User:Sockpuppet of an unregistered user/Dragon Ball Z

This picture is what we like to call 'lies', because it never happened even if people think it did

“Those guys need haircuts.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Raddish and SS3 Kakarot

“As a matter of fact, it isn't.”

~ Tenshinhan on That Being OK.

“I hope my body can take it.”

~ Kakarot on reading this article.

Dragon Ball Z (ポケモン) is the only good anime ever created. In fact, it is so great, that if you so much as glance at it you will literally shit your fucking pants. True story, bro.

Like most crap from Japan, it was created by someone on LSD with the intent of distributing seizures. Most of the characters are named after vegetables, leading to the undeniable fact that Akira Toriyama himself was a vegetable. :) It proved to be highly boring, even though it wasn't pornography (most of the time). It was originally a coloring book containing many nudes that the Japanese children thoroughly enjoyed.

The author, Akira Toriyama, AKA the Unbelievable Batmobile, is well known for discovering how to never end a story line. He is also credited with the ability to stretch time into years and stuff; seen in all its glory in his '{object} will explode in five minutes!' scenes.

For example, you'll watch an entire episode showing Kakarot powering up and the villain yelling "IT'S NOT POSSIBLE!!!" The next episode is a continuation of this, and three episodes later Carrots's finished and he begins to tell a 5 episode long story about the time he smacked around the five year old kid next door: "How could you power up so much?", "I trained a lot with (somebody)", "You did train a lot with (somebody)?", "Yes I trained a lot", "How much did you train?", "I trained a lot..." and this goes on. Constipation seems to also be a recurring theme in the show as the characters make strained faces while yelling at each other. For example: A villain will come out then Kakarot jumps in and starts to look constipated and yell -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Then he fires an attack that he already knows won't work. (This process normally takes a few episodes) A usual episode normally contains a villain popping up, Kakarot wasting his time charging for an attack and Kakarot finally firing the attack although he already knows he'll mess up. There is one fact that is undeniable: if their attack is fired in the same episode it was charged up, it will fail.

Another example is when Kakarot is fighting Freezer. Freezer knows he can't beat Kakarot, so releases a death ball on the planet they are on. Freezer gives the planet 5 minutes before it explodes. 240 minutes later, Kakarot just makes it out in time to get home in time for dinner.

After years of training, Oscar Wilde could reach the legendary transformation into super saiyan, now he can fight Voldemort to save teh entire galaxy.

If you tune out for 30 episodes, you'll tune back in to find that very little has happened in the 6 weeks you didn't watch the show. Soon after the characters to the side will then start talking about how powerful Kakarot is. This takes up another episode or six.

Where the characters go to fight.

'Lies' in real.

Main Characters

Many characters in the series go "Super Asia".

One of the unique things about Dragon Ball Z is that it has characters (in the vague sense of the word). Actually, what it really has is nearly identical people that have the ability to make a slightly larger explosion than the previous character. Most of the characters are named after vegetables, leading to the undeniable fact that Akira Toriyama himself was a vegetable.

Primary Characters

Convoluted Article

AKA the deleter. This article should be re-funnied. someone do it now because I can't. I would hate to see this article doomed. make it funny internet! I know you can. Also, you probably won't ever see this message unless you check the history. Sadface.

Son Kakka Carot Cake

Son Kakka Carot Cake, AKA the world depository for hair gel, is a Monkey Man. Despite crash landing on Earth when he was sent from a dying planet by his parents, just as Superman, he did not abduct any farmers, a trait many find quite admirable. He has a energy technique where he shouts "CUMINGCUMINGYAH!!!" that he uses to blast his enemies, which he only does once everyone else is dead. Kakarot is also a deadbeat dad without a job and at the end of the series he leaves his family and friends and goes to Tijuana. He is also a rabid supporter of pie and eating insanely fast with chopsticks. Theories have been raised about how he actually disposes of the food, but so far nobody has been able to come up with a plausible solution. It is determined later in the show that Kakarot with a car is more dangerous than Kakarot, and that he could have easily killed Freezer if he had drove his car to Namek, although it still would have taken 100 episodes. It is well known that Kakarot can destroy all of existence merely by scratching his balls. Never ever touch Kakarot's balls.

Kuririn

A typical day in the life of Kuririn.

Kuririn (Krillin in the original Engrish) is bald, which in a world where everybody's hair makes up half their bodyweight, makes him the worst character. He dies a lot too, but studies have shown baldness (and extreme ugliness) do not cause death. The dots on his head are genetic STD's, He does some stuff, but mostly just stands around going "He can't possibly be that powerful!" and "I have a bad feeling about this". He also enjoys having sex with robots that look like women who look like robots who look like women. Hell, let's be truthful. He doesn't care if they look like women or not. He once slept with the assembly line at Toyota Motors. Of course, he wasn't satisfied with just an assembly line which was the reason for his strange attraction towards robots.

It can be noted that any statement Kuririn makes is likely untrue. His statements are just another method to fill a few more episodes.

The Nameless Namek

The Nameless Namek attending a bikini contest.

Despite many beliefs, The Nameless Namek is actually a Pakistani illegal immigrant posing as a green alien to trick the I.C.E. into thinking he is really "saving the world" or something like that. Many people have described him as "a green high-pitched flute", who taught Son Gohan how to use his powers to slaughter enemies, whilst Kakarot went on vacation with Raddish. Rumor has it his training methods are quite different from normal techniques used and include beating up schoolgirls with large sledgehammers, weightlifting pints of alcohol and "Wax On Wax Off Version Two". His powers come from the mysterious power of donuts. He is named after a Pickle. The Nameless Namek also worked at a hotel as a picolo. He enjoyed the work until Kakarot came to the hotel and got The Nameless Namek fired for bad work. After that, The Nameless Namek kidnapped Kakarot's fourth son, Gok-chi, and turned him against Kakarot, now Kakarot and The Nameless Namek are friends and room-mates. Is the father of Yoda.

Son Gohan

Cakes's first son who, thanks to The Nameless Namek's intensive training involving squats, managed to help get rid of Cell. Son Gohan's favorite thing to do is to be a pest, whine, and turn into a sack of potatoes on weekends. These "abilities", however, often cause the other retards he hangs around with to feel jealous and yell strange things at him, along the lines of "PENIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISS MUUUUUUNCHEEERRR!!!!!" After yelling these things, he gets really angry and becomes the strongest guy on the planet for about 12 episodes.

Puar

A genderless shape-shifting blue cat-mouse that floats around. It is a VERY important character! It is also the lover of zoophile Yamcha Of The Desert.

Vegeta

Clip from Optimus Prime's fight scene with Prince Vegeta.

Vegeta is a militant pacifist, the last of the Mohicans. A true scion of the planet Velveeta (also his namesake), he abhors the sight of blood and will often faint during a battle, leaving Sun Gomen or Gomez to come to his rescue. During the final battle with Oscar Wilde, the cowardly prince threw away his pride, willingly giving his life energy to the The Great Semen Man. Vegeta also has a brother named Tarble, who is married to an extremely sexy tea kettle. Vegeta seems to be proud of this, despite the fact that saiyans and tea kettles are sworn enemies.

Secondary Characters

Goku's stunt double.

Tiny ShinMon

Another bald human, he suffers from extreme constipation. Tiny is, like all other people named Tiny, very big and muscular, he also has a third eye which none of the other characters seem to notice or care about. He and his sex doll Chewsoup were trained by a crane, or an emu, or some kind of bird. Tiny spends most of his time dead.

Chewsoup

“LOOK Vegeta!! A pokemon!! I'm gonna try'n catch 'im!”

~ Nappa on Chiaotzu

A disturbing, levitated doll creature who's only true significance lies within his painted visage which resembles the colorings of those found often on street corners and by his willingness to latch onto a foe which is succeeded by an eruption into white light. It doesn't tend to accomplish anything, and due to this some scholars have labeled such an act as a self-destructive fetish. Finally, his logic is intrinsically flawed in that the best one can hope for in a kamikaze attempt is a draw.

Yamcha Of The Desert

Ex desert thief/trash and chauvinist. He is open about his sexual orientation(bestiality) and is in a relationship with the VERY important animal character Puar.

Oolong

A pig both literally and figuratively. Has a fetish for underwear. Because of this he was expelled from Harvard Shapeshifting University. He frequently competes with Master Roshi on who can sexually harass more women per minute.

Korin

A big, fat, white and lazy cat who lives on top of the Space Needle in Seattle. His hobbies include growing marijuana beens. If eaten, they can make you feel as if you were floating on a yellow cloud like the one Kakarot is frequently seen riding. He is supposedly super mega strong though he is never seen fighting nor does he bother to use his super mega fighting skills to stop all the badasses who want to destroy the planet. He is a deity, possibly the God of furries.

Lunch

Some chick with multiple personality disorder and a constant flue. Had a crush on Tien Shinhan but gave up on him because of his addiction to his sex toy Chiaotzu. Owns a gun and she absolutely loves using it! It boosts her self confidence.

Turtle

Moves very slowly making it easy for Master Roshi to catch him and rape him when he can no longer keep his libido under control.

Professor Peanut

Also known as Prof. G. Moriarty. Actually Richard Nixon in disguise, Peanut was first introduced in the Bus Saga. Wielding his ultra-powerful Ronald Raygun, he fights justice anywhere and everywhere he goes.

Freezer, merciless despot.

Freezer

An illegal, androgynous alien from Antarctica that wears lipstick. He got into a fight with Kakarot, and was promptly shishkabobed. He makes 4 transformations:

2nd Form: Grows to two stories tall

3rd form: Shrinks down to 1 story tall

Final Form: Gets naked

100% Full Power: Becomes smaller than an atom. Levels buildings by pulling out the bottom brick.

Bardock

Bardock is the father of Kakarot, Raddish, and Mario. He is a nasty little pooper who wears a HIV infected bloody headband to destroy his enemies.

Grande Chi-Chi's

Kakarot's wife, who is more irritating than Paris Hilton, and as big of a slut. Her name in Spanish (at least in the Spanish spoken in Spain) means literally Bondage Fetish Warrior, so imagine the sexual behaviour of a person called that way. One of her nicknames is "Cha Cha, The Shit Lady". Her name in Japanese is also supposed to mean "big boobs.". This is soley to confuse blind watchers, since her breasts aren't anywhere near big. Although she has the power to control everybody, she was nearly eaten by a boar in one of the episodes, but ended up sleeping with it, giving birth to Rocksteady's lifemate Bebop.

Buruma

Picture of some "fusion" super attack or something.

Longest running character in the series , Buruma is the annoying slut with blue hair (one character must always have blue hair in accordance with anime rules,) in Dragon Ball Z. She ends up becoming Vegeta's love slave half way through the series. Also frequently sleeps with any and all of the other characters in the series. She marries Vegeta in order to cover up her promiscuous activities, only later to have a sexual encounter with the son she bears for Vegeta, and a dandelion in the fourth season, which took only fifty episodes.

Jinzonengan 18

One of Kuririn's sexy and promiscuous Concubines. She is somehow blind and crazy, because being the sexiest chick of the series, she married the dumbest character....we pity her. Her marriage was put in jeopardy after an illicit and highly publicized affair with Videl.

Son Gomen the Sequel

Kakarot's second son, who was born while Kakarot was in heaven coughincestcough. He doesn't meet him until after he's born. Gomen the Sequel looks like Kakarot, which means it's possible to make more episodes from similar characters. Like his father, he has a room temperature IQ, so he lets Boxers do all the thinking. He was born for the stated purpose of having a spare in case anything should ever happen to Son Gohan.

Son Gonads

Son Gonads is Kakarot's Great-Great-Grandson's second son, who has come back from the future because he wanted to make Kakarot change the names of his kids so he wouldn't be stuck with the last possible name starting with Go-. He taped himself to Kakarot's inner thigh after turning invisible to hide himself, but unfortunately, he is narcoleptic and fell asleep just as Kakarot was about to be kicked in the inner thigh. Gonads never woke up from the coma, and was never found. Don't mistake with Gonad, the nickname for Kakarot.

Kamesennin Mutenroushi / Master Roshi, Turtle Hermit

A lecherous, perverted old man who is usually reading hentai. He lives with a turtle, although thankfully doesn't eat turtle porn. He does however somehow manage to teach all of the other characters many different ways of masturbating which comes in very handy to Boxers and Gomen the Sequel.

Makin Puu

Puu is really fat and sometimes he's really thin - a trait only seen in humans like Oprah. However, he's not human, and is actually made out of bubble gum. The Puu saga is about Goku trying to find the Bazooka Joe Comic inside him.

Broccoli

Broccoli is a mild-mannered environmentalist who helps negate the destruction of the environment from forces such as Godzilla and The Incredible Hulk. With his extensive vocabulary and fine taste in jewelry, he has gained a great following of fans, mostly consisting of librarians and grammar Nazis.

“Knowledge is power.”

~ Broccoli, expounding on his lifelong philosophy

Boxers

Vegeta and Bulma's son, who has purple hair, and does not look anything like his mother or father, because Bulma is a slut. Like the other secondary males, he's always chasing after women in Dragon Ball GT, this is because he is not gay. He is in a relationship with a girl at the end of DBZ, but break it off after she gets stabbed multiple times in the back. (57, to be exact)

Raddish

Raddish is a female athlete, who comes to Earth in a giant hair salon. When her hairdressing business went bust, it still was not determined how many furry animals were nesting in her hair, but many suspect the giant bush has taken on a life of its own and latches to her skull, sucking out the bodily nutrients and controlling her mind to make her do evil deeds, like steal rice dinners, eat jet planes, and steal little boys for her own pleasure.

Bill Goldberg

Bill Goldberg as a blond.

William Scott Goldberg (Nappa in Europe), like Krillin, is bald. He is extremely powerful, likes bad mouthing his opponents, and is apparently Vegeta's body guard, personal cookman, fitness trainer and the responsible of reciting lullabies to the prince of Saiyans. After terrible harassment issues (such as beating down children and shouting racial slurs at Piccolo for being green), Goldberg was threatened to be fired from the show. In a burst of anger and desire in a botched scene in which Chiaotzu accidentally fondled Big G cheeks, he Speared and Jackhammered him, Kakarot, Vegeta, Broccoli, The Jackson Five and just about everyone related to the series and in the set (including himself at the end. Then he joined WCW.

Mario Mario

Super Saiyan Mario

He was put in the show for money from Nintendo. He was capable of beating up many of the shows cast members. To drag the show's episode out, Mario, like most characters, started out evil and was converted to good. A little known fact was that Mario was Bardock's second son, not Kakarot. His birth name is Letta, a stupid pun on lettuce. He was Radditz's midget twin, but was banished from the Planet Vegeta because of how puny he was compared to the rest. This explains several things: Mario never got in Peach's pants because of the tail he was ashamed of, why Mario was never defeated in battle, and his ability to shoot energy balls (fire balls). Luigi is Mario's adopted Earth brother, this explains the hight difference. Also if Mario eats a Golden Mushroom he transforms into a Super Saiyan! Mario's showdown with Bowser was short compared to others in the series; it only took 127 episodes.

Sonic The Hedgehog

Like Mario Mario, he was put in the show for money from Sega. Was Mario's rival.

King Kai

Lives in heaven where he molests his pet monkey, Bubbles, daily. He also gets rim jobs from Gregory his grasshopper, and is butt buddies with his roommate, Bojack.

Genji

A trans-sexual alien featured only in one episode. He helped Boxers defeat the Toilet Monster by teaching him the Kage Bushin no Jutsu.

Sun Kakarot, giving Cell a taste of his own medicine.

Cell

The smallest organ of the human body, he has many brothers (billions as a matter of fact) and was composed mostly of water and dissolved proteins. He killed Kakarot once in a dream. He took many episodes to kill (being so small) and had three sagas devoted to him. Cell was also a well-known sexual deviant, attempting coitus with any living creature that crossed his path. After Kakarot put an end to his mad humping spree, he eventually died by overdosing on Viagra.

Android 20's back rub turns into BDSM....Bitch.

The Great Semen Man

The Great Semen Man is actually Sun Gohan, left mentally unhinged by his father's untimely death in the Cell Saga. He thinks he is cool, so he does queer poses to try and intimidate others. After numerous days of his fathers persistant naggin' to stop, he pretended to like girls and then went back to men when his dad wasn't looking.

Mr. Satan The World Champion

The strongest evildoer and rumored bastard brother of Bobobo. Mr. Satan is the prime bad guy from the Satan Saga. In the end, he marries Makin Puu and leaves his life of evil to do voice acting for South Park.

Notable Mentions

There's lots of characters on this show who exist merely to get killed off by someone more powerful. Every once in a while, one of them matters somewhat to the plot of the show. This comes as a shock to fans of the show, I know, but it's true.

The Jackson Five

Sold to Freezer by their money-grubbing parents, they were renamed the "Ginyu Squad" because in outer space, "Jackson" is a dirty word. Freezer soon got tired of their performances, and sent them off to get killed by Kakarot for kicks. Michael was the only survivor, and was so traumatized by the slaughter of his family that he turned white and became an insomniac, needing to have a small boy with him to protect him while he slept.

Android 20/Dr. Gero

The creator of Jinzonengan 17, Jinzonengan 18, and Cell, Dr. Gero decided to turn himself into a cyborg, inexplicably renaming himself "Android 20." More inexplicably, upon turning himself into a robot he kept his old appearance (a cross between Ugly Old Man™, That Creepy Guy™, and The Ungodly Offspring of Saddam Hussein and Vlad Tepes™) when he could as easily have made himself look like Matthew McConaughey. Even more inexplicably still, having the technical abilities to create an android as powerful as Cell (or at least as powerful as 16, if you only count real androids), he decides against making himself as powerful as that and for making his body, as well as that of Android 19, out of spare parts of old soviet tanks, thus allowing himself to get pwnd by Vegeta easily.

Super Saiyans

Just a couple of the shows infinite amount of Super Saiyans. Yeah, sure they were extinct!

Super Saiyan was an ability that was supposed to come to rare Saiyans every 300,000,000,000 years and make them the strongest fighters in the universe. It also gave them piss colored hair. This is a load of crap though, because almost everybody can become a Super Saiyan and still gets their butt's beat.

Gonad

Gonad was the first Super Saiyan to appear on the show. The main cause of this was to drag out the Freezer battle for 100,000,000 and a half episodes. All the Dragon Ball series are spent with every body talking about how Gonad is unbeatable, then him loosing, or vice versa.

Future Boxers

Future Boxers is the bastard son of Vegeta. He is weaker than Gonad, but defeats Frieza and his giant gay lover in ONLY TWO EPISODES! Thats a series record.

Vagina

Vegeta is also known as Vagina since his Father's name is Vegeta and so is their home planet. This prevents confusion.

Everybody Else

Every other Saiyan becomes a Super Saiyan. Older Super Saiyans reach level 50 where their hair turns poop colored. Their kids become Super Saiyans with blooby poop colored hair.Then after reaching level 65 they get the flame thrower. However they are still noob and this curse prevents them to prestige... ever.

Plot Overview

One of the many pointless fights in the series.

“Well, now our worst enemies have been sent to the next dimension!”

~ Kakarot on brutally murdering his enemies

“No, it's Sunday. Otherwise, they'd have been in the building when it exploded.”

~ Vegeta on the above quote

“Look! I can see their parachutes! They're OK!”

~ Tenshinhan on an exploding helicopter

Many people inaccurately claim Dragon Ball Z is all about fighting. This is clearly not true, as often the fighting stops so the producers can make new episodes. Dragon Ball Z had a near total of 290 episodes, which is double 145. Or 7 times $pi$. However, there were roughly 3,000 lost episodes that were never aired because the "stupid Americans would never understand them", said producer Jacques Offenheimer. They can only be purchased on a set of 500 DVDs that can be bought at www.midgetporn.com

The Saiyan Saga

Memorable scene from manga.

Vegetable people from outer space rain upon the Earth, a process initiated by Kakarot's wetnurse Raddish, who kidnaps his rice dinner. Penis head has a relapse into his former abuductions and steals Kakarot's rice dinner after firing rice balls at Raddish and Kakarot, who was standing behind Raddish humping him the whole time. Later Viagra comes to Earth requesting the testicles of a big Guerilla. Yet he prefered Godzilla's, but there weren't enough. In the end, he defeated Kakarot and goes to kidnap Kakarot's dinner.

Kakarot boldly challenges Freezer with his ultimate technique.

Freezer Saga

Everyone dies twice. Kakarot, angry at the death of the noble Kuririn, kills Freezer. It takes 107 episodes to kill Freezer, who just comes back in the next saga anyways. The actual plot takes about 8 episodes (99 episodes contain nothing but pointless yelling), costing the producers a total of 12 yen to make. It featured members of the Jackson Five on steroids.

Garlic Jr Saga

Apparently the saga everyone keeps on forgetting about, nobody dies in this saga. They try to kill the evil Garlic Jr, though he's immortal and cannot die, they try anyway; luckily for them, Garlic Jr, being the worst villain in the series as he is, says "He, I'm immortal, surely I'll defeat them. Hey, I'll decide to use the one thing that can defeat me, surely I won't be knocked into it, again!" and proceeds to use the Dead Zone like in the movie and gets knocked into it again.

The Car Saga

Everybody dies when Kakarot and The Nameless Namek learn how to drive. Even Super Saiyan Mario cannot save them from the fabled 600 car pileup. The saga, fortunately, takes only 7 episodes.

Having seen the death and destruction Kakarot and The Nameless Namek have caused with their driving lessons, Vegeta decides he can do this as well, and better; not wasting time on stupid lessons, he immediately starts driving without prior experience, figuring it can't be that much more difficult than piloting a state of the art lightspeed intergalactic vessels or blowing up planets by focusing one's spiritual energy.

However driving a fossil fuel powered vehicle turned out to be more difficult than he could possibly imagine, resulting in three episodes of attempting to regain control of the bus, at the same time causing the death of Kakarot, Mario and Kakarot again.

In the end, the bus was stopped when Vegeta threw a tantrum, as well as a small mountain range on top of the bus, destroying it and its traumatized passengers. Those deceased were eventually wished back with the PlotHole Dragonballs.

Cell Saga

Everyone dies. Everyone dies thrice. Everyone dies thrice with rice. Gohan makes Cell die for making Kakarot die. Gohan does not die, miraculously, and therefore replaces Tarzan and Brad Pitt as the monkey-like human people fantasize about while having sex in Amsterdam. It takes 73(or 730, 7300. fell asleep after 3) episodes. At the end of this saga cell phones were invented. Known as the Mobile saga in countries that speak real English..

The Missing Episode

Dragon Ball Z: The Missing Episode Transcript

This appears to be a recap episode encompassing the entire series so far and the beginning of the Puu saga, but for some reason never put into animation. Fans have come out in favor of it, however, due to its overwhelming accuracy and honesty. As well as the fact that it doesn't make this show look ridiculous at all.

Makin Puu Saga

Sonic the Hedgehog guest stars in the Puu saga. Subliminalising the oblivious DBZ reference in his games.

Babidi and his buddy Debra try to ressurect a pink blob named Makin Puu. Kakarot searches for the Bazooka Joe comic hidden within him, but fails. The entire universe is destroyed by Puu, and the only survivors are Kakarot, God, a dog, and the big bicep man, Hulk Hogan. Kakarot and Hulk Hogan get into a dispute about whose biceps are bigger and end up blowing each other up.

The Cabbage Saga

Kakarot and his friends come across Cabbage, a parasitic vegetable from the planet Vagina. Within 1321 episodes, all of the heroes are dead except for Kakarot, who has gone Super Saiyan 9000 and has a ripped shirt (Ironically, his pants took more damage than his shirt, but Cabbage thought it would be politically incorrect to show Kakarot's knee). The saga ends with the Earth being blown up and Cabbage escaping.

The End Saga

This is another of those 'longest saga' sagas. And it really doesn't end, it just changes. (Like when the "Power Rangers" became the "B-O Rangers" and then the "who cares Rangers")