Whiny Emo Band

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Whiny Emo Band
Whiny Emo Band in 2008
(left to right): Pete Piss, Ralphie Green, Alex Malan, Lucas Ragapalle
Background information
Origin Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Genres Emo, Metal, Grunge, Mexican Fiesta, Disco
Years active 1958-present
Labels Bees Knees (1958-1999)
Don't Understand Me (2000-present)
Associated acts Screw You
Website www.whinyemoband.com
Members Pete Piss
Ralphie Green
Alex Malan
Lucas Ragapalle

Whiny Emo Band is an emo rock band from Calgary, Alberta, Canada. They're most famous for their album Nobody Understands the Memories of a Bloodstained Truth.


WEB was formed when 4 highschool friends were mad at life and all that was in it. They formed a band in 1958 to express their hatred to the people. Their first album, I'm-A Hatin' Life, hit #4 on the record charts that didn't even exist. They gained, like, 1 fan. But, they thought if they made another album, they'd get more famous. So they pulled the whole "second album looking like the first one with way better music so people will like it and ultimately become famous" trick. So they changed their music from a Mexican Fiesta beat to a more grunge, emo sound. In 1961 they released their second album, That's Why There's Nothing, to critical praise. Critics loved the beat and the words, and never heard anything like that before. WEB would do concerts around Canada and Mexico with only 2 albums released. Although only, like, 20 people showed up to the concerts, they were still pretty famous in old people's basements.

Things Get Rollin'[edit]

WEB released Bleedin' Baby in 1966. It was a bit less popular since it was almost the 70's and people were releasing songs with a beat known as disco, but they had 30 or 35 people buy it. On top of that, other people were buying the other albums, and Mexicans were buying their first album. A year after the decade turned, WEB released Disco Death, grunge music with a disco twist. It sold 50 albums all across Canada, and critics were raving about how it slapped disco in the face and made a new disco. Carl Douglas even got in on the act and released Kung-Fu Slitting, but nobody would care about it until sometime in the 2000's. WEB would release 2 more albums, Razor Boogie and I'm-A Hatin' Life 2, a 21 year anniversary on their Mexican album. As the 80's rolled in, so did WEB's album, Dance to the Sickness. It had a generic, mediocre, 80's beat, but at the time, it was epic and hit #15 on the charts. These charts, however, were fully real. Memories of Ashes would be their next album, hitting #1 on the charts. As the decade turned to the 90's, they released Love Myself, which had a bunch of emo love songs. It reached #2. By now, WEB had enough fans to fill an elementary school. Crappy Days was released in '95 as an ode to Happy Days, but these were no happy days, as Pete Piss turned to drugs. Because of drugs, it took the band 6 years before releasing their next album, Y2K Bleeds, in 2001. Pete Piss was in rehab for most of the recording time, which is why it took 6 years. It hit #1 on the charts, and WEB gained a few hundred more fans. Their live shows still sucked, though. Their worst time came in 2004, when they released Die. It was 12 tracks of them repeating, "Die!" But they came back in 2007 after a hiatus with Around the Bend. It hit #5 on the Gold Charts. Their greatest album came in 2009: Nobody Understands the Memories of a Bloodstained Truth. It hit #1 on the Platinum Uber Totally Awesome Chocolatey Coating 1337 Chuck Norris chart. I mean, really, dude, they're better than Slipknot! In July 2009, a sneak peak was released for their upcoming album, Back Here in Hell. It was reported to have more cowbell.

Since Back Here in Hell[edit]

On November 11th, 2011, they released Back Here in Hell. They did not receive any response at all until March 2012, when everyone got bored of Skyrim. The album was praised for having intense blast beats and a rhythmic pattern, but criticized for having, in fact, no cowbell. The band is planning on touring Kenya for the next 3 years.


Whiny Emo Band has had a background of having crappy live shows. In 1978, lead singer Alex Malan jumped into the crowd and attacked a kid. He said in an interview that balloons really piss him off. In 1981, Pete Piss was apparently arrested after throwing a bottle of beer at a television somewhere in Pen Island. He was quoted as saying, "Spock, you bastard!" before said bottle was thrown. In 2005, drummer Lucas Ragapelle was reported as saying, "I'd like a cheeseburger with some fries, and uhh, a Coke please?" Later it was found out that he was in a drive-thru.

Fashion Within The Band[edit]

WEB were known for their revolutionary look. Pete Piss claims "I just didn't feel comfortable in my own pants anymore so i started wearing my sisters, and the rest of the band followed." The band claims that the black nail polish and the emo swoop hair cut represents their sadness and distance from society. Alax Malan claims, "We all grew up in upper middle class homes and had no real problems of our own, so we decided to act poor and depressed so girls would feel bad for us. Our depressed look really won our fans over. Thank you MTV!"

Pete Piss and His Drug Problem[edit]

In 1995, Pete Piss was found unconscious in his hotel room. Paramedics found a heroin needle up his ass. Police were heard saying, "You have to give him credit for trying." Even though no harm was done, as he fell asleep watching Coronation Street, they decided to stick him in rehab. He then got hooked on Mr. Clean bleach powder. He again was found unconscious with a needle up his ass. Paramedics found out later that he indeed injected heroin into his arm before attempting to inject the bleach up his ass. He was released from rehab later that year.

Fifth Whiner[edit]

It's been an urban myth that within Whiny Emo Band is a fifth "whiner". It showed up in newspapers during the 70's. It showed a clearly taped Dane Cook head to a Bill Goldberg body. The myth was brought back in late 80's, but with a Tom Cruise head. In 2003, WEB themselves said that there was a fifth whiner: Ralphie Green's mom. Ever since, the myth has never been talked about.


  • I'm-A Hatin' Life (1958)
  • That's Why There's Nothing (1961)
  • Bleedin' Baby (1966)
  • Disco Death (1971)
  • Razor Boogie (1975)
  • I'm-A Hatin' Life 2 (1979)
  • Dance to the Sickness (1983)
  • Memories of Ashes (1987)
  • Love Myself (1991)
  • Crappy Days (1995)
  • Y2K Bleeds (2001)
  • Die (2004)
  • Around the Bend (2007)
  • Nobody Understands the Memories of a Bloodstained Truth (2009)
  • Back Here in Hell (2011)