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- 1924 - American troops leave the Dominican Republic after drinking all of their rum and horchata.
- 1948 - In response to the Berlin Blockade, allied fighter planes drop cans of food to mock starving communists who don't have can openers.
- 1960 - Madagascar gains its independence from France after France discovers they still owned Madagascar.
- 1963 - John F. Kennedy accidentally declares his solidarity with the citizens of Berlin after trying to express his love for jelly donuts.
- 2000 - Pope John Paul II reveals the third secret of Fátima: "Be sure to drink your Ovaltine."
- 2002 - The exact day and year you should have resumed masturbating after 9/11.
- 2015 - The U.S. Supreme Court rules masturbation to be "totally straight and not gay at all, fuck you Kevin."