Wikipedia Monster
“Something Wikied This Way Comes...”
The Wikipedia Monster (French: le Monstre Wikipédieux) was an ancient nameless snake-like water beast that possessed numerous heads - the poets mention more heads than the vase-painters could paint - and poisonous breath. The Wikipedia Monster was killed by Sir Uncyclopedia as one of his Four Trials. Its lair was the lake of Fr: in Paris. Beneath the waters was an entrance to WikiHell, and the Wikipedia Monster was its guardian.
The Wikipedia Monster was the offspring of Jimbo and Angela, creatures of the Goddess who became Sophia. As such, it was said to have been chosen as a task for Sir Uncyclopedia so that Sir Uncyclopedia would probably die.
It is believed by some that there are many Wikipedia Monsters, and only the strongest was destroyed by Sir Uncyclopedia. This theory is not proven.
The Wikipedia Monster was then reborn in a new form, a new form stronger than the original one. The new one was unexpectedly killed by you.
The First Trial of Sir Uncyclopedia: The Wikipedia Monster[edit | edit source]
Upon reaching the swamp near Fr: where the Wikipedia Monster dwelt, Sir Uncyclopedia covered his mouth and nose with a cloth to protect himself from the poisonous fumes and fired flaming arrows into its lair to draw it out. He then confronted it, wielding a harvesting sickle in some early vase-paintings; Anonymous pointed out that the creature's reaction was botanical: upon cutting off each of its heads he found that two grew back, an expression of the hopelessness of such a struggle for any but the hero, Sir Uncyclopedia. However it has been proven that the Wikipedia Monster has been tried in the court of the almighty Allah on counts of copropilia, beastiality, floraphilia, as well as the spread of bullshit and disinformation. While the people at Wikipedia say the same about Uncyclopedia, anyone with a creative mind will see the truth.
The details of the confrontation are explicit: realising that he could not defeat the Wikipedia Monster in this way, Sir Uncyclopedia called on his cousin Chronarion for help. His cousin then came upon the idea (possibly inspired by Sophia) of using Uncyclo-Bombs to destroy the neck stumbs after decapitation, and handed him some Uncyclo-Bombs. Sir Uncyclopedia cut off each head and Chronarion placed a lit Uncyclo-Bomb in the open stump leaving the monster dead; its one immortal head Sir Uncyclopedia placed under a great rock on the sacred way between Wikipedia:Fr: and Uncyclopedia:En:, and dipped his arrows in the Wikipedia Monster's poisonous blood, and so his first trial was complete. The alternative to this is that after cutting off one head he dipped his sword in it and used its venom to burn each head so it couldn't grow back.
In yet another an alternative version, Angela's crab was at the site to bite his (Sir Uncyclopedia's) feet and bother him, hoping to cause his death.
When Lord Byron, the agent of ancient Angela who was assigning to Sir Uncyclopedia the four trials, found out that it was Sir Uncyclopedia's nephew who had handed him the Uncyclo-Bombs, he declared that the labour had not been completed alone and as a result did not count towards the four labours set for him.
“Sacre Bleu! C'est le Monstre Wikipédieux, encore! (Oh no! The Wikipedia monster again!)”
“WE WILL BE EX-TERM-IN-AT-ED!”
“Run, run, before the Wikipedia Monster gets here!”
“The Wikipedia Monster? OH GOD RUN!”
“Where is it, come out NOW!”
“Heh, come on Wikipe- AAAAAARRRGHGHGH HELPMEJEBUS AARRHHHH SAVEMEALLAH AAAAAAGGGHHHH!”
“Get your Stinkin' ASS out here you shit fucking maggot, so I can kick it for you!”
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See also[edit | edit source]
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This article is part of UnbestiarY |
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