The Great Commonwealth of Kentuckistan
|Motto: Yeah, she's my sister. So?|
|Anthem: Red Star Kentuckistan|
|Capital||Элизабеттаун aka Elizabethtown|
|Largest city||Rupp Arena|
|Official language(s)||Russian, Chinese|
|Premier||Beshear the Undieing|
|‑ Lieutenant Governor||Darth Mongiardo|
|Average temperature||75°F (23.9 °C)|
|Maximum temperature||100°F (37.8 °C)|
|Ethnic groups||Russian, Korean, Red Chinese, Bears, and those pesky Mongolians|
|National Hero(es)||Hot Karl|
|Currency||units of Rubles|
|Major exports||Bourbon, Tobacco, STDs and 12 year old mothers|
|Major imports||Virgins (Female) and Clogging Shoes|
|Intelligence Agency||The KGB|
Eastern: UTC -5/ DST -6|
Central: UTC -4/ DST -5
|National antagonists||Capitalist Pigs|
|Tetris, Enriching Uranium, Working|
Kentuckistan was established as an official country in 1848 when the Communist Manifesto was published by Karl Marx & Friedrich Engels. A group of native Russians & Chinese figured it was time to drop the shackles of the old monarchy that had enslaved them during the last ice age about 10,000 years ago. The populace of Kentuckistan has various ethnic groups. Most Kentuckistanis have their ancestral roots in Russia & China, but also include Mongolia, Korea, and Japan. These nomadic people were the first to have reached the Americas, long before any so-called Indian thought about it.
Building a bridge
The construction of the Ice Bridge was not an easy task. Thousands of emigrants lost their lives in the building of the bridge. The structure was originally build so that the Tsar & Emperors could go hunting polar bears & go ice fishing on the weekends with their buddies. The lowly serfs were given promises of status of the upper class so that they could have sex with their own families, just like the imperials do, and promises of unlimited vodka. After the completion of the ice bridge, the Grand Opening of the bridge was on the way when the lower class declared shenanigans. It turned out that vodka would not be invented for another 11,405 years and when the men approached their loved one, they were slapped and called incestuous brutes. The bridge was later turned into a hopscotch court & a carnival slide to make quicker trips to Kentuckistan.
Once the emigrants arrived to the land that is now known as Kentuckistan, they had nothing to do. They took up hobbies like distilling alcohol, racing horses, gambling, smoking the reefer, and staying up way past their bedtime. They remained in this age of procrastination until the mid 19th century.
There are three main groups of Kentuckistanis. The 1st being the Russians at 41%, followed by the Chinese at 22%, and the Koreans with 19%. The Mongolians make up only a mere 7% while bears & other ethnic groups make up the remaining 11%. The census in the year 2000 counted 4,173,405 Kentuckistanis at an density of 101.7/sq mi 39.28/km² (23rd)
Five languages are commonly spoken in Kentuckistan. These languages include Chinese, Russian, Mongolian, Korean & Bear. It is rumored the Kentuckistanis also speak in tongues but the truth of the matter is that they are just really drunk & have a slur in their speech.
Geography and Climate
- The western edge of the state is an enormous mountain range, which creates a rain shield of sort for the central area of the sate. This also stopped any western expansion by the state early in its settlement. Even Boone himself refused to scale the Wanton Mountain Range.
- The low-lying central plains are mostly desert and grass land, and rather sparsely populated. This is because of the massive mountain range running along the western rim of the state, and crawling along the Missississippi and Ohio rivers.
- The Eastern half of the state is yet again covered with small knob-like hills, and another chain of mountains, the Appalachians runs along the eastern edge of the state, isolating it from its neighbors to the east, North Virginia and West Virginia.
- The weather in Kentuckistan is known to change every few seconds. If you stay outside too long, you may freeze to death, and instantly evaporate. Kentuckistan does not have seasons. It merely has "temperature guidelines". But these are only rarely followed.
Aggressive Chicken Syndrome (ACS)
The thing Kentuckistan is most known for is KFC. Although they are marketed as chickens, the Kentuckistani Chicken is actually a crossbreed of velociraptor and horse, which has a more distinct, gamey taste due to the presence of ACS. Small amounts of horsemeat and raptor are mixed with large amounts of glue (also made from horses) for economical mass production. It is often noted that chickens from Kentuckistan are often more aggressive, tenacious, and judgemental.
In 2004, Ken Jennings was felled by a group of aggressive Kentuckistani chickens during a filming for a promotional commercial for Jeopardy [Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]. Burt Reynolds was injured when he entered the fray to assist Jennings. The commercial was never aired.