User:Bradaphraser/SupperBowl

Rex "Grossman," the league's premier Zombied Quarterback.

Welcome to Uncyclopedia, your Supper Bowl headquarters sponsored by Chunky Soup. 40,964 articles about sissy Rugby with pads Football

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Today's Featured Advert Walter Peyton "Place" Manning is the second-greatest quarterback in NFL history, and the older brother of the greatest QB in NFL history, Eli Messiah. He hasn't won a championship because his teammates suck royally. His entire career is exactly like his father's, promising but ultimately insufficient, and it's all his teammates' faults. Manning is also noted for throwing an NFL record 78 touchdown passes during Madden NFL 2004, barely surpassing Dan Marino's 76 TDs during Tecmo Super Bowl in 1991. Manning is a good teammate, and as such, hasn't said anything, but his entire team sucks except for him. So far he has nothing to say about coaches and management. Some people say this is because he is white enough to not anger the people who sign the checks and call the plays that he then waves off with five seconds on the clock, but they're a bunch of racists. He's not like Terrell Owens, ok? And don't say Owens isn't white enough to be as ignorant as Manning and get away with it, ok. You don't understand NFL politics at all. (more...) Recently featured: Vietnam War Hoax - Uncyclopedia for Dummies - HowTo:Run away from home - Blackbeard Catering Company - Really Big Tree Yesterday's Featured Advert Good evening crew of the RMS Titanic. My name is Scuttlebutt, Sidney Scuttlebutt. I am the head of the exterior furniture section on this ship. My job is to provide deckchairs for the comfort of all First Class and Second Class passengers. Third Class passengers are not entitled to deckchairs so you will not need to show them how they work. This may be the Titanic's maiden voyage but I am already a professional at the art of deckchair maintenance as I have worked on the Titanic's sister ship RMS Olympic. I believe a carefully prepared deckchair with the option of a blanket and cushion is essential if travellers want to take in the cold April air of 1912. So I will now demonstrate what we do. What was that? You want to know more about the lifeboats? We can talk about that tomorrow. Those boats are to rescue people at sea, not the people here as this ship is unsinkable, made of steel that is light enough to float. There is no need to be worried. For those who really want to learn more about lifeboats, I understand Captain Smith will be holding a class tomorrow. (Full article...) Recently featured: HowTo:Rearrange the deckchairs on the Titanic Biffy Clyro Foreign accent syndrome CaseOh Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... ... that the Qu'ran was originally taken from a page in the Thomas the Tank Engine activity and coloring book? (Pictured) ... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia? ... that in some parts of Europe, glory holes are preferred to bidets? ... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35? ... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber? ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior? ... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really. ... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric? ... that former Australian prime minister John Howard once spent over 48 hours in session with his cabinet? (Pictured) ... that you should invest in chicken stock? ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join? ... that there is no other word for thesaurus? ... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores? ... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber? ... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off? ... that your boss is behind you watching you waste time? ... that the Qu'ran was originally taken from a page in the Thomas the Tank Engine activity and coloring book? (Pictured) ... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia? ... that in some parts of Europe, glory holes are preferred to bidets? ... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35? ... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber? ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior? ... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really. ... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric? ... that former Australian prime minister John Howard once spent over 48 hours in session with his cabinet? (Pictured) ... that you should invest in chicken stock? ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join? ... that there is no other word for thesaurus? ... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores? ... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber? ... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off? ... that your boss is behind you watching you waste time? ... that the Qu'ran was originally taken from a page in the Thomas the Tank Engine activity and coloring book? (Pictured) ... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia? ... that in some parts of Europe, glory holes are preferred to bidets? ... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35? ... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber? ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior? ... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really. ... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?	In the news Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured) Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed Recent deaths: Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city? Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons On this day... March 14: American π Day 27 AD - Greeks fight valiantly against Russell Crowe in a vast gladiatorial event to define π as the ratio of the circumference of a circle divided by its radius. 435 AD - Pope Sixtus III denouces π, claiming it to be the work of Satan, as a number which never ends seems too cruel for a loving God to have made. 1603 - "American" Apple pie actually invented by the Aztecs, used as aphrodisiac. 1707 - The Physics Act of 1707 defines π to be 22/7, which scientists of the era proclaim as close enough. 1891 - The pie chart is first invented, sadly, the original prototype has long since been eaten. Future pie charts are now inedible. 2004 - The day Krabs fries 2005 - The Kansas Board of Education restores pi to its traditional value of three and a bit, stating, "Certain features of the universe are best explained by an intelligent cause, not an undirected process such as mathematics." 2020 - A resident of New York City passes away after contracting the π virus.
Today's featured picture A WWI-era Jarhead recruiting poster helped to bring many new recruits into the beloved US Marine Corps. Image credit: One-eyed_Jack View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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