The Pacific Ocean. A sea. Rumored to be the home of the fabled sunken city of Atlantis. Home of the mysterious Pacific triangle were boats and Oscar Wilde's wallet disappear regularly. It is the only Ocean that turns yellow and green at night. It is what cheap schools use to fill their water fountains.
The Pacific Ocean is a large body of salt water with islands, underwater volcanoes and rampant wild dogs swimming in it. It averages 4 miles deep and is thousands of miles wide. Do you all have any idea how much frigging water that is? It's 187 quintillion gallons, which means if a person drank three 12-ounce glass of Pacific Ocean water every day, they would probably die of salt water poisoning within a few hours, by the way, there is Bermuda Triangle.
The Pacific Ocean is the largest ocean during the months of April through September due to the monsoon season and menstruation.
The Pacific Ocean should not be confused with the Specific Ocean.
It contains about 10 million trillion bazillion islands, although most are found in the Great Barrier Reef.
It is a tidal ocean, so it gets your whites white, and keeps your colors bright!
Waves can reach 10 miles in height.
The ocean was discovered and named by Starfleet explorer and Captain James T. Kirk in 2263 who attempted to have sex with it, but nearly drowned.
Friendly Natives[edit | edit source]
Kirk named it the Pacific Ocean because most of the countries found in it are pacifist nations. The pacifist nature of Pacific nations was demonstrated when New Zealand told the good old USA to take their warships and their "can neither confirm nor deny nuclear weapons" statements and push off.
Non-pacifist activities are found within its borders but are usually attributed to interlopers and non-residents.
One example is the French testing nuclear devices at Moruroa Atoll and the bombing of the Greenpeace boat the Rainbow Warrior.
Another example of non-pacifist activity was when the Hawaiians clubbed Captain James Cook to death on the beach. And then sold his man horn to a passing Chinese junk for use as an aphrodisiac in the imperial Chinese court.
Main Islands[edit | edit source]
- New Zealand
- Old Zealand
- Papua New Guinea
- Island of Dr. Monroe
- That Landfill Island in the North Pacific
- Island of the dead
- Gilbert and Sullivan Islands
Minor Islands[edit | edit source]
Islands so minor, that you need a microscope to see them on the map[edit | edit source]
- Rhode Island
- New York
- Hobbit Island
- The island that <insert name here> lives on.
Flora and Fauna[edit | edit source]
The Pacific Ocean has many types of seaweed and sea grass. There is a large range of fish ranging from tiny coral reef fish to large sharks and octopi. It is believed that the Loch Ness Monster spends its holidays in the Pacific Ocean but this has not been confirmed.
Sunken islands[edit | edit source]
- New Orleans
Fun Facts[edit | edit source]
- It tastes salty
- It was the first place Captain Ron Howard was quoted saying. " What smells fishy?" Dr. Dufenshurts replied "It's your upper lip!".
- It has all the best waves for surfing and muffdiving.
- Is completely infertile but has plenty of seamen.
- Is the ocean of choice for splashdown of returning astronauts.
- It does not have a USB port.
- It was the first place that Ronald Mcdonald and The Hamburgler dumped zillions and gabillions and mamillion pounds of extra unused fry salt.
- There is only one place (near Bali) that has any sort of decent Wi-Fi hotspot.
- It is generally warmer in the winter, and colder in the summer.
- It is where Satan dumps all the people who can't say "specific" properly.
- It is mostly covered in water, with a portion covered in dihydrogen monoxide. Captain Obvious was the first to realize this.
- It is not advised to try swimming a lap in it.
- It has secret lairs at the bottom inhabited by raging hom0sexuals that kidnap your children.
- Famous Explorer Joe Mama originally charted much of the ocean along with an armada commanded by Hugh Jass.