Smithville
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| Motto: I found me. | |||||
| Anthem: Ode To A Whiskey Boy | |||||
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| Capital | Nashville | ||||
| Largest city | Windows 98 (or was it Memphis?) | ||||
| Highest Elevation | Clingmans Dome - 6'643 ft (2'026 metres) | ||||
| Duke | Phillippe Bredesen, 48th Duke of Tennessee (D) | ||||
| President | Jackson Daniels, II (Whig) | ||||
| Time Zones | Eastern Tennessee Eastern: UTC-5/-4
Everything Else Central: UTC-6/-5 | ||||
| Admission to Union | 1 June, 1796 | ||||
| Population | 6,156,719 on Monday through Friday, 3,156,719 during holiday hours. | ||||
Smithville is an incorporated city in DeKalb County, TN (otherwise known as the Land Time Forgot.) It is located about 85 miles southeast of Nashville. About 4,000 souls call this backwater home. It is also home to Center Hill Lake and Maggie's Landing Bar & Grill, the latter being the only place in the city/county one can legally purchase beer in a bar.
History[edit | edit source]
Early History (12000 B.C.-2000 B.C.)[edit | edit source]
The area of Smithville was first settled by future Trail-of-Tears warriors, the Chickisaws, Cherokees and Kildawiteez around 8000 B.C. They lived in peace and harmony with the land and all of the woodland creatures. The arrival of the caveman, however, put a damper on their tribal plans for continental domination. By 2000 B.C. the Indians had moved to the area now known as Memphis, where they developed an early style of blues guitar. The homo erectus (forefather of most of Smithville's families) remained in the area unabated ever since.
Modern Day[edit | edit source]
Modern Smithville is world renowned for being one of the best places in Tennessee to obtain moonshine. Many of the locals supplant their income with the sales of the tasty corn liquor, as well as with seasonal production of meth and marijuana. It is also a well known fact that, of the families that make up the founders of Smithville and DeKalb County (Adcock, Cripps, Cantrell, Poss, Ferrell & Duggin,) most are directly related to the prehistoric caveman that lived in the limestone caves leading to the area.
Economy[edit | edit source]
Aside from the usual Tennessean money making efforts (meth, moonshine and pimping of cousins,) Smithville is renowned for the number of welfare mothers per capita. According to one report, in 2008, DeKalb County had the highest ratio of trailer parks to food stamp cards in the United States.
Demographics[edit | edit source]
Smithville, as estimated by the U.S. Census Bureau, has a population of 3,994. Of that amount, 99.9967 percent are white and proud. As of 2010, there are two black kids that attend high school at DeKalb County High, but they are kept in line by letting them play sports and banning the sale of King Cobra, doo-rags and hip-hop within city limits. There are also a number of unwed, state-subsidized mothers in the city.
The vast majority of Smithville residents consider themselves Southern Baptists. There are a few pagans about, with most of them living naked in the gulch just north of town (near Dowelltown.)
Outside Smithville, at the DeKalb County line, it is considered far more diverse as the primary ethnicity is African-American, a group that consist of more than 50% of the state's total population. They are, however, not considered for the ACTUAL population of the state as only 10% of the local African-American community actually participated in the survey (this could be due to ethnic lethargy).
Politics[edit | edit source]
Smithville is a Duchy. This means that a Duke/Duchess of DeKlab County rules over lands given to him/her by the King of America. The current Duke of Smithville is Mike Foster (pronounced douche-bag), and he is a Democrat. His word is the final, unequivocal law, especially when it comes to liquor laws and keeping the brotha-man subjugated.
Famous Residents[edit | edit source]
Aaron Tippin - Shitkicking, racist son-of-the-South who scored a minor hit with "Kiss This" before being run out of Nashville on a rail. Now spends most of his days taking white folks on flyovers of the ghettos of DeKalb County in his biplane.
Lonnie Mack - Legendary blues guitarist. 'Nuff said.