Today's Featured Advert
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Walter Peyton "Place" Manning is the second-greatest quarterback in NFL history, and the older brother of the greatest QB in NFL history, Eli Messiah. He hasn't won a championship because his teammates suck royally. His entire career is exactly like his father's, promising but ultimately insufficient, and it's all his teammates' faults.
Manning is also noted for throwing an NFL record 78 touchdown passes during Madden NFL 2004, barely surpassing Dan Marino's 76 TDs during Tecmo Super Bowl in 1991.
Manning is a good teammate, and as such, hasn't said anything, but his entire team sucks except for him.
So far he has nothing to say about coaches and management. Some people say this is because he is white enough to not anger the people who sign the checks and call the plays that he then waves off with five seconds on the clock, but they're a bunch of racists. He's not like Terrell Owens, ok? And don't say Owens isn't white enough to be as ignorant as Manning and get away with it, ok. You don't understand NFL politics at all.
(more...)
Recently featured: Vietnam War Hoax - Uncyclopedia for Dummies - HowTo:Run away from home - Blackbeard Catering Company - Really Big Tree
Yesterday's Featured Advert
Orchids are a special family of temptress flowers that bloom around June, totally unlike conservative flowers with upstanding morals and family values. They have delicate bodies, slim stems, and deep orifices, with small follicles emanating from their lower inner region that open up once every 28 days or so to emit a rather fishy yet surprisingly fragrant scent in order to attract insects, which will invade their insides to help pollinate them.
Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, and they are also utterly insatiable. No amount of pollination is enough. Whereas almost all other flowers would be satisfied with one insect pollinator per day, for Orchids, no amount of frequent diverse visitors is enough. They are so good at seduction, bumble bees are known to fight one another to the death in their attempt to mount the stamens of orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only the strongest bees with the most cunning, deceptive, and charismatic qualities are able to beat other bees during the frenzied orchid mating season. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter?
- ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
- ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
- ... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
- ... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
- ... that I am Batman?
- ... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?
- ... that 10 minutes of Super Bowl XLIII was mysteriously interrupted? (Pictured)
- ... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?
- ... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
- ... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
- ... that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank?
- ... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke?
- ... that this sentence is incomple
- ... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
 - ... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter?
- ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
- ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
- ... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
- ... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
- ... that I am Batman?
- ... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?
- ... that 10 minutes of Super Bowl XLIII was mysteriously interrupted? (Pictured)
- ... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?
- ... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
- ... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
- ... that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank?
- ... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke?
- ... that this sentence is incomple
- ... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
- ... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter?
- ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
- ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
- ... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
- ... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
- ... that I am Batman?
- ... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?
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