User:OPOSSUM/Opossumopedia/Crude CJ

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ɬax̣ayam kʰapa

OPOSSUMOPEDIA

,

ixt hilu-masəchusits “kəmtəks-buk”, qʰa kʰanawi tilixam ɬaska munk-t’səm pus tiki. (pi qʰa hayu "makasin" miɬayt :B)
16 pipa kʰapa bastən-wawa

nsayka kʰəpit nayka pik ukuk pipa

OPOSSUM, sax̣ali t’amanəwas tayi pus kʰanawi iktas kʰapa kʰanawi iliʔi yaka. ^[1]alta ɬush mayka chaku-xwim kʰapa iliʔi kakwa miməlust mayka (wəx̣t kakwa pʰasəm!) ALTA!!! əbə tənəs-aɬqi dret mayka miməlust! dret nayka ilaytʰix mayka!! munk kakwa nayka wawa, kʰamuksh!! BWAHAHAHA!!

wəx̣t nanich:

mayka kəmtəks?

★that in 2008 a man in Montana used his toaster to make toast?
★that I fucked your mom last night?
★that your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries?
★that when you close your eyes, you access your special power to only see people who would fuck you (even with a hundred-dollar bribe)?

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ikta chaku

OPOSSUM yaka munk yaka lidu pus hal-ɬax̣ani-upʰuch-ɬxwap hayu əx̣ kʰapa xwitiya, kʰapa alaska-iliʔi

OPOSSUM yaka k’ilapay kʰapa mintʰəla-tʰawn… pi t’ɬunas ansaykʰlupʰitiya?"
wik Pasmorade yaka kəmtəks munk ɬush ikta-chaku-pipa
kʰəpit OPOSSUM yaka kəmtəks
dret, wəx̣t wik OPOSSUM yaka kəmtəks
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
miməlust ansaykʰlupʰitiya

tayi pipa kʰapa UnNews · ul pipa kʰapa UnNews

kʰapa ukuk san

September 10: Kumquat Kicking Festival (Pakistan), International Hypocrisy Day

Before Time BC - Death is born in a small town in Kansas, Nascar becomes marginally interesting.
541 BC - Greek philosopher Hypocrites invents hypocrisy
540 BC - Hypocrisy condemned as immoral by Hypocrites
30 - Asked whether one should pay taxes, Jesus says, "Give unto Caesar what is Caesar's", but then cheats on his income tax.
1092 - Tap dancing invented.
1093 - Inventor of Tap Dancing shot in the head.
1640 - The world's first slide rule goes on display in Paris. Rioting ensues.
1892 - Oscar Wilde arrives in America, claiming at customs "I have nothing to declare but my genius". Actually he's got some fruit and Cuban cigars.
1897 - Lattimer Massacre - a sheriff's posse kills twenty unarmed immigrant miners in Pennsylvania. Up until the massacre, the mine wasn't very productive.
1913 - First fully-carpeted coast-to-coast ferret-run opened in the USA.
1939 - Canada declares war on Nazi Germany; German army takes the afternoon off.
1960 - American baseball player Mickey Mantle kicks a kumquat an estimated 643 feet.
1967 - Supreme Court hands down landmark decision in Pot v. Kettle which legalizes hypocrisy.
1982 - The following people are born: (2,394 James), (9887 Johns), (1 satayanarayan ranganathan rama appuswami ganapathy).
2000 - Millions board planes with shoes, liquids, and food. Angered by this, George Bush goes into seclusion to come up with a way to stop this. It takes roughly one year and a few phone calls to his friends in the Middle East.
2001 - Parachutes requested for all workers in the Twin Towers, George Bush says "NAH!' What's on TV?"
2001 - Billions and billions of Americans go to bed early in order to be well-rested for the September 11 terrorist attacks the next day.
2008 - The Large Hadron Collider is switched on ... nothing happens ... Swiss scientists decide to cut their losses and turn it into a badass thrill ride
2009 - Office of the White House announces low-altitude American Airlines 767 fly-over for 9/11 8th year memorial services at ground zero in New York City, on September 11, 2009. Flight officially named AA Flight 175 in honor of the brave civilians who didn't know any better that morning. Plane expected to be supplied with full compliment of fuel as a safety precaution, and to fly over Shanksville, PA, and the Pentagon. Five 20 to 30-year-old Arabs scheduled to take part in flight as show of peace to the Middle Eastern nations. These proud five men will be given boxcutters and a fake bomb in order for the US Air Force to simulate realistic crisis scenarios. Flight 175 "Resurrected," as it has been dubbed by President Obama, will have a pig in the cockpit, for security reasons. Scheduled to fly over WTC site at 9:03 AM.
2012 - The Large Hadron Collider Thrill Ride turns into a supermassive black hole and turns the Earth into something the size of a small pea

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pʰikcha pus ukuk san

dret tokti shush ukuk, dret sax̣ali-tayi yaka shush ukuk, pus ixt t’ɬəminxwət ukuk, qʰata mayka nanich ukuk kʰapa pʰliye-pipa? O_O

Fools make a mock at sin, but among the righteous there is favour.

qʰiwa ukuk, dret nayka wawa pus msayka:

moccasins.

manaqi iliʔi kʰapa OPOSSUMOPEDIA

How to be funny and not just stupid – for help with that comedy thing
Policies and guidelines – for the boring rules no one follows
Formatting – for help on editing
Requested articles – for inspiration, or lack thereof
Village Dump – to throw angry invectives at other users
Community portal – for general community shenanigans

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ləlang kʰapa ansaykʰlupʰitiya, hilu chinuk, NAWITKA!!

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↑ Recent findings have shown that Opossum is not the prime deity of Chowgism; he is merely a preacher. The real god of all moccasins and New World marsupials is CHOWG.

[1] Recent findings have shown that Opossum is not the prime deity of Chowgism; he is merely a preacher. The real god of all moccasins and New World marsupials is CHOWG.

[1]