~ Oscar Wilde on menopause
~ Homer Simpson on menopause
MEN-O-PAUSE. Follow the instructions guys.
Menopause is the time in a woman's life when she stops being sexy at all. Menopause is named because when a man looks at a woman who is in menopause, he will pause while her non-sexiness registers in the big brain lobe that controls the man's little brain. The average processing time of this information is 1.67 seconds, the so-called pause, after which the pause ends and the man does not become sexually aroused.
Menopause symptoms include hot flashes, sagging breasts, uncontrollable pubic hair growth, and the undeniable urge to hug all children under 12 years old.
Leading feminologists have theorized that fat and/or ugly women are actually stuck in menopause, but scientists have been too busy inventing spandex bodysuits, pheromones, and pornography to care enough to investigate.
In the United States and elsewhere, menopausal women have their own organization, the Menopausal Alliance Doing Damage, or MADD. MADD is a neo-fascist conglomeration of menopausal women who hate the environment, hate freedom and hate pleasure, and are bent on destruction and the establishment of a dictatorial nanny state; it is no surprise that MADD was allied with the Nazis during World War II, the Soviets during the Cold War, and al-Qaeda during the War on Terror.
Many believe that menopause is completely natural, this is infact an urban legend. Menopause is actually a virus invented in the 1940s as a way to stop women from having periods in an attempt to control mood swings. Unfortunately, the virus backfired and actually causes women to be more angry and violent, for a longer period of time. This is due to the estrogen levels increasing and creating a tumor in the ovaries. Women, having sensitive ovaries, start flipping out from the pain in their abdomens.
So far scientists have yet to find a cure for menopause, and are searching feverishly.