User:KP/Major League Bloodbath
MLB, or Major League Bloodbath, is the premier professional bloodbath sports league. With teams in the Americas, Asia, Africa, Europe, and Australia, bloodbath has achieved more international recognition than football. The World Series of Bloodbath, the MLB’s annual championship, is one of the highest rated events worldwide.
“Honestly, Ive never been sure who to root for!”
“Watching this just chaps my ass”
MLB Teams[edit | edit source]
The MLB is divided into two leagues, the Old World and the New World. Each league contains three divisions. Currently, there are 48 teams in the MLB.
Old World League[edit | edit source]
“Grim” North Division[edit | edit source]
- Belgrade Cleansers (Began franchise as Vienna Emperors)
- Berlin Blitz (Formerly known as the Prussian Blues)
- Glasgow Bastards
- Kabul Warlords
- Kinshasa Chaos
- Manchester United
- Moscow Mob
- Nigerian 419’ers
- Paris Égalité (Successor to the Paris Royale)
- Vietnam Cong
- Scandinavia Vikings
“Soft” South Central Division[edit | edit source]
- Baghdad Mayhem
- Istanbul Ataturks (Began franchise as the Istanbul Ottomans)
- Jerusalem Judaics
- Karachi Fission
- Tehran Bombs
- London Brawl
- Seoul Kias
- Johannesburg Mfecane
- Tamil Tigers
- Tehran Fatwas
- Munich Leather Trousers
“Inbred” Eastern Division[edit | edit source]
- Bangalore Outsource
- Beijing Billion
- Chinese Taipei
- Delhi Atomics
- Dublin Drunken Popes
- Guangzhou Industrials
- Norwich Cousins
- Pyongyang Craze
- Tokyo Gameras (formally known as Tokyo Empires and Tokyo Industrials)
- Pusan Gay Killers
- Hiroshima Nuclears
New World League[edit | edit source]
“Establishment” Northeastern Division[edit | edit source]
- Boston Red Sox
- Habana Revolution
- Mississippi Yahoos
- Montréal Francophones
- Milwaukee Obese
- New York Elite
- Toronto Tolérance
- Ottawa Rough Riders
- Cincinnati Chilidogs
- Washington Generals
- The New England Patroits
- Chicago Blagojeviches
“Glamor” Northwestern Division[edit | edit source]
- Bay Area Nerds
- San Francisco 69ers
- Calgary Cowboys
- Columbine Kids
- Guadalajara Maquiladoras
- Las Vegas Sin
- Los Angeles Riots
- Oakland A’s
- Oklahoma Nutcrackers
- St. Louis Nati-Lites
- Salt Lake City Missionaries
- Seattle Bloat
- Detoit Riots
- The New Orleans Racists
“Muertos” Southern Division[edit | edit source]
- Argentine Junta
- Calí Cartel
- Caracas Oilers
- Mexico City Jaguars
- Rio Death Squad
- São Paulo Shanties
- Grenada Radicals
- Sydney Olympics
- Kansas City Fag Hunters
History of the League[edit | edit source]
Founding and Expansion[edit | edit source]
Major League Bloodbath was founded in 1492 with the merger of the Old World League and the New World League. The original teams were:
- Arawak Golden Warriors
- Cordóba Conquistadores
- Cuzco Llamas
- Mexico City Wild Ducks
- Ming Dynastics
- Rome Catholics
- Istanbul Ottomans
- Tenochitlan Jaguars
In 1493, the Cordóba Conquistadores defeated the Arawak Golden Warriors in a memorable genocide during the first World Series.
Through the 1500s, 1600s, and the 1700s, the league expanded rapidly, and famed teams like the Jerusalem Jihad, the Medina Hejira, the Delhi Moguls, the Amsterdam VOCs, the London Imperials, the Philadelphia Generals, the Paris Royale, and the Edo Samurai began play in the MLB.
The Modern Era[edit | edit source]
1864 marks the beginning of the modern league, with the adoption of the Geneva Convention, which simplified many of the rules. The twentieth century saw a marked rise in the popularity of professional bloodbath. Powerhouse teams such as the Washington Generals, the Berlin Blitz, and the Moscow Reds became woven into the popular culture. The MLB World Series during the 1940s were some of the best attended sports events in history.
The twentieth century saw more rapid expansion of the MLB, with the addition of many notable teams, including the Karachi Punjabis, the Seoul Kias, the Pyongyang Craze, the South Africa Aryans, and the Las Vegas Sin.
By the beginning of 1990s, sports networks such as CNN and Fox News infused nearly $600 billion annually into Major League Bloodbath. Small town franchises were replaced with franchises in large cities sponsored by misanthropic organizations.
By late 2005, it seemed that more changes were in store for the MLB. Proposed new franchises included the Chicago Machine, the Bangkok Bangers, and the Riyadh Wahabi Warriors (which would represent the return of professional bloodbath to Saudi Arabia after the move of the Medina Hejira to Tehran). Other proposals for expansion include the return of the MLB to Rome and Pittsburgh. MLB Commissioner Kofi Annan has proposed a major realignment of the league. The 2007 MLB Realignment Plan would be one of the most dramatic changes ever implemented in the MLB, with the abolition of the historic Old World and New World Leagues in favor of new Haves and Have-Nots Leagues. Disagreements over revenue sharing – and how this might defeat the purpose of the new split – have delayed ratification of realignment and the awarding of expansion franchises until at least 2008.
Notable Players in the MLB[edit | edit source]
Note that this list excludes notable players from the pre-MLB era, including Genghis Khan of the Mongol Horde and Julius Caesar of the Rome Imperials.
- Christopher Columbus, Cordóba Conquistadores, 1492–1506
- Moctezuma Xocoyotzin, Tenochitlan Jaguars, 1502–1520
- Louis XIV, Paris Royale, 1638–1715
- Otto Von Bismarck, Berlin Blitz, 1862–1898
- Napoleon, Paris Royale, depends on who you ask.
- Joseph Stalin, Moscow Reds, 1922–1953
- Douglas MacArthur, Washington Generals, 1941–1964
- Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam Cong, 1941–1969
- John Elway, Denver Broncos, depends on who you ask.
- Adolf Hitler, Berlin Blitz 1933-1945
- Akbar"the great" Delhi Moguls 1560-1630
- Saddam Hussein, Baghdad Mayhem 1979-2003
- George W. Bush, Washington Generals 2001-2009
- Barack Obama, Washington Generals 2008-present
Schedule of Games for the 2007–2008 Season[edit | edit source]
- Bay Area Nerds at Bangalore Outsource
- Beijing Billion at Caracas Oilers
- Calí Cartel at Las Vegas Sin
- Karachi Fission at Delhi Atomics
- London Brawl at Manchester United
- Mexico City Jaguars at Los Angeles Riot
- Moscow Mob at Nigerian 419’ers
- New York Elite at Mississippi Yahoos
- Paris Égalité at Montréal Francophones
- Salt Lake City Missionaries at Jerusalem Judaics
- Seoul Kias at Guadalajara Maquiladoras
- Ottawa Rough Riders at Kabul Warlords
- Vietnam Cong at Guangzhou Industrials
- Washington Generals at Baghdad Mayhem
Related Links[edit | edit source]
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ |