User:Brown Windsor/Estelle Getty
Estelle Getty will forever be known as the "Quaint but Perverted One" from the hit anti-ageist docu-drama The Golden Girls. But behind the scenes her friends , associates and anyone who has encountered her will testify she is more akin to Richard "The Nigh Stalker" Ramirez, "John" Wayne Gacy or Ron "The Hedgehog" Jeremy than her near-senile, loving but stern alter-ego Sophia Petrillo.
This Crack Is Moreish![edit | edit source]
When she was born in the Italyland of Sicily to the Mob she learned her first lessons in the "Family Ways" by shooting a man in cold blood for disrespecting the colour red , as it is one of the colours on the Italian flag - therefore 1/3rd insulting Italy and all Italians....and Sicilians...I guess...
She stared in many regional re-enactments of such enjoyable rom-com's as "Girls Gone Wild - Rwanda" and "It’s a Wonderful Wonderful Pipe"
She moved to the US when it was still black and white, and began a fiscally provident career in porno'z
However, she is best known for her role as Sophia Petrillo on the popular 1980s anti-ageist docu-drama, The Golden Girls. In it, she played the violent and foul-witted old Sicilian mother of Dorothy Zbornak, played by Bea Arthur who was the show's main protagonist and foil to Baby Dinosaurs many crazy antics (Her famous and oft-repeated quote "I'm the Baby!" is still fondly remembered today).
Getty was actually one year and two months younger than Bea Arthur but due to a steady diet of crack, reverse-foetal-grindings and olde-time Stregoia (Black-magics involving killing of chickens and made-up words that sound "all woggy") she was able to look significantly older.
She was married to Mega Jesse Owens(from whome she adopted her fake name "Earl Blaqreich") during a crack fuelled jaunt to Vegas in the late 1930's. This was after Bea Arthur had beaten him mercilessly during the Nazi Olympics - something that would cause future conflict during the "Golden Girls" years. They lived on "the lam" from both the Law, the Nazis, The Commies and the KKK during the later parts of this century, until Mega Jesse's death in 2098 when Getty began growing clones of herself to accept bullets and other kill-techniques directed at her by various unkind folk.
Jesse was deformed to death in an unfortunate "cloning accident" where he ended up looking like one of those freaky messed up Ripley’s in Alien 3(or was it 4?)and Getty was forced to dish out a bit of "Old Yella Treatment" on his ass.
It is around this time that young women in Estelle’s neighbourhood began to go missing
During a brief spell after The Golden Girls, but before fully committing to a life of crime, she produced and marketed a form of contraception known as "Love Bands”. Consisting of a constrictive rubber ring that ultimately lead to lack of blood circulation and the necrotic death of the male genital, this was ultimately unpopular in western countries but purchased en-mass by staunch Islamic states for torture and Sharia justice.
In the early days of AIDS ("the Goyim Destroyer") hysteria, Estelle opened her legs to Rock Hudson, who was in the final stages of AIDS and near death. With Rocks rock-hard aba-dabas and his gay "Party Squad" friends no longer to care for him Estelle had Rock flown into the suns hot hot core. An extensive and truthful account of her act of charity was published in STAR Magazine.
Slayer wrote the song Dead Skin Mask, from the 1990 album Season in the Abyss as a tribute to Estelle Getty.
Graze the skin with my finger tips The brush of dead warm flesh pacifies the means Incised members ornaments on my being Adulating the skin before me
Getty has grown two sons from scratch: Jimmy "The Misogynist" Favell, who lives in Sicily Town, New York, and Barry "The Very Violent Gentleman" Patrizzo who lives in Deathland, Florida.
Did Someone Say MUSIC?!![edit | edit source]
In July 1984 Getty released the Glam Folk album Zen Arcade onto the unsuspecting public.
Originally released as a double album on two vinyl LPs, Zen Arcade is a concept album about an old lady who runs away because her Strata-title aged-care villa life is unfulfilling, only to find the world outside is even worse. The album incorporates elements of jazz, psychedelia, acoustic folk, pop, and piano interludes, concepts previously unheard-of in the world of Glam Folk music.
In an interview with Steve Albini for his Matter column in 1983, Getty told Albini: "We're going to try to do something bigger than anything like Rock and Roll and the whole puny touring band idea. I don't know what it's going to be, we have to work that out, but it's going to go beyond the whole idea of 'Glam Folk' or whatever."
By spring of 1985 Zen Arcade had sold 20,000 Gazillion Trillion copies, and in subsequent years it has maintained a high critical status regardless of commercial success.
She would later abandon the Glam Folk aesthetic entirely in favor of a melodic, guitar-driven metal that would come to define the Gothenbourg sound.
Yei Ar Mario Disease[edit | edit source]
In 1993 Getty went on a mission to save POW's caught by a Viet Cong.
During a shotdown with the leader, where she transforms into a SDF-3, they performed the "Get the Gem hidden in the hollowed log filled with poisonous Lizard-Frogs”, it is thought that this was the point she caught Mario Disease.
In 1990 Estelle was diagnosed with Mario Disease and was found to have one specific strain, she was turning into a violent form of WMD - Goomba.
The Transformation was never successful for either evil side - Herself or the Goomba effect. Her two evil sides competing for dominion over her physical form managed to create perfect symbiosis in her body and Goomba Getty was formed , she was Irrepressible, eh and dont afraid of anything.
It was at this time she was initiated into the Axis of Evil Doers
Ever since she has lived a secluded life running her many "operations" from a basement under her Skull-shaped fortress on Hell Island.
See Also:[edit | edit source]
| The Conclave of Doom: Benedict XVI - Fred Phelps - Ed Gein - Enron - Evil Jesus - The United States of Arabia - Iran - |
Space Committee: Darth Vader - Gul Dukat - L. Ron Hubbard - Emperor Palpatine - Killer Robot Janitor |
| Music/Theatre Committee: Abu Hamza - Hannah Montana - Ke$ha - The Jonas Brothers - Disney - BBC - Viacom | Politics Committee: Adolf Hitler - Bill O'Reilly - Chairman Mao - Hillary Clinton - Dick Cheney - Glenn Beck - Kim Jong-Ill - "Ileana" Ross Lehtinen - Osama bin Laden - Robert Mugabe - Richard Nixon - Vladimir Putin - Donald Putinobitch Dump |
| Sports Committee: Michael Vick - Mike Tyson - O. J. Simpson - Tom Brady | See also: Axis of Evil Hot Dog Eating Competition - Baby Seals |