User:Bradaphraser/SupperBowl

Rex "Grossman," the league's premier Zombied Quarterback.

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Today's Featured Advert Walter Peyton "Place" Manning is the second-greatest quarterback in NFL history, and the older brother of the greatest QB in NFL history, Eli Messiah. He hasn't won a championship because his teammates suck royally. His entire career is exactly like his father's, promising but ultimately insufficient, and it's all his teammates' faults. Manning is also noted for throwing an NFL record 78 touchdown passes during Madden NFL 2004, barely surpassing Dan Marino's 76 TDs during Tecmo Super Bowl in 1991. Manning is a good teammate, and as such, hasn't said anything, but his entire team sucks except for him. So far he has nothing to say about coaches and management. Some people say this is because he is white enough to not anger the people who sign the checks and call the plays that he then waves off with five seconds on the clock, but they're a bunch of racists. He's not like Terrell Owens, ok? And don't say Owens isn't white enough to be as ignorant as Manning and get away with it, ok. You don't understand NFL politics at all. (more...) Recently featured: Vietnam War Hoax - Uncyclopedia for Dummies - HowTo:Run away from home - Blackbeard Catering Company - Really Big Tree Yesterday's Featured Advert Biffy Clyro is a Scottish rock band from Scotland. As well as being Scottish, nobody outside of the rainy isles has heard of them. The band is composed of one Scottish guy, and two other Scottish guys who are for some reason twins, even though they look nothing alike. During concerts, the trio are joined by musicians Mike Vennart and Dick "99% of Gamblers Quit Before They Win it Big" Ingram. Currently signed to 14th Floor Records, they have released at least six albums. Following the first three, their maybe-existent fan base grew to slightly larger numbers. As for who they actually are, I'm still not sure. I'm pretty sure they're a band, however. As well as being from Scotland, they are apparently very popular in the UK, which is not a place I've visited. As for their music... I'm not sure that exists either. (Full article...) Recently featured: Biffy Clyro Foreign accent syndrome CaseOh Conspiracy Theory Generator Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that there's only one word in the vocabulary of a customer service representative? (Pictured) ... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise? ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside? ... that the White House is really off-white? ... the muffin man? ... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty? ... that Alexander isn't really that Great? ... the IRS is asking what's love got to do with your taxes? ... that liberals want to eat your children? (Pictured) ... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever? ... that Uncyclopedia admins are such lazy bums, they ask their users to think of DYK submissions? ... that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts? ... that Alexander isn't really that Great? ... that there is a simple, easy solution to the fact that you cannot understand the foreigners who are sitting next to you? ... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)? ... that the comic strip Fred Basset is interesting but not in the sense that might be expected of a comic strip? ... that there's only one word in the vocabulary of a customer service representative? (Pictured) ... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise? ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside? ... that the White House is really off-white? ... the muffin man? ... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty? ... that Alexander isn't really that Great? ... the IRS is asking what's love got to do with your taxes? ... that liberals want to eat your children? (Pictured) ... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever? ... that Uncyclopedia admins are such lazy bums, they ask their users to think of DYK submissions? ... that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts? ... that Alexander isn't really that Great? ... that there is a simple, easy solution to the fact that you cannot understand the foreigners who are sitting next to you? ... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)? ... that the comic strip Fred Basset is interesting but not in the sense that might be expected of a comic strip? ... that there's only one word in the vocabulary of a customer service representative? (Pictured) ... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise? ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside? ... that the White House is really off-white? ... the muffin man? ... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty? ... that Alexander isn't really that Great? ... the IRS is asking what's love got to do with your taxes?	In the news Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured) Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed Recent deaths: Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city? Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons On this day... March 12: Indecent Exposure Day 1504 - Michelangelo's David lambasted by contemporary Italian critics for being insufficiently endowed (Pictured). 1923 - Mankind declares war on the rainforest after a tree lands on my infant boy, you are dead to me trees dead to me. 1962 - Beach bums take over much of Southern California, rendering it uninhabitable for decades. 1982 - Hospital administrators announce that disco has slipped into a coma and not expected to survive. 1994 - The Church of England allows women to become priests, but only on Sundays. 2011 - A Nuclear power plant in Japan explodes after massive earthquake and tsunami, Japanese children are born kinda fat now: coincidence?
Today's featured picture Production photos from the next Jurassic Park film, starring Tyra Banks, have been released. Ebert has already given it 5 stars. Image credit: Imrealized View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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