched for remnants of a crashed meteorite, and immediately put them to use as solid fuel for the space shuttle's booster rockets. However, the inherent danger of the Twinkie was again revealed in the Challenger crash.
Out Side Mainland America & rest of the Americansphere (America, Rich Asian places and 2nd world nations with TV's that show endless American reruns and Canada, Alaska and Hawaii )[edit | edit source]
When eating Twinkies one should consider the limitless possibilities of his relentless failure towards the majority of the world... in other words shut the fuck up (what?!) Twinkies are often unheard of outside Mainland of the Americanphere but are likely to be introduced to other states of Americanphere soon, Where there is likely news of the products arrival. In Eurzetraila they are practically unheard of but sometimes sampled by America Worshipers going to their Shrine. Mostly the experience of Twinkie bar is so horrible that who experience requires therapy and real food from back home, although many True American Worshippers may see rejecting a Twinkie bar as a sin and will swear to Eat Holy's land food from that point on, often at unconsumable propations known as American size, this often leads to obesity, heart attacks, Ostracizing by fellow Eurzetrailan's and may in extreme cases result in lack of sex. Twinkies are a highest on the list of Eurzetralian food taboo (which all the food listed is from the Americanphere mainland which is rated highly dangerous the WHO in Geneva) and twinkiephobia exists at its strongest in Europe district of Euzetraila although in recent years theyare attracting Irish Moms while getting their monthly clothes shopping in New York City (and in more recent years Boston and Chicago & Orlando outlet malls)who are often delusional due effects of price tag-lag (A disease cause by the mass difference in prices between Republic Ireland and and Rest of the big ball or Dublin and rest of Ireland Controlled Ireland) although the sales of Twinkies to Irish shoppers has seen a decline due to that thing that mean no more money coming out of ATM (believed to be linked to those banks giving all their money to poor people by forgetting to check their credit history) but expected to see a seasonal peak sold to Irish moms at Christmas time getting extra shopping! In Many world detestation's the world Twinkie can be misunderstood be twink, the pray of gay pedophiles who don't want to risk jail and settle with gay (sometimes straight) boys who are aged in late teens thus in adulthood! These young men are normal stupid. Many straight men in same age bracket are mistaken as these people. Accounts by word researchers show Twink may of came from Twinkie.
Uses of the Twinkie[edit | edit source]
Twinkies have many uses, including, but not limited to: Impact cushioning, emergency fire tender, radiation shielding, a giant dick(yum yum), house alarm,and a blended energy breakfast. Other uses of the twinkie are listed here blah blah blah blah blah
Twinkie Abuse[edit | edit source]
In 1978 Daniel James "Dan" White murdered the Mayor of San Franciso. In his defence, he claimed that he was not responsible for his actions because he had OD'd on Twinkies. The jury accepted this plea and convicted him of manslaughter rather than of murder. He was sentenced to seven years in prison and was paroled after five. Later research, however, has shown that most subjects can eat Twinkies until the urge to vomit is uncontrollable (about one-twentieth of a regular size Twinkie) without wanting to murder politicians any more than they normally do. Persons wishing to induce temporary homicidal mania are recommended to use more effective and safer psychotropes such as flyagaric or jimson weed. Though its shape may remind you of something (yes a carrot) it should not be consumed for in some studies have linked twinkies to galbladder cancer, cervical cancer, and cancer of the soul.
Twinkies as a Weapon[edit | edit source]
Developed by This Guy twinkies are now considered a weapon of mass destruction. They are the most dangerous in America since the number of fatties grow every second, And we all know fatties can't resist twinkies, and holding one up to group of fatties will put them at your command! And if you know how to use your new power over fat people, well... you'll be UNSTOPPABLE! Twinkies are also the main weapon used by something dreadful called a feeder. Early Fatty American records show a creature with sausages for hair and gleaming eyes shaped like donuts. These records also go on to say that if you look the Twinkusa in the eyes and do not eat his twinky, you will inevitably turn to stone, or something like that. And if you do choose to eat his twinky, you will become extremely fat and never see the ground again.
Resist the vile twinky, turning to stone is worth it! And yes its true fatties cant resist twinkies, trust me.
The Twinkie Incident of 2007[edit | edit source]
Early in 2007, well-known fatty Jennifer Hudson was found passed out in her hotel room surrounded with twinkie wrappers and a half-eaten twinkie in her mouth. Through millions of your wasted tax dollars, top scientists determined that Jennifer Hudson's died by suffocating on the twinkie found in her mouth.
Although police suspected it was murder, police do not have enough evidence to support this. However, the prime suspect is the twinkie mascot Twinkie The Kid.
The media greatly mourned the loss of Jennifer Hudson. An immediate ban on twinkies was called for. However, due to their military might, this ban was immediately opposed by the government.
|Chester Cheetah • Ben & Jerry's • Reese Witherspoon • Laura Secord • Hersheys|
|Reese's Peanut Butter Cup • Airplane peanuts • Bon-bons • Bubble gum • Cheetos • Chips|
|Jelly beans * Popcorn * Skittles * Pez|