Wikiese

Wikiese is the official lingo of Wikiland and the language of Wikimedia Foundation's legal documents (like the infamous "Wikipedia Prohibition (Original Research) Act", which outlawed all scientific development in parts of Wikiland because the non-cabal considered it crimethink). It was originally sporked as a dialect of Correct English, but quickly got a life on its own. Correct English has also evolved somewhat from the version that was taken as a basis for Wikiese.

The stated mission of Wikiese is to endorse wikithink, a new style of thinking suitable for the future content-free community. The "content-free" part of the statement provoked a lot of discussion, which resulted in one of the first words of the Wiktionary (Wikiese dictionary, itself a Wikiese word) becoming an official part of the language:

• FLOSS (Wikiese Commons for Free/Libre/Open Source Stuff): the software and other stuff that's, basically, so content-free that nobody cares if you copy or modify it, and heck your stuff is probably better than the author's.

The purpose of this acronym is to remove any stylistic coloring (a practice formerly seen in words such as "Microsoft", which invokes a somewhat opposite reaction to that of the words "microprocessor software"). Indeed, when hearing the word "free", one thinks about humanity's notable fighters for freedom like Richard M. Stallman or Jimbo. "FLOSS" is just that, a word.

Such practice has become known as NPOV, which stands for "'Nother Point of View" but is interpreted by casual readers as more neutral, with N meaning "neutral" or simply "no". Accordingly, the acronym "POV" has replaced "point of view" (which was ungood in its original form because it implied everyone's immanent right to have a point of view), becoming an expletive.

Lexicon

Usually Wikiese words aim to cripple creative and independent thought as much as possible and to undelete (see below) a system where every user will automatically, intristically obey the rules without even knowing them.

• Ban: replacement for "block", which implies Writer's Block, which implies creativity. Wikipedians shouldn't be creative, they should work like clocks.
• Contributor: "author" in unleetspeak. The word "author" implies creativity and copyright.
• Copyright: "tool for preventing anyone from copying a single word". Generally not used and obsolete due to the advent of the much gooder form "copyvio".
• Copyvio: copyright infridgment, plagiarism. Again, plagiarism implies creativity. "Copyright" invokes memories of FLOSS, where copyright is used for goodsoft against plagiaristic developers of crimesoft.
• User: proposed replacement for "contributor", rendering the user's contributions insignificant.
• Sock puppet: The practice of creating alt accounts, which would be perfectly acceptable anywhere outside of Wikiland.
• Edits: proposed replacement for "contributions".
• Dicdef: invented to render the Wiktionary a somewhat secondary projects and make users forget about its existence soon.
• Undeletion: creation. Every article is considered deleted unless it's undeleted, and admins have the right to redelete it.
• AFD: VFD. Having "votes" in the name implied that Wikipedia was something it actually wasn't: a democracy.
• Strong, weak: Wikiese for "". Randomly brought in to create an illusion of diversity in the monotonous life of the average Wikipedian.
• Admin: administrator/moderator. An administrator is someone who cares and is always there to help, a moderator is someone who tries to find a consensus and quell the crowd. An admin is someone who deletes or bans for fun.
• Sysop: synonym for admin. Despite the usual Wikiese policy of having as few words as possible, "they" allowed this as an exception for fake diversification. Shorthand for "systematically operative" (at deletions).
• -cruft: content. Probably a portmanteau of "created and huffed", a rudiment of the era when the word "deleted" didn't exist.
• Shit: well, year. It's a way of saying hellow to your friend. Remember, don't say this to your teacher or other wise your dick would be chopped off.
• Vanispamcruftisement: unencyclopedic content that has been classified as proprietarythink and scheduled for deletion. Due to the recent "WP:SHORT" tendency, this word is now usually shortened as "vanispamcruft", and "VSC" is on the way.

When the Commons (this word is always used in plural and begins with a capital letter due to technical limitations) vocabulary was more or less ready, the grammar also underwent some serious modification.

Grammar

Wikiese grammar is very hard to grasp for most speakers of normal languages. Words that could convey any opinion are not used unless that thought it specifically tied to a cited source. It is also required that when you do this, that you provide an opposing opinion, or at least put a POV disclaimer up to warn people about your inability to speak Wikiese.

Example:

Normal: "I like cheese!"

POV Wikiese: "President Bush is reported to enjoy cheese."

Correct Wikiese: "President Bush is reported to enjoy cheese. However, Jack Thompson is stated to hate cheese and has sued dairy makers for their supposed responsibility in crimes."

The hardest part about Wikiese is the sentence grammar. This easy to digest information will make coherence impossible, but as long as you can state that New Jersey is a state, you should be okay. Due to the nature of Wikipedia, the flow of an article will be sacrificed as sentences are placed willy nilly by other editors. While nobody knows where this has started, it has become a standard part of Wikiese. If you are ever having trouble, just remember that if it flows, it doesn't work. The reasoning for the lack of flow is so that information can be more easily digested.

Example:

Normal: When Morrissey led the invasion of Germany, many mozzers, his most ardent supporters, were killed. The battle lasted 12 hours, and soon, Morrissey marched into Berlin. He then became the king of Germany and decreed that everyday must be like Sunday. Very few complied, and he got incredibly angry.

Wikiese: When Morrissey led the invasion of Germany, many mozzers, his most ardent supporters, were killed. The battle lasted 12 hours, and soon, Morrissey marched into Berlin. Very few complied, and he got incredibly angry. He then became the king of Germany and decreed that everyday must be like Sunday. Jack Thompson then sued Morrissey for causing seemingly well children to go and become mopey.

Also, Wikiese never conforms to one standard of spelling. Spelling can follow both the American standard or the British standard. This gives articles better color, and also allows you to throw people for a loop as they wonder what an American was doing in a 'centre' as opposed to a center. This article colour makes it twice as hard to read.

Finally, make sure to insert at least one completely loopy lie. This is called vandalism, which is the Wikiese version of a vulgarity, much like fuck in the English language. Also like fuck, many Wikipedians try to censor it out of Wikipedia. Remember! FIGHT WIKIPEDIA CENSORSHIP, FOR FREEDOM OF SPEECH!

Example:

Normal: Socrates drank the hemlock causing him to die. This is represented in the Phaedo. Socrates was noted for his strength and calmness in his death.

Wikiese: Socrates drank the hemlock causing him to die. This is represented in the Phallic. Socrates then sucked a lot of hard cock. Jack Thompson later sued Socrates for corrupting the youth. Socrates was sentence to death, and even though Crito begged him to escape prison, Socrates would rather face his death. Socrates is noted for his strength and calmness in his death. Mr. T later said "I pity the fool who drinks hemlock."