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The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions.
Somebody touch me.
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Vigilance shall be visited upon this vermin-filled vestige forthwith!
Victims without value, vacant of vitality, shall vanish.
Volunteer for vindication!
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Forest Fire Week!Uncyclopedia is currently under Martial Law. Cleanup is in progress for the week of
November 16th to
23rd.Administrators are under orders to delete any pages out after curfew or without passports. Editors beware!
The Jee Man Himself has Shown, in His infinite Wisdom, that He is the Ultimate Purveyor of all things Awesome, Nifty, Spiffy, and generally Interesting. He has personally Reviewed this page and Given His Blessing. The submitter may be Forgiven three venial sins or one mortal sin.
Mr Norris has allowed this article to live. Editing or deleting this page will result in terminal roundhouse kicking. Should
you be the writer of this article, then fear for your
life and pet
grue.
“This tag may cause death”
This page is a piece of crap. The author(s) acknowledge this.
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5:07 PM, Friday-- After a long, hectic day at the office, you shuffle along down the hall, briefcase in hand. You narrowly dodge one of your more annoying coworkers as he skids past in his rolling swivel chair, and with the sound of a collision between him and another person, hopefully his boss, you step into an elevator crowded with various men and women in suits. Among these formally-dressed drones is a young man with long, blonde hair and a multicolored T-shirt emblazoned with a peace sign. The fellow greets you with a friendly "Peace, man," but your mind is too wracked with stress to take any notice.
As the elevator gradually falls to the first floor, your nostrils are filled with the scent of paper, fresh off the copy machine, as well as the strange scent of dry-roasted nuts. "Must be John with his can of cashews again," you think to yourself. "That guy is going to end up in the hospital with some sort of rare nut-related disease." As you step out of the elevator and onto the white-tiled floor of the lobby, you think about all the work you have piled up on your desk at home, and how you would much rather curl up in your chair with a tub of coffee-flavored ice cream and watch reruns of That 70's Show until you pass out. As you cross the room to the glass-paned rotating door, your eye catches a glimpse of some massive brown object just outside the office. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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*... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
- ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
- ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
- ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
- ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
- ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
- ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
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In the news
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On this day...
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May 2: Bacon Appreciation Day (U.S.)
- 4M BC - Bacon first cooked in Sumatra after a sounder of boar, their bellies sliced thin by a pack of cassowaries, fall into an active volcano.
- 1822 - The English town of Gimbley Gulch is destroyed in an avalanche of discarded maypoles.
- 1923 - The first test-flight of the Jumbo Jet is aborted when engineers discover that the jet engine hasn't been invented yet.
- 1936 - God declares linear progression of time boring and introduces imaginary time instead.
- 1942 - Mick Jaggert is born and immediately finds he can't get no satisfaction, oh no no.
- 1985 - Leg warmers officially registered "unfashionable" by United Nations, but what do they know.
- 1986 - Coke debuts its "New Coke", in a convoluted and ultimate successful attempt to increase sales of Pepsi.
- 2000 - Mexico exhausts its supply of refried beans following a trade embargo imposed by the U.N Council for Fresh Air.
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This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,640 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including Pig Latin!
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The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions. 
