Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/20121128
Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!
Nov 27, 2012 • Issue 176 • I scream, you scream, we all scream...for painful orgasms
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 No, Uncyclopedia has not gotten religion; it's still full of degenerates, wang vandals, and that scourge of gay men everywhere: uncensored images of boobies. However, it has seen a recent influx of old and new users, most of whom apparently never got the memo about how Uncyclopedia sucks, or how Uncyclopedia is dying, or how Uncyclopedia will be contagious for another six weeks before the amoxicillin starts working. Returning recently like a scorching case of gonorrhea were Meganew (!), Socky, NoNamesLeft (to the everlasting delight of Frosty), and Master of Menageries Comicat1, who took a six-month sabbatical to invent preposterous new animals on the Serengeti. New users include Sinner George, MagicBus, Leverage, Fakehater and Kamek98, who have all taken to editing like ducks take to water—of course proving that they are all sockpuppets of someone, for which they will all be perm-banned, just as soon as Frosty can figure out who. Lastly but not leastly, we celebrate the arrival of the ridiculously competent Murder Frog, who brings expertise on influential musicians of the last century, but, more importantly, has the most awesome name since the Universe itself birthed Captain Machinegun Thunderpants Fuckmaster on a pile of slaughtered tigers. The UnSignpost welcomes them, one and all, and hopes that their tranquilizers don't wear off while they still remember how to leave. Obituary for a friend
Thanksgiving came and went on Uncyclopedia this past week, and while the rest of the world was busy cracking jokes about how Americans really don't need to throw a holiday as an excuse for eating, a certain Uncyclopedia tradition was busy getting beaten, raped, and left for dead in the compost-bin of memory. Yes, we were referring to the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball; how did you know? For those of you who don't remember, or don't want to remember (we assume that's all of you), the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball was the once-mighty celebration of sex-, torture- and scat-based humor so debauched and vile that it would shame a London dockside whore, and not a fresh young one, either—one that had been "fucked around the fleet". Sadly, no one even remembered the damn thing until two days before Thanksgiving, and when Uncyclopedia's favorite whipping boy brought up the subject in a forum, he was met by a silence so vast that we assume he fell into it, because we haven't seen him since. Being Kip, though, he'll probably pop back up through a sewer grate somewhere. Swim hard, Kip. The ATDB left no survivors; its limp corpse will be thoroughly sexually abused, its intestines torn apart and worn around necks like Christmas garland, and its remains will be fed to a freshly no-legged midget with a massive dildo rammed up his butt. Damn you, Mhaille and Zombiebaron, you lazy useless fucks. Esoteric bullshit
A certain faithful UnSignpost reader recently noted via electronic signal that the UnSignpost's last edition was both "spam" and "esoteric bullshit". We Here At the UnSignpost™ were, to be frank, shocked and dismayed by this statement, for it was never our intent to be anything but the most outrageously stupid, inane, crass, vulgar, rude, boorish, inbred, brain-dead, emotionally-stunted, anti-literate, fucked-up and all-around retarded puddle of gassy splooge east or west of the Mississippi—or any river, for that matter. In this endeavor, however, it seems we have failed.  Yes, someone has beat us to it, and by a wide margin, for he is the undisputed champion of such sculduddery. So we offer up our most heartfelt apology to that reader, who shall remain nameless (it was Hotadmin4u69), and we humbly admit that we stand in awe of his ability to pick the gayest user name possible, not once, but twice. However, while we wish him the best of luck in disentangling his dental retainer from his own scrotum, we would like to remind him of the famous adage, Never quarrel with a man who buys ink by the barrel. |
Frosty Sez:
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