Template:RecentUnNews

• Trump sends condolences to tough-guy actor "Mikey Madison" (Pictured)
• Clint Eastwood announces plans to live forever
• Trumpman introduces Trumpmobile
• Diddy gets off easy, possibly due to bribing jury
• Musk establishes "Porky Pig Party" to combat Trump's "Big Beautiful Bill"
• United Nations Secretary General gives up on world peace, World War Three begins
• Netanyahu and Khamenei get it on
  • Trump joins in for threesome, blows load
  • Khamenei fails to follow up after dirty talk, taps out
• Elon Musk breaks up with Trump
• Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone"
• Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise
• THE ROCKIES HAVE WON A SERIES!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing • Israel/Iran "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime

Recent deaths: Ariana Grande's Nonna • Canadian team's bid to win the Stanley Cup, again • PF4Eva's headphone cable • Jimmy Swaggart • Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael Madsen • Diogo Jota

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Dumbasses with fireworks in their backyards • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid Game