Portal:Portals/News

Really, you should check out the Categories page to find our content index.

• Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured)
• Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
• Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
• The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
• US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
• GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
• Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
• Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
• Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
• Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez

Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed

Recent deaths: Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city?

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons