Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/August 31

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Daeg Faerch as Young Michael Myers.

August 31: Anniversary of Rob Zombie's first Halloween

  • 69 BC - John Carpenter is born
  • 320 A.D. - Knives invented by Leonardo Da Vinci.
  • 540 A.D. - Greeks invent the holiday of Halloween, because they were bored and had nothing else to do.
  • 1958 - Jamie Lee Curtis is born.
  • 1963 - Mike Myers (the comedian-actor) is born, much to the amusement of horror fans.
  • 1964 - The Beatles write an early version of "Help!" featuring lyrics such as "It was the boogeyman?/As a matter of fact, it was/He's not human/Shot him six times!" However, Paul couldn't find anything to rhyme with "boogeyman."
  • 1965 - Rob Zombie is born.
  • 1966 - The Rolling Stones write an early version of "Paint It Black" with the sole lyric "Black isn't a color."
  • 1966 - Randy Bachman removes the lyrics "These are the eyes of a psychopath" from the Guess Who hit "These Eyes."
  • 1978 - The original Halloween movie is released; people become terrified of the wrong Mike Myers.
  • 1980 - Some little slasher-horror movie with some dumb holiday name is released. The killer is some chick with a son named Jacob or something like that.
  • 1989 - Mike Myers joins the cast of Saturday Night Live, as Michael Myers rushes out another sequel, Halloween 5.
  • 1990 - Michael Myers disappears from pop culture radar. Meanwhile, Mike Myers' career begins to take off.
  • 1995 - Michael Myers is back with a vengeance as Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers is released to little fanfare. Donald Pleasence dies and is replaced by a talking dog.
  • 1997 - Princess Diana dies in a drink driving incident, while trying to engage in a spit roast in the back of a Mercedes, in Paris, France
  • 1998 - Halloween H20: Twenty Years Later saves the Halloween franchise.
  • 2002 - The Halloween franchise is nearly killed by Busta Rhymes in Halloween: Resurrection.
  • 2006 - Rob Zombie announces that he is remaking Halloween.
  • 2007 - Rob Zombie's much-derided Halloween, is released and grosses more money than Mr. Bean, Balls of Fury, Superbad, Titanic II, and Transformers combined, despite mixed-to-negative reviews.
  • 2009 - Audience flock to see The Final Destination and Taking Woodstock instead of Halloween II. The film, whose reviews were overwhelmingly negative, only played for three weeks; however, it did get a brief October re-release in time for the Halloween holiday. It still flopped.
  • 2018 - John Carpenter and Blumhouse decide "fuck it" and release a 40th anniversary Halloween sequel that ignores all subsequent installments.
  • 2020 - Blumhouse releases Halloween Kills.
  • 2021 - Blumhouse releases Halloween Ends... except it doesn't.