Portal:Politics
Politics is the art of being wrong. The name is based on the words Poly and Ticks, Poly meaning many, and ticks meaning blood sucking parasites. Politics therefore means many blood thirsty parasites. Basically these politics/politiks or politicians, exist to drink the blood of the citizens of a nation. There are generally three categories of politicians: liberals, moderates, and conservatives. Each are equally partial to the sweet, sweet fuckred liquor of the populace. Conservatives want to make all but the the richest 1% into slave laborers who are forced to build giant pyramids, whereas Liberals want to allow gays to legally marry you against your will. Moderates strike a balance between the two positions, arguing that gays can only force you into a "civil union" and that everyone should have the option of building giant pyramids. Besides these groups, other known practitioners of politics include waitresses, who are most proficient at doing so while businessmen slowly get stoned. (See more...)
Capitalism, more widely known as crapitalism, derives its roots from the Latin words capital ("head") and ism ("gooey, cheese-like substance"). It was created by a group of men calling themselves the "justification league". Capitalism has been misunderstood by the left and right of the political spectrum: Capitalism's ultimate purpose is to allow those born into luxury to justify to themselves that they deserve it, and to give those not born into luxury a life purpose to dismiss those creating wealth as "oppressors". It Can Also Mean The Study and Worship Of CAPITAL LETTERS.
Capitalism is a system of idiot economics that entails the rights of the elite to control the means of production and enslave the workers, with limited state control and judicially preserved property "rights". This system rewards those who create what the market is demanding, even if the market is demanding more videos of Tara Reid's deformed nipple slip or microwavable cheese products. You have to be a douchebag and a sellout willing to step on the meek to get anywhere.
| “ | See if you can't leave me about an inch from where the zipper (belches) ends around under my—back to my bunghole | ” |
— Lyndon B. Johnson, on his bunghole
| ||
George Wanker Bush (born July 6, 1946) is an American politician, businessman, and comedian who was the 43rd President of the United States from 2001 to 2009 and the 46th Governor of Texas from 1995 to 2000. Born in New Haven, Connecticut, Bush is a graduate of Yale University and Harvard Business School. After completing his edumucation, he worked in the energy business, and married Laura Welch in 1977.
Bush served for six glorious years as the 46th Governor of the State of Texas, where he earned a reputation as a compassionate conservative who shaped public policy based on the principles of bipartisanship, limited government, personal responsibility, strong families, and local control. There is now no Governor of Texas, as the Senate unanimously voted to leave the position permanently open, believing that nobody could do a better job than George.
Bush was elected president in 2000, where he fairly and balancedly defeated Al Gore. He was re-elected by a landslide in 2004, beating out John Kerry. Eight months into Bush's first term, 9/11 occurred; in response, he initiated the War on Terror, an entirely peaceful means of bringing about change that was widely regarded as necessary. As part of the War on Terror, the Iraq War came into fruition; it involved liberating more than 30,000 Iraqi citizens from Saddam Hussein's tyranny.
- ... that the Republicans chose the elephant to be their political symbol because they are fat, heavy and like to trample over Black people?
- ... that U.S. President John F. Kennedy started the Peace Corps, a secret CIA project to dump potentially troubling bleeding-heart hippies abroad?
- ... that the people of Puerto Rico were granted U.S. citizenship, on the condition that they never tell anyone about it?
- ... that the Sunset Advisory Commission is a government agency created solely to combat the tyranny of effective governance?
- ... that the Sans-culottes fought against the restrictive dress code of the day which demanded that all French people wear frilly breeches and silk chiffons?
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