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Rex "Grossman," the league's premier Zombied Quarterback.

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Today's Featured Advert Walter Peyton "Place" Manning is the second-greatest quarterback in NFL history, and the older brother of the greatest QB in NFL history, Eli Messiah. He hasn't won a championship because his teammates suck royally. His entire career is exactly like his father's, promising but ultimately insufficient, and it's all his teammates' faults. Manning is also noted for throwing an NFL record 78 touchdown passes during Madden NFL 2004, barely surpassing Dan Marino's 76 TDs during Tecmo Super Bowl in 1991. Manning is a good teammate, and as such, hasn't said anything, but his entire team sucks except for him. So far he has nothing to say about coaches and management. Some people say this is because he is white enough to not anger the people who sign the checks and call the plays that he then waves off with five seconds on the clock, but they're a bunch of racists. He's not like Terrell Owens, ok? And don't say Owens isn't white enough to be as ignorant as Manning and get away with it, ok. You don't understand NFL politics at all. (more...) Recently featured: Vietnam War Hoax - Uncyclopedia for Dummies - HowTo:Run away from home - Blackbeard Catering Company - Really Big Tree Yesterday's Featured Advert The Autoconspiracy 2000 (more commonly known as the Conspiracy Theory Generator) is a top-secret computer program built by the world's most elite historians and computer scientists for the purpose of expanding historical knowledge beyond that which would normally not be achievable by humans. The goal of the program is to map out and eventually solve every historical uncertainty by "Exploring the Infinite Chronoscape" as the program's metadata puts it. Early versions of the Autoconspiracy can be traced back to prehistoric times, where archaeological records show evidence of some particularly clever cavemen who had studied the natural patterns of moss and of mud to explain the origins of organic material. More refined methods of discovering hidden truths came later, culminating with the final Autoconspiracy version, Autoconspiracy 2000 c. 2000. (Full article...) Recently featured: Why?:Is there a monkey in my fridge? John Marshall You Rob Gronkowski Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that the man on the left is admiring the bare torso of the man on the right in a purely non-sexual manner? (Pictured) ... that in a world where movie trailers are crucial to a film's success... one man will provide his voice in innumerable trailers? ... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"? ... that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing? ... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser? ... that reading this DYK suggestion just wasted 10 seconds of your life? ... that reading this section is a severe waste of time? ... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period? ... that the Washington Niggers (Pictured) are set to change their name? ... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help? ... that being safe with guns is- *BANG* ... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost? ... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan? ... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back. ... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I. ... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes? ... that the man on the left is admiring the bare torso of the man on the right in a purely non-sexual manner? (Pictured) ... that in a world where movie trailers are crucial to a film's success... one man will provide his voice in innumerable trailers? ... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"? ... that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing? ... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser? ... that reading this DYK suggestion just wasted 10 seconds of your life? ... that reading this section is a severe waste of time? ... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period? ... that the Washington Niggers (Pictured) are set to change their name? ... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help? ... that being safe with guns is- *BANG* ... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost? ... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan? ... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back. ... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I. ... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes? ... that the man on the left is admiring the bare torso of the man on the right in a purely non-sexual manner? (Pictured) ... that in a world where movie trailers are crucial to a film's success... one man will provide his voice in innumerable trailers? ... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"? ... that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing? ... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser? ... that reading this DYK suggestion just wasted 10 seconds of your life? ... that reading this section is a severe waste of time? ... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?	In the news He literally fought nail and tooth for Team America Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey (Pictured); Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico On this day... February 24: "I don't care what day it is" Day 1803 - In Marbury v Madison, two men named Mr. Marbury and Mr. Madison fight each other with canes, and the Supreme Court decides who wins. 1863 - People on their way to California collapse from heat while traveling across the desert, and rather than dying with humanity, they found Arizona. 1920 - God decides today is a good day to create Nazis, a few select Germans suddenly feel an unusual aversion to international Jewry. 1942 - Aliens attack the city of Los Angeles! (Pictured) They're confused for Japanese soldiers due to racism. 1978 - Five men disappear after attending a college basketball game in California. The bodies of four of them were actually clones of the same person. 2007 - Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe launches a spy satellite to perv on Kim Jong-un's sister, Kim Yo-jong. 2008 - Fidel Castro retires, spends the rest of his days smoking cigars and laughing at assassination attempts.
Today's featured picture In an effort to extend its presence to areas that were previously only covered by UnNews, Fox News has founded a subsidiary in Middle Earth to stay competitive on the misinformation provider market. Image credit: Kharpert View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners Now you only have 4, yes 4 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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